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Original poster

unmarried couples - who's surname did your child take?

222 replies

Tigger31 · 20/03/2015 14:07

I'm interested to know how you decided which surname your kids should have?

It seems most common for them to automatically take the bloke's name, but I don't know why that is?

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Fattycow · 20/03/2015 14:12

I think it is common because that is how it always used to be.

If I wasn't married, my baby would still get his name. Purely because I hate how people always either misspelled mine or mispronounced.

6LittleOnes · 20/03/2015 14:13

Mine had their dad's name, just seemed right to me. Now we're married so it's my name too.

CaptainAnkles · 20/03/2015 14:15

DP's name, because he's now DH and I knew when they were born we'd get round to marrying eventually, and that I would take his surname. I had no particular fondness or attachment to my name so it wasnt an issue.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 20/03/2015 14:16

I am married and did change my name.

But if I wasn't, or I hadn't, I would want my child to share, or partially share, my surname.

I think we'd have double barrelled both names.

Amyyy27 · 20/03/2015 14:21

We will be using DPs name but we are engaged so will be getting round to being married one day and i will take his name too. If we were to never get married i would be tempted to use my surname. But only as its shorter and easier to spell! :)

Thurlow · 20/03/2015 14:23

Unmarried but wouldn't have changed my name even if we were married.

DD has DP's surname. We talked about it, and he felt strongly about it and I didn't, so she has his surname.

But then I'm not bothered whether I share a surname with my children or not, which seems to be a minority view.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 20/03/2015 14:24

We're hoping to be married in a few years time. DD is MiniMoomin My surname OH's surname (no hyphen). When we get married, we'll either all change to his, or we'll all become my surname-his surname.

BeCool · 20/03/2015 14:27

They have my name. If I had married the DC's Dad I would not have taken his name.

DC both have their Dad's name as a middle name.

I really don't think it is a big deal. I wanted the same name as my children, XP didn't want to discuss this issue (among other things) so I made the decision re DD1's name & when DD2 came along he once again did not want to discuss to I made that decision too.

Zahrah5 · 20/03/2015 14:30

My name is long and foreign, always has to spelled what doesnt bother me. What bothers me is when people are trying to prnounce it even if I tell them not to bother, i prefer it being being mispronounced than repeat them fir hundred times how to say it.
Lso for me obvious choice, get rid of my name ASAP and definitelly not put the baby under this torture.

If I would have normal simple name it would be nice for entire family to hyphenate or I also have seen entire family to take one of the names as middle name which was very nice also.

Damnautocorrect · 20/03/2015 14:31

My son has his dads surname, i really regret it now. I have no intention of marrying his dad (we are still together!). His surname means nothing to him but mine does me, i dont think i realised that at the time.

pinkie1982 · 20/03/2015 14:33

I am pregnent. The baby will have it's dads name.
I don't particularly like my surname.
My DP has a child from his teens that doesn't have his name and the ex wouldn't put him on the birth certificate.
It means a lot to him to have ours named the same as him.
I am happy with that :)

YonicScrewdriver · 20/03/2015 14:34

At the hospital, the ankle tags will be in your name.

Unless your DP goes to the registry office, they will have your surname.

Historically, most babies had their father's name because most mothers were married and took that name. I don't think the tradition was ever really for babies to have their father's name independent of the namechange tradition for women.

WhatismyLife · 20/03/2015 14:39

My DCs name is double barrelled.

DC1 originally only had DPs name but near enough, as soon as we'd left the registry office, I realised what a mistake I'd made. It took me nearly 2 years to convince DP to agree to a name change by deep poll. Our second DC had a double barrelled name from the start.

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:40

Ok speaking from experience be VERY careful what you do.

My children have my ex partner's surname. This was all well and good until he split up. Since then he has not paid maintenance and does not see the children.

For me it is very difficult as I am constantly referred to by school / docs etc as 'Mrs XXXXX' when I am in fact 'Miss Number3'

Myself and my ex split under very difficult circumstances (DV) and I wish I would have at very least given them double barrelled surnames.

I have asked ex if I can double barrel but of course being the manipulative bastard that he is, he says no.

I am now expecting DC3 with new (lovely!) partner.

We have agreed on a double barrelled name.

Not saying it will go the same way for everyone, but it is something to give very serious thought too.

FYI I have advised the school to call my children by the double barrelled name, which they do, albeit not being legal.

SoHHKB · 20/03/2015 14:41

ds has his dad's surname because I still have xh's (and dd's) surname
the hospital tags were somewhat incongruous Hmm

Branleuse · 20/03/2015 14:43

All my children took their fathers names, and I regret it a lot now, especially when travelling

Focusfocus · 20/03/2015 14:45

We are married. DH is Mr X and I continue to be Dr. Y. Our DC will called DC X-Y.

Personally I've never entirely understood why - when the woman carries, tears her body giving birth, feeds and sometimes sacrifices a career over a DC, is it automatically assumed by many that the bloke who had sex at the start and may well be a lovely dad passes on his family name. I am genuinely curious and cannot come up with any reasons other than - we continue to live in patrilineal society.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 20/03/2015 14:47

I think it is common because that is how it always used to be.

No, this is very recent. Babies of unmarried parents used to take the mother's name.

Number3cometome · 20/03/2015 14:47

I think it is much more usual these days for the kids to have a double barrelled or the Mum's surname.

I was very surprised how happy OH was for new baby to have a double barrelled surname. In fact, he will be adopting the same name when we get married.

We are soooo 21st Century Grin

basgetti · 20/03/2015 14:48

Both my DCs have my surname only, if DP and I ever get married I'll keep my surname. He may even change his!

meglet · 20/03/2015 14:48

XP forced me to give the dc's his surname and wouldn't let me double barrell it Sad .

We haven't seen him in 6 yrs and the law won't let me change it until the dc's are a bit older and able to explain to a judge why they want mummy's name too. apparently its possible with totally absent abusive parents, it's just not guaranteed.

double barrel it or use your name.

CactusAnnie · 20/03/2015 14:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ByTheWishingWell · 20/03/2015 14:52

DD has my surname. I have my mums name and wanted to pass it on. It was a bit of an issue, as he would have liked her to have his name, but in the end we agreed he could choose the middle name from his family names. If DP and I were to marry, I wouldn't take his surname. I have offered him mine, so we could all match, but he doesn't want it. Grin

Branleuse · 20/03/2015 14:54

I mean i regret not double barrelling. Im still with the father of dc2&3 but I still wish id double barrelled, and neither man is keen on changing to a double barrelled name. Ex husband has refused, and dp has said that he would agree, but isnt happy about it

Stinkylinky · 20/03/2015 14:55

My baby will have DPs surname, he is from a huge and very proud local family and we probably get married at some point. I have my dad's surname who I don't speak to so I have no real attachment to my surname other than my grandparents.