unmarried couples - who's surname did your child take?

[Tigger31]

I'm interested to know how you decided which surname your kids should have?

It seems most common for them to automatically take the bloke's name, but I don't know why that is?

I am married but kept my surname. I think I would like baby to have husband's surname just so it's clear it's his! But really each to their own and a name really is just a name, it doesn't matter.

We are married but don't share a surname, DCs have the same one as DH. Double barrelled wouldn't have worked for us. It seems fair as I am the main carer and it is obvious I am their mother, whereas if they had my surname I thought people might assume they weren't DH's. Also my feminist thinking wasn't as well developed back then (9 and 11) years ago. Not absolutely sure I would do the same now, but it has never caused any problems and I have no regrets about it.

Dd has dhs name as a surname and mine as a middle name. I didn't want double barrelled. We only used dhs as the surname as they sounded better that way around. Neither of us really minded either of way.

Ours is getting my partner's surname. It's such a boring, short one, poor kid, but my partner is pretty strong on his feelings about it. I'm picking the middle name, my surname is long and wouldn't double barrel well, so we compromised. I'm still debating whether to take his name when we marry. Seriously, boring surname .

Chose the name you want for whatever reason but - I had been pregnant & given birth, breastfeeding, why on earth should they have his name?

I think I'm alone in not getting that. It's not like a man refused to be pregnant or give birth; he didn't have a choice. And it's not like the child is any the less his because he's not physically capable of being pregnant, giving birth of breast feeding

I'm thinking of all the couples I know who don't share the same surname for whatever reason and the most common, I think, seems to be mother's surname as a middle name, father's surname as their surname.

It is interesting because it's a very modern development, many women either not changing their surname or lots of couples being unmarried when they have children. I suspect double barrelling or having two surnames will start becoming more common, in a sort of Spanish way. I probably would have done it myself if our surnames sounded ok together. But the more common it becomes, the less bother people might pay to the names sounding 'ok' together.

Ours have DP's surname, as mine is foreign, and difficult to pronounce, which would be a pain for the dd's to have as we're living here.
Two surnames seemed a) difficult to pronounce and b) i always wondered what they would do if they married/ have kids...i personally don't have any problems with it. We are planning to get married, and Then I'll add dp's name to mine...

Mine because I insisted, glad I did too as although we were engaged and dd was planned he left when she was 6 weeks old and has never bothered with her.

Ours do have DP's name for a number of reasons. I would rather they had both names, but there was a compelling reason not to give them mine (which I can't go into, but to do with family and legal matters). DP was keen for them to have his because we're not married and that gives him an obvious link to them IYSWIM, plus no one else in his family has had DC and passed on his name.

It still makes me a bit uncomfortable because I'm very feminist and would never take DP's name even if we married, and I worry that it does look like we "automatically" gave them DP's name out of tradition. In fact it was a considered decision and a compromise on my part.

What we should have done really was make up a new name for them from parts of our names (and it would have been a nice name if we had). But DP was just a bit too conservative to handle that!

My children have their father's name because in the 20 years I have lived in English-speaking countries nobody has been able to pronounce mine properly, it's got an Umlaut which can be annoying and it's not very nice.

Our son has my surname. I will always stand by that choice.

We are not married and incidentally my oh has his father's surname who ran off when he was 5 and he has not seen or hear from him since.

I'm expecting my first, DS will have my name, even if we married I would keep mine and DP has a surname that would get a child teased (he was teased a lot at school) can't double barrel as our surnames rhyme.

DS has DPs surname. We are getting married soon, but I won't be changing my name. I don't have a problem with our names being different - it's very common these days. I wouldn't consider double-barrelling simply because our surnames would make a frankly laughable combination!

Yes, I will have been pregnant and given birth, but maybe that's why I don't feel like I need it to have my surname. DP, however, was delighted when I said it would have his surname.

Partner's name. I prefer it to mine and we'll probably get married one day

Double barreled is not possible to do over here, it is either mum's name or dad's name. Also, all children from the same couple need to have the same last name. So if this baby is getting DH's name, any other children I have with him will automatically get that name as well.

And what I meant with that it always used to be the dad's name, is that back in the day there were hardly any unmarried parents. As the woman had her husband's name (before you could choose), the children had that name as well. There wasn't really any choice there. So because people are so used to babies having their dad's name, as that is how it has been for years, people still seem to do it like that a lot of the time.

Both our names, hyphenated.

And even if we were married / were planning to get married, we would still have done that because I would not change my name on marriage, and neither would DP - unless we both equally hyphenated our names to be the same as DC.

It's not like a man refused to be pregnant or give birth; he didn't have a choice. And it's not like the child is any the less his because he's not physically capable of being pregnant, giving birth of breast feeding

Its also not like "the child is any less his" because it doesn't have the same last name.

Madthings have both with a hyphen. We are getting married this year and I won't be changing my name.

We weren't married before the kids were born but now we are and I haven't changed my name.

The kids have his surname for rather long and complicated reasons

I didn't say it was, BeCool. I just don't think that argument that they don't deserve to have their dads name purely because he wasn't pregnant with them carries a whole lot of weight.

Ds has dps name. We might get married but even if we did I wouldn't change my name so we'll never have the same name. It didn't really bother me either way but it was important to dp so he has his name.

We double-barrelled, which we would've done even if we were married.

i have a friend who has 3 children by 3 different men (thats ok, its her choice - i'm really really not judging, shes just been unlucky with her man choice and it happens)

but all three kids have a different surname, and different to her - why would you do that? If i was unmarried with children, they would have MY name, because in my view a name bonds you in a family unit, here you have 4 people living in a house with different names.

Mine has xp surname, which I now massively regret. Wish I'd made it my surname but that's only a middle name.
At the time, xp was looking like he might bugger off and I thought it might help him bond.
I have considered trying to change it to mine but feel it might be an egotistical thing to do. DS is now 4 and his surname is his surname rather than xp's iyswim so who am I to change it?

Kittens I have 3 siblings and only 2 of us have the same name, purely because they're twins. Its never affected us in anyway a name is just a name nothing to do with a bond

My Mum was married to each of our Fathers when we were born and noone thinks that their relationship won't last.