Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Termination for Anencephalic baby - am I doing the right thing?

204 replies

KatyH · 20/02/2007 21:34

We just found out today that our unborn baby (16 weeks) is anencephalic i.e. the brain and skull have not developed, it's a form of neural tube defect. We've been told that if we carry the baby to full term and if it is not stillborn then it will probably only live for a few hours. I am booked in for a medical termination but feel absolutely appalled at the idea of doing something to bring about the death of a much wanted baby. I know logically that it would be hastening the inevitable but I can't get the images of the scan out of my head, which showed an otherwise perfectly normal baby kicking its arms and legs. I think I would have coped much better if I had had a miscarriage.
Does anyone else have any experience of this, or at the very least, medical terminations (which also terrifies me)?

OP posts:
Aloha · 20/02/2007 21:53

Why do you think surgical termination is less traumatic? I would think exactly the opposite.

Jimjams2 · 20/02/2007 21:53

Oh sweetheart.

I woudn't have terminated for almost anything, not trisomy 18, not trisomy 13, but I would have for anencephaly. I knew each time I got pregnant that was the one condition I would have had to terminate for.

Honestly I think you really don't have a choice.

I would consider asking for another scan with photos. You could lock them away somewhere, it would just mean that if in the future you wanted to look at them you could.

expatinscotland · 20/02/2007 21:55

No, I didn't think you were, Stiller, just thought you'd misread why Katy was facing this decision.

I hope you get some help here, Katy.

(((HUGS)))

Tamum · 20/02/2007 21:55

I am so, so sorry KatyH. I am not certain, but I would have thought that a medcial termination at this stage would be essentially like giving birth to a stillborn baby, wouldn't it? I am just wondering if Marina might be able to give you some support. Please, at the very least, don't feel bad about your choice.

Blossomhill · 20/02/2007 21:55

My heart goes out to you Katy. HUGS XXXXXX

Original poster
KatyH · 20/02/2007 21:55

I knew you didn't mean to offend Stiller, none taken

OP posts:
QueenDave · 20/02/2007 21:55

KatyH.

Ask for another scan and to keep the pics. Im sorry you have to go through this.

x

GooseyLoosey · 20/02/2007 21:56

No advice either for you but it doesn't really sound like a choice you could regret later - what else could you do? My heart goes out to you and your dh.

lulumama · 20/02/2007 21:57

so sorry must be very distressing x

gothicmama · 20/02/2007 21:57

You need to make the right decision for you it does not what anyone says or has done. If I was yo I would look at all the information available, i guess you also need to weigh up the odds of still birth or the baby living a few hours. I hope you make teh decison that is right for you and have a memory box

hunkerdave · 20/02/2007 21:58

Oh, sweetheart, I'm in tears for you - I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Agree with the others that you'd be unlikely to regret having another scan, but you might regret not having one.

Much love x x x x x

funnypeculiar · 20/02/2007 21:58

Sorry you're going through this KatyH - my thoughts are with you & your DH

mytwopenceworth · 20/02/2007 21:58

sweetheart, i am so so sorry for you and your parter. and for your sweet baby of course. it is no comfort to you now, but you are doing what is best for your baby. what you have to do. you spare your child what would likely be a brief and possibly painful existance. it is the most caring thing you can do. xxxxxxx

Original poster
KatyH · 20/02/2007 21:59

Apparently I need to go to the labour ward and I will have a private room with my own midwife. Really worried that the pain will be horrendous (I'm not very good with pain), also don't know whether it would help to look at the baby once it's born. Have come across some horrendous pictures on the net.

Will definitely ask for another scan at least.

OP posts:
Bubble99 · 20/02/2007 21:59

A surgical abortion would be less traumatic for you, KatyH, as you will be given a general anaesthetic. I can understand your feelings about wanting to go through a medical delivery as a way, perhaps, of 'feeling' the loss of your much wanted baby.

My heart goes out to you. XXXX

AitchTwoOh · 20/02/2007 22:00

oh sweetheart, what terrible news for you and your wee baby. what else can you do, though? you are in a terrible position, i hope that if you do go ahead with the termination that you find peace in knowing that you did the right thing.

Jimjams2 · 20/02/2007 22:01

katyH- wrt looking at your baby etc- I;m sure that when the time comes you will know what you want to do, which is all that's important. Try not to worry about things like that beforehand as they will become clear on the day.

shonaspurtle · 20/02/2007 22:02

Katy, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You must do whatever you think will make things easiest for you & your dp (I realise there can be nothing "easy" about your situation).

If you can bear it, could you get another scan so you have the pictures to give you a rememberance of your baby?

A friend had a medical termination at 14 weeks. She found it a very sad and difficult experience as she had lost her baby but not horrific. She was able to see the baby and say goodbye. Have the doctors explained what will happen and what they can do (pain relief etc) to make things as easy as possible?

Tamum · 20/02/2007 22:03

I wondered about pictures- I guess maybe if you feel strong enough you could get the advice of the people helping at the delivery, and get their help in judging. I think if it's possible to get a picture of the baby wrapped in a shawl that might be something you would appreciate later- it's just so unbearable though, I can only imagine.

Original poster
KatyH · 20/02/2007 22:04

Just couldn't bear the idea of a surgical termination at all. It just seems so brutal. Also, I think if it wasn't for my DD I may even consider carrying the baby for as long as possible, but that's just too much to put her through to essentially achieve the same outcome i.e. no baby brother or sister

OP posts:
hertsnessex · 20/02/2007 22:06

so very sorry for you all katyh.

cx

pucca · 20/02/2007 22:06

KatyH...I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I found this website which may be of some help, it tells different stories and has advice on too.

this

Thinking of you. xxxxxx

fishie · 20/02/2007 22:09

KatyH i am sure they will give you all the pain relief you'll need and help to make this more bearable. but you will probably have to talk to them first or find someone else to do it for you - consultant? midwife? sorry am also so so sad this is awful.

Ladymuck · 20/02/2007 22:09

I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

I do have some friends who decided to go to term. Their son, born by section, survived for about an hour, but during that time they were able to hold them, have him baptised and adminstered last rites.

It wasn't easy for them or their friends around them I have to say, but this was likely to be their last pg (she was 43). They wouldn't have wanted it any other way, and wouldn't have been able to live with a termination.

Their consultant did put some pressure on them, by suggesting that a termination would be easier on the staff than a neonatal death.

Take your time and talk through with your dh and with your family what you want to do. You need some time to grieve what might have been before you can handle the next steps. You don't have to make an instant decision as the limits for termination are different in these cases.

michylou · 20/02/2007 22:09

Dont have any advice but am thinking of you. You will find the strength to get through this take care of yourself x

Swipe left for the next trending thread