Anyone chosing not to breastfeed?

[kitkat321]

I'll looking for some reassurance that I'm not alone.

I'm surrounded by pregnant women in my birthing classes who are all determined to breastfeed their babies but it really does not appeal to me. I see mums cheering on other struggling mothers during the first few weeks and telling them that the lack of sleep, shredded nipples etc will all be worth it and just to keep trying.

I've spoken to many friends/family who tried it and found it unbelievably difficult and after weeks of struggle and stress switched to formula which immediately improved their situation. Their kids are now happy, healthy toddlers and they certainly don't seem to have suffered any ill effects from not being breastfed.

This probably sounds unbelievably selfish but I don't want to be the only person who can feed my baby - I want to be able to rely on DP or grandparents to give me a bit of a break. I don't believe that breastfeeding creates a better bond that forumula feeding. I can get quite easily stressed/flustered and need my own space and feel that by breast feeding I'd be setting myself up for a fall.

I'd does seem to me that it's frowned upon to suggest that you have chosen not to breastfeed for any reasons other than medical ones. Everyone want's to tell me to give it a go - it will help me get my figure back etc and while I smile and nod and say I'll probably try it the honest answer is that I don't want to.

Please tell me I am not a horrible person and not the only one who feels like this!

But what has "good parenting" got to do with this thread, which is about formula feeding?

FWIW I think Minipie's comparison is right. There are known health risks to formula feeding* and there are known health risks to smoking while pregnant. That said most FF babies and most babies of mothers who smoked will be perfectly healthy with no issues. It's a perfectly reasonable comparison.

*usual disclaimer - not all women CAN BF, there are health reasons why many can't.

Because it has been implied that mothers who ff from birth don't care about their babies the same way that mothers who bf do.

Its not about not being "bothered", theres more physical work required in making up formula anyway, its about choosing not to.

Was my friend more "bothered" about her kids than I was about mine? Well no, clearly not.

I breasted all of mine for between 1 and 3 years and even I find the comments about smoking in pregnancy bloody offensive. You'd need to be spectacularly thick not to understand the difference.

Owl what's the difference? Of course there is a (big) difference in degree but IMO the basic principle is the same - does a woman have a right to do what she wants with her own body even if it's not the best thing for her child.

I admit the folic acid comparison is better though. What do you think about a woman who decides she won't take folic acid?

The thing is taking a folic acid once a day doesn't really compare. I am 8 weeks in breastfeeding DD2. It is way, way harder than ff. It takes far longer, is physically and emotionally exhausting, has tied me to my bed, and it can be excruciatingly painful (DD1, thankfully not DD2).

I learned how to ff in an hour with DD1. I'm still struggling 8 weeks in with bf. Sterilising 6 bottles once/twice a day and opening cartons is not difficult or time consuming.

If it wasn't for the short and long term health benefits of bf I would stop. I wouldn't judge a mother for deciding bf was just too much to take on. I rely on my DH, my Dad and MIL to a huge degree. A single parent with no support? No way would I still be breastfeeding.

Choosing to smoke and choosing not to take folic acid (despite being aware of the risks to the baby's health) is negligent.

To suggest these actions are in the same league as not breastfeeding is ludicrous. Using formula is not negligent, and nor does it pose a risk to a baby's health (insert usual disclaimer about hygiene and bottle sterilising and making up formula feeds according to the correct guidelines).

There's only one thing I'd judge a woman for when it comes to feeding, and that's not feeding the baby at all.

I know it's not a perfect comparison stargirl - that's why I used the giving up smoking example first - because that is hard work (I presume) - but of course that's not a perfect comparison either for reasons already pointed out. I can't think of a perfect comparison.

I wouldn't judge anyone, ever, for giving up BFing quickly if it didn't come easily - I know it can be bloody hard (DD was premature and tongue tied...). I must admit though that I would judge someone who didn't even try it out to see if it might come easily, or try to BF just for a day or two for the colostrum. I can't really see the hard work involved in doing that.

Fully appreciate the OP probably doesn't care what I think though

mini, for me, breastfeeding was very very painful for about 2-3 months. I was on paracetamol and ibuprofen for over a month. Hence I can completely understand why someone wouldn't want to breastfeed just for the colostrum, and rather go straight to ff.

Also just so everyone is aware, there are occasions when FF is actually better for the baby than breast milk. There are some babies that can't tolerate BM (either due to multiple allergies or unknown allergies).

Eeek - I really didn't expect such a huge response and did not start this thread to start a bun fight - I generally wanted reassurance that I'm not the only person who has no desire whatsoever to breast feed.

It's been good to read the opinions of others and to see that other people feel the same. I admire and support anyone who choses to bf. Unfortunately though, I don't have anyone around me with positive stories to use as an example - my friends all felt that it ruined their early days with their baby and now regret doing it - and they are all much more laid back than me which is therefore why I don't want to do it.

To those that said ff does not mean the baby will sleep more - I'm under no illusions on this however with a ff baby my DP can take on a larger share of the feeding which will hopefully help me get some more sleep - that's one of several reasons I'm more inclined to ff.

I'm glad some other people have found this thread useful too.

I am spectacularly thick. Why is the smoking comparison wrong? A lot of women find giving up smoking spectacularly difficult, physically and mentally demanding. Many other women find breast feeding a walk in the park. So that can't be the reason.

Of course formula feeding across total populations poses health risks - these are fully documented and evidenced. That there are exceptions or that those risks are small or that the mother has weighed them up against the benefits doesn't mean they don't exist.

Having tried to bf twice now, I do understand. I don't know if I could go through this again. It's just been awful with both of my girls for very different reasons. Breastfeeding is just a litany of problems. You sort one out and then another rears it's head.

I don't have anyone around me with positive stories to use as an example - my friends all felt that it ruined their early days with their baby and now regret doing it

That's a real shame, but not uncommon I suspect. I found the early days (weeks/months) of BFing hard, until I got proper help - but fwiw I don't regret BFing - I regret not getting the right help earlier. Sadly the right help is very hard to come by, especially on the NHS, and many women never get it.

I no I already told my story here but I found fb very hard and it did make the first few days really difficult and it affected the bond but that's why I chose to stop, I left that choice very open to myself so I didn't feel trapped and so I deffiently don't regret trying... The way I see it bf didn't work for us, the first few days were incredibly hard but atleast my baby got the colostrum and I no that I did the best for my baby in the first few days, there's nothing to regret for me. Again I'm not trying to tell anyone what to do, just letting you no that not everyone in your friends situation (or atleast similar) regret doing it. And the help I got in hospital from the nhs with breast feeding was brilliant, so some women do get lucky with that one

what's the difference

Well, a baby will die if it isn't fed something. Fairly obvious really.

Anyway, the whole argument has gone nuts if people have started likening FF to smoking whilst pregnant.

Agree ....think I got lost somewhere between the smoking and folic acid conundrums.

Shame these threads seem to end up way off.... Glad Kitkat came back and has obviously found it an interesting read....

Don't base your decisions on what your friends went through OP, everyone is different. And I say that as someone who is mix feeding my 10 week old. The first week is bloody hard but I'm really glad I stuck with it now. The most important thing is support from bf clinics, mw and HV.

'Unrealistic and unnecessary excuses'....

Perhaps

I didn't give any excuses ....never ever even crossed my mind to....can't really think of any anyhow....

I found as a mature professional and informed woman a simple 'I've chosen not to' did the trick just fine.

I am another one who doesn't understand why someone would choose to not even give it a go ... it's like saying a book is crap without actually reading it

When I was pregnant with my DS I decided that I would try to bf but not beat myself up over it if it didn't work out. When he was born, he didn't really latch well, we were sent home without him getting a proper feed, which ended up with him not waking up to feed because he had no energy - so a vicious cycle.

I expressed colostrum and topped up with formula for a few days until he was feeding well from a bottle, I decided there and then to just FF but my midwife and husband encouraged maybe some would call it pressure to give bf another go. I'm so glad they did, my milk came in and he fed like a dream, there are pros and cons, just like with anything really but IME the pros outweighed the cons.

Cons - doing all the feeding by myself, not being confident enough to bf in public, no drinking (I was so ready for wine after 9 months), feeling like I had to explain myself a lot (both our families never breastfed so they just didn't understand why "I didn't just give him a bottle").

Pros - all the health benefits that breast milk gives baby, hardly any shitty nappies, got to hold my baby ALL the time without sharing him , sat on my arse and watched tv/stuffing my face while feeding. I had no sleep problems with him, putting him on the boob always settled him straight away, expressed regularly and had a stash built up so that I could leave him for a few hours if needs be.

PS - I don't feel breastfeeding gave us an amazing bond, I haven't bonded with him anymore than my husband. I lost weight slowly and steadily but nothing drastic and just at the same pace as friends of mine who FF. I never experienced mastitis or shredded nipples. I stopped at 7 months and went onto FF - bottles/sterilising/heating up/cooling down really is a fucking pain.

I know the OP has already essentially made up her mind but thought I'd write out how it was for me as it might just encourage someone who is undecided to give it a go. I'm expecting no 2 atm and the same rules apply, i'll try to bf and hopefully it'll work out, if not no big deal but at least I tried!

Ok maybe it's not like saying a book is crap but it's like having an opinion on it with out reading it!

PS - love how people are writing fb instead of bf - i'm reading "facebook" in my head every time!

It's more like saying "I am not interested in that genre of book, so I won't bother starting to read it". You can know that something doesn't interest or appeal to you without trying it. OK - you might have been wrong if you had tried, but there are plenty of things in life that you don't try because they don't appeal to you.

I'm not planning to breastfeed. I've always been put off by the general idea, but was planning on giving it a go. I'm scared though. I've heard so many people say it's really difficult and often painful, and a relative who recently had a baby says she wishes she hadn't done it, has hated it. I know how easily I get stressed and upset and don't want the early days of my baby's life to be experienced like that. However, I was still going to give it a go. But one thing has completely put paid to that plan once and for all. I take medication for anxiety (which has become antenatal depression). The medication I take is safe during pregnancy but cannot be taken while breastfeeding. My husband and I have come to the conclusion that it's really not a good idea for me to come off my medication, and that overall it's best for all of us if my mental health is good. So, whatever the benefits of breastfeeding, I won't be doing it. And I'm confident that that's the right decision for our family.

I started out with good intentions but breastfeeding just didn't work for us. DS couldn't get the hang of it and we had to supplement with syringe feeds of formula. Plus I was suffering from medical complications following birth which meant I struggled to manage feeds. By day 4 DS was fully formula fed.

The down-side is that formula-fed babies are more likely to suffer from things like constipation and excess wind. My DS had both of these and it made for some rough times. However, it did mean that DH could help with night feeds, which felt like a lifesaver sometimes. And it was easy to keep up with DS's demand for milk as he got older. (Something some of my NCT buddies struggled with.) There's pros and cons with each...you have to do what you think is best. But I agree with the earlier poster who said wait until the baby is born. You may feel differently on the big day. Good luck