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Pregnancy

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Original poster

unmarried couples - who's surname did your child take?

222 replies

Tigger31 · 20/03/2015 14:07

I'm interested to know how you decided which surname your kids should have?

It seems most common for them to automatically take the bloke's name, but I don't know why that is?

OP posts:

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BeCool · 20/03/2015 17:33

I just don't think that argument that they don't deserve to have their dads name purely because he wasn't pregnant with them carries a whole lot of weight.

That wasn't the point being made. The point being made was as the mother had carried the baby, given birth to the baby & was feeding the baby - so why on earth shouldn't the baby have her name? Why would the fathers name be the default choice?

NoRockandRollFun · 20/03/2015 17:34

DPs because mine is common and I wanted to choose their 1st names. I also hate double barrelled names.

weeblueberry · 20/03/2015 17:55

DD has her fathers name. Because we will probably get married eventually but mainly because I don't feel a familial connection to my name - it was my biological fathers name and I only started seeing him regularly again recently after years of no contact.

Carrierpenguin · 20/03/2015 18:31

My name. Dp didn't want to get married, even if he had I didn't want to change my name. I'd hate to have a different name to my children.

CactusAnnie · 20/03/2015 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Micah · 20/03/2015 19:23

Mine have their dad's surname.

I'd quite have liked them to have mine, but wasn't overly bothered. He had been badly burned in his divorce, and want them to have his name so he'd always be identified as their father, and have that link to him. With mothers nearly always getting residence following a split, he felt very strongly that they should share a name so schools, Drs etc would treat him as a parent and not question their relationship.

I agreed with him, so his name it is :)

supersop60 · 20/03/2015 19:26

They have my partner's name, but I wish in retrospect that they had mine.
We're not married and I hate being called Mrs DP because schools, phone calls etc always assume that I am.

CheekyWeeGandT · 20/03/2015 19:43

A couple of people have mentioned about difficulty travelling if mum and child/ren have different surnames. What are the difficulties?

NoRockandRollFun · 20/03/2015 19:52

*I love the way that women reject their names either for being too common/boring or for being too unusual/difficult

Funny how the same never applies to their partners whose names are all exactly the right degree of rarity!*

You can't really know that unless you know what the choices are! Mine is similar Smith, DPs is not as common. Also, DCs are mixed race. We wanted their names to reflect that.

weelamb123 · 20/03/2015 20:17

Hi, my ds has both names. Mine as his middle name and daddys as surname. Dc2 will be the same, unless we finally take the plunge and get married!! Xxx

meandmyduvet · 20/03/2015 20:20

We're not married and both protective of our surnames. Baby due soon. Not keen on double-barrelled. So we've eventually decided we're taking the spanish convention of two surnames. Hopefully will work out ok!

Jackieharris · 20/03/2015 20:43

DCs have my surname. I don't like it but I really don't get why it's the norm for women to choose to give their DCs the father's surname.

I've seen it cause problems for so many women.

Blu · 20/03/2015 21:27

Those of you waiting on marriage to change your names: you can call yourself whatever you like. You could change now. Likewise your DP could change his name to yours. With or without marriage.

micah · 20/03/2015 21:37

I've seen it cause problems for so many women

I've never had a problem. What sort of problems?

Surely though if the norm becomes mother's surname you'll just reverse the problem and it'll cause problems for many men, having a different surname to their child? Especially as it's the norm for the man to be the NRP.

DH has had a lot of problems since his divorce regarding GP's and schools refusing to talk to him. As the RP she obviously arranges their school and medical care, and doesn't like him involved, so doesn't tell him anything. She won't even tell him which drugs his disabled son is on. We have had to get a legal pro-forma letter written stating the law that he must be kept updated, as he has parental responsibility.

If he had a different surname I can see those issues being multiplied, and him having to produce birth certificates (which he doesn't have) etc...

wowiesis111 · 20/03/2015 22:03

My ds has my surname. We aren't married yet but do plan to .... One day apparently ( I want it more than he does I think)
I'm expecting again and this child will also have my surname.
My thinking is / was I want to have the same surname as my children. If it was so so so important to partner , we would be married already or at least engaged. He just went along with it first time around although with second dc on its way were thinking of names and it's come up. Think he wanted this one to take his but obviously they will both be the same.
We considered double barrelling but it sounds ridiculous unfortunately.
I'm thinking when we marry ( which we will) we will all have the same names as we will then change to his name. Apparently it is easy enough when you marry to change your dependant children's names (well that's what they said when we registered ds1)

It may be a pain changing things when that happened a ie drs records, passports etc but that's what I wanted to do. I didn't want to take ds1 to nursery and be called 'mrs xyz (partners name) and have to explain to the staff etc.
If getting married was in my power , we'd all have had partners name from the offset but it's not. ( we've been together 8 years , un married , nor engaged ( much to my frustration)

I know it's not the 'normal ' route but it's something I felt strongly about and did what I hope/ think was best.
Hth's.

hufflebottom · 20/03/2015 22:17

Dd (5) has xp's last name. But I gave her my last name as her middle name. Because we couldn't decide on a middle name and I'm lucky enough to use my lastname as a middle name

She's now decided she wants to be known as littlehuffle mumsname-dadsname. Which works.

RhiannonElward · 20/03/2015 22:24

My children both have dps name and so will DC3 which is on the way. It was more important to dp than it was for me, due to him being the only son of his parents and he wanted to carry on their family name. I have no preference and I don't blame him for wanting something to link them to him. I feel like I disappointed him enough by refusing to marry him (I don't believe in it) and to deny him the option of carrying on his name seemed more than I was prepared to ask of him, given that I know his feelings and I don't care at all that I have a different surname to my kids. They are mine in every way and I have no concerns there, to them I am Mammy and all other names are irrelevant.

SycamoreMum · 20/03/2015 22:30

I gave my DD my last name because I didn't like his surname name with the first name I chose for her. Lets just say that was the beginning of the end for us.

CheekyWeeGandT · 20/03/2015 22:40

A couple of people have mentioned about difficulty travelling if mum and child/ren have different surnames. What are the difficulties?

CheekyWeeGandT · 20/03/2015 22:44

Oops, sorry about double posting. Stupid phone.

Greenrememberedhills · 20/03/2015 22:54

Mine.

Greenrememberedhills · 20/03/2015 22:55

And we are married

LovesYoungDream · 20/03/2015 23:02

My friend used double barrelled (her surname-his surname) luckily as she was able to drop the ending when he turned out to be a total abusive twat they broke up.

LovesYoungDream · 20/03/2015 23:04

I think they are able to overcome difficulties if mum&dc have different surnames by bringing their birth certificate when travelling

slightlyglitterstained · 20/03/2015 23:23

I love the way that women reject their names either for being too common/boring or for being too unusual/difficult

Agree with Cactus. DS has my difficult name instead of DP's common easy name though, but it seems a fairly rare choice.

Oddly, it is easy to change a child's surname and reregister if you later marry the father, but not otherwise.

DP has yet to encounter any difficulty with nursery or passport control. Nobody has yet questioned either his fatherhood or his involvement.

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