Is 21 too young to have a baby?

[maryellie]

Title basically sums it up.. Worried that people will judge so I thought I'd ask a wider audience. Is 21 too young to have a baby?

I feel like I have "lived my life"

I think this is a bit sad. Are you sure you're not limiting yourself?

I'm sure you'd make a great mum and if you were already pregnant is be saying congratulations. You have time on your side and I wonder if you'd be better trying all sorts of things to find out what you enjoy. It doesn't have to be travel.

You're likely to be alive for another 80 years. Don't think you've lived your life already.

Northern I am a young mother too but I also know maybe 5 other young mothers who don't take care of their children 90% of the time and who have been very open about regretting not living more as when it came to the reality of children they were unhappy. It is a good choice for some, but not for everyone.

If it is right for you, go for it.

Some will look down their nose and judge: in a supermarket queue, at the doctor's, in baby groups... etc. Feck 'em. And don't feel you have to explain anything to them, either.

Children are hard work but rewarding.

I has ds when I was 22, 21 for most of the pregnancy and I'm 25 now and I'd say that yeah maybe it was too young for me. But that's mostly because my circumstances were "young" I guess- still living at home, not in a serious relationship, no proper job and has just finished college.
Pregnant with number 2 now and i feel so much more confident, have own place and a stable relationship, a job etc
Where I'm from most people have their kids in their 30s so I feel a bit out of placesometimes bit if your situation is different then no not too young it's an individual thing I guess.

I don't know anyone who doesn't look back to when they were 21 and say 'oh I can't believe what I was like then!' to some degree
Which is fine when it is just a slightly dodgy haircut or dress sense but some of th ideas I had then are not ones I would want to be central to my parenting!
Which I know is true of all people at all ages, but I think is more true of your early adulthood when you think you know everything but don't have much common sense. And I say that as someone with an 'old head on young shoulders' who was self sufficient from 19...

My stepsister had her children at 20,21 and 24 and while she doesn't remotely regret them, she wishes she had waited a few years as life was a lot easier at 25 than at 20

I had my eldest at 21. We'd been married 3 years by then and felt settled enough (finished studying etc) I don't have any regrets or wish I'd left it later. If you feel ready it's a good age

In general, no I don't think it's too young, but for me it would have been and I was financially stable and engaged at the time.

In fact despite the constant "so when are you going to have children?" comments, I didn't feel any desire to have children until I was 27.

This wasn't a need to get "set up", it was just how I felt. If you feel ready, then that's fantastic and good luck to you, you only live once and there are benefits to being a younger mum.

I had dd when I was 18. I was taking the pill but had forgotten a couple. Ended up taking my A levels on my own in the Head Teachers office. Fortunately my family were supportive after the initial shock and disbelief. I looked after dd for 2 years after which My Mum paid for childcare so I could continue studying. Eventually married dds Father but it was a huge mistake and he showed his true colours not long after marriage.
Now divorced because of his violence and alcoholism, the bastard hasn't seen dd for 5 years. She's now 17 and we're doing ok but if I hadn't had a supportive family things would be very very different.
I've grown up now but if I had my life over again I would wait until I was 30 or so before having a child.

This is just my story but I do think waiting a while is best. I'm 35 now and only just starting to have a life.

I had my kids in my 30s and it's still curtailed my life in ways I couldn't understand before they came along. I find the additional responsibility weighs on my shoulders and I miss having only myself to look after. I wouldn't rush into kids at 21 for that reason. But neither would I judge anyone for having kids young (my mum and Nan both had their first DC before 21) and if the worry of what other people think is the single thing holding you back then perhaps ignore my advice and go for it

We had DC1 at 21. It hasn't held us back in any way but it did make life harder than it could have been and we've had to play serious catch up in order to be ready to pay for his Uni. We had all 4 by 30 and I wouldn't change a thing for our own lives but wouldn't want them having children that young.

OP I was 21 when I had my first. And 29 wen I had my last. I'm now 39 and my eldest is almost 18. I think I was about right. I'm now getting to a point where I have a bit more freedom and still young enough to enjoy it. If you are ready and mature enough and settled I don't see why anyone would judge you. I can understand it though if like I was I looked young I didn't look my age. At 21 I looked about 14/15 so I did get strange looks but I never let it bother me.

And my first was planned at 21.
I don't regret it at all.

Circumstances and maturity perhaps...I wasn't in the right place until 28, at 21 I was all over the place...everyone is different

I had my first at 21 and it was fine. The only thing I regret is not getting the qualification I wanted before kids, but that was my own fault as I had plenty of time to do it but I kept putting it off. Trying to get it now is 10x harder what with juggling childcare, fees etc.

Apart from that it's been fine, dd1 is now 3.10 and we also have a 14month old - our family is now complete and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Everyone is so so different though, for some 21 would be too young. Everyone has different priorities and lifestyles so it's not really for anyone to decide what age is the right one to start a family. If you feel you're ready to begin that chapter of your life then go for it.

I was 21 when I had my son. I'm now 33 and he's 12. The majority of the other mothers at his school were same age or younger than me.
I have missed nights out and job opportunities but being a mum outweighed those for me anyway.
I also have an 8yr old and am pregnant (all to same partner)

Would have been too young for me.

Far too much fun and things to do before having kids. Exploring life, the world, behaving a little badly, growing up a lot.

I had twins when I was 23, but we had been ttc since when I was 21. We actively took a decision that we would do kids early, and then I would be able to build a career without any breaks in it.

My dtwins are now 15, and it has worked out really well for us. I worked part time once they started school, went full-time about when they started secondary and am progressing well.

I didn't need my twenties to have fun and find myself, I knew who I was and what I wanted. We now travel a lot with the kids and they are at a great age for doing adult things with them - and they have interests of their own that I've really learnt from and that has given me new experiences I wouldn't otherwise have done.

No, its not to on young if you delimits the right time for you
I was 22 when ds was born and 29 when dd was born
They are now 19 and 27 and I dont regret anything
I have studied for a degree and risen to the top in my career all since dd started school

OP, please don't base your decision on whether or not you think you'll get judged. People can find reasons to judge anyone for anything, and as others have said, it's a decision personal to you and your partner, and it's about how ready you are.

If you are ready, go for it!

For someone who has "lived their life" at only 21, I would say you are not too young. I still have plenty of life in me at almost twice your age.

OP whatever you do, whenever you have children and however you bring them up someone will judge. It's parenthood get used to it.

You feel ready so who gives a shit what others think? I wouldn't have been ready at 21 but that was me not you so hardly relevant

If you feel it's good time, do it. The main advantage you'll have over me, is another 15 years with your children. I had DD1 at 36 which was right for me, but I am sad that I'll probably not get many years with my grandchildren (if they have them!).

I wouldn't. I was mature at 21 but so much changes in your early 20s and many relationships break up then. Id have liked to have gained a different qualification and been ready to work part time in that field before having a baby.

However I live in a low income area and most mums I think have kids around/by then and do fine.

As an aside I'm impresses at those with high incomes and mortgages by 21 in this day and age! To not get child benefit you'd be earning over 60 grand which is massively impressive. I think tax credits stop at 30 which would be impressive on one income at that age.

Even the title gives me the chills. Yes far too young. Once you have children they come first always and forever. You always have to think and worry about them. You are young and utterly free this is your time enjoy it. Life is for living not just passing on. I would be sad if either of mine had dc before 25 it's such a precious time. That's just my view though.

Not at all but it really depends on your circumstances rather than age.

I had mine in my very early twenties and I wouldn't change it. I don't have a 'career ' though, just a job, so it didn't matter too much to me taking a step back from work to concentrate on kids.

I have friends who want to get their career going first then start a family possibly in mid thirties. That's fine for them, but by then my kids will be in school, I will have a little freedom back and not be drowning in nappies and sleepless nights! That's when I intend to revisit work/education!