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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

OH SH*T............................

280 replies

HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/09/2006 15:12

I'm 99.99% certain that there's a very faint positive line on the pg test I've just done. It is very faint, but compared to one I did the other day I'm sure there's a line there. And it is still a couple of day until AF is due.

Need to go to the chemist and get another one just to make absolute certain but I'm not feeling very optimistic that it's going to show a negative.

SHT SHT SH*T

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carrotcake · 22/09/2006 18:18

It would take a shit man to leave you because you're pregnant, they exist obviously, but I think he's just panicking ... you need time now. Try and be kind to yourself over next the few days

Socci · 22/09/2006 18:25

Message withdrawn

danceswithmonkeys · 22/09/2006 18:33

QoQ - blimey, I've taken a couple of tests since ds was born. Don't want to get pg again but bizarrely still a little disappointed when they said not pg. Reading this thread has been like going on a rollercoaster with you. I really hope dh comes round. It's a massive shock, you all need a bit of time. (((((((hugs)))))))

Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/09/2006 18:40

Mercy - my gut reaction is that I could never have a termination, no matter what effects it would have on DH and I. It's something I feel incredibly strongly about (as those who've encountered me on 'abortion' debate threads before will know). At the same time after a huge blazing row with DH over the weekend, when it became very apparent that we've got serious work to do on our relationsihp I don't want to lose him and wreck our marriage, and the DS's lifes.

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hunkermunker · 22/09/2006 18:43

Won't any problems you have with DH be magnified by him forcing you to terminate (which I think it probably would be)?

I really feel for you, QoQ.

morningpaper · 22/09/2006 18:46

Oh QoQ I'm sorry you are having to deal with all this

We are all here for you

It's very early days, you are both still in shock, you need a little time

Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/09/2006 18:47

true HM - but then on the other hand not termination could affect our relationship badly too .

OP posts:
FrannyandZooey · 22/09/2006 18:48

Sorry to hear this has not begun as a happy event for you QOQ. Hope it can turn into one, given time.

hunkermunker · 22/09/2006 18:52

I'd take that chance if I was you, QoQ.

You know having a termination will cause problems. You aren't 100% sure that not having it will.

Expectantmum · 22/09/2006 18:58

Just wanted to send you a big hug QoQ!

SoupDragon · 22/09/2006 19:00

I'm with Hunkermunker on this one. From what I gather of your feelings on termination, I think this is the sort of thng that would fester. I don't see that your relationshp with your DH would survive if you felt forced into a termination. I think that relationship problems can be worked on but a termination would hang over you forever.

hulababy · 22/09/2006 19:00

Sorry you are in this dilemma

I think you have to go with your gut reaction.

carrotcake · 22/09/2006 19:01

Yes, I took the chance because I knew I didn't want to do it, it would only have been because he wanted it and in case he didn't come round, which is not enough reason to do something so profound. It has to be a joint decision and there's every chance he will come round You can let him know you understand his position and are taking his views and feelings into account without committing to anything. Try and be kind to each other, you'll both need it.

3andnomore · 22/09/2006 19:14

((((((((QOQ))))))))))) sorry that you are in such a tough situation...I really hope that you can both sort this out and get to a decision that neither of you will regrett!

misdee · 22/09/2006 19:17

ohcr*p. i was hoping it would be a niot positive for you. sounds mad, but i knew that things would be hard.

i know you are totally against abortion, and having one would destroy your relationship. but not having one doesnt mean your relationship is doomed. he is in shock. give it time to sink in.

ggglimpopo · 22/09/2006 19:21

Message withdrawn

Daisymoo · 22/09/2006 20:28

I think if you didn't really want any more children and were devastated to be pregnant, you might survive a termination together despite your beliefs. But it sounds as though you do want more children and are in some ways pleased to be pregnant? To have a termination in this situation is very different and I suspect it would cause more problems for your relationship than an unexpected baby. How many people truly regret having a baby once it actually arrives? Not many I would guess. Hope you can work things out.

harrisey · 22/09/2006 20:29

QoQ - I have no real advice, but wanted to tell you our story.
I had dd1 in 2000 and ds in 2002. We regarded our family as complete and I had a mirena put in (wasn't quite ready for sterilisation). In early 2003 I got what I thought was a sick bug, but I kept on throwing up -- yes, I was pg. In hindsight we think the coil came out at me smear in the January and I got preg without ever having a period.
One of the reasons I had had the mirena is that my pregnancy with ds made me very unwell - I suffered from pregnancy induced renal colic (kidney stones). When I got pg with dd2, the consultant urologist and my GP advised a termination as the chance of permanent damage to my left kidney was so high. But I just could not do that, I dont agree with abortion and it seemed like such a way out chance - odds of this happening were calculated by GP at 1:200 000 and I was the only reported person to get pregnant on Mirena in 2003 in the whole UK. I was lucky in that my dh has the same views on termination as me, and so it never was really an option for us.
Dd2 is now almost 3. She is the light of our lives and a very special little person. I was ill right through the pregnancy and for over 2 years afterwards with renal colic, and it messed up our lives something awful. However, things are back on track now and we have just moved to Glasgow to go to Bible College as preparation to going to do development work in Central America.
I am permanently tires (for a couple of months I had 3 children un der 4 and even now they are 2, 4, 6, only one in school, they get up so early, I am knackered.

But if you said to me 'OK, I can take away all the hassle and pain and hospital admissions and crap you have siffered for the last 3 years, but I would also have to take dd2' I would say 'no way!!!!!!!' It has been hard, but it has been worth every minute

Wishing you all the best, you and your whole family are in my preyers tonight, and I hope what I have said has helped, even a little bit.

expatinscotland · 22/09/2006 20:30

QofQ,
I know you are a Christian. Do you belong to a church?

This is the time for faith, for both you and your husband.

Can you find some support from your church and faith?

Your DH is in shock.

You are, too.

Yes, you have had relationship problems, all of us have.

But you know, I've got a second sight, if you will, and for some reason, you and he always seemed like the ones who are going to pull through.

I will ask my mother and sister to pray for you all.

This is NOT the end of the world.

It is done, it has happened.

(((HUGS)))

harrisey · 22/09/2006 20:32

oh btw, my kidneys are just fine - slight reduction in function of my left one but otherwide should do me the rest of my life.
And dh had the snip just BEFORE dd2 was born - we knew we would never be able to do it again.

Divvy · 22/09/2006 21:04

(((((QoQ)))))

Give me a holler if you want to chat xx

Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/09/2006 21:08

Thanks - been at choir practice and meeting afterwards so only just read the rest of the messages.

I know you're right saying that if I went for a termination voluntarily against all my strong beliefs it could completely destroy us (and probably me).

He referred to an early termination as similar to how the MAP can work (stopping a fertilised egg implanting as opposed to simply delaying ovulation as it can do). Taking the MAP was a huge thing for me, a huge part of me screamed out "this is wrong" - but I went along with it because it felt like the right thing to do.

But the thing is I know that in just a matter of week that 'egg' will have a heartbeat, and having a termination would just be so totally wrong for me.

He doesn't come to church so often these days, doesn't really feel 'at home' in the church I go to with the boys (hardly suprising really - he's Pentecostal Church really, whereas our church is modern CoE).

I never realised that his views on termination were so different from mine - it's never come up before. I'm desperately hoping it was a knee jerk reaction. He'll be home soon - and I don't know how things are going to be.....

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Original poster
HRHQueenOfQuotes · 22/09/2006 21:09

Thanks Divvy - how are you BTW - you 'disappeared' after you last post on the thread where we were arranging a meet up!

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Divvy · 22/09/2006 21:15

I will explain....much to do with this...but very much a false alarm....doctors buggered up my tripple test result, and didnt use my weight, which put me at low risk when they did....but still very upsetting...having to think about the what ifs of it all.....

over it now though

hope it goes well with dh later xx

WelshBoris · 22/09/2006 21:16

HRH- Whatever decision you make will be the right one for you and your family.

Everything happens for a reason x