Is 21 too young to have a baby?

[maryellie]

Title basically sums it up.. Worried that people will judge so I thought I'd ask a wider audience. Is 21 too young to have a baby?

I personally think it is too young - but then I had my child at 43 which no doubt many would think is too old - and I would be disappointed if my child wanted to have a baby at 21. Having a child is such a huge committment and does limit your opportunities - to do so many things.

Have you really thought about why it is so important to have a baby at such a young age?

I do know quite a few young parents who bitterly regret having had a child so young - and in more than one case their own mother has ended up looking after the baby so that they can 'get out and enjoy life' .

I fell pregnant and 21 and had DD at 22. She was planned. I was married. The relationship didn't work out or end well but that wasn't to do with age.

There were at time I was envious of friends being able to do certain things that I couldn't but I wouldn't change DD for the world. There are ups and downs but to be honest I would say there are at any age.

I think it completely depends on the person. At 21 I was very much still finding myself, and so it would have been much too young for me. But I know other parents who had dc at 21 and younger who were absolutely at the right age for it. That includes dh who was 21 when we had our dd.

As an aside I'm impresses at those with high incomes and mortgages by 21 in this day and age! To not get child benefit you'd be earning over 60 grand which is massively impressive. I think tax credits stop at 30 which would be impressive on one income at that age.
I do get child benefit actually, hadn't thought of that. We don't qualify for tax credits or anything else though. DP earns above the qualifying point alone, he is 24. We both went into work straight away and he has a very skilled job. I do regret not training in something better though as I only work in retail.

I think that's the one regret I had in general is not training in something I love prekids and would be my worry if my daughters had kids young - if anything happens to partner (divorce/sickness) or even when the kids get older it's nice to have an interesting career of your own. (Good lord I'm parroting xenia and I rarely agree with her entirely.)

It can further the gender divide in salaries/careers etc although I know people do carry on working in a career with having kids young it's unusual here (area lots of young mums.)

And can be much more difficult to leave a difficult relationship if dependent on a partner.

I'd be disappointed if DD had a baby at 21.

I think it's quite sad you would say they'd be disappointed if your daughter had a baby at 21.

For me personally, I left school at 15 and went straight into an office job and had a well paid job by 21. I was engaged, got married the following year and had my own DD at 22.

My parents were over the moon and their relationship with DD is amazing. She adores them as much as they adore her. They are now equally over the moon to be expecting their second grandchild (currently almost 23 weeks pregnant.)

I've changed my career slightly since DD was born and have had no issues advancing. We've just bought a beautiful house. Enjoyed holidays each year. Run a car.

I would be extremely disappointed in my parents if they had been disappointed in me. For under 30 I'm further on in life than some of my childless friends. I've worked hard. Having children doesn't put your life on hold. You can still work for the things you want and a bonus is that for me, by mid 40s I'll have one child in their 20s one in late teens and be able to enjoy being (hopefully) comfortable financially and safe in the knowledge that my own children are embarking on adulthood and my child rearing days are done.

I would prefer more freedom at that side of my life than in my 20s personally.

It would have been too young for me. I'm glad I didn't have my first when I was 21.

I'd be very disappointed and sad if my eldest (who's nearly 18) had a baby at 21. I'd also be worried if she considered she had "lived her life" by then too - she's only just beginning her life and there's so much out there. I appreciate not everyone wants to travel the world, party and play the field but I think some young adults underestimate what a huge commitment parenthood is. Especially if you don't have a supportive family to call upon.

I very much regret not starting my family earlier (was 30). If you feel ready and are financially stable with no ambitions that are incompatible with parenting - go for it!

I had my children when I was aged 19, 22 and 25. Looking back, I do think it was too young and wish I had waited and had a life first. I have ill health now so am on the scrapheap do feel that I have missed out on a lot of things.

Wish someone would invent a time machine

That would have been too young for me. I was 26 when I had DD1 and there were times that I felt too young to deal with some of the issues parenthood brings. That was me, however. We are all different.

If you have a longing for a baby and genuinely feel this is th right time in your life, then who is anyone to judge? It's a decision you and your partner must make and don't worry about others' opinions.

My advice to anyone who is not sure whether to have a baby or not - if you're not sure, don't do it (yet).

I wouldn't trade my child free 20's for anything (well, probably because I've had kids easily in my 30's).

But there were so so many things I did and could do only because I was young and free that I couldn't have done after kids etc.

21 is far far too young in my opinion but Its their choice not mine. I would say that finding the right partner for you at 21 is extremely difficult as you are talking about two young people who will likely change into slightly or hugely different adults and it would need to be quite lucky for both to still be on the same page in 10yrs, especially in the context of spending their 20's in the joy and drudgery and pressure of raising kids. Some couples work perfectly and many don't if meeting and starting a family at 21.

I find it sad that people would be disappointed if their dc had a baby at 21. Getting pregnant at 15/16 and being disappointed I can understand. But at 21 you are an adult free to make your own life choices, there is no set life path and it's not for anyone else to decide how someone should live their life.

I would be very upset if I found out my parents were disappointed with me for bringing their first grandchild into the world at 21.

I actually would not be disappointed in any of my children I'd they had a baby at 21. I was definately ready at that age. For me my clock was ticking. I knew or had some kind of sixth sense that I would go through menopause early and because my nan was 39/40 I had a feeling history would repeat itself. So I'm. Really glad I did have my kids young as now I can not have any I'm 39 and all I ever wanted was a family of my own.
I was very mature, I'd had years of working spending my money on me and partying.
I would only be disappointed in my kids if they didn't think about it, talk about it and hadn't got the financial and stability needed for a child. Hoping they don't go doing it whilst 16/17/18 I would be a little disappointed but either way we would still be there to help
I do think it depends from person to person on how mature a 21 year old is.

I had my kids in my mid 20s now at 41 they are in their teens will be adults by the time I'm 45.I have been a single parent the whole time.I have a good career,it has been hard work.I wouldn't change it.I have also been to uni since having kids ,been travelling with them.Life doesn't stop,however be prepared you don't come first for a long time.Im 15 years into parenting and am just starting to get some time to myself.

Im 23, i have a 20 month old and one on the way.

We have a secure HA home anands combined income of 35k. We hsve been together 5 years! It is certainly possible to be young and be stable.

I wouldnt change my life for anything. We spent 2 years travelling first and we are very happy.

Do what you feel ready for!

I had ds1 when i was 17 (unplanned) and ds2 when i was 19. Im sure my parents were disappointed but they were a huge support.
Im not one for going out and partying so i dont feel like i missed out on anything. Me and dp after 10 years are Still together and have just had our dd.

Everyone's circumstances are different and if you feel like your ready then go for it and have fun trying

Having children is a wonderful thing, but I really think 21 is too young. You've not had much time to live your life or get to know your partner properly IMO.

I had DS when I was 30 and don't think I felt ready even then. I didn't really get how much it would restrict my life, I wish I had done more travelling and going out before having kids.

No, and sadly I know at least two women who have been ttc since 21 and are now late twenties.

By 21 I had been with my partner 5 years. We knew each other very well. And as I said early onset menopause can happen to anyone. I'm glad I didn't wait as the likely hood of me conceiving in my 30s would have been extremely low and I would not have my 4 beautiful children and the life I have now where they are old enough for us to be able to go out and not worry too much. No late night feeds I'm now 39..my body would not handle that we'll now. With my bones the way they are I would have struggled to carry a baby now..

I think there's a difference too culturally in areas where few go to university so people are working from say 16. They have 5 years of working and living and growing up on a 21 year old.

I would be a bit sad for my daughters if they were pregnant at 21 but that's coming from a position of presuming they'll go to uni so 21 is just beginning. Of course they might not!

I think that although you may be not too 'young' in terms of your stability, I changed so much throughout my twenties - looking back, I was the same person (never been a massive party animal), but just not experienced, if that makes sense. You'll never get that time back and I think with hindsight, it's worth holding out a bit longer. Enjoy having freedom and time to grow your relationship with your partner - the stronger the better prior to a baby. I'm with the same person now as I was with when I was 21, but who knows whether that would still be the case if we'd added too much pressure too soon.

It depends on you. There's no right or wrong answer. I had my second child at 21. I'm now pregnant with number 3 at 29. Managed to get a degree once my two started school. Having my two young was the best thing that could have happened, I was out partying and drinking too much and would have flaked at uni had I gone at 18.

And I may be the exception to the rule but I'm still with the same partner 😊