Who visited you in hospital after birth?

[Stillyummy]

I am pregnant with my first baby and was wondering how soon after the birth did you feel like receiving visitors and who visited you in hospital? This thread is the result of an over enthusiastic mother in law who needs her expectations managed.

DD1 - MIL and by God I wish she hadn't. I still haven't fully forgiven DH for it. I had a fairly traumatic labour, with a third degree tear.

I was desperately trying to establish breastfeeding and I just wanted it to be me and DH. His mother (who doesn't drive) was dying to see us and in fairness to him, he was dying for her to see his first child so he got narky with the MWs about when we were going to be discharged as he wanted to get home.

Turned out he'd arranged with his mother for her to come up on the train that morning, and was trying to figure out whether he'd get her to go to our house, or go and pick her up and bring her to the hospital. I couldn't have given a shiny shit about her needs and arrangements and got quite sad. I didn't say anything until ages afterwards.

DD2 - no-one. Bliss. my parents live abroad so they weren't an issue. DMIL was at home looking after DD1 so she was there when we got back.

First labour & delivery horrendous - 3rd degree tear, 10lb baby, Kielland forceps etc when I woke from the general anaesthetic (Id had enough when told I needed to be stitched and demanded to go to sleep) asked where my Mum was and burst into tears when told she wasn't there! Dh still put out about that to this day! Dm & Df arrived a few hours later followed by MiL & FiL - I was in a stupor and not fit to see or talk to anyone. Wish I had banned the inlaws!
Births 2 and 3 were planned c-sections and I was in 2 days with one and 6 days with other. Was asking for visitors by the last one as Dh was invariably busy with the other two dcs.
Its really going to depend how the birth goes and how you are feeling tbh!

No-one in hospital as DS was born at midnight and we went home at lunchtime. neither parents live close by and we hadn't told them we were in labour, just phoned at 7am. Had arranged beforehand that DH would only have one week off work and that PILs would come for the best part of the second week. So we agreed that my parents could come on day 5 for 24 hours only for a fleeting visit and they stayed at a hotel. Please please please stand up to your MIL and unless she lives round the corner from the hospital there's no need for her to rush to see the baby. That time when it;s just the 3 of you is SOOO precious, don't sacrifice it to keep her happy. That said, you'll need DH on your side!

DD1 - - born at 6pm. My parents visited the next morning before we went home. Parents in law visited at home the next day.

DS1 - born abroad so nobody.

DD2 - born at 9am but discharged by 4pm so no visitors. Plus it was Christmas Day, my parents were busy with the other children, and my inlaws were away on holiday (she was born 2 weeks early).

If I were you, I'd mutter something about 'hoping to be discharged quickly' from the hospital, and so make it clear there won't be time to visit at the hospital. That gives you the chance to arrange visits when the baby's arrived, rather than beforehand, when you know how you feel.

And please. Just be clear with her about your wishes. So much better in the long run. You will have given birth. Your wishes trump those of absolutely everyone else.

When I had ds my mum was with me and my dad visited the next day, when I had dd my mum came uo that night with ds to meet his new baby sister.
When I have this one I fully expect my mum to bring both of them up to meet baby as soon as possible! I dont plan on staying in hospital but both times ive had to be kept in for infection risks blah blah blah....

I had home births for both of my DC. My first baby met around 15 people within three hours of birth, including several young children and several people I had never met before. My second baby met many friends and neighbor type people on the school run at 16 hours old, but didn't meet grandparents until a few days old.

Dear OP, be FIRM! I was adamant that I didn't want to feel swamped by visitors, so I trained DH asa Rottweiler. As my mother was phoning me every 2 hours by 1 week before my due date at which point, I put my foot down and also said that if I was kept in hospital post birth she was to treat me as ill and NOT visit and we would be in touch. Once DS arrived after long labour and c section, I was surprised to find I was happy to see people (but only the right ones!) and DH brother and sister in law came over and they did all the baby admiring things without being annoying at all. And I still treasure that visit. So, know your mind and set it up in advance if you can, but be prepared not to want anyone at all. Oh and get a private room if you can (it wasn't anywhere near as expensive as I thought and was so worthwhile). Put it all over your birth plan. Book it with your first contraction. Other people's visitors are worse than your own!

DS was born at 1.20 am and my mum was there for 10am visiting. I only just remember her being there to be honest. For afternoon visiting we had PIL, mum and brother. We were in for 3 days and had visitors at every visiting hour but they only stayed for 20 mins or so and we're all very self sufficient. I was convinced before having him I didn't want any visitors in hospital but I actually loved having them. X

I've had 2 sections, and my parents live very nearby. 1st was emergency after a long labour - they came as soon as DH called to let them know we'd delivered, which was a little too quick for me, but I realised they had been sitting at home worrying about us all day and just wanted to see that their daughter (ie me!) was ok! And I can totally understand that, it was lovely. Second time they came that evening and brought DC1 to visit. I wouldn't have wanted in laws there so quickly though.

I had an awful time, nearly didn't survive and was in ICU for 3 days, so it was a good thing no-one was sitting around waiting to see me as it would have been a long wait.

I wasn't in the mood for visitors at all - was in hospital for over a week - except my mother. FIL had a fit when DH told him not to come and visit as I was too ill.

After I got out of hospital, we went to visit all the parents with the baby. That way we could escape rather than hoping people would leave.

Maybe if I hadn't been so unwell for weeks I'd have felt more like seeing people. I'd had a traumatic birth after a 50 hour labour followed by a massive PPH and had multiple transfusions. My Hb was down to 4 and that was after the 1st transfusion. I was just exhausted, still very anaemic, had no milk, a screaming baby who never slept and spent most of the first 3 weeks crying!

Some of my friends had MIL who expected to be in the delivery room - one even wanted to bring the grandparents and best friend along with her. My friend was in a terrible state after the row that followed her announcing that bar medical staff, no-one who wasn't present at the conception was going to be present at the birth and they had no intention of telling anyone when she went into labour!

The hospital were brilliant btw, I was given a private room, and they were so worried about me that they moved another bed in and told DH to go home and get his toothbrush and PJs as he was moving in for the week!

Made a huge difference having him there all the time - especially as they kept forgetting I was there and not feeding me!

Nobody.

WellTidy - I am shocked that the Midwives allowed that many people in at once

OP, I think the key thing is to space the visits. All of my family and DH's arrived simulatneously at the start of visiting time: it was like a meeting of the clans. They are all lovely and very kind but it would have been better if DH has told some to come later. Another lesson learned: make it clear that catering is not being provided (beyond tea & biscuits). We had quite a lot of friends who visited us at home in the first two weeks. As they had crossed London, we ended up cooking lunch/dinner - do not do this, unless you want to give up your sanity.

I don't get where anyone, MIL or not, gets off thinking they are going to be in the delivery room if the expectant mother has not asked for them. Of course there are people who want their DM/MIL/whoever in there. But, unless requested, fancy trying to demand you be in there?! Talk about self- centred!

Over the 6 days I was in hospital - dm and my stepdad came most days, mil and fil, sil and her fiancé (who is dh's best mate), my brother and my best mate and her husband who now live hundreds of miles away but happened to be on holiday near us when dd was born. 'Twas lovely.

Frankly, I didn't have any visitors apart of DH. Hugely uncomfortable time when you want to have some rest, and not worry about looking dreadful while sharing the room with 4 other equally tired women.

So yes, I resented visitors come and cooing loudly around babies in the middle of the night (yeah, we had an overexcited grandmother who managed to disturb the little sleep some were trying to get)

Frankly, if you cannot walk to the visitors area, it is my view that you should not impose your visitors onto other people and kep their visits to the absolute minimum (and warn them you are sharing the room so it is only good manners not to bring the party in just yet)

That is, outside of visitors hours.

First child: my in-laws
Second child: my in-laws and a friend

Both times I hadn't been in hospital that long. Would have let other relatives (esp my parents) visit too if they hadn't been too far away

I had a private room when I had DDs 1 and 2 and nobody seemed to mind how many visitors I had. I felt fine after DD1 and quite enjoyed the party atmosphere as my friends passed through, although FIL got a bit ratty and made a few pointed comments about it being a circus. TBH I liked having 'my' people around as my DPs are long dead. I could have done without the not-particularly-close friend who brought a date, a complete stranger who looked shell shocked by the experience!

Went home within a few hours of DD2 being born, so no visitors.

I had a very bad experience with DD3 and had to be on the ward near the midwives. I really could have done without visitors, mine and everyone else's - especially the bossy mum from school who turned up within hours of my having surgery and stayed for ages along with MIL, so that FIL (him again) had to stay in the waiting room as only two visitors at a time were allowed.

var123 i wish i had a lovely mil too! Ive got on famously with every mother of previous boyfriends but then I hadn't experienced a true irish mammy until I met DH!

DH and my parents. The ILs didn't, partly because they live 100 miles away and partly because their other DGC (who they did daily childcare for) had just gone down with chicken pox and we weren't sure about the possibility of it being transmitted, so thought it best they didn't come. Although MIL had been to see us a couple of days earlier anyway (DC was 2 weeks early). I was in a private room, so it wouldn't have affected anyone else.

With DC2, the same but I was on a ward, DH obviously and I think my parents popped in. I would have been happy for the ILs to pop in too, but as they are so far away and I was in for a much shorter time they didn't. I didn't get disturbed by anyone else's visitors, everyone was quiet and I don't remember anyone having hordes of people troop into the ward.

I was happy to have visitors with both dcs, however I only really got visitors for dc1.

Dc1 - my parents, dhs parents, my sibling, dhs two siblings, my aunt and her son, a friend who works in the hospital.

Dc2 - my mum.

Dragged, me too. I would have loved for a midwife to basically politely tell them that they were acting in appropriately by all coming at once. It was clearly our newborn baby that they wanted to see, not me, as otherwise they would have given a thought for what might have been best for me. They all didn't stay long, maybe 20 minutes or so. But it was just too much, too soon.

Of course, they all had their reasons for being there. DSIL2 and her boyfriend lived an hour and a half away, so they took the opportunity of visiting whilst they were in the area. DSIL2 and her boyfriend were going on holiday the next day, so they wanted to see the baby before they left.

Meannwhile, I was in a bit of a state!!

Rant over

For first child I had loads at visiting times and loved it. I was in for five days after a section so was happy to see people. For second, I hardly got any. Made me feel very low, like it was 'oh the first one is the special one so you don't get any special treatment for the second' with hindsight, I probably had slight pnd and was desperate for help, attention whatever.
Get it over with in hospital when times are limited anyway but tbh you have know idea how you will feel until after the birth so you may want as many folk helping you as you can get.