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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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40+ and pregnant? Come and join the fun!

994 replies

cloudjumper · 22/07/2015 13:31

I am 43 and currently pg with DC2, due early January. I thought it would be nice to have a thread for the pregnant ladies of 'older vintage', similar to the 40+ ttc thread, for advice, support and the occasional moan.

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Sezramum · 13/10/2015 18:30

Thanks all! It is such a relief and so nice to be able to tell everyone at last. We told DC last night which went well and have slowly been working through the rest of the family. I feel like a weight has been lifted by being able to celebrate the news properly.

Yay Brooke, we are now both 2nd Trimester Smile. Congrats on coming up to third trimester cloud and hope you start to feel better soon. Have you still got your cold as well?

Whether the NT scan is important depends on what you would do with the information. I am not sure what we would have done if it had been high risk, but I just needed to know as early on in the pregnancy as possible.

ababsurdum · 13/10/2015 20:42

Bad news for me at the scan I'm afraid. I've had a missed miscarriage, looks like the baby stopped growing at about 8 weeks. We're gutted obviously. Have to speak to EPU tomorrow to discuss options. I wish everybody else the best of luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy and maybe I'll be back here in the future.

Bottlecap · 13/10/2015 20:51

ababs I'm so sorry to hear this. Thinking of you. Take it easy. Flowers

Sezramum · 13/10/2015 21:25

Oh Ababs I am so sorry to hear that Sad. I really do hope you are back again but do look after yourself. Hope you both have lots of support Flowers

EagleRay · 13/10/2015 22:04

Ababs I'm so, so sorry - that is terribly upsetting news. Thinking of you and hope you're back here soon, but meanwhile take lots of care xx

Original poster
cloudjumper · 13/10/2015 22:07

Oh ababs I am so so sorry Sad It is cruel and unfair, sending lots of hugs. Do look after yourself xxx

OP posts:
RooibosTeaAgain · 13/10/2015 22:22

So sorry to hear your sad news Ababs

mrslebon · 13/10/2015 22:26

So sorry to hear that Ababs - you take care Flowers

notsoold · 13/10/2015 23:47

ababs I am so sorry... do you have rl support? I hope so xxxx

notfromstepford · 14/10/2015 10:39

Ababs so sorry to hear your sad news. take care of yourself x Flowers

Titch2015 · 14/10/2015 11:12

So sorry to hear your sad news Ababs thinking of you xx

brookeberry · 14/10/2015 12:07

ababs I got a pain in my heart reading your news. I know you will be fine but I also know how painful it is. Get lots of love and support from those around you and be extra kind to yourself. You've been so amazing on here. xx

ababsurdum · 14/10/2015 12:31

Thanks so much for the support all.

Went to the epu this morning and we have opted for medical management which involves the administering of two different drugs to bring on the miscarriage. Unfortunately they only run these procedures twice a week so I have to wait until Sunday & Tuesday, I had hoped it was something they would do same day. I have started having some pain and slight spotting so it may well happen on its own before then. It was heartbreaking to see two younger girls upset and crying and both on their own in the epu. I tried to comfort them but there's not much you can say.

Feeling ok at the moment but I know the worst is to come, I'm just trying to stay positive and not let it beat me. I was the same when our IVF failed, it's how I cope best I think. There's a good thread on how to cope with the practical aspects which has helped me understand what's likely to happen.

Anyway, sorry for bringing the thread down! At the moment I think it's worth the risk to try again in a few months so hopefully we'll be luckier next time.

Eagle did you have a scan yesterday? I hope yours was all fine and as expected.

Nicky333 · 14/10/2015 13:26

Oh Abab, so so sorry to hear your news. You're not bringing the thread down at all, so don't think that. It can't be all flowers and light, as much as we'd wish for that.

I got told I'll need to take aspirin from 12 weeks. There are things that put you at risk and if you have 2 of them, you're put on aspirin. Mine were over 40 and first baby.

brookeberry · 14/10/2015 13:35

ababs sounds like it might be happening naturally for you. Twice I opted for medical management and then it happened naturally before I had to. For me (at the same stage as you) if was like a heavy period, but actually just for 2 or 3 days, and not sore (sorry if this is tmi).

Do stay positive, it can all turn around with a little time.

mooncalf · 14/10/2015 14:19

Abab, I'm so sorry to come back after a few days away from here and read such sad news :( I'm gutted for you, and I hope you're ok as can be expected. It does sound as though your body might be catching up a bit and dealing with it itself, which is best for you probably.

Echoing what everyone else has said, you've been brilliant on here, and give yourself as much love and care as you need, and start trying again as soon as you feel able...

Sending hugs to you xxx

EagleRay · 14/10/2015 15:29

Ababsurdum so glad to hear from you and that you're coping ok. It's awful that you have to wait a few days but it does sound as if your body may be starting the process anyway.

The EPU is such a sad place - so kind of you to comfort the girls, and so sad that they were on their own.

I had my Harmony test and scan last night. Was kind of ok beforehand, but then once I stepped into the room I just fell apart. I get the absolute terrors at the sight of an ultrasound scanner and it gets me every single time. Thankfully, the MW got on with scanning quite quickly and everything was ok, and the baby measures 10w4d and looks healthy. The reality of the Harmony testing has only just sunk in now and so now will be waiting for the various yes/nos for each of the things they're testing for. I know that sounds a bit obvious as clearly they are testing, but it suddenly feels like a really big deal.

ababsurdum · 14/10/2015 16:34

That's fantastic Eagle, you must be so relieved. They told me the testing was expected back in around 5 days at the moment so hopefully you won't have to wait too long. I'll keep everything crossed for you.

I've had no more spotting or pain since overnight/this morning. I just want it to be over. I half wish I'd gone for the surgical option, although no idea when they would have done that either, but the doc/consultant last night said it was best to avoid that option as infection can affect future fertility etc. I'm trusting this is the right approach to take but who knows. The medical people have all been very kind. Matter of fact and professional but with a kindness and respect which I've appreciated. No one has lectured me about age. The doctor last night (only when I mentioned the age related risk) said there's a 30-40% chance of mc which seemed quite low but maybe these stats are creeping down now as more women have babies in their 40's? We can but hope.

Anyway there's a titbit of info I read last time I was ttc that meant to share - that more women in their 40's had babies after the war than in 2011. I thought that was quite encouraging Smile

Grizzer · 14/10/2015 21:08

I'm so so sorry Ababs. I hope your body does its thing quickly but give yourself plenty of time emotionally. So sad.
Great news for you Eagle. I'm sure the harmony will be fine. I know they say they can't identify down's from a scan but I had a down's dd & there were so many problems flagged at the 12 week scan. We didn't know it was down's until further testing but I think there are often other markers. The fact that your baby looks healthy is very reassuring.
43 today for me! Managed to summon the energy to go out for dinner but definitely ready for bed now.

mrslebon · 14/10/2015 21:28

Happy Birthday Grizzer!

Hope you are OK Ababas. Interesting bit of info that!

mooncalf · 15/10/2015 09:38

Happy birthday for yesterday, Grizzer :)

Eagle - did you decide to have the harmony test before your dating scan for a particular reason, or does it have to be a certain date etc? I guess I kind of figured id see what the ns came back with, and get the harmony of the was high risk...

I had my scan yesterday, after being told by the consultant last week that the baby didn't 'look quite right' and want as developed as it should be. I was so scared, but they said all is well, size is perfect for dates and we saw the stomach, bladder, spine and heart pumping away. It was so different from ten days ago, so much more developed!

So I am very pleased now of course, and am 11+3 and nearly there as far as trimester one is concerned. But also very angry about the consultant - she should have disclosed fully to me when I saw her, not made some vague comment about ' it's not moving enough' - I had to ring back and question her to get the full opinion! So I am not going back there - I will ring today and tell them. My thoughts are that if anything goes wrong now, it will get picked up via normal midwife service, and there's nothing they can do anyway. I have lost faith in them, so its a relief to think I don't have to deal with then again. Pain in the bun to get there too :)

Anyway, sos to go on... Hope everyone is as well as can be - abab, thinking of you today xx

ababsurdum · 15/10/2015 11:55

That's wonderful moon, congratulations Smile

brookeberry · 15/10/2015 12:40

Great news moon. Grrr it makes me angry when we are made to worry unneccessarily! I have another scan booked at 15 + 4, just under 2 weeks from now because they couldn't get any measurements at the 12 wk (wee wriggler!). I feel like I'm limping from scan to scan, but I'm glad I don't have to wait until 20wks - that's a bit of a wait.

aportionofabortion69 · 15/10/2015 13:01

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Sezramum · 15/10/2015 13:09

How are you today Ababs?

Eagle great news that your scan went well and hope you don't have to wait too long for the Harmony results.

Happy Birthday for yesterday Grizzer, welcome to the 43 club! Grin

Really glad your scan went well Moon after all that worry. What a relief!

I told my boss this morning! I was dreading it but it was fine Smile. I have nearly told all the important people now, which makes it all a little more real each time!

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