Horrible 20 week scan (having a bit of a rant!)

[Roseblossom2]

Well I was all nervous and excited for my 20w scan last friday, thinking I will see a bit more and get a bit more info but it was rubbish :(

The lady doing the scan was really off, and said nothing to me and my partner once she'd asked me to get on the bed. She never said what she was scanning for or anything (I'd done my internet research so I wasn't in the dark, just thought she wouldn't have done it in silence!)

So about 4 or 5 minutes in I say "If you manage to see please could you let me know what I'm having"

"You're having a baby" was her response abruptly... and not in a joking manner.

So she carries on and shakes at my belly because my baby wasn't for moving. I ask her if she wants me to have a cough or wriggle onto my side.
"No, why would I ask you to do that?"

The only reason I offered was because the previous (very nice) lady at the scan had me doing that and a bit of jiggling on the spot to stood up.

Anyway... I end up asking again about the sex and she just replies back immediately 95% girl.

I asked if we could buy a picture of the scan and she said yes, but didn't really try and get an angle of the baby or anything, so when it printed off it was a mess, barely resembles a baby (luckily our 10 and 12 week scan were brilliant)

So everyone I know and my partner were convinced I was having a boy, I was hoping a girl... but I wasn't even excited once she'd told me because she had put me in such a down mood about it all.

I didn't even know everything was ok until I got my notes back from the reception.

Instead of discussing our baby my other half just walked out from the room and said "well that was shit"

Not sure what I wanted to get out of this but I needed a vent!

I know it's not for fun is the scan, she has a job to do.. but way to bring everyone down with you! lol

Well, her manner does sound a little off, but you don't know what kind of information she has had to pass on in that room today.

And she is there to check for anomalies, which she did.

I hope your OH didn't say 'that was shit' in her hearing, that would be pretty rude. Just be happy it's done and everyone is fine.

Sorry you had such a shit time!
What a VILE women! me personally i would of told her to change her attitude otherwise she is going to be making many pregnant women unhappy that day, i also would of told her not to bring her problems to work an change her attitude!
She sounds like a horrible women I would complain and say you are not happy with how it went and would like another scan to make sure the sex was what she said it was.
I'm getting abit tired of ppl getting crap treatment when visiting hospitals or doctors this should be a happy & exciting time for people!

If you feel that her bedside manner was lacking, a letter to PALs may help you get things off your chest, and ket her manager aware of her attitude.

As a nurse, I have had to deal with horrendous situations, but it is unprofessional to let the next client be aware of what has gone before. In the public facing NHS, sometimes you just have to suck it up.

As I said, I know she has a job to do, I already explained that in my post, hence why I didn't complain about her to the reception staff, or fill the feedback form in that they usually ask me to.

And no, my OH didn't say that in front of her. He knows to have a better attitude in front of people than she did.

Saying abruptly "you're having a baby" with an awkward silence is no way to deal with someone if you've had a bad day... there are plenty of ways to answer a question without being a sarcastic so and so.

Skyra, the NHS doesn't really have money to throw away on repeat scans so people can be sure of the gender of their child.

My first response was to CorporateRockWhore sorry should have made that clear. - another thing to note is that she didn't even tell me WHY she was scanning me. But as a first time mum I had luckily already looked online.
(In previous scans it was a case of, OK I'm just measuring for..etc and a bit of a chat)

Skyra - I almost was tempted to ask about another gender scan, but it's not important I guess.. I was half thinking she had just given me any answer to spite me! her face didn't change the whole time, and she shot back so quickly with an answer despite the fact I'd already asked her once.

Thanks Goshdarnit

I was actually her first appointment back in after dinner, I always end up going in the clinic just after lunch and it's empty, then by the time I come out it's full!

I had a horrible experience at the 20 week scan. They forgot about me for an hour then the sonographer was a misery. I'd had two scans previously and the staff were lovely. I left not knowing if everything was ok as she didn't speak once, except to ask why I was crying in a really shitty way. It lasted seven minutes.

My mum paid for a private scan where the person explained everything (down to the hands being open being a good sign!) and it was lovely.

I know how you feel - I had a similar 12 week dating scan. Done by a man who said not one single word to be without me speaking first. Given that my previous 12 week scan resulted in the detection of a baby but no heartbeat (a missed miscarriage) - I was understandably very anxious.

After several minutes of silence, the tears started. I became convinced that he was saying nothing because there was a problem. I eventually plucked up the courage to ask and he then said that the baby appeared to be fine. I had to ask to see a heartbeat.

Having said all of that though, if was a rubbish scan but ultimately the purpose of NHS scans is medical and not for the parents benefit. I hope you can just be thankful that baby is OK rather than being too annoyed.

I paid for a private scan to be able to indulge in some proper baby watching and scan pictures. Well worth it, with a lot less worry.

I would put in a complaint I think if I were you ... After all a 20 week scan is all about reassuring the parents that all is ok so she should have commented on what she was checking etc as she went along..

I can understand how disappointed you are

What a shame that she spoiled what should have been an exciting happy occasion with her attitude. :( I've got mine next month and I'm so looking forward to it. I would feel really deflated if this happened.

Rose blossom, I feel I need to clarify,that she suck I up, not you.

And if you don't complain, other women may have to suffer her shitty attitude, so please don't feel too hesitant to do so.

(And many congratulations on your baby )

I went in with the idea that I may not know the gender, but that I would say I wanted to know if given the chance. If anyone scanning me would have said "sorry, just not possible" baby being awkward...etc I'd have said "ok fair enough" :)

I asked kindly if she could check if possible, I tried to make chit chat, I still smiled and was jolly despite her bad attitude...

God knows what the situation would have been if she did see anything I didn't want to hear about....

How rude, no need for that or any kind of sarcasm. I'd be putting in a complaint or asking for an apology. Chin up Hun. X

They don't talk when they're doing your 20 week scan. Or at least they shouldn't be chatting until the end regardless of personality.

You should, however, have been warned about this as you went in. They say "this is a medical scan, do not be offended if I do not talk or answer questions until the end and do not smile or crack jokes. In my case it wasn't needed as I was shaking like a leaf having had many several losses identified by scan prior to this pregnancy.

Gender predictions are always "95%". Someone I know bought everything girl... turned out to be a boy. And that was a private gender scan!

And do bear in mind, not everyone having that scan will be taking home a baby. That's the kind of 'bad day' she has to deal with - imagine if she'd had to tell someone that earlier that day (she may well have), I don't actually think it's reasonable for her to just snap out of that kind of mood and fake banter and a smile - it might explain the abruptness when you interrupted her to ask about gender when she was checking your baby was going to live after birth. Quite brutally, that's what the 12 and 20 week scans are for.

...I've just checked my letter which also stated that the room was darkened and the sonographer would be quiet.
They prefer to do it that way at many hospitals.

If I could afford private I really would. But I'm in a really bad way with my finances (another story there) so there's no chance or I'd be booking myself straight in :)

Oh no Waffle - poor you :( I felt exactly the same with the long periods of silence, I couldn't even look up at the screen because I was worried what I might see...

Rainbow - She didn't say a thing about what she was looking at, which is what made me more annoyed than the snapping at me about the gender, I got my notes back, but what it listed they were checking for made no sense to me... I got the jist from the report that all was well, and I didn't need to see the midwife after so everything SEEMED ok. But I was never told "yes your baby is looking fine"...etc :(

Goshdarnit - Thank you! I suppose your right.. I probably should have mentioned something... but I just felt like I was being soft at the time until I realised how annoyed my OH was.. and he's not a soppy type of person, doesn't say much at the appointments, so if she wound him up she did a good job! lol

Squizita

"And do bear in mind, not everyone having that scan will be taking home a baby. That's the kind of 'bad day' she has to deal with - imagine if she'd had to tell someone that earlier that day (she may well have), I don't actually think it's reasonable for her to just snap out of that kind of mood and fake banter and a smile - it might explain the abruptness when you interrupted her to ask about gender when she was checking your baby was going to live after birth. Quite brutally, that's what the 12 and 20 week scans are for."

That was exactly my point though.... She STARTED with a bad reaction to me before she had even looked at my baby... imagine if she DID have to give me some uncomfortable news after snapping at me and being sarcastic...

"If you have chance could you please tell me what I'm having"

"you're having a baby"

awkward silence

"oh wait..."

Then has to tell me something bad....

Luckily it was all ok so the most she did was put me in a shitty mood

Squizita - I didn't get a letter.

Personally I had a mixed bag one woman was similar to yours another seemed a little short but pleasant enough the best by far was a guy, he was chatty even tilted the screen so I could see and gave us lovely pictures. Like most customer service situations it's who you get! Sorry though could you afford a private scan Groupon sometimes have offers.

I think if its your first baby you don't know what's happening what's going on with the scan so it would be nice if the person was a little nicer!

I was sent for an internal scan before i was pregnant to check everything was ok as i was having problems with conceiving, i was 5min late due to traffic and she shouted at me and my husband and complained that she shouldn't even bother doing my scan so that made me feel really crappy, i wouldn't mind but there was no1 even waiting to go in next it was dead in there.

She did the scan and was very rude and even turned round and said why have you bothered having a scan everything is fine! I was glad it was fine but no need for the attitude. I was in and out within 5min she made me feel like i had wasted her time, my doctor referred me to have it done to check everything was ok.

I really hope i do not have a situation like that now im pregnant!

I've seen a couple of private scan offers groupon before but they are always at least a long bus or train journey away. Just one of those things I suppose....

Some people seem to think I wanted her to be a jolly nursey type asking about my plans for my new bouncing baby.

Far from it, being polite and sensitive would have been plenty enough.

I could have been someone she had to give bad news to.

When someone acts rushed and abrupt like that you start to wonder if they were doing their job properly or just getting through their day...

People should be polite. You should be given info before starting that they should not talk / discuss while scanning. YANBU on that count.

On the plus side though, presumably no anomalies / issues were identified?

In which case, your OH is a bit of a drama llama - it could have been a lot shitter.

Like most customer service situations it's who you get!

It's a medical procedure, not dinner in a restaurant. It sounds like she had a unfortunate manner and should have said she wouldn't be speaking much but I wouldn't be happy if the sonographer was chatting away and missed something critical.

And the NHS send literature on what the scans are for.

Parall

Anomolies - from what I can presume from my notes everything is fine, that is the only communication I got from anyone - my notes being handed to me in the reception and being told "ok that's it for you now".

I'm going to disregard your comment about my other half. I already noted further up what he is usually like. You are wrong and you don't know him. He just disliked the woman's attitude for obvious reasons and it gave the whole thing a bad vibe. But think what you like.