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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Finding out the sex at the 20 week scan

73 replies

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 12:43

Hi,

My 20 week scan isn't until August, but I can't decide whether I want to find out the sex or not. My OH would like to, but doesn't mind if I don't want to. What have been your reasons for finding out or not finding out and were you pleased with whatever you did?

OP posts:

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2yummymummy2 · 11/07/2016 16:02

I found out via private scan at 16 weeks as I didn't see the point in waiting and I wanted to start buying baby stuff

I mean your going to find out once the baby is born but it's very hard to go shopping with a newborn so get as much as you can before it comes

With my last baby I got the icandy travel system in sweetpea whereas if I didn't know what I was having I would of just had to buy it in plain black

I think a lot of the scans are so clear these days too if it's a boy it's nearly impossible not to notice his bits on the screen

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/07/2016 16:18

I think there's a view that people who find out do so because they want to go out and buy shed loads of pink/blue stuff, kit out the nursery in baby pink/baby blue, decide on a name etc. It wasn't like that for us at all. I don't buy into pink for girls/blue for boys and barely even discussed names until after DD2 was born even though we'd known since 18 weeks!
I've had one where we knew and one where we didn't and honestly couldn't pick between them. Both equally as special and amazing (and actually the one we knew was by far the easier labour so not sure I buy into the 'it makes labour easier' thing).
Like someone said up thread... It's either a girl or a boy so hardly the surprise of the century anyway! I kind of resent the situation that the birth of my child is any less special/amazing just because I knew in advance what she had between her legs! The amazing part is meeting your baby (whatever the sex) for the very first time.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 11/07/2016 16:19

*resent the suggestion

Daytona79 · 11/07/2016 16:22

I did both time , think it's far better because you can be prepared with clothes etc

Noodledoodledoo · 11/07/2016 16:24

Oh and re the picking of the colour of the pram based on the baby - I opted for my favourite colour which some might say is girly (It's not pink) as I am sure a boy is not going to be affected by the colour of their wheels!

frenchielala · 11/07/2016 16:29

I absolutely had to know - not about prams and that stuff, just cause I wanted to know. Helped me feel like I could bond more because of it as I had something more to picture somehow.

If I have no. 2 I would find out again.

2yummymummy2 · 11/07/2016 16:36

It's just personal choice. Not about buying loads of pink or blue clothes but being sensible for major purchases like the travel system, if you know the sex in advance you can buy it in a colour you like best instead of just plain black.

I think most people purchase a buggy before the birth and they are expensive so why not go for one you love instead of a plain standard one

Also with my last baby even though I'd had a private scan and knew, it was almost impossible not to see that it was a he at the 20 week scan so unless you don't look at all, there is a god chance you will see the gender anyway as the 20 week scan uses the latest scanning equipment.

Lots of people don't find out and then go out any buy loads of boys/girls clothing but all I'm saying is if you know in advance you can save yourself that hassle of going shopping with a newborn.

Very few people choose to dress a newborn in cream/neutral after the first few weeks as those colours show up baby sick the most lol

Don't know why people are so judgemental about finding out the sex, its the same with gender disappointment!

you are allowed to be upset if the baby is not the gender you hoped for But so many threads on here are horrible to people who are upset about the gender when it's just a natural human reaction

PerfectlyPosed · 11/07/2016 16:37

I didn't, was glad I didn't and wouldn't next time but each to their own

Sierra259 · 11/07/2016 16:40

We didn't find out with either of our 2 DC. I felt it would help me to be less worried during pregnancy and birth and help me get through labour to finally find out. With DC2, I was a bit more tempted but DH was the one who said he'd prefer not to know, and I wasn't that bothered. I also liked choosing names for a boy and a girl. A friend of mine summed it up nicely - she said it's like knowing all of your Christmas presents in advance. You still look forward to getting them, but it takes some of the excitement/anticipation away! Congratulations on your pregnancy!

sianihedgehog · 11/07/2016 16:41

I found out at 12 weeks with the Harmony test and am very glad I did. I felt more like I could imagine the little person who was in there. Everyone (me included) was hoping for a girl, and I avoided having to come to terms with disappointment while also going through the hell of post birth hormones and sleep deprivation. I didn't give a flying fuck at a rolling donut about pram colours or little pink frills, but I was just so glad to know SOMETHING about this person who was about to rule my life!

CestLaVie93 · 11/07/2016 18:11

I found out at 16 weeks with my first. I was so excited. We named him almost instantly and I had a 4d scan too so I really bonded with him before he was born.
We're planning to ttc soon and I don't want to find out the sex. Simply because I'd love DS to have a little brother or sister and I just want to experience both sides! I want to see if not finding out is as magical as it's made out.
As PP said its not about being bothered about the gender, it's about preparing. But I have so much baby stuff even if I had a girl next time she can still go in "boys" sleepsuits at first (I'll have plenty of time to shop!!). Plus the baby would be in our room for 6 months anyway so the nursery doesn't NEED to be decorated!

CestLaVie93 · 11/07/2016 18:12

(This is my argument to DH as he thinks I'll be too impatient not to find out, but I really don't want too)

Original poster

bumblebee86 · 11/07/2016 18:56

Thanks everyone. Reading the different reasons and opinions on finding out has been really helpful

OP posts:

JillyCooper2015 · 11/07/2016 20:11

Hey crew!

I'm 18 weeks and we found out at our 12 week scan.

We were both keen to know and they just asked if we wanted to know as early indications suggested he's a boy!

Got the 20 week scan when am 22 weeks actually so a bit of a while off.

I like knowing his gender and we gave him a working title / name so we could and can bond with him

coppergrey · 11/07/2016 22:03

We found out at a private scan at 17w and had it confirmed last week at 20w. Our decision was nothing to do with clothing or names or anything practical - we just really wanted to know!

It's a very personal decision but I think it's important to remember neither choice is better than the other. There's a lot of snobbery around 'keeping the secret' as if it's somehow cheating to find out before the birth... it seems to be yet another thing parents can be judged on!

If you're undecided, see how you feel on the day and if there's still no strong feeling either way, ask the sonographer to write it down and seal it in an envelope so you have the option later on. Good luck and congratulations!

footballwidow12 · 11/07/2016 22:06

I did......found out we were expecting a girl!
Wouldn't change it for the world - I needed the 20 weeks to decide on her name! it's not for everyone but once you do find out you can't undo it!! Good luck with your pregnancy

genericusername1 · 11/07/2016 23:23

I've done both and preferred knowing. We didn't tell anyone that we knew as I loved the surprise and suspense from friends and family (and secretly had a little chuckle to myself when people were adamant that they knew what sex the baby was and I knew they were wrong). It was our own special secret between dh, dc1 and me and we still got surprises at the birth finding out what our baby looked like

Lilacpink40 · 11/07/2016 23:33

I loved knowing, but was surprised at how negative some people were that we did know. I don't think it's wrong to choose not to know, but going the other way seemed to really stir up so strange emotions in people.

I liked knowing as I wanted to call bump a girls or boys nn when I talked to him/her to bond earlier. I didn't want a gender neutral nn, if I hadn't have felt that way I would have waited for the surprise.

Go with your instinct on the day.

AudreyBradshaw · 12/07/2016 20:13

Dh would have loved to have found out. I didn't want to for a few reasons. I wanted a surprise (it's definitely either a boy or a girl though, it's not a kitten, I asked.) And I wouldn't have believed it anyway, I'd have still had to have everything neutral for fear of the getting it "wrong" aspect. I want my Dh to tell me/find out myself after all my hard work. And it doesn't matter what we get either way, I'm just excited for "our baby" to arrive. Only 19 weeks to go

SouthDownsSunshine · 12/07/2016 20:22

Just to update ... our 20 week scan showed a significant issue. DH and I have done a 180 and decided we do want to know the gender! We've decided that we'll have enough surprises now and we want to know as much as we can.

Funny how opinions/preferences can shift so quickly...

Tinklypoo · 12/07/2016 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CarrieLouise25 · 12/07/2016 20:33

Found out with all 3, no regrets at all, helped with early bonding calling them he or she, naming beforehand, sibling knowing to expect brother or sister, buying things for boy or girl.

DD was desperately wanting expecting it to be a girl, so finding out it was a boy was a shock for her at the scan. But gave her time to get used to the idea and now she adores her brother and did the moment he appeared.

Good luck with your scan in August, hope it goes well x

April241 · 13/07/2016 14:24

We're having twins in October and originally wanted to know but then decided against it. I think it is just a personal choice, if people find out its lovely but if they don't its also lovely, I don't think one trumps the other. Finding out we're having twins was a surprise enough so it's not that we're wanting a big surprise on the day or anything but i'm just really excited now and can't wait to meet them and see what they are.

As for clothes etc we've just bought lots of neutral stuff, whites/greys/mint green etc but they're the kind of things I like anyway so even if we did find out i'd be buying the same stuff, i'm not into all the frilly things for girls. I got some really lovely bright colourful clothes from Mothercare and Boots aswell so we haven't struggled to buy anything to wear. Our pram is black with a teal hood and you can buy different coloured hoods to switch it up if we really wanted to and our nursery will be white with an animal theme which it would have been regardless of sex.

Whatever you decide will be right for you and your OH, have a lovely scan!

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