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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is 21 too young to have a baby?

77 replies

maryellie · 31/07/2016 21:26

Title basically sums it up.. Worried that people will judge so I thought I'd ask a wider audience. Is 21 too young to have a baby?

OP posts:

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user1467983757 · 31/07/2016 21:29

No of course not. If you happy and ready it's perfect.

ParisGellar · 31/07/2016 21:30

I got pg at 21 and had DS at 22 and no one said I was too young.

AGruffaloCrumble · 31/07/2016 21:30

I had my first at 19, second that we lost at 21 and my third at 22. I, personally, would say no
In reality it's not about age but about whether you are mature enough/have the support and set up for a baby. I am 22 with two kids but I also own my own home and am getting married next year. I am financially secure and don't rely on any benefits. It's not an age thing, it's a readiness thing.

WaitrosePigeon · 31/07/2016 21:31

Do you think it is too young?

Really depends on your circumstances. Are you in a secure loving relationship? Have you thought about the long term aspect? Will you and your partner/husband be footing the bill and not the government? Do you have somewhere to live?

RowenaDahl · 31/07/2016 21:32

No, it's totally up to you when you have a baby. Why would you care what other people think?

You change a lot in your 20s though so if you were to ask me what I thought I would say leave it until your late 20s.

Cosmo111 · 31/07/2016 21:34

Yes I feel pregnant at 20 had DS at 21 I would say looking back I was too young and DS DF wasn't prepared. The relationship lasted just after DS 1st birthday

RoseDawson · 31/07/2016 21:36

Yes I personally think it is. What's the rush? On the other hand, if you have a career, a stable relationship and can afford it then go for it. It's unusual to have all that by 21 though. And there's no rush? May as well enjoy yourself for a bit first!

MagnumAddict · 31/07/2016 21:42

It would have been for me.

Think it depends on circumstances more than age but don't let people judging be your deciding factor. Too young, too old, too poor.... The list is endless. Someone somewhere will always have something to say but that's not important.

Are you already pregnant or thinking about it?

TheABC · 31/07/2016 21:43

Definitely not too young, but if you want to do something else as well - travel the world, work on your career, go after that qualification - fulfil that dream first. It's a lot easier before kids.

Luna2016 · 31/07/2016 21:50

I had 2 kids by 21 and to be honest I wouldn't change it for the world. People will judge you no matter what you do. You could be the "perfect mum" and one person will pick on something.

The one thing you have to ask yourself is "Am I ready?" Not just mentally but physically, emotionally, financially.
When I had my first child I had been with my now DH for 5 years, we lived in our own house and we were both working too. Our first was a suprise and we weren't really ready but the moment we found out we both got kicked in to gear and made our selves ready.
Only one person can tell you if it's right and that's you. But discuses it with your partner first and to take in to account how they thing and feel.

Wolfiefan · 31/07/2016 21:55

There is no "perfect time" to have kids. For me it would have been too young. (Just done degree and off to teacher training.) for you it may not be.

VenusRising · 31/07/2016 21:55

I think it's fine, so long as you have help and are planning your next step.

For example, having your kids before you have a career can be excellent, as you're not side stepping on maternity leave.

If you're not set up well, it's more prudent to get that all sorted out before getting knocked up.

If you're pregnant and wondering what to do, and your partner has hit the trail, please talk to someone qualified.

I hope things work out perfectly for you OP!

IMurderedStampyLongnose · 31/07/2016 21:57

I had my first at 21,as PP say it's about readiness,though it changes your life forever,and life is just simpler and easier without children.Have some time of putting yourself first before sacrificing you body,time and sanity to small humans!

AppleJac · 31/07/2016 22:05

I think it is too young. At 21 you should be out enjoying yourself, being carefree, concentrating on your career etc.

Children restrict all of the above.

I had dd as i turned 25 and looking back i wish i had waited around 5 years and had more fun etc

Original poster

maryellie · 31/07/2016 22:37

We both work and have our own place, were financially stable and wouldn't rely on any government funding at all (we earn too much apparently!!) I'm just thinking about it, have been for a while. I know I shouldn't care what others think but I do. I feel like I have "lived my life" I was never one for travelling and enjoy a two week holiday abroad every year in a plush hotel! I've had to support myself since I was about 18 so financially and emotionally I'd be okay. Thank you so much for all the replies so far X

OP posts:

readyforno2 · 31/07/2016 22:43

I don't think it's too young.
I was pg with ds1 at 21. 22 when he was born.
When ds2 came along I was 27. I struggled with sod during the pregnancy and felt continuously exhausted. Imo, my body coped much better at 21.
In saying that, financially we were more comfortable when ds2 was born. As pp have said it's entirely your and your dp's choice.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 31/07/2016 22:44

There's no right or wrong time to do it, put plainly. If you have a baby young, you'll get people saying "Oh but you could have gone travelling", but it sounds like you're the same as me - no real interest in travelling, so it's a moot point (why is everyone so obsessed with travelling?!).

I had my daughter at 19, she's 2 now and I wouldn't change things for the world. I finished my degree on time, she has my entire uni course and lecturers as her "adopted" aunts and uncles, she's happy and healthy, we're happy - it's amazing and if I have "missed out" on things (which I don't feel I have), I've more than made up for it in all the wonderful things we've gained through parenting.

People say "why rush?" but I say "why wait?" :)

oldestmumaintheworld · 31/07/2016 22:47

Yes. At 21 you have not had much time to know yourself or the world around you and need time without family responsibilities to explore them.

flossietoot · 31/07/2016 22:47

I am going to go against the grain and say that I think it is too young. You can't ever have your twenties back and having a baby changes your life drastically. Think of the long game, develop your career, have fun, do everything you can to ensure that when you do have a baby, that you can give them the best life possible.

DurhamDurham · 31/07/2016 22:57

I had my first at 22 and my second at 26, they're 23 and 19 now. We're on the middle of downsizing to get rid of the mortgage, we enjoy our holidays and I have a career I really enjoy. My weekends are my own, I'm 45.
Friends who wished until later to have their babies are still busy bringing them up, they're v envious of my free time and holidays/weekends away.
However they were doing all that while I was bringing up my children so there's pros and cons to both.
I wouldn't have had it any other way, I do look at my 23 year old daughter now and realise I was younger than her when I had her, she shudders.....she is the least maternal person I know! My 18 year old can't wait to have a baby but I'm hope one she finishes uni first.

Northernlurker · 31/07/2016 22:59

I think the people saying it's too young need to remember that lots of people, myself included, HAVE had dc at 21 and have managed just fine thanks. All the blathering about needing to know yourself, have fun without responsibility etc is very superficial. My oldest is now 18. I have loved parenting her through my twenties and thirties. My dh and I are significantly ahead of most of our contemporaries on the baby trail and as they are still wrestling with pre school and 'shall we have another' we are well in to the enjoying our family as they grow stage - and that's with having dd3 when I was 30 too.

MrsBungle · 31/07/2016 23:00

It would ha been far too young for me. I was living it's a guy I thought I was in love with, thank god we didn't have a baby. This may not apply to you though, everyone is different. Still, I'm very glad I waited. Met Dh at 27, married at 28 and had first baby at 31.

Jokeaboutmyhotchoc · 31/07/2016 23:01

Seriously what's up with all these "I'm young and financially stable" pregnancy posts??? We get about four a week now.

AGruffaloCrumble · 31/07/2016 23:03

Some people are young, financially stable and looking to start a family.

gammatron · 31/07/2016 23:04

Once you have a baby you'll be a parent for the rest of your life, I'd say take time and enjoy it being just you and your partner. I'm 30 with a 13 week old, I love him to bits he's the best thing I've ever 'done' but I am glad that I waited until this age to start my family

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