40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

[cloudjumper]

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

Hello everyone, I'm new to this thread and to mumsnet. I'm 11 weeks today with my first child and I have to confess, I'm a bit of a cheat being here, as I'm 39! But I am 40 in Feb and the baby is due May 6th, so please, can I stay?

This is an unplanned and quite unexpected pregnancy. I was on the pill, and while my partner and I had 'talked about talking about TTCing' perhaps next year, nothing had been agreed, and we were certainly not planning on having the talk until after my 40th celebrations were out of the way. So, this is a lovely (and scary) surprise, but having picked ourselves off the ground we feel that if this works out, then it's obviously meant to be. (Looking back of course I now think 'what was I thinking of, putting it off for no good reason!?')
In any event, next year will certainly be an exciting year!

I've had it fairly easy so far in the pregnancy, with just a little fatigue and a tiny bit of nausea/ sicky burps, but no actual vomiting or anything like that. I'm told by the few friends who know my news that I am 'lucky'- although of course, I have spent weeks panicking about my lack of symptoms, as you do. I have now seen the baby this week, so my mind has been put at rest, for now at least (is it ever truly at rest?) I have my first NHS scan on the 28th, when I think I will be 12 +6, so that is the next hurdle (and next week I ought to get the harmony results and I am just desperately trying not to think about this too much).

It all feels like a bit waiting game now! Trying to keep busy and not be too impatient.

Congratulations and welcome citymole! This is my first at 42 and I'm 14 wks.

It's so reassuring to speak to other people in this thread who are of a similar age. when I went for my booking in, I was sitting in amongst all of these teen and early 20s blooming young women, and thinking- blimey, what on earth are they going to make of me?! My midwife was lovely though, and although my care is apparently going to be consultant led, she says if you're generally healthy then there are normally no major complications which require consultant input. this is all so new

I saw somebody asking about aspirin- I've been given junior aspirin to start taking next week when I hit 12 weeks. They said it's down to my age and to stop blood pressure (I think) or clotting issues.

The consultant also said it's hospital policy to induce at 38 weeks, which I'm not wild about. I have held my tongue for now (as I need to do more research and see how this pregnancy pans out anyway), but I think I'll reserve my position as to that until nearer the time! it feels like far too important a decision to be made in such a broad brush fashion!

oh, and congratulations brookeberry! does it start to sink in at all after 12 weeks? if I'm quite honest, I think I'm still a bit like pinch me, is this actually happening???

The 12 week scan was a massive milestone for me citymole. I was in shock until then! We also didn't tell a soul which can be a little isolating, but now that we've told those close to us, it's beginning to feel real.

It's great that you've seen the baby already and your 12 wk scan isn't far away.

I've just started on the low dose aspirin as well. I haven't been told about induction - I have a consultant's appt in a week or so, but I don't think anyone has to be induced unless it becomes necessary at the time. I know my 42 year old friend was planning a water home birth until she ended up needing a last minute caeserean.

Congrats again!

Welcome citymole :)

I'm 43 and this is my second, although my first is 16 on Saturday week!

They do say you can't go over blah blah, bit actually, they cannot make you have an induction. According to my midwife it is totally up to you, although it may cut down your options of where you can birth, if you are not going to be at home. But round our way, your option is one place only anyway if you are over 40...

I plan on a home birth, but like you said, I am not seeing that in concrete until I see how things progress. And like Brooke said, you just don't know what'll happen, what ever you plan may well go out the window at the last minute!

Brooke - how exciting you are over that milestone!! We told OHs parents yesterday, and that definitely made it feel more real. I'm not 12 weeks yet (11+3) but we are setting them on Sunday and there is no way you can miss my bump, even though it is 97% bloat!!!

Welcome to the thread CityMole! Where do you live to be amongst such young pregnant women? I think where I live, the MWs are more used to seeing women in their 30s and 40s than they are the younger folk!

Mooncalf the timing of the Harmony testing was very deliberate on my part. I decided to have it done as early as possible in the hope of getting results back before the NHS 12 week scan/tests as I would be most likely get poor odds due to age alone, and I wanted to be armed with clearer information. When I was pregnant before, I had a phone call at work regarding my 'bad' results and I wasn't even given the chance to escape my huge open plan office before the MW started going on about high risk, amnio etc. It was really upsetting, and we then spent the next few weeks negotiating the cvs/amnio minefield, finally getting the all-clear at 16 weeks. I really don't want to go through that again. While all this was going on, I was also dealing with a terminally ill parent and it was just the worst of times. I think this time around I have such low tolerance for any sort of stress-causing situation!

Am so glad yesterday's scan went well - must be such a relief for you, and really feel for you that you've had so much worry

I have had hormonal rage today - endless list of things making me angry! Too many pointless managers at work, not enough cheese on my pizza, DD wanting the potty 3 times after she'd been put to bed, maternity trousers are too long in the leg - I could go on. At least it's friday tomorrow. 'Night all.

Hi Eagle - yes so relieved! But was it really only the day before yesterday - it really seems like weeks ago already!

I totally see your reasoning for having the test early!! How awful for them not to even let you get somewhere private before breaking the news! :( My experience with midwives has been good so far, fingers crossed it stays that way!

How's everybody's bumps doing? Is out just me that looks give months gone at 11.5 weeks? It is mostly bloat I know, but I can feel there is a bit of a swelling under the flab!! :) It seems early though... I am pretty short, and was quite chubby to start with, so maybe its just more obvious? When did people start showing/are you showing yet?

Xx

Hello, I'm Flotillas after a name change

Ababsurdum, I am absolutely gutted to hear of your mmc. Please know we are thinking of you and you'll be very much missed. Can't wait to see your happy news here again in the very near future

Welcome to the newbies and yay! to Eagle!

Just this week I had my vulval varicocities confirmed by the GP:

Doctor: 'So, 'Blooming'..what makes you think you have vulval varicose veins?'
Me: 'Because my vagina looks like the Elephant Man.'

Welcome Citymole and congratulations.

We have been telling more and more people as the week has gone on and it feels lovely not keeping it a secret and having to hide my belly!

Moon I am 13 weeks now but have been putting on weight generally and definitely look more pregnant than I am! I think most of it is bloat but I can also feel my proper little bump if I am laying down. I have been looking 'bloated' for a while which was making it harder to hide from the kids etc. Also my jeans stopped fitting me a while ago which was a pain!

EagleRay, thanks for the welcome My hospital is in central / east Glasgow! It seemed very friendly, but it was very young indeed!

mooncalf, hello!

My bump is non existent in the morning, but by evening I look so bloated. I am definitely a bit constipated, but the last time I took lactulose I was glued to the loo for an hour! I am quite short too at 5 foot 2, and I seem to be gathering a good pinch of flab around my belly, despite my diet not changing and me being just as active as normal. I guess this is the beginning of my stomach muscles just giving on me?! I'm looking forward to having an actual baby bump instead of this strange kind of spare tyre that is developing (and only from the front- I look exactly the same as ever from behind)!

Oh I've worked out how to bold text! I wondered where my ** had gone in another post. Durrr.

BloomingAtLast and Sezramum, hello and thanks for being so welcoming

I've just been reading back on the thread, as I hadn't got to the end before I posted, and I am so sorry to see your sad news Ababsurdum. I'm sorry for jumping straight in with my post, it must have come across as really insensitive of me. I hope that the coming days go as well as can be expected. Thinking of you, and hope you are back here soon

moon I'm 14 weeks today and I have a nice wee bump - although I had it before I was pregnant as well . I can't wait until I have an actual reason for it!! So a little hard to tell at the moment. Definitely bloated though.

Blooming - ouch! That sounds really painful!! Is it a pregnancy thing (sorry to be nosey - I thought I'd heard all the horrors of pregnancy!)

Eagle just figured out the bold thing too - well hopefully, let's see how this comes out!

My belly is not non existent in the morning, bit I'm a lot slimmer - by post lunch i look enormous!!! I am constipated too (soz) and already had ibs before, and anaemic - but its loads worse now, and all those contribute to the bloat... There - I feel much better now, obviously none of it I'd to do with the chips and cake I keep eating!

Does the lactulase really work - never had any luck with that sort of thing! Is it prescription only? I am tempted to give it a try!

I have a bit of ibs/ am prone to flatulence and bloating anyway (yippee), so I am finding pregnancy is definitely making it worse! the lactulose works just a little too well for me! I just got it from behind the counter in the chemist.

My earliest and most persistent symptom has been constipation (urgh) so it was my first post-positive-result trip to the pharmacy, and it involved the 'I CAN'T SEEM TO POO' conversation with a very good looking pharmacist

Hahaha yes its always the way!

I usually find that a big glass of warm water with the juice of a lime squeezed into it works a treat (and honestly tastes much nicer than it sounds!), but can't stomach the lime at the moment as it gives me heartburn. Constipation is grim though, it just makes me feel so sluggish and bloated! I will try the lactulase and see what happens... (ew)

Hello everyone and welcome to the newbies!
I can't scroll back today so by the time I read to the end I forgot everything.
But welcome to you new ladies!!!
eagle bad practuce of the m2 in the past. Hopefully it won't happen again.
I am round in the morning anyway and now rounder in the evening!!!
I am having trouble to keep positive after a good scan last Friday as I lost my symptoms in the last 48 hours again ( I know it happen in the past but please bear with me, I am a scared person after mmcs). So I am trying to feel positive and failing badly. I am 8weeks today.
abab thinking of you.xx

Hi notsoold - just wanted to say that I had a recent experience at around 8-9 weeks where my symptoms went... They faded over a couple of days, and started away for a week - no queasiness, boobs back to normal the lot... It was very scary - experience with mmcs too, so I totally feel for you!
I went for a scan and all was well, growth as it should be etc. I had a bad cold at the time, and they came back as soon as the cold lifted, so I don't know if it was coincidence or what... but am 11+4 now.

Now of course, I don't know what is going on with you, but I wouldn't start to panic just yet (I know that's an impossibility right now!!). Just see how it goes and ring the midwife for reassurance if you can (or the Dr can refer you to epac).

Good luck, hope all is well for you xx

Also v. constipated here. Was anyway but the double dose iron pills I'm having to take have made it worse. I find going for a walk first thing helps, if I still can't go then I'm massively bloated and miserable all day. Wishing you all happy pooing

Morning all

Hope you are all feeling fat and fabulous and not worrying too much !

How are you feeling notsoold? I hope that you are feeling a bit more positive?

I am feeling fat this morning and can't believe I have put on so much weight already . I am running out of clothes to wear but not sure I am ready for maternity wear yet! Is there anywhere good for earlier pregnancy clothes?

youremywifenow god yes the iron makes it so much worse:( I tried the lactulose, which did work - it just made it 'normal' rather than having any really dramatic effects! But if I take it for two days running the second day - my god, I get the most antisocial wind ever!!! So bad...

sezramum I am finding I am less bloated in the morning, and am definitely made worse by high carb things - sadly as that is what I most want if I am feeling sicky.
In terms of clothes I am making do with the dresses I already had (tend towards empire style or stretchy/floaty styles anyway) and some maternity leggings (h&m are pretty good for maternity). Also peacocks have some high waist tights in 80 denier, so I got some a size bigger and then pull them right up and they control the bloat a little bit too :) Also for trousers I can still get away with looping a hair band around the button and button hole so I don't have to do them up, and then wearing a bump band over the top. Its way too big still, but does cover the gap. A long vest top would work just as well...

I have my dating scan on Wednesday... I have been fine about it all until this morning - I woke up 3 or 4 times last night with nightmares about the NT scan results, and that they came back with like a 1 in 2 chance etc. And convincing myself (in the dream) that the scan from last weds showed the nuchal translucency as being really thick and therefore it was a definitely high risk... I know - we can't know what the risk is til we do the testing etc, but out shook me you know, to have so many similar dreams, and so vivid.

Ah can't wait til weds now to get it over!!

Thanks Mooncalf. I also only really fancy carbs to get rid of the nausea, not a lot else seems to take my fancy during the day but I do always enjoy a proper dinner in the evening.

I have put on quite a bit so everything is looking a tighter and I can't get away with a lot of my normal clothes. I have tunic tops which are good and I also bought some wide leg stretch trousers from M&S as in between clothes but I miss my jeans!

I know this is a silly thing to say, but try not to worry about the dreams. I dream a lot at the moment and it seems to reflect whatever I am worrying about in life. Having said that, I dreamt about a large talking serpent creature the other night who went round a group of people (with me in it) choosing who it was going to eat next. I am not sure where that one came from as it is not really something that tends to bother me on a daily basis!

Wednesday will be here so soon!

Thanks Sezramum - it's not a silly thing to say, really, it's true - I'm not the sort to believe in dreams etc, and yes its def what is on my mind atm. I mean I'm not really consciously worrying about it, but obviously I am underneath!

I put loads on in the first 9 weeks - honestly, it was 4.5 kg/10lb at the booking appt! I was mortified :) but I knew some of it was bloat/water and about 2kg/4.5lb had come off again when I got weighed the other day. Hopefully the sickness will fade off and I'll stop eating so much, as its there only way to curb it! I was overweight to start with, and I really want to be as healthy as possible.

Hopefully will also have a both of energy for exercise soon too - is anyone doing a preg yoga class, and how are they finding it? Any other exercise tips?? I used to run, but after 3 months basically off I don't think its sensible to suddenly take it up again

moon I have just started preg yoga again, I also did it last time. I love it, it is such a nice, relaxing way of spending some much-needed time focussing on just the baby, instead of all the worries around pregnancy. Can def recommend it. Plus, I am hoping to meet some nice people like I did last time!
I used to run, but had to have a break due to some hip issues before I fell pg and then didn't take it up again - I am hoping to re-start doing the C25K as soon as possible after DC is born. I'm still going to the gym and do Bodypump 1-2 times a week, but will start decreasing that, it is just getting too much. Hoping to get a few more weeks, I have frozen my membership from December (but doubt I will make it that far). Other than that, I try to go for walks as often as possible.

sezra I gave up at about 16 weeks and moved into maternity clothes - it was bliss! A friend gave me some wrap dresses from Jojomamanbebe, which are really comfy and quite flattering - you can't tell that they are mat/feeding dresses, unless you are actually the one wearing them! I'm now getting to the stage where even some mat clothes are getting uncomfortable - I really don't like the under the bump stuff anymore. Starting to think I will need some more tops soon, now that it's getting cold (but then again, I feel warm all the time).

mywife I'm also having real issues with constipation. Lactulose doesn't do anything other than give me the winds from hell, and fybogel does nada. My midwife last week (and I have read about this, too) recommended to put a whole kiwi in a blender and then drink/eat it, including the skin. I did that yesterday, and have actually managed to 'go' both yesterday and again today (without it feeling like I'm actually giving birth on the toilet - sorry tmi) - yay. I shall be trying that one again!

I have put on a lot of weight again, sigh. Now at the start of the 3rd trimester, it comes to about 2 st Most of it in the first trimester, carbs and fatty foods were the only thing that helped the nausea. It's plateauing now, but still on an upwards trend... I am planning to do WeightWatchers or Slimming World asap after birth (the myth that 'it all falls off when breastfeeding' did not work for me at all last time, not even going to wait for that). I lost my babyweight with WW last time.
They did not have my Lucozade challenge results at the MW appt last week, so I need to go back in 2 weeks for that. However, glucose was slightly up in my urine, so I'm still/again worrying about GD.

And, finally - the pregnancy brain has well and truly kicked in. I tried to put my laptop in the fridge at work on Friday

Urgh - constipation is the worst thing isn't it! I'm going through the most horrendous bout at the moment - going to try the soaked linseed cure tomorrow - there's a load of them in a cup of water in the fridge right now. Hope to report back in 24 hours or so...

Mooncalf I have a lovely bloaty belly already (nearly 12w) although not remotely surprised as think I had one last time and I have been eating a LOT.

Bloooming sorry re your varicocities - they sound awful! Haven't experienced this myself but have heard of it being reported, and can offer you some alternative ailments in that area - goddam skin tags everywhere last time (most of which thankfully went away) and a horrible big boily spot which exploded before I could do anything with it. Think it had been building up for quite a while before the birth but could only see it once the baby came out

Citymole funny you mention Glasgow... When I was pregnant last time (aged 41) I had to dash up there to see my dad who was in hospital. I can remember the hotel receptionist being after I told her how old I was, and ditto the hospital staff - it was like I was the oldest pregnant woman they'd seen by 15 years. I ran back to England soon after in case they sent me off to join the circus.

sezra I had to switch to special clothes a month after discovering I was pregnant! I have found the shops to get generally totally shite for maternity stuff, and it's got worse since I was pregnant 3 years ago as even fewer shops stock anything at all now. I have a few trusty items - mix of maternity and regular stuff - which I'm wearing to death at the mo. Am mostly living in my trusty ASOS maternity skirt - black jersey ankle length thing with lovely roll up/down waistband. I think I got it off Ebay and it's been fantastic. I've also got a couple of Toast bamboo knit skirts with roll up/down waistbands and they're really comfy but the thick waistband really accentuates any bloat/bump! I took a chance the other day and got some Isabella Oliver maternity trousers off Ebay and they're great too - fabric is great quality, they're really comfy and are wearable now but would see me through to the end. Only cost a fiver too!

On top, I've got a variety of loose tops which I wear with a long-line cardi. Best top I've got for disguising waist is the All Saints Dita v-neck t-shirt - lovely fine drapey fabric which seems to hide things really well. I've actually got 3 of these in different colours, again bought on Ebay for next to nothing as they are really pricy new.

Mooncalf - I really sympathise re the dreams as I've had all sorts myself. Some are totally surreal, but there's been a few 'realistic' ones, eg worst case scenario baby-related, which are related 100% to my worries. I've put on exactly the same amount of weight as you - I was a bit bored at work today so plotted weights/dates since I found out I was pregnant onto an excel chart and the resulting line was very straight. It was really interesting seeing it like that as it made me realise I have to change eating habits pretty soon, otherwise I will end up with the massive weight gain I had last time. Having said that, all the rules go out the window for the first trimester as there really isn't much you can do when you're feeling exhausted and nauseous. I won't have time for any exercise classes as work f/t and am tied to the house in the eves but do have a bike set up on a turbo trainer in the house and also have a fitbit which motivates me to walk as much as possible throughout the day. The yoga sounds like a great idea and swimming is a brilliant exercise too