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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Anyone chosing not to breastfeed?

125 replies

kitkat321 · 15/10/2014 11:05

I'll looking for some reassurance that I'm not alone.

I'm surrounded by pregnant women in my birthing classes who are all determined to breastfeed their babies but it really does not appeal to me. I see mums cheering on other struggling mothers during the first few weeks and telling them that the lack of sleep, shredded nipples etc will all be worth it and just to keep trying.

I've spoken to many friends/family who tried it and found it unbelievably difficult and after weeks of struggle and stress switched to formula which immediately improved their situation. Their kids are now happy, healthy toddlers and they certainly don't seem to have suffered any ill effects from not being breastfed.

This probably sounds unbelievably selfish but I don't want to be the only person who can feed my baby - I want to be able to rely on DP or grandparents to give me a bit of a break. I don't believe that breastfeeding creates a better bond that forumula feeding. I can get quite easily stressed/flustered and need my own space and feel that by breast feeding I'd be setting myself up for a fall.

I'd does seem to me that it's frowned upon to suggest that you have chosen not to breastfeed for any reasons other than medical ones. Everyone want's to tell me to give it a go - it will help me get my figure back etc and while I smile and nod and say I'll probably try it the honest answer is that I don't want to.

Please tell me I am not a horrible person and not the only one who feels like this!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

FrancisdeSales · 15/10/2014 11:24

You're certainly not a horrible person but it sounds like you have a lot of fear around breastfeeding which is unwarranted. I breastfed my three kids and I was the most clueless woman in the world when it came to pregnancy, childbirth and caring for babies. It was a learning curve and I got a lot of great support and advice. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of my life in the long run (it releases tons of hormones when you breastfeed so you feel very mellow and connected to your baby - called bonding hormones).

You should feel supported whatever you choose but at the same time it would be sad if fear prevented you from trying. Other people can still feed your baby when you breastfeed. Maybe find a lactation consultant who can coach you before you have your baby so you know what to expect?

Whatever you choose good luck with the upcoming birth and time with your newborn xxx

Imsosorryalan · 15/10/2014 11:27

It's your choice at the end of the day and after fb for 3 months with both of mine, I gave up and switched to formula, not through lack of trying though.
I'd wait until your baby is born before you make any decision. I thought I'd do and not do loads of stuff before the baby came and then totally changed my mind afterwards. Good luck

Imsosorryalan · 15/10/2014 11:27

Bf not fb!

Only1scoop · 15/10/2014 11:29

Op I completely relate and share many of your views....

I chose not to bf at all and had a wonderful time being a new mum and had no regrets whatsoever....to be honest a couple of my friends chose not to either ....how surprising as we are all older mums....

I never felt pressured medically or socially to be honest....but that's probably just me....

Whatever you decide I wish you all the best and enjoy your baby.

Original poster

kitkat321 · 15/10/2014 11:30

But it's not fear - I just don't want to do it and that's what people don't seem to be able to accept.

I don't want or need any more education on breastfeeding - I feel I know enough to be able to make my choice.

I could express and let someone else feed but I don't want to feel like daisy the cow constantly feeding or expressing. I could try and combination feed although all the advise seems to suggest that this will affect my supply or cause confusion for the baby so maybe I should just EBF for the first month or so - but I don't want to.

OP posts:

Original poster

kitkat321 · 15/10/2014 11:31

Thanks 1scoop - glad to hear I'm not the only one who didn't even want to try it!

OP posts:

AlpacaMyBags · 15/10/2014 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrancisdeSales · 15/10/2014 11:35

Well it sounds like you have already made your mind up so hope it all goes well, I'm sure you won't be the only mum FFing.

Only1scoop · 15/10/2014 11:38

Never ever had any desire to whatsoever....

Bonded straight away with dd and we both adored feeding her....she was in an amazing routine with her feeds and sleeps from early on....although I admit I was a bit of a routine freak

Worked for us though....

I sometimes feel like the minority on here but that's fine....

Enjoy

EmilyGilmore · 15/10/2014 11:41

Do what you want. You clearly know your own mind and don't seem insecure about it so what so you want posters to say?

I know people who didn't bf simply because they didn't want to. Most of my friends and family do/did bf. For most (most, not all) people it's a great experience.

Original poster

kitkat321 · 15/10/2014 11:49

Emily my post was also to give others the opportunity to express a similar opinion - people who might not feel so confident in expressing this opinion.

I'd also challenge the "for most not all" comment - based on what? Your peer group? That might not be representative of all mothers and in my opinion thats sort of comment is the sort of thing that puts pressure on people to bf.

OP posts:

Original poster

kitkat321 · 15/10/2014 11:50

Oh and 1scoop - thanks again :)

OP posts:

BreakOutTheKaraoke · 15/10/2014 11:57

I didn't. Didn't want to try so just went straight for the bottle. Had the odd snide remark from a midwife in the hospital, but that was more along the lines that because I was only 18 I obviously didn't know 'breast was best'. I may have been young, but I wasn't stupid, and I know what I feel comfortable with. Breast feeding wasn't it.

EmilyGilmore · 15/10/2014 12:05

Being positive about the merits of bfing "puts pressure on people to breastfeed". How about you change "puts pressure on" to "encourages"? You say it like it's a bad thing. Fair enough if you don't choose to do it but it is actually what your breasts are designed to do. Breast milk is good for babies and that's why doctors/midwifes encourage it - it's not a conspiracy.

Ducky23 · 15/10/2014 12:11

I'm with you kitkat

I think it's a very personal choice and I won't be breastfeeding.

SolomanDaisy · 15/10/2014 12:15

26% of mothers never try breastfeeding, so you are certainly not alone. You may feel differently after the birth or you may not. Plenty of women who do try find breastfeeding an enjoyable, bonding experience. Plenty of women don't. It's probably a bit premature to decide which category you would fall into based on the experiences of others.

croon979 · 15/10/2014 12:15

Kitkat - just wanted to post support for you. I am in the early stages of pregnancy and like you also don't want to breastfeed.

I have done a lot of research on the subject and my reasons are not out of fear but rather an acceptance that I have to do what I am comfortable with and works for me.

I feel very strongly that it is a women's right to choose. I think that it is great that those that want to breastfeed are able to do so and receive a lot of support in this regard.

I also feel very sorry for some poor girls that feel practically bullied into breastfeeding when they are not sure. Or are looked "down upon" because they decide for whatever reason that breastfeeding will not work for them.

The fact that I have decided to bottlefeed does not mean that I will love my baby any less. far from it, my little bean is so wanted and has been for a long time.

My main reasons (though there are others) are essentially twofold:

I simply do not feel comfortable enough to be able to breastfeed in public and my career will not allow me to be housebound for long.

I have a busy career that I have worked hard to achieve for many years. I also would like to have a family. For me, bottlefeeding will allow me to share the feeding responsibilities with my husband and family so that I can manage both. I think I should be allowed to do both and indeed, I am the main breadwinner and want to provide financial stability for the baby as well as a loving home. Breastfeeding is unlikely to work for me.

I do not know how my local healthcare professionals/midwives will react to my decision and wishes yet but I hope that I receive support.

All my friends have breastfed and have had a wonderful experience. I am gald for them and all their gorgeous little cherubs. They are also really supportive of my views, because I have the best friends ever! It is not always medical reasons that dictate the right way for a new mum but also social and lifestyle.

Best of luck and here's to freedom of choice for all new mums.

Lizardc · 15/10/2014 12:17

It is totally up to you.

I personally b/f my two sons up until 16m and intend to b/f no.3. Quite genuinely I just don't get why anyone wouldn't want to try to b/f. It's quicker, easier (ok not always, but for many people it is) and definitely cheaper! And who wants to faff around preparing bottles in the middle of the night?!

But at the end of the day, it's your decision, no one else's.

GoldfishSpy · 15/10/2014 12:18

Do what you like.
Be careful not to judge others who do what they like.
Job done.

dingit · 15/10/2014 12:20

I didn't bf, for the simple reason I'm extremely large of boob, and was just too embarrassed. I now have two lovely healthy teens. Your choice, don't worry about anyone's opinions, just enjoy your baby

CaptainAnkles · 15/10/2014 12:23

I didn't want to try it either, for many of the same reasons you've listed. I wanted other people to help with feeds, especially at night for DH to share the waking up.

I never encountered any nasty comments or looks at all. Good luck to you with whatever you decide.

CaptainSinker · 15/10/2014 12:23

You are not a horrible person!
Your choice, do what is right for you.

However all new parents should expect sleep deprivation, not just breastfeeding ones! Breastfeeding is a natural relaxant, so most breastfeeding mums find they can get back to sleep super quick having been woken. Breastfeeding doesn't equal shredded nipples. I never had any damage to mine.

I would suggest keeping an open mind, decide what you want to do when the baby is born. Breastfeeding can be an amazing experience. It is hard to describe to someone who hasn't experienced it, however, without sounding like a preachy pain in the arse. It might not be right for you, but equally there is no point ruling something out so early on.

Mintyy · 15/10/2014 12:24

Of course its totally up to you but don't fall in to the trap of thinking that ff babies sleep better and are easier to handle than breast fed babies. You are going to have sleepless nights and be knackered, no matter what!

ImNotAFlower · 15/10/2014 12:31

We make different choices every single day of our lives and no one questions, this is exactly same, a choice. Why it always ends in a bun fight baffles me.
Your baby your choice.
I didn't BF feed either of mine and have never regretted it I do however admire any woman who does. You do what is right for you, your baby and your family.

Teladi · 15/10/2014 12:42

You should do what you want to do.

I spoke to a few mums in hospital who were going to ff from birth. The lady next to me told me she planned to bf until her milk properly came in as she felt strongly about the benefits of colostrum, then she was going to ff. Interestingly most of these women were having their second/third child. Having struggled with bf I can imagine this being a choice I would consider.

Most of the women I know with one child bf for some time (days, weeks, months) then switched to ff.

I have one child and she was fed breastmilk via bottle for 5 months and then was subsequently ff. We didn't get better sleep when she was ff. Expressing didn't make me feel like Daisy the Cow most of the time, and that was me doing it ALL the time, so I probably should have felt like a production line. It's funny that when you are actually in the situation, some things that seem (pre-children) like they would be really weird actually aren't.

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