Well, I suppose I had better come back to this forum and give you an update.
I waited until the end of a long weekend with her to bring this up. I would say I was more disappointed than annoyed.
We shall get the worst one dealt with first. She had tampered with the lube. She had opened an old bottle, decanted the purchased lube and swapped the contents.
Now, I know her and I know her relationship with her parents, especially her father. I am pretty much 99.9% sure she would not want to disappoint him and getting pregnant outside of marriage would do that. It is this main reason, and the way she is, her thoughts, ideals ect. I don't think she was actively attempting to get pregnant. Perhaps she's made some darn stupid decisions, esp. without discussing with me. But, some of her motives was that she didn't want to heap any more pressure on me, knowing that she wanted kids and I was not sure yet. More, I was not sure yet with 'her'.
She has been in three relationships in her life (three long ones) and now at the age of 39 having met me had thought, yes, I think this could work. We do have a lot in common. Same beliefs ect. Both parents both sides of our relationship still together ect. So, we both come from stable backgrounds.
She had been a tad resistant about going on the pill due to her age and a bit naively not wanting to effect her chances of conceiving later, if we had decided to do so. I get this. She had been to the doctors to discuss, after doing endless searching, god, she searches and researches things to the n'th degree. Not just on this subject, but pretty much everything. Always for the good.
Now, the lube, which she feels really bad about. She didn't want to use normal lube, as she was not sure if it would effect her fertility. I had ignorantly assumed it would just effect my sperm, but I didn't know, and still don't. I just know it, assists if spillages occur. No, it's not a contraceptive and I don't view it that way either. But she didn't and being at a delicate age, she didn't want to effect her chances.
Equally, the ovulation test kits were because she felt happy with me and wanted to know if she was actually capable of conceiving. So, I get that too. I did suggest the odd logical of going on the pill and then testing to see if you're ovulating, esp. if the pill was going to effect such things, or effect the way in which the ovulation test works.
The test kit. Was because she was a bit late on a few days. Knowing her, a few days would be one day. She's not a nutter, she just over analyses and worries.
So. What was the outcome.
We spoke (ok, I spoke initially) pretty calmly. And she was pretty upset too, not in a 'found out way', but in a 'now I look at all of this, I see how bad it looks way'. The book was a no-go, just a suggested book by amazon based upon product purchases. I get that. She has since told me about talking to her boss at work about the situation. Who's response was to burst out laughing about how impressive the whole situation seemed.
I'd then taken a week off to think about things. We then had last weekend together, and went away. Every day, apart from the last we had quite awkward moments, not arguments, ok, they were but about nothing, other than underlying issues. So, this meant on Monday we talked for another 6 hours about everything.
So, I was able to further explain my concerns and also identify where other things were going wrong in the relationship. The bottom line being, we shall give things a go.
She needs to come off the pill and determine if she is ovulating, as her first test said she was not. Because then that will answer some of her questions.
Equally to nip in the bud some of the other things that were going on in our relationship.
But then, if this does not work, know we have tried our best - as we get on REALLY well. If it does not work, then we will both feel like we have tried.
Oh, and before this all happened, we had booked and paid for a 3 week holiday, so, we might as well do this. I'm happy with that. It's always better going on holiday with someone than your own.
We shall see what happens.
As a little bit of a back ground. I rent property out. I've seen lot's of potential tenants and I can figure them out within a few minutes. For this reason I never do credit checks or take references. In 22 years of doing this I've only been wrong twice. So, I can determine people and their characters pretty well, or at least I think. That's what I base my opinion on the girlfriend with.
I've dated other girls, and she's the first in the past 2 years who have met my parents and only the 3rd who've met my parents in my life. She's also the first whose parents have ever met mine.
I'm pretty sure life is not simple. It does have ups and downs, but you can't jump at the first bit of rough.