just written him a note and am going to print it out. Any thoughts on the matter (ps the "assume" thing is from something he told me a few weeks back - in a happy conversation "never assume or you'll make an "ass" out "u" and "me"). Don't even know if it makes sense or if I've explained certain things well enough. What do you think???
I thought the easiest way to explain my feelings about this pregnancy issue would be to write it down for you to read and hopefully that way you?ll understand how I feel. We do need to talk about it as well though, but I think me telling you some of this in writing first will hopefully prevent any arguments over it.
I listened to everything you said last night. That our relationship needs work, our finances need sorting, and the Zim thing could be an issue too. I can?t deny our relationship needs work, some serious work particularly on my behalf. We need to spend more time together for ?us? without the boys there to try and find each other again. We?ve both changed since we married and I know that we need to find out how each other has changed and understand it. Our finances definitely need sorting too, but we?re getting there.
I know that you don?t want anymore children, and that this must have come as a horrible shock for you especially as we were just starting to get sorted now the boys are just that little bit older. I should have checked that you were wearing a condom that night, and I?m genuinely really sorry that I didn?t think to check. I was stupid and just ?assumed? and this time it?s definitely made an ass out of me. I really do want to make this relationship work, I don?t know what I?d do without you. And I don?t want the boys to grow up with us constantly bickering at each other. I love you and want to make you happy. However this issue of termination is a huge one for me.
I?ve never believed in termination, neither from a personal or religious viewpoint. From a personal viewpoint it takes 2-3 weeks (yes I?ve looked into it already) to actually have a termination. By that time the baby will have a heartbeat and limbs will be starting to form. To me that?s totally different from the morning after pill where is simply (sometimes) stops a fertilised egg from implanting in the womb. From a religious viewpoint it?s against everything I believe in. I took the Morning After Pill because I hope it would work by delaying ovulation, or stopping the sperm from reaching the egg. Which to be isn?t abortion. But what you?re asking me to do is to kill our baby, and deep in my heart of hearts I can?t do that. The bible tells us that life begins at conception, and that has already occurred ? so as far as I?m concerned life has started.
From the Dr.s point of view it?s highly unlikely that they?d actually give me the termination as two Dr.s have to agree that not terminating the pregnancy could damage the mothers health, either physical or mental. With how strongly I feel about this baby, a baby which you know that I have always hoped for (but not for several years to come ? and only if you?d agreed before conception!) I don?t know if I?d be able to convince them that keeping the baby would damage my mental health. In fact I feel strongly that me having an abortion which I don?t really want could only add further problems to our marriage. As much as I love you, and want to make you happy, I?m not sure I?d ever be able to get past the trauma of aborting. I?m worried that I could resent you for wanting me to have it and that could drive us even further apart.
I want to keep this baby and uphold my strong beliefs on abortion, but at the same time I don?t want to lose you. Please could we both have a few days to think more clearly about this and then have a proper discussion.
I?m not sure this makes total sense, but hopefully I?ve explained my feelings better than if I?d tried to explain it all in words.