Anyone chosing not to breastfeed?

[kitkat321]

I'll looking for some reassurance that I'm not alone.

I'm surrounded by pregnant women in my birthing classes who are all determined to breastfeed their babies but it really does not appeal to me. I see mums cheering on other struggling mothers during the first few weeks and telling them that the lack of sleep, shredded nipples etc will all be worth it and just to keep trying.

I've spoken to many friends/family who tried it and found it unbelievably difficult and after weeks of struggle and stress switched to formula which immediately improved their situation. Their kids are now happy, healthy toddlers and they certainly don't seem to have suffered any ill effects from not being breastfed.

This probably sounds unbelievably selfish but I don't want to be the only person who can feed my baby - I want to be able to rely on DP or grandparents to give me a bit of a break. I don't believe that breastfeeding creates a better bond that forumula feeding. I can get quite easily stressed/flustered and need my own space and feel that by breast feeding I'd be setting myself up for a fall.

I'd does seem to me that it's frowned upon to suggest that you have chosen not to breastfeed for any reasons other than medical ones. Everyone want's to tell me to give it a go - it will help me get my figure back etc and while I smile and nod and say I'll probably try it the honest answer is that I don't want to.

Please tell me I am not a horrible person and not the only one who feels like this!

Stop being so aggressive to op - she just wants to talk to other people who have already decided, while pregnant, that they aren't going to breastfeed.

Stop questioning why she has started the thread. Why shouldn't she start the thread? It seems a perfectly valid subject to wish to discuss with other pregnant mums.

I think the pressure of breastfeeding is a bit ott tone honest - I must have been asked half a dozen bloody times if I was breastfeeding during my 12 hr stay in hospital after I gave birth.

Now I did bf because we both found it easy and I thought why not?! But it really irritated me that I was being asked all the time. Because if I wasn't then so what? As long as my baby was getting food into her then that's all that mattered.

Btw I happened to be one of the lucky ones I guess - my nipples didn't hurt, I lost all 3st of baby weight gain in 3 weeks (which I put down to bf) and dd slept through from 6 weeks old! Just hoping this next one is as straight forward now!

Good for you.
I hate all the pressure on people to breastfeed, do what you want to do without feeling pressured.
I did, but mainly from a money saving point of view and because I'm too lazy to bother with sterilising.

I'm planning to FF DS2, despite having 'successfully' BFed DS1 for fifteen bloody months. Why? The weeks of trying to get the sodding latch right, the several bouts of mastitis, the horrific sleep deprivation that fucked up my existing insomnia issues and had me on anti-depressants in the end. I had / have a lovely supportive DH who is happy to pull his weight at night, but there was only so much he could with a bottle refusing baby demanding to be breastfed every 2-3 hours for bloody months on end. At least with FFing we can divide the night up so we both get proper solid blocks of sleep.

So go for it. Don't let anyone guilt trip you either.

Not horrible and I felt the same tbh. I tried to bf DS for a day or so but he was a 36 weeker who couldn't latch, so I gave up. All the pressure from media, health professionals etc did make me feel very guilty for a while so watch out for that. There's no need to feel guilty as your baby will be fine.
Also be prepared for your milk coming in because it was very painful for me.

I planned to bf but it didn't work out.

I don't regret giving up.

The problem I had was that ds was born 3 weeks early after emergency section; he and I were ill and had to stay in hospital (ds in SCBU) for ten days.

I got him into a "routine" of feeding him expressed breast milk via a NGT and then BF him every three hours.

When we finally returned home, it all went to pot.

Ds barely slept and was constantly on the boob. I was exhausted, depressed and my boobs were blistered and painful.

I put ds onto formula and felt terribly guilty and a failure.

Ds is now 12 and fine and healthy.

I would recommend you give bf a go as it is less hassle than formula. If you don't like it, switch to formula.

Oh and DS and I are very close. For anyone to try to suggest that he would have been more loved or that we would have been closer if he'd bf is just plain nasty and absolutely not true.
And of course this is the sort of thing you should be able to post and discuss. It's a perfectly normal way to feel and fair enough to want to chat to others who felt the same way.

Absolutely agree.... bonded beautifully with exclusively ff dd and to suggest that such a closeness only occurs whilst breast feeding is utterly ridiculous....

As long as your baby is fed and you are both happy that is all that matters....breast.... Formula....whatever works for you.

I once had a similar comment that ad I don't co sleep I could never have experienced the amazing bonding and wonderful feeling you apparently get cuddled up with your baby all night

Utter tosh

'As I don't'

I had absolutely no desire to breastfeed. None at all. I have been open and honest about that from the beginning, and refuse to feel guilty about it, despite some peoples best efforts!

My ten month old has slept 12 solid hours a night from 7 weeks old, gained weight perfectly, is doing brilliant with weaning, and has never been majorly unwell apart from the odd sniffle. Bonus was that my dp could share feeding, in the early days when my baby was waking frequently at night it was a godsend!

I lost my baby weight through very gentle exercise and eating well, breastfeeding certainly helps but isn't the only way!

This goes to show, although breastfeeding is nutritionally better than formula, it is also quite possible to have perfectly healthy formula fed babies!

Do what is best for your family! Anybody who is so bothered by other peoples choices clearly have too much time on their hands!

I, too, get annoyed with the whole 'bonding better with breastfed baby' thing. It's not a competition and whatever happens there isn't a valid comparator - you don't know what would have happened if you'd fed your baby differently because you and your baby are both unique individuals.

Although I still have fond memories of my bond with my breast pump.

There are lots of proven health benefits for your baby to breastfeeding. Even just a few weeks or even days would give some benefit. That's why you're encouraged by eg the nhs to give it a go (unless there are medical reasons not to). If you're aware of that and choose not to then that's entirely your choice.

I don't agree that there is a greater bond with your baby if you breastfeed. I have seen absolutely no evidence for this whatsoever.

I breastfed my dc because I wanted them to have the health benefits of breastmilk. But I fully recognise that the benefits they got were not huge or life-changing, ultimately.

I somehow managed to breastfeed my dc without judging other women for ff. I hope that doesn't make me a rarity!

More people formula feed than breastfeed, don't they? You won't be alone OP.

Its true Humphrey, way more.

Doesn't feel like it on Mumsnet sometimes, mind!

No Mintyy, I both breastfed and formula fed my babies. I can honestly say that I found breastfeeding a bit of a pain and the hormones really screwed me up the first and last time I did it (but not the middle time, I don't know why).

The vast majority of breastfeeding mothers are not judging formula feeding mothers IMVHO.

Sorry, that should have said No, Mintyy, you are not a rarity

I have exclusively formula fed four children and intend to do so with #5 too. It's right for us and suits us down to the ground.

I am now on medication that means its definitely best for baby if I don't bf, but even if I wasn't I wouldn't be breast feeding because I do not want to.

I gave DD the colostrum and then switched to formula. I have no regrets - I knew I had to start medication that I didn't want to pass in the milk, and I went back to uni when she was 5 months old so I wouldn't reach the magic 6 months.

I've found motherhood a breeze so far. She sleeps through like a pro, has only just caught her first sniffle at six months, is so happy and healthy and smiles constantly, our bond couldn't be greater and it's insulting to say that it would be better if I'd breastfed, actually.

OP, Good for you. I wish I had decided not to breastfeed from the start. There's so much pressure and guilt tripping going on, I admire you for making your decision. Best of luck!

i'm with you too, Mintyy

good for you OP knowing your mind and sticking to your, erm, guns :)

by far the most important thing is that whatever you choose works for you and for your baby.

some ffing mums looked awkward at baby classes in the early months when they got out bottle instead of boob, and seemed compelled to offer an explanation 'bf didn't work out due to x,y,z'

made me sad that they might think others were judging as it was not the case at all. was muddling through on tiny amounts of sleep and hoping i had remembered to bring nappies/wipes/breastpads/car keys/freddie the firefly.

This thread has been really helpful for me as I can't decide whether or not to bf. I thought I had decided definitely not to but there have been some interesting points raised for me to think about. So thanks OP.

One poster mentioned that she had to continue bf as her baby refused the bottle. But what if you physically can't bf in that situation?

Of course you can FF your baby from birth - why wouldn't you be able to? It's your body to do with as you wish.

I'm a bit confused by your OP though - on one hand you say "please tell me I'm not alone" but on the other you know many women who are happily FF after struggling with BF. So evidently you are not alone. I'm not really seeing what your issue is to be honest.

tondelaylo OP says that she knows people who FF after struggling with BF. Whereas she is outright a choosing not to from the start. and wondering if she is alone. She's not asking permission, just starting discussion as other PP have said. We all need to talk about things, our choices, when we are having babies to reassure us.

In my experience, BF was so difficult and painful that it actually hurt my bond with DS. He fed so often and it hurt like hell and was so physically taxing that I dreaded every feed. When I finally gave up and switched to FF it was a relief and made me feel so much happier with him. I bonded very well with him and we still have a strong bond 3 years later.

Before I had DS, I felt similar to you, OP. Very wary of bf, worried about pain and turning into a milch cow. The whole idea put me off BUT I decided to give it a try anyway to see if I would maybe get lucky and have a positive experience. I didn't but I feel glad that I tried at least and can compare between FF and BF as a result. Second time around with DC2 (due next month!) I'm going to give it a try again just because. It is worth trying just to see I think because otherwise you'll never know. It might not be as bad as you think! And if it is, well you can just switch to formula.

I didn't like FF either as it happens and hated the smell of the stuff and the hassle of making bottles but once I gave up BF I had to stick to formula as that was that. FF only is a very final decision whereas if you try BF you can always supplement a little or mix feed.