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Original poster

Termination for Anencephalic baby - am I doing the right thing?

204 replies

KatyH · 20/02/2007 21:34

We just found out today that our unborn baby (16 weeks) is anencephalic i.e. the brain and skull have not developed, it's a form of neural tube defect. We've been told that if we carry the baby to full term and if it is not stillborn then it will probably only live for a few hours. I am booked in for a medical termination but feel absolutely appalled at the idea of doing something to bring about the death of a much wanted baby. I know logically that it would be hastening the inevitable but I can't get the images of the scan out of my head, which showed an otherwise perfectly normal baby kicking its arms and legs. I think I would have coped much better if I had had a miscarriage.
Does anyone else have any experience of this, or at the very least, medical terminations (which also terrifies me)?

OP posts:
majormoo · 21/02/2007 21:20

Katy, I am so sorry to hear this. Arc (the charity that has been mentioned on other posts) are really good people to talk to whatever you decide to do.

It is impossibly difficult when you find yourself in a situation you never thought you would have to face. If you do go ahead with a termination, there is support out there, although it can feel very isolating in the initial weeks. We found out that our baby had Trisomy 13 and went ahead with a surgical termination at 12 weeks. Through ARC, I hear many stories from women who have had both surgical and medical terminations. Neither is an easy option, but you do get through it somehow. I know that many women who had medical terminations find it comforting in the long term that they did actually go through labour and give birth to their baby.

I know how hellish it is-give yourself time and as others have said, don't be afraid to talk about how you feel.

MrsMar · 21/02/2007 21:46

Hi Katy, what a sad story, I'm so sorry for you. I can't really help as I've no experience of this, but I just wanted to say like the others, I'm thinking of you. Such a sad decision to have to make, but I hope you feel strong enough to make the decision you feel will be right for you. I'm praying you find all the strength that you will undoubtedly need over the next few months.

xx

Original poster
KatyH · 23/02/2007 21:27

Hi everyone,

just a note to say thank you for all your support. I went ahead with the termination yesterday and feel at peace with my decision. In the end I felt it was no more unethical than taking a brain dead patient of a ventilator, something I had much experience off in my previous job.

The birth was really quite lovely and dignified, just what I wanted. The pain was fairly mild and I managed without any pain relief so in the end it was all very calm and I felt in control. The baby was tiny and and looked incredibly peaceful. Our lovely midwife made some feet and hand prints and gave us the tiny little baby nest she wrapped it in.

Anyway, this is just a thank you for all the support everyone has shown. A special mention must also go to weepootleflump, what an incredibly brave lady you are and truly an inspiration. Thank you for sharing your experience

OP posts:
TeetheCeeofDavedom · 23/02/2007 21:28

Lot of love to you KatyH, xxx

Jimjams2 · 23/02/2007 21:29

(((hugs)))) I'm glad it was peaceful and dignified. xxxx

crumbs · 23/02/2007 21:30

I didn't post earlier - no experience to share, and so moved by both sides of the debate - but wish you well, and am glad that you are at peace with your decision. That's quite an achievement, hold on to that feeling, it will see you through.

FoghornLeghorn · 23/02/2007 21:30

I have been checking in KatyH to see if there was any update.
So glad everything went the way you wanted them to. You too are very brave.

x

Whoooosh · 23/02/2007 21:30

So pleased you were able to make the right decision for you and you feel at peace.

pucca · 23/02/2007 21:30

KatyH...I am so sorry

xxxxxxxxxxx

gothicmama · 23/02/2007 21:30

thank for letting us know and it taht it was calm and youhave found peace

brimfull · 23/02/2007 21:36

Glad you had a peaceful delivery of your baby ,thinking of you and your family .

mummylin2495 · 23/02/2007 21:50

I am so glad you made your choice and this has now been carried out.best wishes to you and your dp i am glad it was peaceful and dignified and also glad that you have your little one's footprints to treasure for always.

Original poster
KatyH · 23/02/2007 22:02

I have to say my dh has been an absolute treasure and I don't know how I would have coped without him. The poor guy is torn up but is obviously trying to keep it all together for me. Not entirely sure how to take care of him. Definitely unchartered territory for me in my life with the pragmatic, unsentimental engineer that he is!

OP posts:
gothicmama · 23/02/2007 22:04

be kind to each other and accept you are both grieving

franca70 · 23/02/2007 22:13

Some really brave women have posted on this thread. Hugs katyh

scorpio1 · 23/02/2007 22:16

Katy,glad to hear back from you,and that you made the right decision for you.

Thinking of you and dp,and pleased to hear you got your angels prints,and that it was peaceful.

XxXx

MerlinsBeard · 23/02/2007 22:17

((((katyH))))) Thinking of you and your DH right now xxxx

serenity · 23/02/2007 22:17

My thoughts are with you x

WestCountryLass · 23/02/2007 22:21

I'm not sure if anyone has mentioned this in the thread but ARC and SATFA (Support After Termination For Abnormality) are the same organisation, the charity changed it's name a few years ago.

Marina · 23/02/2007 22:21

Thinking of you all, KatyH. I am glad you got such supportive, sensitive treatment in hospital XXX

tubismybub · 23/02/2007 22:25

Katy I'm so sorry for the hard decision you had to make but am glad that you are at peace with choice. I agree with the way you feel about it being a bit like turning off a life support machine. I wanted to post that sort of view earlier on in the thread but just couldn't find the right way to phrase it.

Original poster
KatyH · 23/02/2007 23:14

You're right Franca, sorry...didn't mean to overlook the contributions of everyone else who shared their experiences. You have no idea how invaluable they have been.

OP posts:
AitchTwoOh · 23/02/2007 23:16

peace and hope to you and your family.

expatinscotland · 23/02/2007 23:21

Aw, KatyH.

Wishing you and your family peace and a smooth recovery for you.

franca70 · 23/02/2007 23:26

oh no, sorry kathyh, I didn't mean my post to sound patronizing or anything... I was just very moved by your story and the others, wanted to say so, tried to summarize it and made a mess. sorry, I just really wanted to say how much admiration I have.