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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex at the 20 week scan

73 replies

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 12:43

Hi,

My 20 week scan isn't until August, but I can't decide whether I want to find out the sex or not. My OH would like to, but doesn't mind if I don't want to. What have been your reasons for finding out or not finding out and were you pleased with whatever you did?

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PotteringAlong · 11/07/2016 12:45

I didn't. I liked the moment when they were born and I don't regret it. Currently pregnant again and won't find out again

NickMarlow · 11/07/2016 12:46

I didn't. There were moments during pregnancy that I really wished I knew, but I loved finding out after she was born.

poaspcos · 11/07/2016 12:46

I wish I hadn't in hindsight

It just led to preconceived ideas and anxieties about what my child would be like - he was totally different to what I expected

I don't really see the point so you can paint a nursery or buy the correct colour pram etc - I suppose if that's important to some who am I to judge but I just don't really get it

I think in future I will enjoy the suspense for longer

Annarose2014 · 11/07/2016 12:47

I'm a nosy bitch.

In seriousness though, I've really enjoyed knowing, both times. It's lovely to be able to say 'he" or "she" for the entire (endless) second half of the pregnancy. Easier for names too!

We also tell absolutely everyone. That's nice too.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/07/2016 12:47

Didn't find out first time and it was fab. Found out second time... Still fab . Wouldn't say either experience was better or worse than the other TBH!

CamilleClaudel · 11/07/2016 12:49

No reason at all not to. It's just another piece of information about your baby, like its size, head circumference, etc. It's not like it'll be the discovery of the century to discover you are having either a boy or a girl at the birth, after all...

Pootles2010 · 11/07/2016 12:50

Well, we found out last time, but haven't this time. I was wavering, last time i remember thinking in hind sight a surprise might have been nice. DP said he didn't want to know, so we stuck with that.

I'm really looking forward to finding out - I have a half baked notion that it might help carry me through labour - ha!

neonrainbow · 11/07/2016 12:51

Im going to find out if i can. I want to know everything about the baby. We may not tell anyone else though if we can.

MyBreadIsEggy · 11/07/2016 12:54

The first time I found out because I wanted to buy all the "right" things.....which looking back was ridiculous. I went on a mad spree, buying mountains of pink things for my Dd.
This time around we had to find out because I needed to know if I could use the ocean of pink crap stuff again or not....and what do you know? We are having a boy this time!!

frikadela01 · 11/07/2016 12:58

I found out and am glad I did. DP said it helped him to bond with Ds, helping to decide his name and getting things ready for him. I think it's a personal thing, some people really like the surprise.

ElspethFlashman · 11/07/2016 13:08

I find it makes them very "real". You give them a name almost immediately.

But I found people are surprisingly wierd about you finding out. I got a lot of huffiness : "There are few enough surprises in life!" was bellowed at me on several occasions.

Frankly when you're giving birth you're shitting it that something is going to go wrong or that the baby might not be ok - I liked having one less "surprise" on the day!

Besides the day you find out at the scan is also an amazing surprise! (I may have blubbed all over the sonographer like a sap on both occasions)

shhhhSleeping · 11/07/2016 13:09

There's no right or wrong, just what's right for you. I'm very practical and impulsive so there was no question of us finding out. I wanted to know as soon as possible, just because I couldn't wait and also so we could focus on just boy names and buy blue stuff.

I totally understand that some people felt that not knowing kept them going through labour but it wasn't a motivating factor for me.

Whatever you choose to do, people will have an opinion (usually that they wouldn't have done whatever you did ie found out/not found out) that they won't hesitate in sharing, but that's pregnancy and child rearing for you! Do what suits you and igore everyone else.

Farfromtheusual · 11/07/2016 13:13

I'm 34 weeks now and sooo glad I didn't find out. Have bought everything neutral so far and have chosen both girl's and boy's names. I think it adds to the excitement.. I've had a lot of older people who are quite surprised I didn't find out as it seems to be the done thing nowadays. My work have even got a sweepstake going to guess the sex and the weight which I think is cool. I have a friend who is due in 2 weeks and she found out she's having a girl and has even chosen the name, told every one on facebook and even had things embroidered with it (bibs, blankets etc)...just seems to ruin it I think. Not knowing is part of the fun.

CitizenErased4 · 11/07/2016 13:13

We didn't find out with either of our two. I'm all for delayed gratification!

Plus I wanted DH to be the first to know (as I got to experience everything else first in pregnancy - the positive test, the first kicks etc), it felt like something special for him. And then I got to hear the exciting news from him rather than a complete stranger. It was lovely

Dixiechick17 · 11/07/2016 13:13

I found out, The surprise for me was seeing her face and seeing who she looked like, and then watching her grow and develop her own little personality. Plus I am impatient and one of those people that opens presents at midnight on Xmas eve :D

ElspethFlashman · 11/07/2016 13:14

I will also add that if you're having an utterly shit pregnancy finding out can really brighten up what is a bloody hard time!

Farfromtheusual · 11/07/2016 13:14

I also heard a few stories about the birth and how it apparently helps you push better when you don't know the sex, and someone I know had her DH find out the sex first and he got to tell her what it was... Thought that was kinda sweet.

EvansAndThePrince · 11/07/2016 13:15

I did, it was a nice thing to break up the long wait and also I felt it allowed me to bond with her, just knowing her a little better while she was inside.

Original poster

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 13:18

Thanks everyone. I think I'm finding it hard to decide because I don't have reallly strong instinct either way. Part of me really wants to know now, because I think it will help the baby seem more real (if that's makes sense!), although maybe once I can start feel it moving that will help to. I think perhaps my only reason for waiting is that I think it would be really nice for my OH to tell me once it's born. I am the sort of person who likes planning and I hate waiting for anything so think perhaps it would be better for us to find out and I agree with you ElspethaFlashman that it would be a lovely surprise/feeling at the scan!
I just don't want to find out and then wish I hadn't but as I don't have strong feeling about waiting, I guess I probably wouldn't?

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Tootsie1984 · 11/07/2016 13:19

With my first who is 10 we found out. Was lovely knowing, we told family but not everyone else. Still a surprise when they are born to see what they look like. Colour of hair etc.

With our 6 year old we didn't find out. Obviously just got everything neutral and got her things after she was born. Just as lovely as the first time. Would honestly say neither experience was better than the other.

We are currently nearly 16 weeks with our surprise 3rd child. We were not sure at first whether to find out or not but we were given a voucher for a private scan which we are having next week and have decided to find out.

Think it is personal choice. For us both ways have been equally as special and I am sure finding out this one will be just as special again

SouthDownsSunshine · 11/07/2016 13:24

We didn't find out with dd, and it was the right decision for us. We really liked the surprise at birth.

Got my 20 week scan this afternoon, and we won't find out unless it's obvious! For us, it's nice to have the surprise. It doesn't make planning any harder, we just went neutral until dd arrived.

It sounds odd, but I genuinely don't care if I have a boy or a girl. Either would be wonderful.

Original poster

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 13:27

We have bought a few bits and have just got neutral and I think we will buy most things in neural colours even if we did find out like the pram and things.

Good Luck with your scan SouthDownsSunshine!

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Original poster

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 13:28

Another thing we were thinking is that we would like a 4D scan, but if you don't want to find out the sex are these still good?

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Original poster

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 13:29

Thanks Tootsie1984 for letting me know both were special and I'm sure if we do find out it will be just as special as if we didn't because we will be meeting our baby for the first time :)

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Goingtobeawesome · 11/07/2016 13:31

We didn't find out with our first two and wouldn't have done with our third if we hadn't been led to believe they would have problems if they even survived. If I was to get pregnant again I wouldn't find out.

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