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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

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450 replies

nikcola · 02/06/2004 23:05

im was going to change my name cause im too shook up,
i stopped taking my pill a month ago and me and dp have been having sex as normal but he hasnt been coming inside me (sorry to be graphic) my period is a week late ans i just done 2 pg tests and they are both positive i really dont want to be pg and i dont no what to do im s**ting myself the docs is shut till tuesday what do i do

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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gothicmama · 08/06/2004 18:29

hope it goes ok for you tonite

Original poster
nikcola · 08/06/2004 18:29

and to top all this off my best friend isnt talking to me bacause i dont want to go out tomorow night

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Blu · 08/06/2004 18:44

Sweetheart. LOUD AND CLEAR. Whenever you got pregnant, it is no more your responsibility than his. He must have known you weren't on the pill as he was attempting withdrawal? HE took the decision to sleep with you while planning his arranged marriage. And if he isn't prepared to be of genuine LONG-TERM support, like staying in a relationship with you, not getting married to his new bride, contribuing financially and supporting you to go to college, then he doesn't really have a right to say what you should and shouldn't do, does he?

You've been so strong and brave through all this (his arranged marriage etc etc), and done brilliantly getting a college place and being a brilliant Mum to Shireen: Look after you, yourself and YOU! XXXXXXXXXXXX

Nutcracker · 08/06/2004 18:52

Well said Blu

Nickola , I really think you are going to have to make this decisoin without him.
Even if he did say that he would stay with you e.t.c, what if he then changed his mind ??? It would be too late for you to do anything about it then.

aloha · 08/06/2004 19:07

BTW, they date the pregnancy from the first day of your last period - so a four week foetus is a 6 week pregnancy.
But that is pretty irrelevant. He isn't there for you and he won't be there for you. Did you hope even a tiny bit that showing him what the unborn baby looked like would make him show remorse and support you? Because if so, I think he has just let you down AGAIN.
To echo everyone else, I really don't think you need to consider his opinion at all - think of yourself and what YOU want to do and your dd - that's all. YOu are very young. You really do have lots of time to meet someone who will really love you and want to have babies with you and be a proper father to them.

motherinferior · 08/06/2004 19:32

Good luck tonight, Nikki. I'm off work with the kids tomorrow so will probably also be off computer!

Hang on in there.

And remember, there are so many possibilities out there for you.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/06/2004 03:23

your right even if he promised to be there for me i no that he would just pis off with his wife and leave me to look after 2 kids wich aint fair but all i really want is him too tell his mom to pis off and stay with us but it will never happen,
And your right blu it isnt his decision its mine and i tryed to talk about it with him today i asked him what do you want me to do? and he shouted "WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO ? IF YOU WANT IT HAVE IT IF YOU DONT THEN DONT, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ASK ME FOR JUST DECIDE" those where his exact words so from now on im not even going to mention it to him ill just go and do it and he can fu*k off (sorry he has really wound me up today)

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Bettybloo · 09/06/2004 03:50

Oh Nikcola you poor love. I've just read this whole thread through since your last post, hadn't seen it before. It really does sound like the only thing you can rely on him to do is let you down, time and again
He's said it - it's entirely your decision and he doesn't even seem to see it involves him. You deserve better. Good luck whatever you do.
I'm online for a while if you're still around and need to talk.

lou33 · 09/06/2004 13:05

I think his attitude stinks, and says all there is to say about him Nickola. He won't be there for you now or in the future. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, it isn't meant to be. I just want you to make sure you make the right decision for yourself and your daughter.

Tinker · 09/06/2004 13:10

Oh he sounds horrible nikcola. I'm so sorry you're in this position. You must look after yourself and your daughter. Not only is he being a sht to you he's also being a sht to his future wife - regardless of how she is becoming his wife. You're so young, please look after you and your daughter.

motherinferior · 09/06/2004 17:07

Well, that's him and his final word, isn't it. I'm so sorry. All I can say is you can count on support from here. Hugs.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/06/2004 18:06

thank you ,
well i told him to get me £350 out the bank and im going to go private he moaned when i asked him he said he has to give his mom some money and i said well its your fault im pg too so im going to make an appoinment at a private cilinc wish me luck

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motherinferior · 09/06/2004 22:18

Best of luck, babe, and WELL DONE for insisting he coughs up.

I know life really stinks at the moment, but I do think you're doing the right thing.

nicmum2boys · 10/06/2004 00:03

nikcola, been thinking about you, but unable to get on line for the last few days, just caught up. So sorry he is letting you down so badly. The very least he can do is give you financial support. Oh, nikcola, you deserve so much more than he is giving you, you must feel so let down by him. You are worth far far more, and I think right now you have to keep tellng yourself that. I agree that you do need to make the decision based on what is right for you and your daughter........must confess though, I have gone in and read what you posted following the abortion program. Forgive me, as this seems like a really insensitive time to bring this up, and ignore me (and please tell me) if I cause you offense, but you did seem to feel pretty anti abortion then. I just want you to think about the consequenses for your emotional well being, and try and make some provision for counselling and support, you are going to need it, and what's more you deserve it.
Thinking of you.

Original poster
nikcola · 10/06/2004 03:26

i think that it will upset me having an abortion if i didnt i wouldnt be normal but i would be a lot more upset if i had another baby to look after all on my own ,
i no what you mean though about what i said i said i would never have another abortion again but i dint think things would ever be like this i didnt ever think that my boyfriend would run off and marry someone else after all we have been through, the thing that i didnt like about that abortion programe was that it seamed like it was set out to make people feel guilty like me, if my boyfriend wasnt such a dick then maybee i wouldnt be doing this but on that programe they didnt once blame the men wich really anoys me,

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hercules · 10/06/2004 11:40

Hi Nikcola.

Please dont feel bad or guilty. You are quite right it takes two. You did make a mistake but so what? You arent the first person to have an abortion and you won't be the last. Abortion was made legal because so many women were getting "back street" abortions and suffering afterwards.
It is possible just to get on with life afterwards and it not plague your life again. I'm sure you already know that by definition motherhood is full of guilt anywat and right now you need to focus on your life.

Trust me not all men are like your dp nor are all men whose parents want them to have an arranged marriage like him. my dh went against his family to marry me and we are very happy 10 years on.

Your dp isnt bothered about you or even his dd which personally I find awful. I could understand him leaving a girlfriend to have an arranged marriage but not his own child. I'm afraid that to be able to leave his own daughter in order to marry a stranger is despicable and I'm not against arranged marriages at all.

Tbh the sooner you can really think of your and your dds future life in terms of him not being there then the sooner you can move on.

Keep posting here.

hercules · 10/06/2004 11:42

You are quite right, in an ideal world your dp would be standing by you but he is a poor excuse of a man.
Terminations give women the ability to be able to make choices in their life even if they have made a mistake.

motherinferior · 10/06/2004 13:57

Just keep insisting he gives you the money. He's got it, you haven't.

jampot · 10/06/2004 14:17

does his wife to be know he has a child already and another on the way? Would this affect his prospects or even the way the family is viewed (which I understand in various religions is of paramount importance)?

Original poster
nikcola · 10/06/2004 17:29

yeh is wife to be knows that he has a chil and she is still willing to marry him i think that she just wants a free ticket out of pakistan and a good life over her

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lou33 · 10/06/2004 18:03

Does she know you are pg again though? And what about his family? Do they know? What would/do they say?

nicmum2boys · 10/06/2004 22:58

Sorry nikcola, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty, was trying to point out that you will need lots of tlc after the abortion, please don't think I was condeming you, and I'm so sorry for making you feel like that. I am here for you 100%. Sorry.xx

Original poster
nikcola · 12/06/2004 01:11

nicmum (nicemum) dont worry you didnt upset me at all i promise i was just having a s*it day im sorry, i really apreciatte everyones support thanks nicemum ill call you nicemum

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Original poster
nikcola · 12/06/2004 01:17

lou, no his family dont no im pg again and i no that even if they did no its wouldnt make a bit of diffrence to them they dont give a s*it about dd, i even rember dp telling me that his mom said that it would be much better if that child ( our dd) was dead so no even if she knew thing would still be the same ,
i have been sooo moody over the weekend and as soon as he walked through the door i started on him shouting at him for not giving a f**k about me and dd, i dont no what came over me i think it hit me what a twat he is

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lou33 · 12/06/2004 01:38

I am really sorry that you are in this postition Nickola. Wish I could give you a big squeeze and make it better.

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