What advise would you give yourself looking back (first timer!)

[bellaboo88]

Hi ladies, newly graduated from the conception boards so still finding my feet.

If you could go back in time to the beginning of your first pregnancy, what advise would you give yourself?

I'd really appreciate any wisdom :-) x

(1) stop wishing each stage away, mainly as it makes the pregnancy drag. Just enjoy it.
(2) look after yourself. You are growing a human. If you can only face eating shitty foods, fine. Its a phase, it will pass. Sleep when you can, thw housework can wait (or be delegated)
(3) make the absoloute most of your prebaby maternity leave. I had two weeks of utter relaxation. Im now pg with my second and dd will be 2.8 and not napping by the time I go on this maternity leave

Don't wait for ages before going to the GP with 'morning sickness!
Do whatever you have to to survive the first bit - don't feel guilty for having time off work, not doing anything round the house, only seeing easy friends etc!
Don't expect them to arrive on your due date, think two weeks later then you'll feel less impatient.
Good luck :)

Thanks ladies! I'm impatient so when we find due date I'm going to add two weeks & tell people a very vague idea of the +2weeks. My sil is due tomorrow & will no doubt be txted/given all tried & tested & failed ideas bless her lol.

When did you all tell your work? Xx

Give yourself more time off pre-baby. I hate my job, it's very demanding & I've not felt like I've enjoyed being pregnant while I'm there, I was going to work until 2 weeks before the baby was due, but since they've been such arseholes changed it to 4. I hope I can enjoy those last few weeks in peace with bump x Congratulations & good luck!

I told them when I was 10 weeks, they've had more than enough time to prepare, but left it until now (28 weeks) & still no replacement! (I'm the only employee)

Take more naps! Most people go through a really tired phase. Don't try and tough it out.

Take photos. I have a few, but wish I had taken more. Not studies of the bump and all that necessarily, just general ones. You will be in photos less afterwards and will look more harassed when you are

mentally aim for two weeks late maybe, but pack your bag early. I was three weeks early.

Go to the cinema. It's one of the most expensive things to do after baby arrives relative to how mundane it can seem IYSWIM. Also sitting reading the paper, having leisurely coffee.

Oh, and I told work at 4 months.

Keep active even when you don't want to: it makes things soooo much easier later on. Don't google symptoms. Enjoy the experience and laugh at the bad bits.

Don't compare yourself to other women, every pregnancy is different and it doesn't mean something is wrong.

I told my boss at 6 weeks, but I had quite bad morning sickness so everyone else guessed within a couple of weeks.

Keep active

Remember the rough stages do pass

Relax

Don't make big plans set in stone, for example I was determined to bf and put a huge amount of pressure on myself when it wasn't possible it definitely contributed towards my pnd.

Watch your weight (a bit). I was super skinny before my first pregnancy & didn't watch my weight thinking it would melt away later. I didn't eat junk just healthy, but ate whatever appealed.

I was horrified to find that I could not shift the weight. 7 years later I still have a few kilos stuck to me!

I suppose it was a sharp change in metabolism which took me by surprise!

Do your pelvic floor exercises!!! Do them do them do them!!!! The earlier the better!

No matter how tired and busy you feel now, you will be tired-er and busier once the baby arrives... And then suddenly 6 weeks have gone past and you're focussing on getting out of the house with your adorable new best friend and then a year has gone by and you still need to stop walking every time you sneeze . And this is true whether you're planning a c section or not, as it's the baby weighing down on the floor that makes the difference.

There are some great threads on here with guides, I think Gussie is the expert.

Also, definitely go to the movies, and pregnancy Pilates is the bomb.

Breast feeding-don't put so much pressure on yourself. The midwives told me she had to feed for 20 minutes each side for every feed. 2 hourly night feeds trying to keep the baby awake and timing her feeds (which was impossible) only added tears and frustration to extreme sleep deprivation. I wish I had just been a little more laid back because I would have saved myself some tears.

Don't wish the time away. It goes way too quickly and those cuddly newborn weeks are the best times ever.

Maternity leave pre-baby. Enjoy it and relax. Lie in. Watch films, box sets and rubbish tv. It's the only time you'll have to truly relax before baby comes and you give your life to them completely.

Also, sleep deprivation will NOT last forever, although it certainly feels like it will!

Don't Google any symptoms! I spent so much time worrying in the early weeks that something had gone wrong and I'm only starting to feel relaxed now at nearly 25 weeks (now the physical discomfort starts!). I have enjoyed being pregnant but wish I had relaxed more as the worrying wouldn't have done any good either way.
Congratulations :-) x

STEP AWAY FROM GOOGLE!!!

I'm 28 weeks with my first and only just realising how much more relaxing pregnancy is without Dr Google in my life!!!

Ask people about their birth stories - especially those who didn't have a 'euphoric' experience. It can be pretty rough, including the recovery afterwards, and forewarned is forearmed... I wish I'd been more realistic!

Does everyone get stress incontinence? I have some very frank friends (mums) who say no (and have told me their 7 days in labour/premature/EMC scary birth stories no holds barred).
Although I also have friends who insist everyone is exhausted and incontinent forevermore.

Birth plans, perhaps would better called birth wish list. Things that you would like to happen, but should be realistic to know may not happen.

Go in with the idea that you would like a natural birth with no pain relief if you would like, however be mindful that this may not actually be the reality and that you may just want all the pain relief you can get.

On the subject of pain relief, you would not go to the dentist and have a tooth out, without pain relief, so why, if you need it would you have a baby without it if you really want it when the time comes?

Breast feeding, it is often not easy to establish, you will not ruin your chances by giving the odd bottle if your baby is getting very hungry and the situation is getting fraught with anxiety over not being able to latch. It might be natural, but it is a learned skill that will feel. Very awkward, so give yourself time. If you can't do it, don't for one moment feel guilty about it.

Mine is probably not to you, but I would have told myself to hire an independent midwife. I didn't really know they were an option when I was pregnant with DD but I would really have benefited from their care, especially in the weeks after she was born.

Enjoy every stage of pregnancy as the good and bad will pass. It seems to last a lifetime when you are going through it but looking back it went so fast!
Take advantage of maternity leave to have a massive relax. I started early labour 2 days into mine and will never get that break again as with the next one ill already have a child to look after.
Start pelvic floors asap to get into a routine, it saves calling the midwife twice a week thinking you could be leaking when its actually just pee.
Write a birth plan to help you decide what you would want to happen in an ideal world and then expect it to be completely different and know that thats ok.

Sleep as much as you can during your maternity leave! Enjoy getting everything ready for your baby but don't put too much pressure on yourself. You'll only feel disheartened when you can't keep up being super organised once the baby arrives.
Congratulations and enjoy it! I have a 12 week old dd and her arrival was the most amazing moment of my life.

Try not to worry.

Take bump photos.

Go on a lovely unchildfriendly holiday with DH/DP.

Sleep when you can.

Don't make too many plans for the birth. You won't have much control over what happens. Hypnobirthing techniques can help a bit (but only so much).

Don't have too many set ideas about how you will look after the baby/how the baby will behave. All babies are different and there is a limit on how much influence you have. If yours isn't behaving like your friend's baby that does not mean you are doing it wrong, it means your baby is just different to theirs.

Get hold of the phone number of a great breastfeeding counsellor, so you know who to turn to if when you hit difficulties. Many women struggle in some way with BFing but most problems can be fixed IF you get the right help in time.

Pack your hospital bag early - I gave birth out of the blue at 34 weeks.

Stop stressing about miscarrying - it won't change the outcome. I had a MMC before DC1 and couldn't relax the whole pregnancy as a result. All it did was make me miserable. I should have just taken each day as it came.

Take bump photos. Keep a baby book. Treasure every magical second of being pregnant. I've just had DC2 and that's it for me, but I'm already sad that I'll never feel a baby kick inside me again, or be able to proudly display my bump.

I'm 20 weeks with dc1 but I've learned this from looking after my nephew.

Learn to do everything one handed, possibly with one eye closed (think just jabbed with a tiny finger), whilst trying not to trip up over the cat/piles of clothes/toys.

Get hubby to interrupt a nice relaxing bath (pretend it's small child needing the loo) but then have one where you get left in utter peace for an hour only to worry that something is going horribly wrong on the other side of the door.

Get into the habit of walking round in circles at 11pm/1am/3am for 45 mins to an hour, whilst humming lullabies and trying to wake DH from his coma like sleep.

In all seriousness though,

Relax and enjoy the experience.

Ignore everyone who tries to stick there nose in.
The only opinions that matters are yours and DHs.
Eat what you want, when you want. There's nothing wrong with 6 cheeseburgers in one day if they are the only thing you can stomach.
If you are worried about anything, call your midwife, mines been amazing with some of the dumbass questions I've had.
Sleep like you have never slept before, everything's worse when you're tired.