I take your points absolutely Jimjams and I can quite see why you can't relate to this particular concern, I really can. I too sometimes meet people who don't appear to do self-pity even in the most desperate seeming circumstances and I have certainly felt that as a wake up call to be very thankful about my lot in life and I am. I think your response here is a lot about you being the wrong audience, in a way. I think that as the mum of a child with autism your incredulity- even anger- at the idea of being upset at a child's gender is the right response for you both rationally and emotionally. I do think I understand what you are saying a bit and share your feelings a bit.
However, and fundamentally, I just don't think people's feelings always work in the way you- and lots of others- have suggested on this thread. Something that is worrying and/or disappointing or depressing us can't always be rationalised away with the thought that there are others worse off or that our worries are trivial in the general scheme of things, I believe. And there is self-evidently always going to be someone worse off. I remember one of my teachers (who was quite elderly, had a lovely wife, grown up healthy successful kids) being absolutely prostrated with grief when his really very elderly mother died- he took weeks off work. It happened only a short time after my own mum had died suddenly and very prematurely and I was still numb and raw with my own grief. I'm ashamed to remember that I felt quite unsympathetic towards him in a way. I remember thinking quite coldly- he's the lucky one here, he's had his mum for years and years and years, she was an old woman who'd had a good innings, he had time to say goodbye, he should get over it, it's life that old people die etc. Part of that was my own grief talking and part of it is still objectively true for me: rationally I think it IS probably "worse" to lose a parent at a young age than have them live till 90. BUT- I am still ashamed of my coldness in hindsight because the bottom line is that we were both bereaved, both in pain and neither of us could help how we felt about our losses. We missed our mothers terribly. Full stop. I needed time and sympathy and love to come to terms with my mum's death and I'm sure he did too.
IME you really can't heirarchisize (is that a word?) human pain/disappointment and tell people that their circumstances dictate a certain (positive) response and that any other (negative) response is wrong. Jimjams- (I hope you don't mind me picking up on your Annie post- tell me to f off if you do) would it really have helped you to find strategies to encourage your wee boy into your friend's house or come to terms with the fact that it's an upsetting situation for you if someone with a more profoundly disabled child had posted telling you to thank your lucky stars that he can go out at all? Or if someone living in a 14th floor council flat with no outdoor space had posted to say at least you've got your own garden to take him out in (if you have- just an example)? I would have been pretty upset on your behalf if someone had posted that type of thing, to be honest, because it seems so intrinsically unhelpful to tell someone that actually they shouldn't be feeling the way they're feeling. Just because someone else is worse off or feels differently doesn't make your feelings null and void, surely? If you're feeling awful about something you still have to find ways to feel better, to try and solve problems that are solvable, to come to terms with problems that aren't- whether by ceasing to see something as a problem or just living with it as best you can. This is true whatever the "objective" size of the problem and whether people are dealing with bereavement, depression, disability, illness, a bad day, an evil boss, an offhand husband, a messy house, being told you're having a son not a daughter or vice versa, misbehaving kids, boredom with motherhood, whatever. It's important to get your tone right and find the right audience but I think one of the best things about life is that we can deal with things we find very difficult in the context of talking to our sympathetic loved ones and friends. And to be a bit corny, that is one of the things I really love about mumsnet- no matter how small or large the problem there's room enough for everyone to receive the suggestions, ideas, support, sympathies, ((hugs)) s and laughs that I've come to know and love, because there's such a wide range of lovely people with different experiences and insights.