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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

You know you're heavily pregnant when....

Minions · 2014-04-15T10:05:45+00:00

1. You come home for a few hours during the day but don’t take your shoes off and put your slippers on because that would mean bending down twice unnecessarily before going back out (even though you’re having a nap on the sofa….) 2. Your comfiest trainers now count as smart shoes when going out with friends on a Friday night. 3. Said Friday night finishes at 10pm and you consider that *really* late. 4. You wonder why people stare at your bump when walking down the street until you catch your own reflection in a window and stare yourself at this *massive* bump which appears to have attached itself to your front. 5. Going upstairs to put away washing now counts as exercise. 6. You drop something on the floor and decide that’s where it now lives. 7. Your maternity tops no longer cover the bump. 8. You no longer care that your maternity tops don’t cover the bump - you’re just glad you’re up, washed and dressed (to some degree). 9. Putting on socks counts as an achievement that day. Getting tights on deserves a medal….

72 replies

Minions · 15/04/2014 11:05

You come home for a few hours during the day but don’t take your shoes off and put your slippers on because that would mean bending down twice unnecessarily before going back out (even though you’re having a nap on the sofa….)

Your comfiest trainers now count as smart shoes when going out with friends on a Friday night.

Said Friday night finishes at 10pm and you consider that really late.

You wonder why people stare at your bump when walking down the street until you catch your own reflection in a window and stare yourself at this massive bump which appears to have attached itself to your front.

Going upstairs to put away washing now counts as exercise.

You drop something on the floor and decide that’s where it now lives.

Your maternity tops no longer cover the bump.

You no longer care that your maternity tops don’t cover the bump - you’re just glad you’re up, washed and dressed (to some degree).

Putting on socks counts as an achievement that day. Getting tights on deserves a medal….

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PenguinsLoveFishFingers · 15/04/2014 16:50

You've probably got another month if you're luck Chica

CrepeFoofette · 15/04/2014 16:54

Chica I was already there at your point i'm afraid! putting on what feels like 5 stone of water retention can't have helped

beela · 15/04/2014 17:08

36 weeks was a bit of a turning point for me. Enjoy feeling normal for a little bit longer Chica!

Elbo7 · 15/04/2014 17:43

Love this! Especially the wet wipes for a poo, so true!

Switching seamlessly between crying/laughing (sometimes both at the same time when I can't work out if I'm happy or emotional)

Raging at everyone who texts 'had that baby yet?' (Oh yes, ages ago but I was just keeping it a secret for a while ).

Considering it a productive day if I manage to get wash AND get dressed by the time dh comes home from work.

The great midnight debate (I'm awake, don't need a wee but I bet I will in 5 min so should I just go now?... But... moving is so much effort...)

Starting a sentence then losing the plot/forgetting that word and just giving up speaking because I won't remember. Then have a little laugh/cry because I forgot something again...

These mostly started at around week 35ish for me.

(41+3 and soooo done with being pregnant...)

SizzlesSit · 15/04/2014 17:53

When turning over in bed is a huge, painful effort (plus includes rearranging cushions and duvet)...and you struggle to do it only to discover you aren't more comfortable so struggle back again.

When you stop flushing the loo every time you go because although you were 'desperate' you actually only managed a few drops. But don't worry, you can always flush next time (10 minutes later)

When you thank your lucky stars that your 2 year old is obliging and picks stuff offthe floor for you - otherwise it just stays there.

When you spill food on your bump as you're so far away from the table.

37 weeks

moomin35 · 15/04/2014 18:02

Haha loving these! Had to abort a phone call to my partner after 5 minutes the other evening due to the carpal tunnel in my wrist as has been mentioned above! Am only 33+3!

Heatherbell1978 · 15/04/2014 18:33

These are hilarious. I'm only 23 weeks but already contemplating Velcro trainers as I'm struggling with the laces on the ones I usually wear to and from work!

smearedinfood · 15/04/2014 19:23

You have mastered the art of picking things up of the floor with your toes.

You would like a clap and a cheer when you do a poo (iron tablets).

The cat has worked out your Sunday day nap pattern and waits for you by the bedroom door.

Your 3 year has worked out your fondness for marshmallows and points them out at the checkout with eyebrows up.

dramajustfollowsme · 15/04/2014 19:35

I remember all of these from first time round and getting there this time.
I'll add:
•gaviscon has become and extension of your arm - as vital as oxygen.
•Having such restless legs you are seriously considering home amputation at 3am with a blunt knife.
•realising your pants are all the size of the average 3-man tent.

thereisnoeleventeen · 15/04/2014 19:41

You have mastered the art of picking things up of the floor with your toes. Just started doing this!

Also:
Started taking a rest half way through hanging out the washing.

Saw one of those sticks with a grabber on the end while at my (age 80+) neighbors house, had to stop myself from saying 'ooh could I borrow that!'.

Go out to the shops for a few hours on my own without the DC's. Last about 5 minuets before I need to find a loo. Last less than an hour and have to come home and lie down.

BEEwitched · 15/04/2014 19:42

33+5 today and I was fine until about a week ago - now I do most of those things and am getting pretty annoyed about it all - not looking forward to the next 6 weeks at all!

smearedinfood · 15/04/2014 19:43

Go to the supermarket consider how heavy you feel, walk out thinking I'll do an online shop.

KittyCatKittyCat · 15/04/2014 19:51

Love these. 38+3.

YY to turning over now being painful at night - the bump really pulls!

Those cute movements of baby kicking are not cute, and you kind of grimace through them. You know they're good, just not good for you.

You stop to rest through most 'short' cleaning activities, such as dishwasher emptying (you can sit on the floor to do the low bits!).

Ice cream cones are in constant neeeeeeedd.

SpawningSalmon · 15/04/2014 20:13

Penguins- 'Every time you stand up, or sit down, you go 'ooomph'.

^^This is me! I am actually sick of hearing myself do it. God knows what DH must think like I care.

Also when your 2 year old calls you 'Mummy Pig' and when you keep tripping over the dog because you don't see him.

SizzlesSit · 15/04/2014 20:23

Oh yes and when you lie down with a grunt of pain your toddler comes over and recites
Mummy sick. Get bowl
Baby hurt (means tummy)
Legs hurt
Arm hurt
Shoulder hurt
Head hurt
Eye hurt

And as of yesterday, I lay on the floor and he said 'whats wrong mummy? Dont worry I get bowl'

Original poster

Minions · 15/04/2014 21:34

Lol at sitting down when emptying the lower part of the dishwasher! I now sort the wet washing on the sofa, pairing socks etc before hanging it up. Wasn't necessary before but apparently essential now...

OP posts:

Boogles91 · 15/04/2014 22:55

Just reading through more of these made me laaarf more :p i already do alot of these things. Esecialy the night time rituals of tossing and turning over and rearranging the cushions and pillows!

SicknSpan · 15/04/2014 23:17

I can add a few:
You have to get dh to open the window over kitchen sink because your tummy will not allow you to get close enough
Your back aches more than normal when doing washing up at the same sink because you have to lean over to reach water
You cannot be arsed loading dishwasher as it is in the utility room and that would mean waddling back and forward too often to contemplate doing it.
Your bump gets sodden when doing the effing washing up at the effing sink because it rests against the effing thing.

You give dc their dinner on paper plates so you have less washing up to do.

SicknSpan · 15/04/2014 23:17

I am only 33+4 but the size of a house :(

Chip86 · 16/04/2014 11:38

These are so true i agree with them all and made me laugh

Kneeling down hurts your legs so you sit on the floor the cry because you cant get up

slip on shoes are the best no bending down
socks are the enemy
36+5

dobedobedo · 16/04/2014 12:32

All of the above! Also:

You have complete loss of control over your emotions and cry at everything which is slightly upsetting. From a soppy moment in a sitcom, to realising there's no butter left or because you're just tired.

Your dc have learned how to put on your shoes. Because you can't reach.
Gaviscon is your beverage of choice and you carry it with you everywhere.
Even though you're knackered, you dread bedtime because of the heartburn, the pelvic pain, the getting up to pee hourly and the inability to get comfy on your left bloody side.

I'm sure I'll think of more. It's just such a magical time!

Flixy102 · 16/04/2014 14:11

Hehe I'm loving these! (37+3) especially tripping over the dog cos you don't see him and parking where you don't wedge yourself in!

Lost count of the amount of times I've parked and then can't walk down between the two cars and lodge myself between the wing mirrors

biscuitnoodle · 16/04/2014 14:23

Thank you for these, it's great to know I am not suffering alone (37 weeks tomorrow)

JessicaRRRabbit · 16/04/2014 14:58

All so true! 37+4 here

You whip/shuffle your bra off as soon as you get through the door. The relief of that first proper breath, not to mention the collapsing sitting down with not five minutes later.

MasterFlea · 16/04/2014 15:01

Hope it is raining everyday so you don't have to leave the house or get the dc out for play.

Accidentally knock over toddler as she was hidden under the bump.

Look forlornly at the fridge after sitting down with a cup of tea, realising you've forgotten the milk.

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