Anyone chosing not to breastfeed?

[kitkat321]

I'll looking for some reassurance that I'm not alone.

I'm surrounded by pregnant women in my birthing classes who are all determined to breastfeed their babies but it really does not appeal to me. I see mums cheering on other struggling mothers during the first few weeks and telling them that the lack of sleep, shredded nipples etc will all be worth it and just to keep trying.

I've spoken to many friends/family who tried it and found it unbelievably difficult and after weeks of struggle and stress switched to formula which immediately improved their situation. Their kids are now happy, healthy toddlers and they certainly don't seem to have suffered any ill effects from not being breastfed.

This probably sounds unbelievably selfish but I don't want to be the only person who can feed my baby - I want to be able to rely on DP or grandparents to give me a bit of a break. I don't believe that breastfeeding creates a better bond that forumula feeding. I can get quite easily stressed/flustered and need my own space and feel that by breast feeding I'd be setting myself up for a fall.

I'd does seem to me that it's frowned upon to suggest that you have chosen not to breastfeed for any reasons other than medical ones. Everyone want's to tell me to give it a go - it will help me get my figure back etc and while I smile and nod and say I'll probably try it the honest answer is that I don't want to.

Please tell me I am not a horrible person and not the only one who feels like this!

I breastfed my last two children for a couple of weeks and gave in due to shredded nips and mastitis.

This time I may not be able to breastfeed at all due to medication that I need to take But keep reminding myself that formula isn't poison and my meds are non negotiable.

I had a horrific time with DS. Absolutely horrific. Atrocious advice, actual malpractice from a qualified lactation consultant, and it ended in expressing for 8 months after trying in vain to feed and supplement with expressed milk for 4. I had post natal depression in consequence and didn't love DS until he was one. All horrendous.

DD also had a tongue tie and still can't latch well, but unlike DS she always got lots of milk, and though the latch is still wrong and she has no interest in correcting it at all despite much trying and expert support, by 7 months it no longer hurts and feeding her is nice, plus free and massively convenient. (DS, and feeding him my milk cost several times what formula would have done, even if monetary cost were the only kind). So I'm glad I tried, and glad I persisted.

DS should have gone on to formula at 6 weeks, though. Infinitely better for us both. Shitty breastfeeding relationships trigger a LOT of post natal depression and I think trying is great, if it works that's lovely, but the important thing is to balance the baby and the mother and their relationship, however you do it.

It's not really worth giving up for 6 weeks though, IMO. That's when you really start to get a sense of whether it's going to work. The beginning isn't hard for everyone, but it is for most, and given breastmilk is far better, and they can say that with the same sort of certainty they can about climate change and vaccination (though blessedly with rather less dramatic downsides), IMO it's worth giving it a good go.

Oh, but GOOD breastfeeding advice is worth its weight in gold. I have successfully fed a baby with a high palate even after tt was cut because I was taught how. It's a skill, and one most midwives should not try to teach, but do. They're about as expert as your Uncle Fred is in giving driving lessons.

It's so interesting to hear both points.

I'm undecided. But I know if im happy, baby will be too. I would rather she fed and put on weight, than I succumbed to what you should supposedly do.

I definitely will try and my OH and I have had great talks with midwives and other parents, so we will see.

OP, as long as you don't have the same opinions about BF as the deplorable Josie Cunningham , you are not a horrible person, just making an informed personal decision!

Honeybear - OK that's fair enough and I obviously didn't interpret the OP that way - apologies OP.

....but I have been on this board a long time and many discussions of this nature are clearly started to provoke a FF v BF bun fight.

Of course the OP is entitled to support but I don't see the need to itemise all the usual anti BF cliches/myths and referring to women who BF as "Daisy the Cow" and "milk cows" is horrible. As is saying FFers don't bond with their babies.

It's utter, utter rubbish that breastfeeding mums and babies have a stronger bond. Let's not beat around the bush calling it a 'bond', let's just call it love because that's what people really mean. I've got one bf baby and one ff baby. I don't love my bf baby more than my ff baby.

OP If you're sure in your decision, I suggest buying a Tommee Tippee perfect prep machine. Best £65 I've spent.

I felt very much like Daisy the Cow whilst attached to my breast pump.

Me too, I feel like a milking parlour when attached to the pump (medela swing, it's excellent).

But saying that, as much as it's great for DH to do the bottle feeding (and it is), me bf means I get to sit and watch TV with a cuppa as no-one else can do it!

This is basically a thread about not even bothering trying what is best of your baby with loads of PPs saying the OP should not feel guilty etc. Not even trying it means she will have no idea whether it would have been easy and convenient and good for her and her baby or not. Trying to give your baby colostrom is a good idea. One feed just after the birth boosts your child's immunity.

Saying your child is healthy and has never been bf does not mean bf does not boost immunity. It's like saying you smoke and don't have lung cancer. It doesn't prove that all the evidence was wrong and smoking is not harmful. Smoking makes getting lung cancer more likely and bf tends to boost immunity.
Also not one person has said people who ff cannot bond with their babies. Yet everyone keeps saying someone has.

No one is saying the research around the benefits of colostrum is wrong.

And its not about "not bothering" either. Its about women being able to choose how they want to feed their baby. Its their body, and if they simply don't want to then that is a good enough reason not to.

To imply that they somehow don't care about their baby the way people who bf do is completely offensive and rude.

FWIW I have a friend who breastfed both her kids, but she didn't clean her house at all, and left them in bursting nappies and dirty clothes. There were many other issues. SS took her kids away and now (4 years on) all the contact she has is an hour a week supervised. She looked down on me very openly because I ff and I didn't co sleep. We would sit in her shit tip of a house with a path from the sofa to the door between the mountains of rubbish and crap while she told me I wasn't doing the best for my baby. But where are her kids now?

I do agree that breast is best, of course a mothers milk is the best milk for a baby, but I believe that women have the right to have a choice more, and I would never judge anyone on how they feed their baby. I will judge them if they are shit parents, but the two issues are not related.

'Bf creates an unbelievable bond' you then talk of hormone play in this and touch on bf babies are held closer to mother longer....

And this NOT a thread about 'Not even bothering' as you so nicely put it ....but one in which Op asked if she was alone in her feelings regarding her views on BF.

So, lots here who say it's entirely a woman's decision not to even try breastfeeding - despite the health benefits for the baby - simply because she doesn't want to.

Do you say the same about a pregnant woman who doesn't even try to give up smoking - despite the health benefits for the baby - simply because she doesn't want to?

If you think there is a difference, what's the difference?

(My view is that a woman is entirely entitled to do what she wants with her own body - and that includes smoking in pregnancy, not even trying to give colostrum, etc. That said, I will judge women negatively for both, albeit not to the same degree).

I think Op has had some excellent advice and some very honest opinions which is what the thread was about....

The Op sounds to me like she will absolutely 'bother to do' the very best for both her baby and family life....

All the best Op

A woman smoking in pregnancy will actually harm her baby.

A woman ff from birth will not.

Thats the long and short of it.

What a fucking ridiculous comparison to make.

What a ridiculous comparison....

Not giving colostrum is now on a par with possibly subjecting an unborn baby to ingest cigarette smoke....

I think I've heard it all now....

Minipie that has to be the worst comparison I have ever seen. Smoking actually harms the baby, formula is a perfectly healthy alternative to bm.

I didn't know who Josie Cunningham was until I've just read the link below....

What a hideous individual she is.

Nah, I think this is the worst comparison I've ever seen.

FWIW I have a friend who breastfed both her kids, but she didn't clean her house at all, and left them in bursting nappies and dirty clothes. There were many other issues. SS took her kids away and now (4 years on) all the contact she has is an hour a week supervised. She looked down on me very openly because I ff and I didn't co sleep. We would sit in her shit tip of a house with a path from the sofa to the door between the mountains of rubbish and crap while she told me I wasn't doing the best for my baby. But where are her kids now?

This thread sums up why I already know I won't be seeking advice about FFing on Mumsnet, or from HCPs for that matter. Baby feeding threads are asshole magnets.

That wasn't a comparison. I was demonstrating how good parenting and feeding methods are not related.

Somewhere that makes me feel very sad....I for one would be happy to offer you any advice if you wanted it....there are also some great posts on here from ladies who have fed their babies using both ff and bf....

I would hate to think that as a mother who chose to eff her baby I for one would be likened to a Josie Cunningham type....

I say it jest as I know that wasn't the intention at all.

Argh wrote a long post and lost it.

WhyoWhy where do you draw the line between doing harm and not doing the best for the baby?

What about a mother who didn't want to take folic acid for example? Is that ok or not ok?

I would say give BF a go- you might find it's not so bad after all or it might help you know that FF is better for you and baby. You might find that combined BF and FF works for you. (Also, have you read the list of ingredients in formula milk?)