Upset and angry at partners comment

[louisejanep]

Hi ladies, i feel so upset and hurt but don't want to turn to anybody so thought I would write this on here just to get it off my chest. I am 33 +2 and my partner and I are expecting our first baby together. He's building us a house to live in but won't be ready until a few months after baby is born, so at the moment I'm still living with my parents and so is he.

When were together were the best of friends, we are so close and I'm really happy. However at the weekend we decided to pick the baby's pram, the one I like is a little more expensive but more practical than the one he wants. So to cut a long story short we began arguing over the pram (petty I know) then last night I told him, I'm the one having to sell my car for the new baby (sports car and need to downgrade for money) baby's taking his second name, he's picked the cot, won't let me have the baby name I love, he's chose where to live and then I said to him and your the reason I am not going to have my mum as a birth partner because even though I want her there he feels uncomfortable about it. So I've been absolutely fine over it and said I don't want you to feel uncomfortable so I will just have you as my birth partner. So I said just let me get the pram I want.

As soon as I said last night about the birth partner thing he said have someone else as your birth partner then I'm not ased, so I said so your not turning up for the birth of your baby and he said go find someone else as your birth partner.

I am still in shock that he turned round and said that, it was all over text aswell making the situation ten times worse. He's been excited from day one, and I know he's highly stressed about a lot at the moment, but that comment has made me physically sick, angry and so upset. I don't want to get out of bed today because I feel really upset and hurt. I don't want to tell friends or family because I don't want it to make him look bad, because we normally r the best of friends. But I need to get it off my chest. I don't know what to think or do.

Lawyer up. Now.

Did I read somewhere that the money was awarded in both your names? If so, £125K of that money is yours and it will stand legally. Get to a solicitor this week and start the ball rolling. Whatever is left in the bank gets split between you and your name goes on those housing deeds.

Do not, under any circumstances:

• Sell your car and give him the money.

• Give this child his surname.

• Move in or marry this man.

• Give him any control over your business. Ensure your name is the only name that appears on any of the paperwork relating to your business.

• Talk to him about any of this until you have spoken to a solicitor.

Buy the pram you want, name the baby what you want, have your mum at the birth and tell him to go take a running fucking leap. This man has screwed you royally, OP. The problem with being in an emotionally abusive relationship is that you don't know you're in one until it's too late.

Speak to your mum today and tell her everything you have told us. You need that support in place pronto. You and the baby will be just fine with your family behind you but you must tell them what's going on.

Please, for the love of God, heed the advice on this thread and start taking action.

Him - twat.

You - vulnerable.

You might not be able to change the twat in him, but you can absolutely change the vulnerable in you

Hello OP is it possible he misunderstood and thinks you want your mum as birth partner instead of him, not as well as him? Or am I misunderstanding?

My instant thought on the pram was that I don't think you choosing the pram will make you feel better about compromising on all the other elements you mentioned. So are you just fixing your mind on this, when it won't actually make you feel better anyway? If I were in this position, I think I'd have a think about the elements you're really bothered about and have a face-to-face conversion with your DP to find out firstly exactly what he is bothered about and how he feels about each one of the things you mentioned. It sounds like he's lashing out and being a bit daft. I would force yourselves to make time to have this frank conversation, as texting will just make things worse, IMO. It will be much better for you all if you at least understand where the other is coming from, even if you disagree. It might mean you have to be super patient and bite your tongue while you listen to his exact point of view (even if it is unreasonable) Once you've really heard him out and not been judgemental about his thoughts and feelings I would hope that he would return this while he listens to you, without flying off the handle, and being mean to you. Hope you get things sorted. Hope this helps.

It's not even just that he stole £125k from you. It's that he stole £125k from you and now he calls you spoilt. That is just the awful icing on the top of the cake of awful.

I think everyone can change if they want to, but mostly controlling men don't want to. Why would he? He gets your money, he gets to be in control of your entire relationship, he gets a house in a place of his choosing all in his name with you paying in to it, and he gets to sulk and strop his way into making sure you don't disagree with him ever. He wants that. He wants that more than he wants you to not be upset.

You are right to think that your baby has the priority over him, but please look out for yourself as well. Do talk to a solicitor and to your mum.

You're going to be a mother soon and you'll find your instincts will kick about lots of little things , does he then get the final say on those too? to be fair its a stressful time for anyone new house, new baby and you don't even really live together yet.

Order the pram that you want and have the name that you want as a middle name. You want your mum there fine you have her there.

Its concerning that you are putting his needs over those of your child's and yours. A deeper question maybe why are you so desperate to please him? why is this all about him ? Why do you find it so difficult to please yourself, without deferring to him all the time?

Ignore my previous post just caught up on the thread, This is definitely abuse Please get help before your baby arrives

Can you sit down with a pen and paper and work out how much exactly of the money that you have had and how much he has had.

So you've had £16k for your car? Plus some more for your business? Then you can

1. Get the most out of your appointment with the solicitor
2. Talk to him about having your name put on the deeds of the house that you helped buy.

One thing I know for sure is that someone who won £250k should not be skint 4 years later.

Hello again, I just read all the other comments about the money situation I'd only read your initial post before. I agree with the others, this sounds dodgy and you need to get proper advice. Good luck x

Thanks ladies. I've just asked him to meet up to talk and his response was "I can't be arsed with all that" that speaks volumes doesn't it!

Yes to the solicitor (don't tell him) it's just about protecting yours and your babies interests. You don't have to do anything with the knowledge. But it's there if you need it.

I'm really pleased you can stay at your mums after baby is here. That extra love and support will be invaluable (especially if he's still being an idiot).

"I've just asked him to meet up to talk and his response was "I can't be arsed with all that" that speaks volumes doesn't it!"

Oh dear - yes it does speak volumes! Have you spoken to your mum yet? Hope you can do that soon.