Anyone chosing not to breastfeed?

[kitkat321]

I'll looking for some reassurance that I'm not alone.

I'm surrounded by pregnant women in my birthing classes who are all determined to breastfeed their babies but it really does not appeal to me. I see mums cheering on other struggling mothers during the first few weeks and telling them that the lack of sleep, shredded nipples etc will all be worth it and just to keep trying.

I've spoken to many friends/family who tried it and found it unbelievably difficult and after weeks of struggle and stress switched to formula which immediately improved their situation. Their kids are now happy, healthy toddlers and they certainly don't seem to have suffered any ill effects from not being breastfed.

This probably sounds unbelievably selfish but I don't want to be the only person who can feed my baby - I want to be able to rely on DP or grandparents to give me a bit of a break. I don't believe that breastfeeding creates a better bond that forumula feeding. I can get quite easily stressed/flustered and need my own space and feel that by breast feeding I'd be setting myself up for a fall.

I'd does seem to me that it's frowned upon to suggest that you have chosen not to breastfeed for any reasons other than medical ones. Everyone want's to tell me to give it a go - it will help me get my figure back etc and while I smile and nod and say I'll probably try it the honest answer is that I don't want to.

Please tell me I am not a horrible person and not the only one who feels like this!

People always seem to think it is a choice of breast or bottle. Some people happily do both.

Personally, I think everyone should give it a go, medical/psychological reasons excepted. If it doesn't work, fine but you don't actually know until you try it and can't really base a decision on what you think others experienced - it's different for everyone. I also think it's a shame when a baby misses out on the colostrum that's produced before the milk comes in just because I see that as irreplaceable.

However, I was bottle fed and am healthy and I certainly don't resent my mother for not even trying to breastfeed me so no, I don't the I think you are a horrible person :)

I made my decisions for me. Others are obviously free to choose differently.

Another one for the colostrum option. This is really just because I'm likely to have a c section and with my first 2 bf was just really difficult.

I'm going to buy a starter pack of actimel and plan to fb for early days in hospital only.

If somehow #3 gets going with it unlike the other 2 then there's nothing wasted.

I know I want dr browns bottles and I don't sterilise so I feel fairly confident about feeding choices this time

Don't be fooled into thinking that ff babies sleep better. My mixed fed second baby sleeps better than my ff first baby.

I have trouble with milk supply due to medical reasons and so ds1 ended up being FF but I am successfully mix feeding DS2 and he has no confusion between breast and bottle and latches on beautifully.

I like that other people can give him a bottle, but I also like that he's benefitting from my breastmilk. Have you thought about at least giving the colostrum after the birth? As that's the really great stuff.

I'm in a slightly different position (2nd baby). We tried BF with DD and I think she probably got more blood than milk in the 5 days we tried as she shredded my nipples. She was also getting dehydrated and I found myself dreading her waking up.

This time we'll be going straight to FF - I have no desire to relive that experience and DH doesn't want to either. We found FF great last time. My DM was able to feed DD while I was sent back to hospital and I think we all enjoyed giving DD bottles. We did it the lazy and expensive way with ready made formula. So I didn't have to get out of bed - just take a carton, sterilised bottle and mini scissors to bed.

This time we're going to start on the mini starter bottles, get a Tommee Tippee perfect prep machine for after the first few days and have ready made for going out.

I read a lot about BF/FF when we switched last time and I am very comfortable with our decision.

I tried to bf with my first and it wouldn't work and I got so stressed out that when it came to having my second I was absolutely going straight to ff.

I have bonded with them both and they are both healthy children. I remember after the birth of DD2 DH and the midwife saying was I absolutely sure and I said yes and that was the end of that.

Do what is right for you and you will be fine. Each method of feeding presents its own challenges just as each has its benefits.

To the people who say they cannot understand why anyone would not want to bf, I find that very cold and lacking in empathy. People are different, and just because you found something easy does not mean everyone else does.

Yes I also can't relate to the 'can't understand why someone wouldn't just give it a go'....

But then many wouldn't relate to my approach I guess....

With my first one I decided not to and im not even gonna put the reason on here coz im sure some breastfeeding lovers would prob eat me alive?? but with my second one on the way I'm actually thinking of give it a go, anyway my point whatever the choice u make its yours and yours only and if someone don't like it tell them where to go...! I told one of my midwife and she shut up for rest of my pregnancy...! Haha good luck x

Don't do it if you don't want to.

I really really struggled with breastfeeding and fought very very hard for it. I wish I hadn't. I am now in a complex situation where my multiple allergy child is refusing to drink any other suitable milk. I wish I had given her (hypo) formula, and I genuinely believe it would have been better for her than breast milk in the long term.

Best can be the best, but not ALL the time. What the baby needs most of all, is a happy mum!

Bf creates an unbelievable bond. The hormones released during feeding make the mother feel overwhelming love like I have never experienced before. Personally I feel like it was worth bf'ing for that alone. Even if hormones weren't released bf'ing tends to increase the amount of time you spend holding your baby close to you. It comforts them instantly. You can choose not to bf but it is not true that bf'ing does not strengthen the bond between a mother and child.

Your not alone. I'm pregnant with my 5th baby and I'm not even going to bother trying like I did with my other 4, I find it stressful, tiring, painful etc. The midwife hasn't pressured me this time, I told her that I'm not interested and don't want the stress, I just want to enjoy my NB. Do what u feel is best.

BFing can also put you in a situation where your baby wakes up every hour at night. After that, forget happy hormones being released, you won't even have energy to pull yourself out of bed.

A bond can be created whether you breast feed or ff your child. Also it is insulting if you have adopted a child.

A mother bonds with their child whether FF or BF and to suggest otherwise is ridiculous and is on what basis?

Who suggested someone who ff can't bond with their baby? Bf'ing strengthens the bond. How does that insult adopters? Even if it did that wouldn't make it less true.

It's insulting to suggest you can only bond with your child if you breast feed - that's how I read previous post!

lornemalvo it is not always true that bf strengthens the bond between mother and child or that a bf mother holds her baby more.

I bf DS for 9 hellish weeks. It was a nightmare. As soon as I started ff at 9weeks, I felt so much more bonded and closer to him, I felt a rush of love like no other looking down at him feeding...from a bottle - that hadn't happened when bf because I was too stressed. I held my baby just as much after swapping to ff - he was a Velcro baby until 6months. Plus DS failed to thrive on bm but absolutely thrived on ff.

That said I will be attempting to bf this one. I want her to get the colostrum, then I will see how things feel after that point, maybe this one will be easier and maybe there will be support to bf this time (not just pressure and zero support like last time) - my midwife tells me they have a few bf support workers now and a bf group at my local sure start centre. But if it doesn't I won't hesitate to swap to ff. That's what's right for my family and my bond.

Whyowhy - I agree you and everyone else should feed their baby as is best for their family. Good luck with whichever method you choose this time. I hope bf'ing works well for you as when it does it really is lovely. I am not anti ff at all.

Mooney 1 - I actually use the phrase 'strengthen the bond' in both posts. I think you are misreading what I wrote as you are defensive on the topic. There does not seem much point in typing it again.

I completely agree with you kitkat and glad im not the only one that thinks it. I am secretly dreading the conversation with the midwife but will be sticking to my guns. Ill be buying those premade bottles you can get in boots especially for your hospital bag

Kitkat...

I don't breastfeed and haven't with any of my children.

The eldest are twins and I thought it would be difficult. I was never encouraged to and actually glad I didn't as my son was so hungry I don't think I would have ever got a break ! Just for the record, the twins have been healthy, met every milestone and been brighter than average.

I have just had my third baby and he is formula fed. I had no intention of breastfeeding - infact it didn't cross my mind. None if the health professionals tried to change my mind about formula feeding - infact they were supportive. I don't feel any less bonded to my baby - or like I've missed out.

I know it's a taboo and that I will get flamed for this - but the bottom line is I don't like the idea of me breastfeeding. I know it's natural and I don't begrudge anyone else for doing it - infact I admire those who do - it's just not for me.

lorne that may be true for many people but not all, it's not a fact, bf my son made me cry, it hurt and I couldn't handle how relentless it was along side recovering from a horrible birth, I gave up after 3 days as I cried every time he started routing and dreaded feeding and have spent every day since falling more and more in love with my baby, we do just as much skin to skin as we did when bf and I think that helps a lot, I can promise you my bond with my baby is just as strong as any other mother with her bf baby.

OP I had the same view as you, I wasn't afraid, just didn't want to do it! It's never appealed, but I decided I'd try it anyway partly due to the pressure from the midwife when pregnant, but mainly as it's better for the baby. The first feed after he'd been born was amazing, he latched straight on and we just lay there for an hour while he fed and it was lovely. I made a massive mistake in not taking any nipple cream with me and within 12 hours my nipples were horribly dry and cracked and bleeding, DS was latching well and we got amazing support in the hospital but it started to hurt so much that every time he started routing (which was atleast every hour) I dreaded feeding him even tho I obviously loved him and I cried through every feed. I'd even told while pregnant I cudnt express or mix feed until 6 weeks but when I told the midwife I was going to give up bf she revealed that I may aswell express as it may work, so I tried expressing and mix feeding but ultimately it didn't work and by day 4 it was exclusive ff. I felt unbelievable guilt for giving up so quickly (I still do) but everyone compleatly supported my decision and told me I had nothing to feel guilty for, iv had nothing but support since. I made a point of still ff with skin to skin contact and I hold my baby as much now as I did when bf, DP gets to do 2 feeds a day (sometimes less, occasionally more) and this has strengthened their bond and we are all a lot happier than we would have been if I'd have struggled on. I feel I made the best choice for us as I wasn't enjoying my baby, but if I had a second baby I would deffiently try again, but I'd do it differently, I'd take nipple cream and good bras with me to the hospital, and I'd get an electric pump (my manual one was rubbish) and start expressing as soon as I felt like it to allow the baby to get breast milk for as long as possible, but if it didn't work out again I'd be fine with it as I no that ultimately it makes no difference to the baby's happiness, but the mums state of mind does. Im not trying to encourage you to do this, just telling my own experience (like I say I still feel guilty so it feels good to get it out). It's a very personal choice and you just have to do what makes you feel comfortable

Like others, I don't really understand the point of this thread/OP.

You say, "my post was also to give others the opportunity to express a similar opinion - people who might not feel so confident in expressing this opinion" and this comes across as pretty patronising to me.

You seem confident that you have made the right decision for you. I can't see why the decisions and opinions of other mothers regarding bf/ff are really any of your business, or why you feel the "opportunity" to express a similar opinion is yours to give.

I also think that comparing a bf woman to a cow is pretty offensive, to be honest.

Nope, never wanted to bf my DD, and didn't. I'd had a hard pregnancy, really tough with bleeding, vomiting, spd, and finally pre eclampsia. I just wanted my body back - so DD was ff from the very first feed. No guilt, I did what was right for me as my mental health was in shreds after the pregancy and DD's illness when born. I simply couldn't see myself bf in public, in front of my family - it just was not for me at all.

Do what feels right for you, OP.

BFing can also put you in a situation where your baby wakes up every hour at night.

No, it's having a baby that puts you in that situation. :)

Trying (and failing) to breastfeed my first child was a miserable and frightening experience. She was starving and dehydrated and she'd have attacks of jittering - probably low blood sugar.

I never want to go through that again, so I expect I'll move straight to formula with baby #2.

I wanted to breast feed and did to an extent but supplemented with formula. Breastfeeding at night was awesome as no getting out of bed. However could not hack the continuous feeding that my baby needed during the day. I.e. 1.5 hour feed followed by 20 min break followed by next feed. No time to take any care of myself (simple things like showering and eating) so midwife suggested supplementing to save my sanity! I did not find it a bonding experience at all. Having said all that i think it's worth giving it a try because you could turn out to be someone who loves it and colustrum is the important stuff so even if you just stuck it out for a few days you have done something really worthwhile for your baby. I'm giving it another go with this next one but not torturing myself if it doesnt work out.