Horrible 20 week scan (having a bit of a rant!)

[Roseblossom2]

Well I was all nervous and excited for my 20w scan last friday, thinking I will see a bit more and get a bit more info but it was rubbish :(

The lady doing the scan was really off, and said nothing to me and my partner once she'd asked me to get on the bed. She never said what she was scanning for or anything (I'd done my internet research so I wasn't in the dark, just thought she wouldn't have done it in silence!)

So about 4 or 5 minutes in I say "If you manage to see please could you let me know what I'm having"

"You're having a baby" was her response abruptly... and not in a joking manner.

So she carries on and shakes at my belly because my baby wasn't for moving. I ask her if she wants me to have a cough or wriggle onto my side.
"No, why would I ask you to do that?"

The only reason I offered was because the previous (very nice) lady at the scan had me doing that and a bit of jiggling on the spot to stood up.

Anyway... I end up asking again about the sex and she just replies back immediately 95% girl.

I asked if we could buy a picture of the scan and she said yes, but didn't really try and get an angle of the baby or anything, so when it printed off it was a mess, barely resembles a baby (luckily our 10 and 12 week scan were brilliant)

So everyone I know and my partner were convinced I was having a boy, I was hoping a girl... but I wasn't even excited once she'd told me because she had put me in such a down mood about it all.

I didn't even know everything was ok until I got my notes back from the reception.

Instead of discussing our baby my other half just walked out from the room and said "well that was shit"

Not sure what I wanted to get out of this but I needed a vent!

I know it's not for fun is the scan, she has a job to do.. but way to bring everyone down with you! lol

It sounds like the Sonographer had poor communication skills as unfortunately many ppl do, although as a hcp these skills are an important part of the job.

Yes she might have had to give bad news earlier in the day and yes actually during the scan she may be one of those that needs silence. Yes it can be irritating when the only question a patient asks is about the sex as so many ppl think that's all the scan is for (not suggesting that of you op). But none of this excuses such poor comm skills. She should have explained what the scan was for, letter of not, and explained the results, not in massive detail but just to say she'd checked everything and not seen any problems.

I don't think it would be out of order for you to send a letter to her manager to suggest she needs her comm skills improving. No need to make it a big rant but more to improve things for future patients. She may have been having a bad day (no excuse), or she may be well known in the dept for bring a misery in which case a letter from a pt might help them address it.

I say all of this as a Sonographer myself. It absolutely is the shittiest job in the world giving bad news, although nothing like as shitty as it is for the parents to hear. It's also bloody hard to paint a smile on and forget that bad news when you take the next pt in, but that's just part of the job unfortunately

I responded to them the same waythe did to me squiz. Without any consideration that my circumstances may have been the same in the past but they are too busy trying to one up on a bad situation and im not rising to it by airing what has happened to me onhere to some howprove why I was allowed to be annoyed by their standards

Youve said everything I was trying to say nothing more nothig less. thanks titty (nice name)

Next time ill get my thesaurus out little bear

I've had a 'shit' scan. I went in expecting to see my baby bounce around on the screen except I was told it was dead. Personally I would have been overjoyed to know I was carrying a healthy baby.

This isn't AIBU!

The sonographer sounds horrible. Of course the 20 week scan has a serious medical purpose and of course there are muchmuch worse outcomes than having a bitchy HCP but, speaking as a HCP who has worked in obstetrics, the vast majority of patients walk into you happy but nervous and leave very happy, and there aren't many hospital depts you can say that about. It's not appropriate or professional to bring an "attitude" into the consultation even if you aren't the gushing type. And that is especially true if you've just broken devastating news to someone- for the sake of their privacy and the next patient's fears you should at the very least treat your subsequent patients with gentleness and courtesy.

The OP wasn't trying to equate a bad attitude with bad news. There's absolutely no comparison as she has acknowledged. She's just venting about someone rude.

Forget about her OP. She's a dose. Focus on your lovely bean

Now you're just being rude OP. You're saying you're responding in kind but honestly you can't really expect someone who may have recently found out about a problem to be particularly sympathetic to you moaning that your scan was horrible because the sonographer was unpleasant.

I think you should accept it could have been better, but could have been worse & walk away from this thread.

At best, she was unprofessional. I would complain to PALS and hope she gets brought up for it. God forbid something be wrong and she have the same off attitude.

Cross post with titty. Agree with her completely.

Well, having had a properly horrible 20 week scan, I didn't even notice the 'attitude' of the sonographer (consultant) when we finally had a 20 week scan without bad news. Quite frankly I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible before they could find anything wrong - not bothered about sex, not bothered about photos.

I would go via PALS and give feedback on her poor manner. She is doing a job and 20 week scans are stressful for the patient as well.

I've had 3 dc's and never had such a rude experience. It's pretty easy to say 'how are you, now I'm going to concentrate on taking measurements so don't worry if I'm quiet for 5 mins'.

Maybei should haveposted about my previous pregnancy attempts, failures, health problems inthe way and completedevastation ive had I the last 5 years to justify me simply being annoyed about the professionalism and attitude of one woman. Iv clearly got it all wrong. You cant be annoyed unless the worst possible thing happened. Thenshe would have been a cow..

I wouldt want any woman, 5 happy pregnancies or struggling with pregnancy to not be treated with care and respect by a hospital staff member without sarcasm or a bad attitude. Id expect anyone to be annoyed good news or bad. Simple.

Rose this thread is making a slightly crappy day worse. Log off, deep breath, and seek out your OH for a cuddle and a cuppa.

That does sound like a bit of a downer. People can say 'she's not there to chat to you' a billion times and OBVIOUSLY it's fantastic that your baby is fine, but there is such a thing as bedside manner, customer service etc.
If a nurse was putting on a bandage or doing a stitch and had the same shitty attitude people would be put out because nurses should have a bedside manner and an a friendly face regardless of what they are doing job wise.
Fact is, right now, whilst you're having your first baby inside you today was probably something you were looking forward to for weeks. I know I was in my pregnancies. Right now the scans are all you've got because you don't yet have the actual baby. It's exciting. Yes the scans can result in bad news, yes the sonographer could have had to give that bad news earlier that day but you were in that room then, an excited first time mum who just wanted her to be friendly and welcoming. Not asking much is it?

Hope you're ok and congratulations! X

I was going to type an answer but youve turned that rude and arsey in your latest posts not sure i can be bothered. You talk about one upmanship not being in your nature yet by saying ive got problems but im not telling you what they are so as not to be one upmanshop like is actually implyong that you think your problems are far worse than those whove said theyve had terrible news at a scan. Im one of the people whos had a truely shitty scan where i was told both of my babies had died, so yes you should get some perspective and get off your very high horse. She could have been nicer after the concentrating bit but its not a life destroying moment for her not to have been.

Also in my experience of 3 hospitals they do give you information on the 20w scan - all of the hospitals had posters on it in the waiting area, 1 gave a letter, 1 a leaflet and the other 1 had a section on it in the notes. I believe theres also an nhs choices page on it too, which surely youd have read during your research.

Thanks hedgehoggingJust didnt expect to have justify my feelings against anyone else who happened to have a worse off time, im not here to trivialise them .your probably right. Came for a bit of a vent and left off worse.

To be perfectly honest if your attitude towards the sonographer was anything like it is on this thread then I'm not surprised she was off with you.

I am genuinely that your OH, upon discovering your baby was fine said "well that was shit".

Striped. Thank you x. WhyowhyYou still know nothing about me and like i.I said im not willing to share it. So you may think what you like. Im not justifying why I should be annoyed.

A scan is a fucking medical procedure to check your baby doesn't have any abnormalities and you're throwing a strop like it's supposed to be some entertaining event.

I give up on this thread. Too many nasty women who wont sttop til theyve put someone down. I have lost pregnancies, siblings and a mother in my mid 20s but thought that was irrelevant to this thread because just as the sonographer didnt know, you guys didnt need to know just so I was allowed to be annoyed by some of you judgemental bunch.

I agree that this thread isn't helping. I understand where you are coming from. Being annoyed/suprised/upset by a hcps attitude and treatment of you is not to dismiss or diminish the horrendous experiences that other ppl have had in receiving devastating news. I think you may have come across a little stroppy on this thread but I can understand why. It's probably time to step away and consider making a complaint/comment tomorrow when you have had time to think about it.

I don't think by saying she'd had a shit scan for one reason that the op meant someone else can't have had an even shittier scan for a totally different reason. The two things really aren't on the same scale but that doesn't mean this Sonographer was right in her treatment of the op.

I can't not post.

I was going to give you the benefit of the doubt after reading your op but your responses are just unbelievably aggressive and insensitive. Some people on here have gone to scans and been told their baby had died or had such serious health problems they were going to have to terminate. THAT is a bad scan. Can you not see how your post would home across as insensitive to these people and caused them to comment that you might want to get a grip. And yet you have shown no compassion whatsoever to these people in your replies. None, whatsoever. Just rants implying you've had a hard time too.

Your OH said 'that was shit' and you said you can't get excited about the fact its a girl because your scan wasn't entertaining enough for you?

Come and spend some time on the antenatal results and choices boards, then you'll know what a bad scan is like.

Complain about her attitude. Of course scans are a serious thing but it sounds like she wasn't interested in reassuring you regardless of any past history you may have had. Maybe you'll need another scan at some point and have a more pleasant experience.

Surely if youve had losses you can understand why your scan was not shitty? Your baby is fine, ultimately thats the only part that really matters. So she could have been nicer but its really not a massive deal. Oh and i find mentioning to the sonographer if your extra nervous/worried due to a previous pregnancy going wrong at the start of the scan before youve even got on the bed, means they will say straightaway about heartbeat and show you it and then go on with the other checks in silence.

You call everyone who disagrees with you judgemental but actually its you whose being judgemental and being very nasty and rude in response to very valid points.