Horrible 20 week scan (having a bit of a rant!)

[Roseblossom2]

Well I was all nervous and excited for my 20w scan last friday, thinking I will see a bit more and get a bit more info but it was rubbish :(

The lady doing the scan was really off, and said nothing to me and my partner once she'd asked me to get on the bed. She never said what she was scanning for or anything (I'd done my internet research so I wasn't in the dark, just thought she wouldn't have done it in silence!)

So about 4 or 5 minutes in I say "If you manage to see please could you let me know what I'm having"

"You're having a baby" was her response abruptly... and not in a joking manner.

So she carries on and shakes at my belly because my baby wasn't for moving. I ask her if she wants me to have a cough or wriggle onto my side.
"No, why would I ask you to do that?"

The only reason I offered was because the previous (very nice) lady at the scan had me doing that and a bit of jiggling on the spot to stood up.

Anyway... I end up asking again about the sex and she just replies back immediately 95% girl.

I asked if we could buy a picture of the scan and she said yes, but didn't really try and get an angle of the baby or anything, so when it printed off it was a mess, barely resembles a baby (luckily our 10 and 12 week scan were brilliant)

So everyone I know and my partner were convinced I was having a boy, I was hoping a girl... but I wasn't even excited once she'd told me because she had put me in such a down mood about it all.

I didn't even know everything was ok until I got my notes back from the reception.

Instead of discussing our baby my other half just walked out from the room and said "well that was shit"

Not sure what I wanted to get out of this but I needed a vent!

I know it's not for fun is the scan, she has a job to do.. but way to bring everyone down with you! lol

And still she cant be nice...

babyfaced it was what i initially thought too.

I clicked on the thread to empathise after going through a horrible 20 week scan but our experiences are very different. No excuse for someone to be snappy with you. Good luck for rest of pregnancy.

Rose I think you'll find if you responded to the first couple of people with a 'I'm sorry you have had a terrible experience at a scan, that must have been awful for you. I know the main thing is my baby is healthy' comment and then carried on with the rest of the thread, you would have had a very different response. Not once have you said that. I can guarantee you a bit of compassion and empathy would have shut those comments down instantly.

I feel sorry for you OP, just because your baby is healthy doesn't mean it's nice to lie in a dark room with someone snappy being nasty to you and not understanding what she was doing or what was going on. Like you said this isn't a competition where you can only be sad about the very bad experiences.

I'm having my first baby too and the scans kind of feel like a peak of reassurance in a sea of background worry, so to have a nasty experience at the scan that is supposed to be reassuring isn't nice.

Also, I don't know if it's very different here (Bristol) but my 20 wk scan the lady was lovely - gave us a 'tour' of our baby, told us each check before doing it (I.e. need to measure the brain) then told us if check was OK (yup brain is a good size relative to head) showed us the organs and was generally lovely. don't mean to rub in my good experience just trying to reassure you you weren't out of order to expect that IYSWIM. Everyone I have said this to said 'oh yeah they did that with us too' so my good experience doesn't seem isolated.

Sometimes sonographers can be funny about the sex I've heard but seeing as you weren't insistent on that she sounds really out of order.

Hope your midwife is supportive and can explain all the checks were done and came back fine and make you feel a bit happier. Maybe you could ask midwife if you can hear the heartbeat or something to help get the excitement back? It's quick to do if she has the equipment there and can't see it's a massive waste of NHS resources!

Congratulates on your little girl... or 5% boy... :)

I have sympathy for you. I think what lots of people need to remember is that we are all on here because we are dealing with all sorts of highs and lows and reaching out for a virtual shoulder to cry on is how we cope with new and often worrying situations. I too have had horrible experiences with scans but it doesnt mean I would tolerate someone being rude to me nor should anyone. Rose has every right to expect mannors and some professionalism and quite frankly my OH would have said it to her face if thats how he felt (tact not being one of his strengths!) and my mum, who is also my midwife would be quick to comment too.

I am quite surprised by peoples reactions on here, of course Rose is thrilled everything is ok with the baby, she never says anything to the contrary, but I can also understand how it must also be very disappointing, reaching your 20 week scan is very exciting and it sounds as if I would have walked away annoyed too.

If you want a nice 20 week scan go pay for a private one.
Yes the sonographer was a bit off bit she was doing her job to check your baby for abnormalities. It is not a gender scan or a chance to get nice pictures. Rant over!

Bellyrub thNks for your proffessional opinion its really appreciated.

Whyohwhy and anyone else of the same opinion, its not a requiremet to comment on every thread so instead of judging what kind of person I am just go to threads you have a more positive interest in and give us both a rest.

Awww pomeral thanks for your comment. Dont think you are rubbing it in at all. What you got sounds like what I expected, the only thibg irecognised onthe screen was the heart and the spine lol. My mf always offers a listen to the heart (or at least an attempt in the early days) so thats something to look forward to!

Bambi thanks for getting my drift, youre exactly right. My oh was surprised I didn say anythig at the time but I was a bit taken aback by it all and didnt react until I was home.

Essex as a couple of professionals and nhs workers haave pointed out just because it is the nhs doesnt mean the service should be below standard. I already stated the photo or gender didnt matter, it was the atitude and off hand approach. I have worked in state ad privte care and hav a relative whp has worked for the nhs and now works as a nurse in a privte hosp. He would treat people with the same respect no matter the organisation, they are all the same people.

Essex the nhs

Sunbathing. I purposely didt comment on any of my previous scans or lack of getting to them in the past because I didnt feel it relevant. Just because I havent shared my previous circumstances as you have doesnt mean I Havent been through it. My past is irrelevant to this post jut as it was to the sonographer when I walked through the door. I wouldnt presume anything abou you and you shouldnt about me.

Im ending this. Anyone commenting now I wont be lookig, sorry to disappoint those who fancied another pop at me but you'll be talking to yourselves.

Thanks to those who agreed or disagreed with me without getting personal and letting me have my little whinge, it was greatly appreciated and good to hear some professionals give their opinion.

Night all x

That's awful! I would definitely write a complaint into the hospital, she deserves a good talking to. Please consider it. X