Horrible 20 week scan (having a bit of a rant!)

[Roseblossom2]

Well I was all nervous and excited for my 20w scan last friday, thinking I will see a bit more and get a bit more info but it was rubbish :(

The lady doing the scan was really off, and said nothing to me and my partner once she'd asked me to get on the bed. She never said what she was scanning for or anything (I'd done my internet research so I wasn't in the dark, just thought she wouldn't have done it in silence!)

So about 4 or 5 minutes in I say "If you manage to see please could you let me know what I'm having"

"You're having a baby" was her response abruptly... and not in a joking manner.

So she carries on and shakes at my belly because my baby wasn't for moving. I ask her if she wants me to have a cough or wriggle onto my side.
"No, why would I ask you to do that?"

The only reason I offered was because the previous (very nice) lady at the scan had me doing that and a bit of jiggling on the spot to stood up.

Anyway... I end up asking again about the sex and she just replies back immediately 95% girl.

I asked if we could buy a picture of the scan and she said yes, but didn't really try and get an angle of the baby or anything, so when it printed off it was a mess, barely resembles a baby (luckily our 10 and 12 week scan were brilliant)

So everyone I know and my partner were convinced I was having a boy, I was hoping a girl... but I wasn't even excited once she'd told me because she had put me in such a down mood about it all.

I didn't even know everything was ok until I got my notes back from the reception.

Instead of discussing our baby my other half just walked out from the room and said "well that was shit"

Not sure what I wanted to get out of this but I needed a vent!

I know it's not for fun is the scan, she has a job to do.. but way to bring everyone down with you! lol

It sounds like the sonographer was unnecessarily abrupt - but maybe she'd just had a really horrible scan or maybe she was trying to concentrate. I don't think she was all that rude tbh, just a bit uncommunicative.

I think it's kind of 50:50 here. She was too abrupt, but it also seems a bit like you went in with the wrong expectations. You said "I almost was tempted to ask about another gender scan" but it's really NOT a gender scan, it's an anomaly scan. I guess she might have been a bit irritated by how focused you were on the gender, given she has to deal with more serious issues all the time, and that's why she was abrupt?

Also, they often don't talk you through everything they are looking at, because if they did, it would be very obvious if they found something wrong or worrying, so it's best for them to say nothing until the end and then tell you if all is ok or not.

Anyway, hope you manage to see past this, and focus on the most important thing which is that your daughter looks to be totally healthy. Congratulations.

Thank you sand. Monte ive had your definition of bad scan/situation and id be on those boards agin discussing it because that wasnt the case this time. Just like I wont go on a thread wit a woman complainig about back ache and tell her to stop whinging because at least he back ache didnt turn into a mc. Or someone worrying about he 12w scan because at least she got to get that far. The comparisons just arent needed. If I hijacked a mc thread about this but I didnt. I Posted about my pregnancy in a pregnancyforum and I was give shit for complaining when others have had it worse.

Part of being a healthcare professional is being able to put people at ease and ensuring there are lines of communication open. Given that yes, some people will have to revive very difficult news as a result of a scan, this makes the initial greeting and explanation of the procedure even more important.

Good clinicians will be able to do this effectively in a short time span whilst still bring able to focus on the task at hand.

I think this staff member had something going on and either needs support from her superiors or, I am sorry to say, to move onto something else.

Rose i understand where you are coming from. Not quite sure why everyone is jumping on you!

We were lucky in our sonograpgher was fantastic.

Mob mentality at its finest. OP, if you have concerns about the attitude of a HCP, please speak up to the hospital so it can be looked into. This thread has descended into unnecessary unpleasantness - hide it and don't give it any more thought. And huge congrats on your impending arrival - be they pink or blue .

Honestly, I despair of mn sometimes. The OP is clearly upset - there's just no need for the nastiness on this thread.

And interesting what the person on this thread who is a sonographer said - but don't let that stop the mean posts.

Thank you eggs newhere and mrssmith If I knew how to get rid of this post I would! X

Aye mrs campbell I just thought it would be a "whinge over a cuppa" type of post not an assesmet on wht I should be greatful for

The hospital you were at didn't begin with an 'L' did it by any chance OP? I had a similar experience, also having had pg loss and the sonographer was a right miserable cow. Not once but twice, with no bedside manner or even politeness, she barely even looked at me, snapped when she did speak and was generally a complete misery. I was extremely anxious and a bit of kindness or empathy would have cost nothing.

But think for a minute to when you had a horrendous scan, imagine how you'd have felt then if you'd read your opening post at that point in time?

You're pregnant, hormonal & upset but there has been unpleasantness on both sides here. I think you should hide this thread OP go & do whatever relaxes you & enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, I hope it goes well for you.

No one is making this into a competition apart from you.

All anyone has done, very politely to begin with and then admittedly less so when you became so aggressive in your replies, is come on to say 'hang on a minute, I think you might want to rethink your definition of a bad scan'.

As I said, it's your replies to other people's comments I find offensive. You're in a tizz, I get that. And the sonographer sounds like she was seriously lacking in bedside manner. But not to apologise for your poor choice of words (horrible scan, picture was rubbish, not even excited anymore) when reminded by others of truly terrible experiences suggests an astounding lack of self awareness.

You have a healthy baby girl. Congratulations. Be grateful.

No it didnt begin with an l im afraid, mustbe more than one about or shes doing a tour!! :-)

Well said, Monten.

Its horrible when they are unfriendly like that. I had a similar sort of experience with DDs 20 wk scan back in 2012 and its not one I will forget. The sonographer didn't speak at all which was fine as I didn't want to distract her from what she was doing by asking her too many questions so i kept quiet too but at the end she took the probe off me and I asked is there any chance you can tell me the gender? and she rolled her eyes, huffed and puffed and slammed the probe back down on my stomach and was really rough with it, then said in a really off tone "it looks like a girl but I cant be sure" and just walked away off to her computer.

This time was a completely different experience, the guy explained everything he was going to do, how he would be able to tell me what the gender was and did i want to know, introduced himself, talked me through it bit by bit and gave me the pictures free as they weren't great pictures. Baby kept turning its back to the camera so couldn't get a perfect shot but he tried for a while to get the baby to turn. But it was such a different experience, just goes to show how unfriendly the woman was at DDs scan. Theres no need to project your mood onto others. I think they forget as they see so many women just how special and exciting the scans are for each person. Sorry you had to go through that but at least all is well with the baby which is the main thing in the grand scheme of things.

Evening all, can we remind everyone that our aim on Mumsnet is to make parents' lives easier by pooling and sharing advice and support? Also, play nice.

Littlepink. Your second scan sounds like all my previous scans. Itshows that its nothing to do with the job at hand when most sonographers are proffesional, caring and attenive. X

Monten im not going into it anymore with you. There were plently of women rudely telling me to get a grip and that ill prety much know what a bad scan is if I have the devastation of losing my baby, it wasnt people trying to put things in perspective it was a few moody people thinking I was being spoilt with no information on my background. This forum isnt just a support network for tthose who have had a terrible situation, but also mums and mums to be talking about all sorts and letting off steam. I didnt join a liss or bad news goup, all I did ws have a bit of a moan with other mums to be who may or may not have also been in the same annoying situation. Doesnt mean to say I havent had worse happen to me. It just means at this point in time this happened and I fancied a chat with other ladies about it as I dont have any pregnant friends or collesues to chat with so I came on here. The title of my post clearly stted I was having a rant. If I seems insignificnt to anyone they need not post. It will no doubt be insignificant to me by tomorrow.

Roseblossom I think that her attitude was unnecessary, unprofessional and incredibly uncaring. If it was me I would be writing a letter of complaint to PALS.
At my 20 week scan the sonographer talked me through what she was looking at (kidneys, lips to check for cleft palate, all the chambers of the heart etc). Where there was a time she needed to look carefully and concentrate she told me and said "don't be alarmed if I go a bit quiet in this bit, I really have to concentrate". This is how it should be - there was nothing wrong with your baby (thank goodness) therefore she should have been more reassuring. It doesn't matter what she had to say to the person before you or what happened in her lunch break, she shouldn't have behaved like that.
Sorry you had a shit scan at what should have been a more relieving and exciting time for you

Thanks monkey! I wouldnt want anyone else to have a scan like that especially when you have no idea what you will be told. Your scan sounded brilliant and more wht I came to expect after my previous scans. My oh also reminded me that when she was setting us up ready for the scan she didnt have the scanning screen up but all the other patients names on the screen on a list she was scrolling through looking for me. Then asked me for my dob while it was up on the screen with other patients listed under me. Ooops ! Id completely forgot unt he mentioned it to me.

With ds1 our 20 week scan was quite upsetting. We went in all excited and had a sonographer who was so rude. She told me how 'difficult' my baby was being in such an unfriendly manner and that because of his position she couldn't get a clear view of the spine. I nervously asked if that meant there was a problem and she said yes it could be. She then gave up and told me I'd have to come back in 2 weeks. I cried to the poor receptionist and pretty much for the entire 2 weeks imagining the worst but thankfully he was fine. I did put a complaint in against that sonographer as there was other things too that just made that appointment so awful. I later found out a few people had complained about her too. Fast forward a few years and pregnant with what should have been dc3. Then I really did have a horrific 12 week scan. The sonographer didn't say too much but just referred us straight through to the midwife. I remember coming out of the room crying and seeing everyone looking so happy and excited and then everyone looking at me, then looking away sadly. That memory will stay with me forever.Our dd had a chromosome disorder and I didn't make it past 16 weeks. Last month I had my 12 week scan for this pregnancy. The sonographer read my notes beforehand and was absolutely wonderful and gave us the most detailed scan to reassure us as best as she could everything was ok. I cried because she was so kind. So, I understand how you feel. With your first I think you expect everyone to be as excited as you and if you're not prepared for the 'silence' then it can be a bit of a let down. Thinking about it now I would rather they concentrated on checking the babys ok and let me ask my questions afterwards. But its important to know what to expect before they start the scan. This is my 5th pregnancy (2 angels) and despite the scan from my first pregnancy every other sonographer has been lovely- especially the lady who did our last scan (I wrote again to the hospital just to say how great she was, but still very professional). You know your baby is ok so try and move past it and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Not making a dig there either, like I said I remember how upset I was after our scan with ds1 because it wasn't what I expected. Lots of luck xx

I do feel for you and think it's a shame people have jumped on you a bit.

It does sound as though the woman was a bit short with you but ultimately, she did her job and I don't know if there is much cause for formal complaint.

When I went for my 20 week scan, I was told my friends to expect silence while the sonographer did the scan but actually ours was brilliant - she explained what she was checking for at each step and asked us if we wanted to find out the gender. She wasn't as cheery as the lady that did our 12 week scan but did her job well.

Maybe she was just having a bad day - if you feel so let down by it maybe a private scan might be the best option to get you excited again.

Thanks for being understanding lucky, I know youre
not having a dig.

KitkatiI cant afford a private scan, it wasnt really about bein excited it was more about lack of info. I mean ive looked through my notes and it makes little sense to me.

Luckily my midwife is brilliant and im seeing her at the beginning of oct so ill get her to explain my notes. And have a chit chat

Rose,

I can only speak for myself here, but the only reason I clicked on your thread was because of the title, and I thought that I might be able to offer you some advice or support as I had experienced what I felt to be a 'horrible' 20 week scan. However It turns out your definition of horrible is completely different to mine. Other posters have responded the way they have because the way you have written your op and subsequent posts is quite inflammatory, whether you meant them to be or not.
So I wish you all the best with your pregnancy but I do hope that you realise just how insensitive you have come across towards some other posters.

My title also says im having bit of a rantvim past explainigWhen i myself.I click on a post and realise its of no interest to me I press the back button. Not complain to the poster about what they could or should have wrote. Its not difficult to say nothig. Many posts have titles such as "help!!!!" Turns out they have a problem with their mother in law or something. Wasnt what I thought soi dont comment and I carry on somwhere else. Not tell the poster she doest needs help and give her grief about her choice of qords or trivial subject.

I'm a health professional, in the NHS in a completely different field but similar in that I deal with several patients a day on an appointment basis, carry out assessments, give diagnosis (both good and bad news) under time restraints (always in a rush) and often deal with very stressed/angry/worried patients. So I feel I can at least see it from the professionals point of view and I think, in this case, contacting PALS would be justified.

Providing a positive patient experience and making a patient feel listened to, respected and cared for is incredibly important. It makes me angry hearing stories like this because no matter how hard the actual job is, being polite and kind to patients is easy and free.

In this case, a quick 'I might not be able to talk much while I'm doing the measuring, apologies if that seems rude but I need to concentrate. But I'll try answer your questions at the end if I can' with a genuine smile costs nothing and would have gone a long way to making the OP feel more comfortable.

Just because it's the NHS doesn't mean you should expect less in the way of bedside manner.

And yes, the sonographer might have had a bad day, with a rude patient or perhaps had to give terrible news. But quite frankly that's part of the job. I'm in that kind if situation daily and I would never take that out on another patient. If I did and my manager found out there would be hell to pay. It's something they take very seriously.

Whilst her main job is the clinical skill of conducting the scan, she needs to learn how to do this without being rude. It isn't too much to ask. All patients are important and deserve respect, not just the ones who need to be told bad news.

Incidentally, every scan I've had has been great, especially the 20 week scan. You could tell sonographer really enjoyed his job and loved giving all the little details and showing us as much as possible. He managed to get all the measurements, be totally professional and very likeable all at the same time. It's not that hard.