What advise would you give yourself looking back (first timer!)

[bellaboo88]

Hi ladies, newly graduated from the conception boards so still finding my feet.

If you could go back in time to the beginning of your first pregnancy, what advise would you give yourself?

I'd really appreciate any wisdom :-) x

[squizita]

Custard Phew. Yep I'm doing the squeezes daily!

[CustardFromATin]

Squizita - stress incontinence is definitely not inevitable, although most of us find it does take a bit of time to get back to normal pelvic floor strength. However - when I finally got my arse in gear and saw a women's health physio (who was AMAZING), she gave me some research that said that 1 in 3 women over 30 have some level of incontinence, most of which is due to childbearing and most of which is totally preventable. Many of these women will be wearing daily liners. But the better you are during pregnancy the better your chances afterwards, and you can avoid having to do as much work as I did.

Agree with all the other points about not focussing in the labour. It is hard work but so worth it in the end. And not all first labours are terrible - mine was fab!

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

I wouldn't say it is exactly a birth wish list. In fact, I would say it is better if it isn't. But it needs to be realistic. By all means plan a water birth, but include any preferences for a section and instrumental delivery too. eg for me it was very important that they explained what was happening step by step. Others might prefer no running commentary.

[Isabelleforyourbicycle]

Yy to a lot of the comments already, not sure if someone has said this specifically but my suggestion is to, if you can, have and enjoy sex with the OH.

It's nice to keep the closeness and physicality between you whilst your mind becomes more and more baby focused.

Admittedly, not the most important thing but it worked for me.

[Iwillorderthefood]

I can confirm a due date two weeks later than you've been told is a good idea, you would think I would know that one, but no, told people the real due date, and I am over.

[theborrower]

If you're knackered, rest.
Don't listen to old wives tales, they're all rubbish.
Don't "eat for two", what this really means is eat healthily if you can, but if you fancy chocolate, have it she says, eating some maltesers as we speak
Take bump photos!
Don't work up until the last minute, as my mum said, your mat leave is the last time you'll ever be on your own, so enjoy the time putting your feet up and reading books/watching DVDs
Don't listen to people that say first babies are always late - not true!
Don't make a 'birth plan', but see it as a birth wish list, as someone else said. Birth is unpredictable so go with the flow.
When baby comes, don't feel pressured to have loads of visitors quickly - take time to rest, recuperate, and enjoy some private family time.

[Dukketeater]

Tell people your due date is 2 weeks later than it is so they start the 'when are you gonna have that baby' comments 2 weeks later... I was sick of hearing it by the time my lo was 2 weeks late!

[PenguinsHatchedAnEgg]

My advice would be that your baby will grow and change so much on their own that there is no need to worry about 'rods for your back'.

Enjoy mat leave pre baby and nap lots!

Be vague about your due date. This will help your sanity if you are 'late'.

[chocchips]

Wont apply to you but my advice to myself would be do not conceal a pregnancy, you may be scared but it does not go away! Oh and agree with whoever said dont get hung up on the birth, it doesn't marter how aslong they're out safe and sound.

[Muskey]

Be kind to yourself. If you need a nap take one. Try not to listen to old wives tales about x y and z as they will drive you crazy. Buy a really comfortable pair of shoes and find someone sensible to talk to about what to buy for the baby. Half of the stuff you will buy you won't need. Enjoy each day as it comes.

[sauvignonblacks]

Be kind to yourself, take some down time enjoy a child free break pull a sickie if you want too! no pregnancy is not an illness but you're growing a human! Enjoy the quiet

[Mslad]

As a first timer this thread has been great! Thanks for all your advice and to bellaboo for asking the question

[Teabiscuits]

Don't get too hung up about labour and birth. Yes it's a big part of the whole experience but it's likely to be a day or two (maybe more if you are unlucky) out of your life. The little person that you have made will be around for the rest of your days!

[bellaboo88]

Thanks ladies!! Some fab suggestions there, I'm going to read them out to my dp & make a plan!

I'm a worrier but I do think I need a massive chill pill.

I've not been able to tell my mum yet as she's on holiday & I really really appreciate your words of wisdom! Deffo need a selfish holiday (5*adult only in 2013, unchild friendly hol Jan 2014) so deffo pre baby break.

A lot of wisdom boils down to going gentle with yourself I guess, don't set targets or beat yourself up about things out of your control. This is going to be the hardest part for me. I had planned to work as late as possible but I can't even transfer any holidays over to Feb when I'm due :-( xx

[MrsMonkeyBear]

I'm 20 weeks with dc1 but I've learned this from looking after my nephew.

Learn to do everything one handed, possibly with one eye closed (think just jabbed with a tiny finger), whilst trying not to trip up over the cat/piles of clothes/toys.

Get hubby to interrupt a nice relaxing bath (pretend it's small child needing the loo) but then have one where you get left in utter peace for an hour only to worry that something is going horribly wrong on the other side of the door.

Get into the habit of walking round in circles at 11pm/1am/3am for 45 mins to an hour, whilst humming lullabies and trying to wake DH from his coma like sleep.

In all seriousness though,

Relax and enjoy the experience.
Ignore everyone who tries to stick there nose in.
The only opinions that matters are yours and DHs.
Eat what you want, when you want. There's nothing wrong with 6 cheeseburgers in one day if they are the only thing you can stomach.
If you are worried about anything, call your midwife, mines been amazing with some of the dumbass questions I've had.
Sleep like you have never slept before, everything's worse when you're tired.

[hubbahubster]

Stop stressing about miscarrying - it won't change the outcome. I had a MMC before DC1 and couldn't relax the whole pregnancy as a result. All it did was make me miserable. I should have just taken each day as it came.

Take bump photos. Keep a baby book. Treasure every magical second of being pregnant. I've just had DC2 and that's it for me, but I'm already sad that I'll never feel a baby kick inside me again, or be able to proudly display my bump.

[minipie]

Try not to worry.

Take bump photos.

Go on a lovely unchildfriendly holiday with DH/DP.

Sleep when you can.

Don't make too many plans for the birth. You won't have much control over what happens. Hypnobirthing techniques can help a bit (but only so much).

Don't have too many set ideas about how you will look after the baby/how the baby will behave. All babies are different and there is a limit on how much influence you have. If yours isn't behaving like your friend's baby that does not mean you are doing it wrong, it means your baby is just different to theirs.

Get hold of the phone number of a great breastfeeding counsellor, so you know who to turn to if when you hit difficulties. Many women struggle in some way with BFing but most problems can be fixed IF you get the right help in time.

Pack your hospital bag early - I gave birth out of the blue at 34 weeks.

[tertle]

Sleep as much as you can during your maternity leave! Enjoy getting everything ready for your baby but don't put too much pressure on yourself. You'll only feel disheartened when you can't keep up being super organised once the baby arrives.
Congratulations and enjoy it! I have a 12 week old dd and her arrival was the most amazing moment of my life.

[Roxie85]

Enjoy every stage of pregnancy as the good and bad will pass. It seems to last a lifetime when you are going through it but looking back it went so fast!
Take advantage of maternity leave to have a massive relax. I started early labour 2 days into mine and will never get that break again as with the next one ill already have a child to look after.
Start pelvic floors asap to get into a routine, it saves calling the midwife twice a week thinking you could be leaking when its actually just pee.
Write a birth plan to help you decide what you would want to happen in an ideal world and then expect it to be completely different and know that thats ok.

[MollyBdenum]

Mine is probably not to you, but I would have told myself to hire an independent midwife. I didn't really know they were an option when I was pregnant with DD but I would really have benefited from their care, especially in the weeks after she was born.

[Iwillorderthefood]

Birth plans, perhaps would better called birth wish list. Things that you would like to happen, but should be realistic to know may not happen.

Go in with the idea that you would like a natural birth with no pain relief if you would like, however be mindful that this may not actually be the reality and that you may just want all the pain relief you can get.

On the subject of pain relief, you would not go to the dentist and have a tooth out, without pain relief, so why, if you need it would you have a baby without it if you really want it when the time comes?

Breast feeding, it is often not easy to establish, you will not ruin your chances by giving the odd bottle if your baby is getting very hungry and the situation is getting fraught with anxiety over not being able to latch. It might be natural, but it is a learned skill that will feel. Very awkward, so give yourself time. If you can't do it, don't for one moment feel guilty about it.

[squizita]

Does everyone get stress incontinence? I have some very frank friends (mums) who say no (and have told me their 7 days in labour/premature/EMC scary birth stories no holds barred).
Although I also have friends who insist everyone is exhausted and incontinent forevermore.