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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2

999 replies

cloudjumper · 12/11/2015 13:21

To continue the support for those of us who are pregnant at forty and over.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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17
EagleRay · 05/05/2016 23:08

Congratulations on your lovely baby CityMole but so sorry you had to go through all that - I feel so fortunate that we had a baby in special care for relatively trivial reasons. Please take all the help you can get in terms of recovering from the trauma of it all, and hope you can enjoy your baby now you're home X

We finally escaped from nicu this afternoon! Blood sugar levels now stable but she has developed jaundice so has to be permanently attached to a uv light fitting with a massive cable sticking out of her nether regions - she looks like a cross between a novelty light fitting and a rat Confused

We're on the normal ward now for another day or two and although it's a pain being on a ward rather than having a room, it's nice to have a baby without trailing wires everywhere (uv cable isn't too intrusive compared to cannula) and also to have a baby of my very own who I can cuddle and feed when I want. In nicu, the baby never really feels like it belongs to you and it can be hard to bond.

She was so big that she was rather tricky to extract and is actually an ELCS AND forceps baby! Her name is too bonkers to share here but am so glad DP agreed with my name choice I cried so he was too scared to disagree

Shabby sorry about your accident - it sounds utterly terrifying . I felt so vulnerable driving when pregnant - however careful you are, there's not much you can do about other idiot road users.

Marquand · 06/05/2016 08:22

Hi everyone,

CityMole - That sounds hectic, but I'm glad the worst seems to be over. Is there any chance of long term damage?

Shabby - that sounds absolutely petrifying. I'm glad you and bean escaped unharmed. Try to make sure (more easily said than done) that you don't stress about it now. Less stress = better for baby.

On this side I'll be 27 weeks gone this weekend (I'm 43), and Boy Without Name is moving around like crazy and doing well. The other two DC (3 and 6) love putting their hands on my tummy and feeling baby brother move. We have still not found a name - we have the tricky order of finding a name that is Afrikaans-sounding (my first language), English-sounding (DP's first language), and of Arabic origin (DP is from a Muslim family, so it is important to MIL). That is a tall order. On DD's birthday in January, MIL was tasked with doing the cake, and DD's name - spelled Anika on her birth certificate and by everyone - was changed into Aneeqah on the cake! I was amused and just rolled my eyes (not worth getting into a fight on that one).

Life is otherwise stressful. I've again been throwing up the past two days. My weight has stabilised (not going down any longer). Whereas the clever internet calculators say I should have gained between 2.8kg and 5.7kg by now, I'm down about 8kg. (My BMI was over 36 when I started, so I'm not complaining. Now about 34. And the doctor doesn't seem worried).

My DP's crazy alcoholic boss has also been causing a lot of issues. She has been claiming over and over that he has been sleeping with her for a year, and has told her he deeply loves her, etc. Then she said it was a drunken lie, then she said no, it wasn't a lie, etc. etc. The woman is 49 and lives with her parents. I think she is nuts, but it is still deeply unsettling. I've asked her four times (in writing) to leave us alone. If she attempts to contact me again, I'll be laying a charge of harassment. And poor DP needs to work with her. Fortunately there is a good chance of a different opportunity coming through. I'm crossing my fingers many times over.

Good luck to all of you.

shabbychic1 · 06/05/2016 10:41

Thanks all, I'm really really sore today, been to see chiropractor this morning and I have gp apt next week to see what to do. Sorted insurance this morning, I just couldn't face it yesterday. Feeling really down, pain, flashbacks and stress that I can't do my work at the moment and my students will be suffering Sad

Eagle so glad you're out of nicu, must be a relief. I bet it's amazing Havel guide baby to cuddle and love!! Glad you got the Mae you wanted- is love to hear it! I love unusual names! Flowers
Marquand wow that sounds hectic and stressful. I'm sure you'll pick a lovley name. Can you talk to this lady's boss and a solicitor? Sounds like a nightmare!! Flowers

Dombydoo · 06/05/2016 10:43

41 years of age and had 2 different tests with 2nd v faint lines but after 10 minutes , confused

Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2
Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2
shabbychic1 · 06/05/2016 10:49

domby that's how mine started on the day my period was late. Each day it got slightly darker and by the 8th or 9th day it was super dark! 21 weeks later and he's doing little flutters/bubble in my tummy! Congratulations!!! Flowers

Marquand · 06/05/2016 10:51

Dombydoo ... As far as I know, there ain't no thing like a false positive!

You'll have to wait some time for a clearer line...

But I think it might be time for congratulations!

Dombydoo · 06/05/2016 11:21

Iv had a few negatives in between these 2 , ovulated on cd8 so confused

shabbychic1 · 06/05/2016 11:43

Domby Just keep testing each day if they're getting deeper it's a good sign. I'd use the same type to be able to compare, I know it's difficult but try not to stress about it. What day are you on now?

Dombydoo · 06/05/2016 11:55

Cd29 of a 26 day cycle but I ovalated on the 15th April . A lot earlier than usual so confused

leotwist · 06/05/2016 17:11

Sorry to crash the thread but just had our 7-week ultrasound and saw our little one's heart beating for the first time! What an amazing moment; so amazing I burst into tears, while still legs akimbo. 😁

shabbychic1 · 06/05/2016 18:02

Ah congrats Leotwist it's so wonderful isn't it?

Domby 15th April sounds reasonable to have a line now? are you absolutely sure of you ovulation date? I think the line can be faint for a few days afterward you'd be due you period, it takes a while for the hormones to show up. I bet it'll be darker tomorrow and over the weekend.

shabbychic1 · 10/05/2016 10:52

How is everyone on here? Hope things are going well X

leotwist · 10/05/2016 12:13

Thanks for asking shabby. In one word: knackered! Still on ivf meds, so lots of weird dreams, overheating at night, & to pee every 2 hrs. And sooooooo fed-up of hubby's insomnia too (bedtime for him is 3-5 am, & wakes me up each time). Thank God I'm not working, so I can have daytime naps, but so tired, getting absolutely sweet f.a. done anyway. THERE! That's better. Thanks for letting me vent. I AM happy to be pregnant -- honestly! Smile

shabbychic1 · 10/05/2016 13:28

I understand your pain Leo- until about week 12 I had that exhaustion that really took me aback, I'd never felt it before and I think until you experience it you just don't know. I'd come home and go upstairs at 6 and that would be it. My poor DH! It does get better though (then it's just night insomnia, sweats and needing to pee lol!) be kind to yourself and allow your body to grow this lovley little baby! I bet you're so excited! Has your DH had help with his insomnia? I know how awful
It is being woken when you feel you've only just got into a good sleep (his what will I be like with a baby? I love my sleep!!). Now he's not allowed to stay downstairs if I go up as he'll fall asleep and come up at 1 or 2 and wake me up so when I go to bed he does (and watched to, reads etc.) And it's nice to snuggle! (God I sound controlling lol!!) Grin

leotwist · 10/05/2016 16:46

Thanks for the sympathy, Shabby; it's good to hear that the exhaustion might lessen a little after the first trimester. Yes, hubby's insomnia has been a long-running issue. Even when he does come to bed, he has to wear one of those whirring Darth Vader masks ventilators, for snoring and sleep apnea. Sooo romantic Wink. Sometimes he doesn't come to bed at all; I come down in the morning to find him either still sitting up working or crashed out on the sofa with the laptop still open. I shouldn't really complain either, as he has a very demanding job and his insomnia's partly due to being such a hardworking perfectionist. Bless 'im! (Feeling guilty now; can you tell?) Oh well, at least being with an insomniac means he'll be up to do lots of the night-feeds, once the little one arrives!

MrEBear · 12/05/2016 07:39

Ladies can I join you?

I'm 41, about 8 weeks pregnant, after trying for 4 years. I'm having major worries about being too old and hitting retiring age (if we still have one) when baby is still in education etc. My age never entered my head until I saw that BFP.
I also have DS who's 5, I wanted 2 years between my kids but God had other ideas.

notsoold · 12/05/2016 09:35

MrE congratulations and welcome..... if it helps I am 44 yo and 38 weeks with my fourth.... so you are a spring chicken!Grin

shabbychic1 · 12/05/2016 14:39

Congratulations MrE I'll be 41 when my little boy is born. It's just how it's meant to be! Flowers

So, I bought some XL crop top bras to sleep/ lounge in from M&S online. Didn't specify sizes online but on the package it actually says the XL is 38B/C! Hmm, I'm a G when not pregnant to they might just cover one boob- luckily they're a duo pack! Haha! Oh well back to the drawing board for larger sleep bras! Confused

MrEBear · 12/05/2016 15:09

Thankyou your right it is just how it has meant to be.

Resleep bras I'm just using my pj vest tops, I'm really a size bigger than them and the boobs are even bigger so they are kind of snug without having bits to dig in or rub.

leotwist · 12/05/2016 15:57

Congratulations, MrEBear and Notsoold. The fabulous forties! However, I beat both of you out of the running completely, coming in at a stately and glorious 50 Shock!!! Time for a bit of a longer post here, to address some of the issues of having a child at an older than conventional age which, naturally, I've had cause to think about quite a lot.

To recap, I'm 8 weeks pregnant now, by means of an embryo transfer in the US, with my husband's sperm and a rigorously screened egg from our lovely 27-year old donor. My GP's initial response was that she thought I needed psychiatric commitment (!) and her mantra since has been "we've never had anyone pregnant at this age before"... The last time she said it, I thanked her with a laugh for reminding me yet again just what a total and utter freak I am! Smile That stopped her.

When I joined MN a few weeks back, I expressed my worries about having a child at this age and had a lovely reply from a woman who had twin daughters by IVF, aged 50 in 1997. As she put it, contrary to everyone's expectations, she and her husband are still around and fine! Indeed, there's no guarantee that you'll be healthy or survive at any age. People continually get sick or die earlier; when cancer or car accidents strike, they don't pause first to ask how old you are.

So we'll be 65 when our son (we know it's a boy) is 15 -- the age of most people's grandparents. We're rather young-looking anyway and we'll trying to stay that way for a while. But hell, if he's embarrassed by us, that's normal; aren't all teenagers embarrassed by the parents for one reason or another? And, with dramatic improvements in IVF procedures, many more people are able to have children late in life. So we reckon that, in another 15 years, it'll be less unusual.

There's a well-worn criticism that it's irresponsible to have children so old and, indeed, we wouldn't necessarily have chosen to do things this way. We would have loved to have any of the 5 children we lost earlier to miscarriage. We could also have remained unhappily childless but the option not to came up. Certainly, it's a huge incentive to stay healthy, as parenting is for anyone; and we try to keep in mind that many people are brought up very successfully by their grandparents.

That said, we have also legally arranged for other specific relations to take over, if anything should happen to us. That's something many parents don't do but it seems wise, regardless of your age. We're lucky we have relatives who are more than willing and we've arranged for them to inherit everything we have, so it doesn't cost them. In other financial respects, we're also planning quite differently to how we would have otherwise. No silver-haired cruises into the sunset for us; more like investments in rentals, to provide income for a student with retired parents. That kind of thing.

Cliched though it is, you really are only as old as you let yourself feel and, while my husband and I are kidding ourselves about our age, we're also determined to remain distinctly immature and silly young in attitude. So try not to worry about it. Plan accordingly but also remember that the more worrying you do, the more you lessen your mortality!

leotwist · 12/05/2016 16:01

Er, I meant my husband and I aren't kidding ourselves about our age! Freudian slip there?

shabbychic1 · 12/05/2016 21:04

Leotwist what a great post! Smile

MrEBear · 13/05/2016 03:03

Leotwist great post. There is definitely a big kid inside both DH & I. I really need to stop dwelling on age.
I guess the other thing is we will need to support DS through college regardless and baby will only be 6 years behind him.

Whatabanana · 13/05/2016 08:20

Hi. I am 43 and approx five weeks now (not planned). Have gone from thinking a miscarriage would solve all our problems to being terrified of miscarrying! I know there is nothing I can do but these early weeks are going to crawl by aren't they?

shabbychic1 · 13/05/2016 10:58

Whatabanana hi! Congratulations! I know it's early days but it really will fly. At the time it seems to drag, especially til the 12 week scan, but suddenly you'll be 22 weeks (I am today) and suddenly think, where did that time go!? Have you got any other DCs? Flowers