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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnant at forty and over - thread 2

999 replies

cloudjumper · 12/11/2015 13:21

To continue the support for those of us who are pregnant at forty and over.

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17
Dixxie · 27/04/2016 19:09

Leotwist, congratulations and what wonderful news. People will always judge and your true friends will love and respect your choices, they're the only ones who matter. I have been vague about my age since I was about 29 and look much younger so not many people (even friends) realise I'm 43. Personally I think it's rude of peoe to ask about age, and why should you feel you have to give an exact answer... you could just say lightheartedly, 'oh I'm the wrong side of 40' which would be true, wouldn't it Wink

Sheera41 · 27/04/2016 19:23

Congratulations Leotwist!!! People should never be so rude as to ask your age but I understand where you are coming from. I 'm 11 weeks so have barely told a soul but must admit I'm nervous about spreading the news when/ if the time is right. At 41 and a half I know I will be judged by some and everyone in the playground knows my age anyway! Assuming all is well I'll just be so delighted that I'm
hoping I won't care anyway, I 'm
Sure you will be the same. Having a pregnancy with donor eggs is much more common these days anyway. Best of luck X

Rezolution123 · 27/04/2016 19:36

Leotwist Congratulations from another older Mum. We had our twin daughters when I was 50 by IVF using donor eggs and my husband's sperm. That was in 1997 when it was not so widely accepted.
Our daughters are nearly eighteen now and know about their unusual beginnings.
In spite of all the doomsayers my husband and I are both still here (fingers crossed).
You have all my support and best wishes.

EagleRay · 28/04/2016 07:58

CityMole what's happening?? Is it today? Thinking of you X

leotwist · 28/04/2016 11:37

Thank you so much for such generous & genuinely helpful responses. Dixxie, I love the "wrong side of forty" quip: both elegant & ambiguous, even I I do secretly feel that I'm finally the "right" side 😊 Sheera41, congratulations to you too! You must be thrilled to have reached 11 weeks; I can hardly wait to join you. I'd be very interested to hear how your "reveal" goes. And Rezolution123, in 1997, you were one of the real pioneering revolutionaries. I feel incredibly lucky & privileged to have the opportunity of following in your brave footsteps.

Our child(ren) are also the result of donor eggs & my husband's sperm, and will know their origins from the outset. Because we've done the process in the USA & who we chose, they'll also be able to meet their genetic donor if & when they want, even before they're 18. Hopefully, they'll also have several direct siblings, both within our family & beyond. In the States, "alternative" reproduction (donors, 3rd party gestational surrogacy, etc) is becoming increasingly common; however, where we live in the UK just now (Scotland), it's still treated as an astonishing novelty -- and that's just by the medics we've dealt with so far!

So, already feeling somewhat freakish because of the above, I'm hugely grateful to the three of you for alleviating some of my "age concerns"! Knowing there are people as supportive & understanding as you out there makes all the difference. Thank you again.

Sheera41 · 28/04/2016 12:26

I like your style Leotwist!! Other great thing about it being a donor egg pregnancy is the risk of any age related chromosome abnormalities is completely off the table is it not, as all related to donor 's age etc? This must be a massive relief? I'm not concerned about miscarrying or the affects of pregnancy on myself but I am worried about chromosome difficulties, specifically Down's syndrome. I already have a child with special needs so I know first hand how difficult that can be, hence why we stopped at 2 children 7 years ago ( but always at secretly yearned for a 3rd ) anyway looks like fate has intervened, here's hoping with a big bit of luck on the top! Harmony test tonight then the waiting game begins.......Confused

Sheera41 · 28/04/2016 12:29

Good luck citymole!!

leotwist · 28/04/2016 14:18

Indeed, Sheera41. Having had 5 miscarriages previously due to chromosomal abnormalities & the poor quality of my own eggs, this was one of our key concerns. It was one of our reasons for choosing a US donor, as well as one who's just 27 years old and already has a child.

The clinic did full health & genetic investigations of our donor's extended family history & my husband's too. We also had full chromosomal screening (PGSI?) on the 5-day old blastocyst, pre-transfer. I've been on meds since Feb & am on super-doses, esp of progesterone, for the 1st trimester. It's a shame in a way that this level of screening & support appears to be possible only with ivf.

Do keep in mind tho' that, despite all the dire warnings & stats, the majority of babies born to 40+ mothers are healthy. So try not to worry too much. Good luck with the testing too. We can compare notes later if you like, as I've got my first (heartbeat) ultrasound next week. 😳

shabbychic1 · 28/04/2016 20:03

Congratulations Leotwist I haven't had any negative comments- I'll be 41 when I give birth in September but I think it's more common now to be a more mature mum, also I hope people think it's none of their business. Also, unless you want to, why do you have to explain? You could even say it was a happy 'miracle' or something similar and leave it that. But good luck. There are advantage to being more mature- stable relationships, stable finances, (more) stable emotions! Children just need loving parents, not loving parents of a certain age. Smile

leotwist · 28/04/2016 22:08

Absolutely, Shabby. I reckon my husband & I will be much better parents now than when we were younger. And best of all, to make things easier, we can afford & justify having a cleaner now!

brookeberry · 30/04/2016 13:49

Hi all, just checking in to say hello. Smile

DS is now 3 weeks old! For the newcomers, I'm 42 and it was a long journey after 3 mcs and failed IVF, happening naturally in the end Shock Welcome and congrats to you Smile This is a great thread that kept me sane throughout.

Thought I would just enquire - any idea when your period generally returns after giving birth and also are you fertile from the off, or does it all take while? I can't believe I'm even asking this question, but we got a little frisky last night (first time in a loooong time due to belly) and it's just crossed my mind that anything is possible . . . .

Hope everyone is doing well. Would love to hear your updates xx

Grizzer · 30/04/2016 14:32

Hi Brooke, 3 weeks & at it already!! You go girl! Grin pretty sure you are VERY fertile after pregnancy. I know after mc you are fertile because your body hasn't caught up with the difference in the pregnant & non pregnant you. I'm sure it's the same after pregnancy too.
I'm 4 months in & no period yet. I'm breast feeding though & I don't think they come back until you stop (one good reason to keep going!) otherwise I guess they come back pretty quickly.
How is it going? Getting any sleep? D still wakes about 3/4am but I don't mind too much. Quite enjoying the peaceful time with catch up TV!
Hello newbies, lovely us 40+ ladies are still reproducing successfully.
City, any news? Looking forward to seeing your teeny new born pics.
Someone at work announced their pregnancy the other day (I'm not back to work yet but got the email). I actually felt jealous! I feel really sad that this is my 2nd & last baby & when I go back to work that it is FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE!! Sad I want to stay home & go to coffee shops & baby massage for ever more. Someone hit the pause button Grin.

brookeberry · 30/04/2016 15:11

Hi Grizzer! I'm breastfeeding and doing formula feeding. Thankfully DS doesn't seem to mind, as long as he's being fed. I think I may be just plain lazy, but I don't think I can sit for hours on end feeding. I usually feed for around an hour and then I or DH moves on to the bottle, and then maybe even more bottle. The LO loves his grub! How long is your average breastfeed? I'm expressing as well so he also gets breastmilk when I'm not there (I've had to come back to work part-time as I run my own business).

By the way, I was shocked too! 3 weeks - I'm still healing after a forceps delivery . . . . . Blush

Grizzer · 30/04/2016 15:21

I'm doing boob & bottle too. Declan feeds for about an hour on the boob, it's ridiculous! I'm not sure he's getting a big enough mouth full so has to suck for ages. He loves his food too, when I'm not feeding he eats his hands. I didn't get in to expressing. I was feeding for so long, I didn't fancy being attached to a pump for the rest of the time. I have no issue with formula & D will take anything it seems. I do boob first thing, bottle at about 10 then boob through the day & bottle & boob at bedtime. I think I need to start shortening the boob feeds though because I'm going back to work in July (just for a week & then it's summer holidays). Poor you having to go back to work so soon, even if only part time. I always said I couldn't not work but I am loving being off. Must go & buy lottery ticket...

shabbychic1 · 01/05/2016 09:16

Lovely to heae you're doing well Brooke and Grizzer!
I have a question- has anyone had an elcs? How was recrovery afterwards? Is it 'doable' with little baby in tow? It's looking like I might go down this route and I have read tons on natural birthing but this is a complete let new idea for me.

EagleRay · 01/05/2016 10:13

shabbychic I will let you know what ELCS recovery is like after Tuesday Smile

I'm 44 and had first at 41 - a 'natural' birth Hmm albeit with drugs, tools, stitches etc. My body is good at conceiving and growing babies with very large heads, but not very good at expelling them, hence my ELCS request this time

Today we need to try and get the house into a relatively clean/tidy state after the building work. I've got a bin bag hanging off every door handle and anything which gets in my way is going in!

Still waiting to see if hyperactive pox child will be fit for nursery next week

shabbychic1 · 01/05/2016 12:08

Thanks eagle good luck! It sounds like you have your hands full! Hope it all goes well, it's my first but as it's likely I'd be induced early with all the complications that can bring I'm thinking I really would rather the suggested ELSC!

Sheera41 · 01/05/2016 17:24

I had an ELCS with my second child and had another child who had just turned two when I delivered. Had a section with my first two. Recovered much quicker with the second, trick is to get moving as soon as you can and with a two year old this was my only option. I'll be having a C section with this one too, as after 2 you have to!

Sheera41 · 01/05/2016 17:25

With my first too, not two! Sounds like I have four children!!!

EagleRay · 01/05/2016 21:12

I'm pretty certain ELCS is the right decision for me - I was so sleep deprived by the time DD arrived I was incapable of making any decisions or really understanding what was going on. I was woken in the night by a MW as 'the baby needed feeding' and was so disorientated I didn't know why there was a baby next to my bed or how it had got there

I've been in so much pain the last few weeks that I'm hoping I won't notice the lack of mobility post-ELCS!

Grizzer · 02/05/2016 08:17

Good luck tomorrow Eagle!

shabbychic1 · 02/05/2016 11:27

Thanks Sheera good to hear! Hoping everything goes brilliantly tomorrow Eagle, how exciting! How do you feel?

Nicky333 · 03/05/2016 09:33

Oooh, good luck today Eagle!!

EagleRay · 03/05/2016 10:47

Thank you everyone!!! Have arrived at hospital and feeling a bit underwhelmed as am last on list so whole day of sitting around starving with heartburn and also it makes childcare precarious (DP can be here for op but then will have to run home fairly quickly probably). Also no private rooms available (you can pay for one here) and have lasted 2 mins on ward before claustrophobia set in so am now hiding in kitchen while everyone makes toast around me Hmm

It's hard not to sound like I'm being a total princess but these last few months have been so bloody stressful and frankly I would just like to sit in a cupboard right now and have some peace and quiet and a McDonald's breakfast

Grizzer · 03/05/2016 15:07

Hope you're feeling a bit better Eagle. Won't be long til you can have that McDonald's!!