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Original poster

OH SH*T............................

280 replies

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/09/2006 15:12

I'm 99.99% certain that there's a very faint positive line on the pg test I've just done. It is very faint, but compared to one I did the other day I'm sure there's a line there. And it is still a couple of day until AF is due.

Need to go to the chemist and get another one just to make absolute certain but I'm not feeling very optimistic that it's going to show a negative.

SHT SHT SH*T

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Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 23/09/2006 00:05

actually Aero you're right I wouldn't be making the appointment on Monday morning regardless of how I felt - I'm working Sunday night so will be tucked up in my bed all monday morning.

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expatinscotland · 23/09/2006 00:05

I think he'll come to his senses, too.

SpaceCadet · 23/09/2006 00:06

it hasnt been sorted though has it, he is just assuming that you will nip and have an abortion and then you can get back to normal, however its not that easy.
agree that if you are tired etc, now is not a good time to talk.
choose a time when you can both talk and you are in the right frame of mind, then sit him down and tell him how you feel, if he felt that strongly about having more children, why did he have unprotected sex with you?

expatinscotland · 23/09/2006 00:07

very true, Space.

Blu · 23/09/2006 00:09

QoQ, I thnk you are being very strong and wise in not discussing it tonight. Go to bed, rest as much as you can, Maybe in the morning, find a way to let him know that you love him, (you know, just a thoughtful cup of tea can do it) let him feel his own love for you (and stop 'thinking' so much about problems), and then when the air is calm and clear you can talk.
But whether that little fantasy comes true otr not, rest and sleep - that will work it's own magic, at least!

Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 23/09/2006 00:12

"if he felt that strongly about having more children, why did he have unprotected sex with you?"

Well on the night in question we were both pretty drunk on wine, and he on wine AND whisky.

Mind you - another thing that's screwed my head up tonight is that one the phone, in the same conversation when he said abortion would be the best thing blah blah blah. He also said something along the lines of that he'd not rule out the possiblity of having "more" children in the future, but that now wasn't the right time because of blah blah blah.

One thing he did say which was quite sweet actually (yes even when he's reducing me to silent tears on the phone he still has that ability!) was in relation to the link on my 6.01 thread is that if that all happens (on the thread) he'd have to turn his dad down as it could mean leaving me with a newborn for a while.......

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/09/2006 00:14

I don't know your husband, QoQ, but he doesn't sound like the kind of guy who'd leave his boys and wife behind for any reason.

He's a Christian. You are a Christian.

I'll bet you two take your marriage vows VERY seriously.

You're going to be allright, you know?

Well, yes, w/a little help from God.

And mumsnet .

Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 23/09/2006 00:15

lol not sure a cup of tea would be a wise way to show him how much I love him - he can't stand the stuff! But had to endure gallons of the stuff on holiday in Zim in August so as not to offend.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 23/09/2006 00:16

You go to bed, Gwenick.

And you say your prayers before that. A prayer for love. A prayer for peace. A prayer for faith.

B/c what else matters in times like these?

Aero · 23/09/2006 00:20

QoQ - I honestly think that once he's properly digested the news and realised your feelings, he will accept that this is ok and not the end of the world. The very fact that he's mentioned the possibility of future children sort of confirms this.

Get some rest tonight and talk more tomorrow. Wine and whiskey and getting carried away are a terrible thing when you're trying not to get pregnant, but you were both there and neither of you are dim enough to not realise what could happen! Dh will come round - I really think he will and a family of five is wonderful - honestly!!

Ps - make sure you get plenty of sleep Monday am!!

Aero · 23/09/2006 00:21

ps - I'm with expat on this too.

MaryBS · 23/09/2006 02:21

QoQ - praying hard for you and your DH. I cannot add anything that people haven't already said here. You and your DH need to discuss when both of you aren't tired (difficult - because I bet you've not slept much). Don't let him pressure you into doing something you don't want to do. You have to be happy with any decision as well as him. He needs to know how you feel about this.

God bless you both, you and your family xxx

chipmonkey · 23/09/2006 03:07
YeahBut · 23/09/2006 06:05

{{{{{QoQ}}}}}
BTW, I think the chances of a little snuffly, fluffy haired baby wrecking a marriage are far less than an unwanted termination.

mumandlovingit · 23/09/2006 07:02

good luck when you talk to your dh.please dont let him pressure you into a termination.you seem so sure that its not what you want and that you want to keep this baby.if it was me and id terminated for someone else, id never forgive him and never be able to look at him with the same love again knowing he'd taken my baby from me.(so to speak).it's very early days yet, let things sink in and settle abit.i gather you're not even due yet so things are really early and alot could happen, god forbid, before you really have to make the choice one way or the other.if you're sure that you want this baby, which you seem to be then you really do need to sit him down and make him realise that.my dp isnt great with expressing feelings so he sits me down and says to me that what he will say might come out wrong but i have to sit and be quiet until he's finished so he can be sure that he's expressed himself properly and if he hasn't, he starts again until i do understand how he feels.i fell pregnant 3 months after my first son was born, i was on the pill at the time.i was so shocked at the time and wouldve done anything to have wished the situation away.anything except abort.ive now got a 4 year old and a five year old and i love them with all my heart and i wouldnt change having them for anything.luckily my dp is against abortion but alot of men panic and its the first thing to go into their heads.he's not unusual, your dh.i know you're emotional but dont let him make you feel guilty for wanting to keep the baby that you made together as man and wife.i do believe that everything happens for a reason.
good luck.look after yourself, dont put too much effort into worrying and not making sure that you're ok.
let us know how it goes.

Seashells · 23/09/2006 07:12

Oh no, QoQ, just seen this. {{{hugs}}}
Hope you and DH get to talk today and sort this through, I'll be thinking of you. Take care.

Gingerbear · 23/09/2006 07:21

I saw your thread yesterday QoQ, and thought of posting, have tried to write but deleted several messages.
I can't help but feel desperately sad for you, I have also just found out that I am pregnant and DH and I are ecstatically happy with the news, as it has taken almost 2 years and fertility treatment for us to get there. However, our financial circumstances are different to yours and I can understand the dilemma you find yourselves in. I truly hope that you and DH can talk today and come to terms with your pregnancy. It would tear you apart to have to have a termination, would you both live to regret that decision? As fairyfly said, things have a way of working out when a baby comes along.
You have my best wishes and I hope it works out well for you.

zippy539 · 23/09/2006 08:02

QOQ - tentative congratulations and sorry you and your dh in disagreement over this one.

Apologies if this is a stupid suggestion (I don't know your situation other than what's been said on this thread) but is there any chance that you and dh could get some urgent relationship counselling asap (do relate do emergency appointments for this kind of circumstance?). It seems that your main worry is the future of your realtionship - either with or without a termination, so maybe some counselling would help you (both) see things more clearly.

This may be inappropriate but I know how difficult it is to work through a big issue like this by yourselves and even more so if you feel you have communications 'confusions' between you and dh.

I'm suggesting this because it is still early days so you've got a bit of time to make a decision either way.

Hope everything is okay this morning.

Pixiefish · 23/09/2006 08:27

Hoping that you're ok this morning QoQ.

FWIW- I think you have to do what YOU feel is right. It's probably just the shock that's made dh say that and maybe by tonight you can try and have a chat with him about how you feel. If you don't feel able to do that then why not write something down and ask him to read it without shouting

Kelly1978 · 23/09/2006 08:40

morning QofQ, hope you got a good nights sleep.

I've been following this thread but didn't know what to say before. When I fell pg with the dts it was totally unplanned, failed contraception etc. DP was very shocked and wanted me to get an abortion. We had 2 children already (mine from a prev relationship) and although we had a good relationship, it was too soon for a baby together and financially it was not a good idea.

I felt like you though, there was no way I could have an abortion. Like you, I wanted children later and for me, I'm not against abortion but I couldn't abort jsut because it was the 'wrong time'. DP had a few days away to get his head around the idea and then we sat and talked. I actually told him if he wanted to walk away then fair enough and I wouldn't hold it against him.

It has been incredibly hard, more so because it turned out to be twins. Financially we are in a mess, and dp hasn't been coping (he is too young, suddenly finding himself a dad of four) so recently we've had social services involved. I do sometimes wonder if it would have been easier if I had a termination. I don't even think I would have resented him for it. But we have our beautiful boys and we are working through our problems, and I don't regret having them at all.

You want to keep this baby, so you will find ways to deal with the other issues in your life. And when you hold that baby in your arms it will all be worthwhile. You both need time to get over the shock of it, and then sit down and have a long chat. Congratualtions.

madmarchhare · 23/09/2006 08:59

Is there anyone who can have your boys for a couple of hours today? Or go for a walk and let the boys run off and play so you two have a good talk. Sounds silly but neither of you can be distracted or slope off to avoid discusion.

carrotcake · 23/09/2006 09:21

Morning HRH, have been thinking of you all night, you are exactly the situation I was in May , and we had a 'family' holiday to ireland booked the following week. That was fun! Lots of long silent car drives and dp storming out in the night, where to I don't know, to sit with the sheep perhaps? I knew, like I think you know, that I wasn't going to go through with a T, despite telling myself that I had to keep considering it, I never decided on it, and constantly decided against it, you know? After couple of weeks when I had to have an early scan to check it wasn't ectopic (had pains and tube history) I just said quietly that as much as I understood how he felt, a part of me felt the same way, I couldn't go through with that, and if that meant he had to leave then that was his decision. It was all dreadfully sad, but he loved me and our other two and somehow, as time went on he came round.
It wasn't easy. I couldn't mention it for weeks, as he visibly bristled, but (to my mother's and several friends annoyance) was incredibly kind and patient with him, until eventually, he would mention it in passing, or something, and then it was ok to talk about it. To my amazement, and this is how long it took, I arranged for a friend to come with me for the 20 week scan, and he said (not a little sarcastically) that perhaps he could come too, seen as it was his child, if the friend didn't mind that is! !
Am now 24 weeks, and although he's not exactly racing to feel it kick, he's ok, and I really feel that making it quietly clear and then giving him time to breathe helped saved us. Of course friends would say 'you should be able to talk about it' 'he did it too' all those things which you know but you're trying to save things for your other chldren a well as yourself.
Make it clear, and then 'weather the storm', you are strong enough, you have to be, I really think it will be ok with time. Love and hugs to you

Divvy · 23/09/2006 10:06

I hope you get a chance to talk to him today...could it just be his initial reaction? Men can be funny things at the best of times.

Me and dh had been trying for a few months, his reaction when I told him we had got pregnant, was quite upsetting, and he didnt seem excited about for a good few days.

Has he got a friend he could go and talk to?

Blu · 23/09/2006 10:21

"One thing he did say which was quite sweet actually (yes even when he's reducing me to silent tears on the phone he still has that ability!) was in relation to the link on my 6.01 thread is that if that all happens (on the thread) he'd have to turn his dad down as it could mean leaving me with a newborn for a while....... "
he's coming round, I bet.

colditz · 23/09/2006 10:25

for the situation you are in. I hope you find a resolve soon.

I know how hard it is when a pregnancy is unplanned, but also, maybe it isn't as real to him as it is to you? Men tend to see a pregnancy as a possibility, whereas most women see it as a baby, especially if they have strong feelings against termination.