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Original poster

unmarried couples - who's surname did your child take?

222 replies

Tigger31 · 20/03/2015 14:07

I'm interested to know how you decided which surname your kids should have?

It seems most common for them to automatically take the bloke's name, but I don't know why that is?

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YonicScrewdriver · 20/03/2015 23:27

Really, any parent travelling without the other should carry permission from the other parent; the most common international abduction is by parents, after all, regardless of surname,

neversleepagain · 20/03/2015 23:49

My surname. I would never want a different surname to my own children.

bucketofchicken · 21/03/2015 00:09

On all threads like this you always get loads of comments from women about their names being hard to pronounce/horrid/forrin etc. Why justify it?

I am married and kept my name. We'll be giving both names to any DC, with one as a middle name and one as a surname. We'll do a coin toss to decide on the order.

YonicScrewdriver · 21/03/2015 00:22

My name is definitely better than DH's. He still chose not to take it though. Ah well.

cerealqueen · 21/03/2015 00:33

My name and DPs. Even if we get married, my name too. Because otherwise we are harking back to the olden days when women and children were owned by men.

sianihedgehog · 21/03/2015 00:46

We've had a considered discussion and have decided to use his last name. He very much wanted to double barrel or to use mine, but I wanted to use a variant of mine as a middle name, because I want our kid to have lots of choices about what first name they use.

WrappedInABlankie · 21/03/2015 01:13

My Dc's will have my name. I'm not married. Only way I'd give it to them is if I was. Even then I don't know if I'm changing my last name.

I know someone who was "Lewis", partner was "smith" DC was "smith" despite being with him in the queue PP control asked the DC who their dad was, who the mum was. They then wanted BC for all DC and the parents and said in future that the children should go with the dad and mum follow behind them otherwise they'll have this issue every time.

They went through the same thing when they got married and she hadn't changed her name so they were prepared and they brought their marriage certificate. She changed her name to his after they got home Confused

Seshata · 21/03/2015 02:08

We were engaged when we decided to TTC, and got married after DD was born. At the time, I knew I wouldn't be taking DH's surname, but was undecided about hyphenating.

So DD's surname is hyphenated. It's a bit of a mouthful, but it was very important to me that both sides of her heritage were represented. It also gave us both the option of hyphenating our surnames if we decided in the future that we want a single 'family name,' though in the end neither of us changed our names.

Gemerama · 21/03/2015 05:55

This reply has been deleted

This poster has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to remove this now.

Tangoandcreditcards · 21/03/2015 06:07

DS has DP's name. We had a long healthy debate over it.

Didn't want to double barrel as it would have been an ugly mouthful. I have brothers who have DCs with my (rare-but-not-unusual) surname so my name "lives on" in my DNs.

We gave DS a middle name of my late mum's otherwise extinct surname and will for any future DCs. I am in the process of adding it to my own name by deed poll so we can share a middle name.

slightlyconfused85 · 21/03/2015 06:54

We weren't married when dd was born but will be by the time number 2 arrives in July. we chose to have his name; they are both long so so double barrelled sound silly. Also, I have no attachment to my dad or family name so didn't feel strongly that dd had my name. dp felt more strongly so that's what we did. No regrets

LetticeKnollys · 21/03/2015 07:09

My last name. I am his primary carer, I see no reason why he should have the last name of anyone else other than arguments based on the sexist assumption that the man's heritage is more important than the woman's.

We considered double barreled, but DP didn't like it. Also, his son from a previous relationship has a double barreled name and I have noticed how DP's family tend to ignore it and call him by DP's last name only, which would piss me off a lot if he were my DS.

LetticeKnollys · 21/03/2015 07:10

Oh and I don't particularly like my last name or my dad either.

wannabestressfree · 21/03/2015 07:14

My children have my surname legally but the youngest is 'known as' his fathers surname at school.

sandgrown · 21/03/2015 07:15

What happens when all the children with double barelled names get married ? Which name will they use.? Will it go on and on until.people have about eight surnames? Just curious.

CactusAnnie · 21/03/2015 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dukketeater · 21/03/2015 07:23

Mine took Dads name as we planned to get married which we are now.

worriedmum100 · 21/03/2015 07:33

Not married and no plans to. DS has DPs surname. I quite surprised myself when it came to deciding as I expected to feel strongly about having a different name to DS but turned out I didn't really care. My surname is very dull and common. His less so. Double barrelled wouldn't have worked. I just felt a bit "meh" about it.

Even if we split (very unlikely) DS is still his child. He's a brilliant dad. I don't see why my name takes "priority" just because I'm a woman.

DP wouldn't have minded what name he had.

Justusemyname · 21/03/2015 07:33

I had my fathers surname even though they weren't married, he isn't on the birth certificate and they split.

I took my DH name when married and we all have the same name. I was glad to be rid of a name that turned out to count for nothing.

YonicScrewdriver · 21/03/2015 07:49

Sand grown, presumably those double barrelled adults would make their own decisions on the point of marriage which names to pick.

PenguinsandtheTantrumofDoom · 21/03/2015 08:27

Yes, wouldn't it be quite nice if we all had two surnames and then each decided which to hand on to the kids?

YonicScrewdriver · 21/03/2015 08:47

Yep. And if a Kingston-Smith married a Smith-Williamson, that kid could be the unusual one with just one surname.

FernGullysWoollyPully · 21/03/2015 08:55

My maiden name was double barrelled and pretty much everyone said or spelt it incorrectly. I hated being saddled with it to be honest. My ex was also very indignant about it. He thought it was his right that they took his name. I was young and probably a bit naive, I thought it was the right way. After he abandoned them it certainly made me wish that I'd given it more thought.
I changed their name by deed poll just after I married my DH so we all have the same name. We're a family.

Ems1812 · 21/03/2015 09:00

We were engaged when DS was born & he took DP's name. This was mainly because I hate my last name & didn't want to give him the annoyance of having to spell & pronounce all the time & because when we get married I will be taking DP's name.

SeldomAthleticFC · 21/03/2015 09:50

When exH and I got married we both changed our surname to his mum's maiden name and my DCs have that. It is possibly the coolest surname ever!
When travelling with DC1 as a baby, exH and I both still had passports in our former names which were different to DD. We got questioned about this at the border but had fortunately brought our deed poll documents so it was fine.
I still have exH's surname (which as I said, is amazingly cool) but I could hardly give it to any future DC with DP. I hate my maiden name (probably because I hate my dad and all his horrible family). So I'd probably go with DP's surname.