Aren't baby showers just a bit grabby?

[EyeRollChampion]

I'm pregnant with my 4th child after a long gap (10 years and my eldest is 16) and I have never had a baby shower.

Now it seems everyone is having them, and I have friends nagging for a date. I'm sure this never used to be the case?

Anyway, I don't know if I want one or not... I like cake but not really a fan of attention, and... well, aren't they just a bit grabby? :|

My mil didn't even want us to bring a pram into the house before our first baby was born 14 years ago. Highly superstitious and considered bad luck etc. Possibly as a result I also prefer to buy gifts after the baby's safely born, but I am both ancient and old fashioned.

No need to explain yourself, London girl. Your post was enlightening and put a lot of things into perspective :)

Not grabby at all. Your friends want to celebrate with you this exciting moment in your life. I'm in the U.S. and what I've been seeing more of is if it's another baby of the same sex, instead of a shower we have a "sprinkle". You generally don't need a lot of clothes and big things, but they'll come with a little something. I just had one last year for my 2nd boy and people brought a pack of diapers and wipes. It's something that you need again with every baby, and really it was a time to come together to have fun and celebrate. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I am an American also pregnant again after a long gap living in the UK. We have many friends in an American ex-pat community and they did throw me a baby shower. It was an mixed gender afternoon event with cake and wine and no games. Gifts were very simple as we specified we didn't need anything. It was lovely, and a celebration of a baby coming. There were some Brits and other nationalities present. When an American in our community becomes pregnant, we have a shower. For non-Americans we tend to give the gifts after the baby is born. I find the before bit nicer, as the mother is up for a bit of a party and the gifts generally more useful.

For my first baby many years ago my mother threw me one with all my aunts and cousins in the states. Only women, with games, and no alcohol. I did receive many very useful presents, and my mother insisted we have a shower as the aunts and cousins would have been offended if we didn't. I have many aunts, and it was important to them to help me prepare for the baby. It was wonderful, and a chance for them to show off the quilts and cardigans they knitted. They all wanted to tell me all about life with a newborn and fill me up with advice.

Both showers were nice, neither were grabby.

I agree- baby shower gifts are better because they are practical thing you need with a first baby in particular.

I think this thread seems to attract those that think they are somehow above those who do enjoy the idea of a baby shower.
They can be as tacky or not as you like. I can't say I've ever been to any (and I've been to a lot) that are tacky. They've all just been a lovely afternoon of food, cake and enjoyment. Yes gifts were given but never expected.
If you don't want one or find it uncomfortable then say so. Equally if you do want one, enjoy it.
I'm now pregnant after 4 miscarriages and actually the chance to take an afternoon with all my girlfriends and celebrate the fact that I have finally made it this far is something I'm looking forward to. And my friends are excited to organise it!
There's so much snobbery on MN at times

I think they are tacky and grabby and would never plan one. I'd be mortified. But if your friends had wanted to do one for you then it's not so bad if you like that sort of thing. Throwing your own would be really grabby in my opinion. And I think they should be for first baby only really.

I agree seeking. It feels like some people get an ego boost by sneering at others but in the end I think that always says more about them than anything else.

Also, you only attend the baby showers of your friends so if someone has been to a load of tacky / grabby showers surely that's just a reflection on the people they hang out with and an indication that they secretly despise some of their closest family and friends. I suspect a lot of those levelling criticism have never actually been to one honestly...

Anyhow, congrats on your baby- 4 miscarriages is a rough ordeal. Enjoy your day with your friends.