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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Aren't baby showers just a bit grabby?

58 replies

EyeRollChampion · 19/07/2016 19:58

I'm pregnant with my 4th child after a long gap (10 years and my eldest is 16) and I have never had a baby shower.

Now it seems everyone is having them, and I have friends nagging for a date. I'm sure this never used to be the case?

Anyway, I don't know if I want one or not... I like cake but not really a fan of attention, and... well, aren't they just a bit grabby? :|

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honeysucklejasmine · 19/07/2016 19:59

Well that depends. Are you grabby? Or is it just a nice excuse to see your friends and eat cake?

Floggingmolly · 19/07/2016 20:01

Yes, they are. And generally for first babies, I'd have thought?

WellErrr · 19/07/2016 20:02

Yes they are.

turquoise88 · 19/07/2016 20:03

The word 'grabby' drives me nuts!

I personally think their harmless fun and a nice way to get together and enjoy yourself before the baby comes. Others think they are OTT.

Look, the way I see it, people are likely to buy gifts for your baby, be that before he or she is born, or after.

Before long, even getting birthday presents will be considered 'grabby.'

turquoise88 · 19/07/2016 20:04

Sorry, that was 'they're'

Highlove · 19/07/2016 20:06

Definitely grabby and a bit self-obsessed. Your instincts are right.

FrizzyNoodles · 19/07/2016 20:07

If your friends would like you to have one, why not say bring a dish to the party rather than presemts and just have a lovely girly pre baby afternoon with nice food, cake and games. I had a shower but it was arranged for me and it was lovely.

Original poster

EyeRollChampion · 19/07/2016 20:18

Frizzy, that's actually a pretty nice idea. Maybe I'll think about it. Still not sure I'd like the attention though. And not really seeing the point, either.

"Come and celebrate something that isn't happening for months. Oh, and NO BOOZE."

But, as I mentioned, I do like cake.

OP posts:

turquoise88 · 19/07/2016 20:20

Definitely grabby and a bit self-obsessed. Your instincts are right.

How is it self-obsessed if others have organised a baby shower for you?

What about birthday parties? Are you self-obsessed if you organise a little celebration and people bring you gifts?

I get that some baby showers may be a bit over the top. But not everyone that has them is only interested in themselves and material things!

Original poster

EyeRollChampion · 19/07/2016 20:20

This is a new fad, right? Is it an American thing?

OP posts:

FrizzyNoodles · 19/07/2016 20:39

Eye roll you won't feel grabby if it's your closest mates eating cake and drinking mocktails with you.
It is quite a recent thing I think - to be honest I myself prefer to buy presents for babies that are already born but I had a lovely shower that I bought cakes for and we had a really nice afternoon.

Daytona79 · 19/07/2016 20:49

They are tacky I think

Daytona79 · 19/07/2016 20:50

Posted to soon

I also think they are chancing luck. I don't think you should celebrate a baby untill it's been born safely

Farfromtheusual · 19/07/2016 20:51

I always thought baby showers were 1) american, 2) for first baby and 3) arranged by a close friend or family member.

I know people who have arranged their own which does come across as a bit "grabby" and just an excuse to show off on Facebook

My sister wanted to organise one for me but I told her not to as I didn't see the point. I've got enough stuff for the baby already, I've caught up with friends I've wanted to see and I know they will come round when the baby is here.

waceystills · 19/07/2016 20:53

I also think they are tacky.

mallorcanmummy · 19/07/2016 20:56

I didn't have one as most of my friends where I live are from a different culture where they don't usually do it, but if I'd been in the UK, I'm sure my friends there would have organised one for me, and I would organise one for a friend with pleasure. I wouldn't organise one for myself though.

honeysucklejasmine · 19/07/2016 21:16

I do dislike the unpleasant undercurrent on MN when something is accused of being American. I don't see any other activities constantly referred to by their country of origin, let alone in an implied derogatory manner.

Original poster

EyeRollChampion · 19/07/2016 21:46

Frizzy, that's fair enough. Just don't think it's for me.

Farfrom, if that's the case then that's perfect as it well and truly lets me off the hook! Also I hate it when people post photos of me on fb. I'm not on there for a reason.

Honey, I hate that too and that wasn't how it was meant. I just wondered where it had come from all of a sudden.

OP posts:

Flippertygib · 19/07/2016 21:48

I don't like them at all. Prefer to give a present for the baby once it's born.

Original poster

EyeRollChampion · 19/07/2016 21:50

Oh and Daytona the thought of tempting fate had also crossed my mind. I'm not at all superstitious but it's never wise to count your chickens. And my last pregnancy ended in miscarriage so although I'm well into the 2nd trimester I won't feel assured until I'm holding this baby in my arms!

OP posts:

MrsJoJo · 19/07/2016 22:14

Personally don't like them and never have! I also never put in for collections at work when someone goes on maternity leave and don't want a collection sent round for me either - my SIL had a stillbirth at term so I celebrate, give gifts and congratulate after baby is safely here.

I know this is an extreme position but it was heartbreaking enough and then I kept finding things my mum & dad had stashed for their grandchild that wasn't meant to be (I stayed with them for a while a few months after it happened) and I wouldn't want any gift I've purchased to trigger such heartache to myself or the recipient. I'll happily accept gifts after though!

NickiFury · 19/07/2016 22:18

Only on MN.

In RL I have been to some absolutely lovely ones, which were special and a chance to get together with family and friends to celebrate pregnancies and babies that were very hard fought for.

Wordsaremything · 20/07/2016 00:14

Oh yes.
Grabby and

chavvy.

familyfarm · 20/07/2016 00:16

I don't think they are grabby. Yes it is self-centred.

I wish someone had arranged it for my first, as that freedom to chat with your friends and enjoy yourself never comes again.

VanellopeVonSchweetz99 · 20/07/2016 00:18

Not for me, I'm just not in that tradition.
Have only ever been to one (it was lovely though).
Having said that, I probably would have been delighted it if my friends had thrown me one (or two) - but I would never expect or instigate one.

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