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450 replies

nikcola · 02/06/2004 23:05

im was going to change my name cause im too shook up,
i stopped taking my pill a month ago and me and dp have been having sex as normal but he hasnt been coming inside me (sorry to be graphic) my period is a week late ans i just done 2 pg tests and they are both positive i really dont want to be pg and i dont no what to do im s**ting myself the docs is shut till tuesday what do i do

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Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 17:22

i really am frightend of being on my own,
what if i die in the house dd will be on her own for days untill someone realises im missing?

what if i die what will happen to dd?
thing like that really scare me everytime we arguee i allways say sorry and beg for another chance even if it isnt my fault, but this morning maybee it was my fault i have been cold with him lately,

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spacemonkey · 09/07/2004 17:24

have you got no family at all nikki?

lou33 · 09/07/2004 17:27

I can't believe you are making excuses for him!

He's getting married to another woman, refused to support you when you were pg,or through the termination, then 2 DAYS later is expecting you to be giving him a bj ffs!

And to be brutally frank, he is doing it because you let him. I'm sorry but there is nothing you have said that makes me think you need this arsewipe in your life. Get rid of him, build up some self esteem and confidence, and find a better person to share your life with. It is a terrible example to be showing your daughter. She will grow up assuming this is how men should behave, and she will let them! Do it for her sake if not yours.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 17:27

Sorry Nikcola, just read a bit of this thread, never looked at it before and i really feel for you. You have to cut off from this man. It may be difficult but i can see know way at all how things will improve with him. He has a mental health problem and if you keep on taking his shit you will go under. He doesn't deserve to even be in your company, he is a manipulative little boy who is emotionally blackmailing you. I am disgusted with him. You are not his sexual aid. He has know sensitivity or insight into your feelings, this moment in your life is nothing to do with how horny he is feeling, he should be looking after you. If he can't be there for you now then when will he ever support you? So sorry you got involved with such a mean person. Take care honey, be brave and please start trying to ignore his comments. They are no reflection on you,he needs help.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 17:27

all my family live in birmingham i see my mom at christmas and proberlly 3 times a year but she only comes to see shireen(dd) and dad lives about 20 mins away and i see him less than my mom the rest of my family dont talk to me .

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ponygirl · 09/07/2004 17:28

Nikcola, this is NOT your fault. You've been through so much, with no supoort from this prck. I understand your worries, but the chances of you dying are so slim, they're really not worth you degrading yourself in this way for. I wish I was nearer, 'cos I'd come round your house and talk to you properly, but I can't. I really don't think you'd feel so down is you didn't have this arse dragging you down. He's the one who treating you as though you're worth nothing and you're starting to believe it. Fight back and tell him to F** OFF.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 17:34

Please please don't touch him, don't do anything, you will just be teaching him that he can get away with his behaviour and it is exceptable. It is not. It is because you are feeling so rejected off him that this is becoming a way of feeling needed. He is taking advantage of you at a low time, i wish he would ask me, i'd punch his lights out and i am not at all violent.

lou33 · 09/07/2004 17:36

Just as well I don't live in Luton anymore really, because I don't know if I would be able to control myself.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 17:39

he would just turn it around and blame it on me , where do i go from here ?

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ponygirl · 09/07/2004 17:41

Walk away.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 17:41

I feel a bit ridiculous saying i would punch him, bad idea, just really wound up. The thing is he really needs bringing down a peg or two. I doubt very much he would act like this infront of other women, he is a coward.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 17:45

This is a really destructive relationship, he may blame you, he probably will. You have to not believe or listen, he cannot have this control anymore. Can you see a happy future with him? Can you see him supporting you in a crisis? None of this is your fault you really have put up with enough, i think if you don't walk away you will always feel sad deep inside and that is not a way to live. As painful as it is to leave someone it needs to be done. I think its a bit like labour, your rewards will come. Never with him though.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 17:45

i told him to ask all his friends at wirk that if their girlfriend had just had an abortion would they still expect bj's and he just went quiet and said its got nothing to do with them, then he said "i cant take this anymore nikki its driving me mad ???????? u treat me like crap as if you hate me " then he hung up?????

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lou33 · 09/07/2004 17:45

Of course he will, that's how he works. It is making him feel powerful making you feel small. Just know that whatever he says it is HIS problem not yours. He will do this to the next woman and the next and the next. He will probably even end up making your daughter feel as worthless as you do, too.

Go on from here by listening to us when we say that you deserve a better person than him, and that you can and will do better , whatever worries you have about being alone. I bet your family would be over the moon if you got him out of your life. Start by telling him it is over. Get rid of his phone numbers, and dont take his calls. Dont let him in if he calls round.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 17:52

Also explaining to him why and what he says is wrong is such a waste of energy, it really will make no difference. He should know himself, a cliche i know but it is true he has to change himself, you can't do it, and he can only work out the damage he has caused by dealing with the consequences. Just now he doesn't seem to be getting any.

ponygirl · 09/07/2004 17:53

Nikcola, he will always make it your fault. That's the way he wants you to feel. He's a pathetic little boy and he doesn't love. He's just using you and your dd needs you to set a better example. She needs a mum who demands to be treated with love and respect. Don't speak to him, don't text him, don't have any contact.

ponygirl · 09/07/2004 17:53

Nikcola, he will always make it your fault. That's the way he wants you to feel. He's a pathetic little boy and he doesn't love. He's just using you and your dd needs you to set a better example. She needs a mum who demands to be treated with love and respect. Don't speak to him, don't text him, don't have any contact.

lou33 · 09/07/2004 17:53

FF is right, don't even try and explain to him. He is treating it all as a joke imo. Bin him.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 18:16

but saying get rid of him is easy would u all realy just leave him and forget about him ?

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lou33 · 09/07/2004 18:21

YES!!!

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 18:25

i just dont no how i can just leave him ive known him for 5 years and he is dds dad what will i do about him seeing her etc

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fairyfly · 09/07/2004 18:27

It is easy to say for other people i know sweetie, you have come to depend on him. The thing is you feel like he is the only person there for you as your confidence is so low, but he is destroying your confidence so it is a vicious circle. I think that you can an should be happier in your life and steps have to be made to achieve this. The standard in which he treats you is disgusting, it really isn't acceptable. Why do you have to be treated like that and see other people in supportive relationships, don't you deserve what others have too? Imagine someone holding you when you are crying, or telling you that your the only women he ever wants in his life, forever. Wouldn't you swap this man to feel like that in the future.
Get your self dignity back. Don't let him take away anymore of you. It will keep happening and then i guarantee he will leave you. Take the power away from him and use the energy on yourself.

lou33 · 09/07/2004 18:28

Personally i don't think he deserves any contact with her. There are others who can advise you on the legalities of that though.

You have known him for 5 years, and it seems to me that during that time, all he has done is try and break you. You deserve so much better, and i am sure there are a hundred decent blokes out there who would snap you up in a second if they had the chance. Just spend some time on your own first.

fairyfly · 09/07/2004 18:29

He can still see his daughter if he is a good father. He just doesn't have to use his childs mother in the process.

Original poster
nikcola · 09/07/2004 18:34

he said that if i leave him i will end up a white slag just like my mom and all the other white girls out there he said that not me,

and he said that no one will ever want me now and i belive that, all i have ever wanted was too be loved and wanted thats why i wanted dd so much

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