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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Is my girlfriend attempting to get pregnant or ensure she is taking the pill at the right time ?

150 replies

JustACoupleOfQuestions · 01/04/2014 23:55

I've been seeing a girl for a few months, we get on great. She is very keen to have a kid, I am not at the moment. She has told me she has gone on the pill, which I believed. However, I attempted to log onto Amazon today and realised she had left herself logged on. I saw three purchases back in Jan :-

Conceive Plus® Fertility Lubricant
Clearblue Digital Pregnancy Test Kit with Conception Indicator
Clearblue Digital Ovulation Testing Kit Inc. 20 Test Pack and 2 x Pack of 10mlU Pregnancy Test Strips

Now, the first one worries me, as does the second. The third could be to determine when she should take the pill. But the Test Pack?!?

My guess is she is trying to get pregnant without me knowing. Am I missing something about being on the pill ?

I would appreciate your comments.

Thanks.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

alita7 · 03/04/2014 09:01

it's funny cos if she's ttc she may well be on these boards and I bet she'll know who she is!

laughing aside I sort of get the rape thing, it's not 'proper' rape, maybe they should have different word's for these things. But it is certainly unforgivable to trick a guy into making a baby, it has a huge impact on their lives. its one thing to get him to agree to no contraception, another to say you will be on the pill. Unfortunately some women go a bit crazy when they want a baby... I know I did but not in this way :p

wannaBe · 03/04/2014 09:04

can't believe some of the responses on this thread. "if you're not wearing a condom then no sympathy/your own fault/if you don't want a baby wear a condom..."? What the actual fuck.

Imagine if a woman came on here and said she'd discovered a pack of pins in her partner's drawer with the box of condoms and thinks he may have put holes in them, would the response be "well if you don't want to get pregnant then you should be on the pill..."? no thought not.

When you enter into a sexual relationship with someone there is already an implied level of trust because you are trusting someone to get that intimately close to you... and in general, before having sex with someone one would discuss one's contraception (or lack thereof) in order to ensure you are both on the same page with that.

If it's a casual thing then you might insist on pill/condoms in order to guard against STD's but if the relationship becomes more serious then there's no reason why one couldn't or shouldn't decide on one or the other and trust that that course of action would be followed.

If I had discussed contraception with my dp and decided that I would be on the pill then I'd be bloody offended if he decided he didn't trust me and opted to wear condoms as well.

Op - there is no way back from this. Tricking someone into getting pregnant is about as low as it gets.

I'm not even sure I would have the discussion tbh because I wouldn't trust her to tell the truth. I would just text her that you know what she's done and it's over. Don't elaborate let her work it out for herself.

Plateofcrumbs · 03/04/2014 09:18

Yes I agree with you wannaBe, although on some level I feel a bit sorry for the woman - how desperate for a child must you be to stoop so low?

But it really is utterly immoral - and while I don't want to get into comparisons with rape, I do wonder if it could be criminal in some way.

Sharaluck · 03/04/2014 09:27

I disagree wannabe, it's not about purely about trust.

Taking responsibility for your own contraceptives is your right. Both males and females. And if that means doubling up on contraceptives that is your choice because you definitely want to reduce the chance of pregnancy as much as possible.

I think it is sad when women say they would be offended if their male partner chose to use a condom in addition to them taking the pill.

wannaBe · 03/04/2014 09:28

nope I have no sympathy for how desperate she may or may not be for a child - stooping to that level is unforgiveable.

I might be desperate for money, it wouldn't make it ok for me to con someone into giving it to me... this is no different, in fact it's worse.

wannaBe · 03/04/2014 09:32

"I think it is sad when women say they would be offended if their male partner chose to use a condom in addition to them taking the pill." I think that depends on how you have the conversation though. If a woman gets pregnant you can't blame the man because he wasn't wearing a condom, if a man was wearing a condom and it split no-one would think it ok to chastise the woman for not being on the pill as well so why should it be any different the other way around - it shouldn't.

Ikabod · 03/04/2014 09:57

I'm curious about why she left her Amazon account logged in on OP's computer... She sounds like she needs professional help.

OP, does she travel to visit you for the weekend? I'd suggest meeting somewhere halfway, public and neutral, rather than at your place. If she's deceitful enough to try to get pg without your knowledge or consent, you don't know what else she's capable of.

RaRa1988 · 03/04/2014 10:04

I agree, Wannabe - it's a responsibility you take together. The contraception (or lack thereof) should be a choice you make together with the understanding that sometimes these things fail and that if they do, the responsibility is once again shared. That's the major problem here: the OP (wrongly - in hindsight) obviously trusted this woman to take the contraception they'd agreed on, and she doesn't seem to be. In fact, she seems to have a completely opposing agenda.

MinesAPintOfTea · 03/04/2014 10:34

Its very similar to what the slimy wikileaks chap did. He's been accused of rape because the woman in question only consented to sex with a condom and he didn't use one. The OP has consented to sex with contraception in place and it appears at this hasn't been used, so yes I'd say its potentially a form of rape (although not legally in this country).

lottieandmia · 03/04/2014 10:49

It's not rape. It annoys me that the word rape is thrown around in so many contexts these days. That does not make what she is doing ok in any sense.

That aside, the OP and his girlfriend sound as if they are young - he mentions that his last girlfriend was 18. It sounds as if he trusted this girlfriend to be as responsible as the last (not unreasonable).

MrsM2013 · 03/04/2014 12:23

I thought he said had been with last girlfriend 18 years??
He doesn't sound like a youngster (no offence OP).
Good luck with it all- hope it's not too late.

lottieandmia · 03/04/2014 12:26

Didn't he say his last girlfriend of 18? He cannot have reached the age of 30+ without knowing how the pill works surely.

Sharaluck · 03/04/2014 12:36

He's not young. He's independently wealthy and doesn't need to work but chooses to do so.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/04/2014 12:46

missvaughn - I don't remember International being likened to a catfish What was the reason for that???

Sharaluck · 03/04/2014 12:49

International changed her name to an Alanis song if I recall correctly. I'm not sure which one though.

Writerwannabe83 · 03/04/2014 12:51

Oh yes!! Life has a funny way of helping you out!!

Sharaluck · 03/04/2014 12:52

Yes I think that's the one! I kept thinking it was ironic

RedRoom · 03/04/2014 13:03

Well, I'm certainly in a position to answer this one! In January 2014, all of those exact products were in my Amazon basket- every single one. I'm currently pregnant.

To second what has already been said and add more support to the argument: the ovulation strips are used when you are not using contraception and you want to time sex with when you have released an egg. There is no way, no way at all, that you would buy and use these if you weren't trying to get pregnant. They have nothing to do with taking the pill.

The fertility lube is because many lubes alter the PH balance of the vagina or are quite thick, meaning that sperm tend not to survive. In fact, you probably know that many lubes contain spermicide to help reduce the chance of sperm surviving. To get pregnant, it is easier if the inside of the vagina is slippery and not acidic. Using fertility lube is a) about three times more expensive than normal lube b) unnecessary if you aren't trying to conceive c) something you wouldn't buy in error or in preference for regular lube. This has been bought deliberately to maximise the chance of getting pregnant- no other reason.

Pregnancy tests: she's bought two kinds: cheap multi-use strips so that she can test regularly and then a more expensive one that dates the pregnancy to double check once she gets a positive on the cheap ones.

The only way she is not trying to royally stitch you up here is if she has bought all of this 'for a friend'- but seriously, who would buy lube and pregnancy tests for a friend using their own Amazon account and have them delivered to themselves? To conclude: she is highly likely to be a cunning piece of work who is deliberately trying to trick you into getting her pregnant by claiming to be on the pill when actually doing everything she can to conceive when you do have sex.

Don't sleep with her without a condom provided by you as I wouldn't rule out her poking holes with pins.

KatAndKit · 03/04/2014 13:07

Don't sleep with her even with a condom.dump her for being so dishonest and trying to trick you into getting her pregnant on purpose.

RedRoom · 03/04/2014 13:24

Yes, actually, don't sleep with her at all. Signs are she's a liar.

Plateofcrumbs · 03/04/2014 13:24

"The contraception (or lack thereof) should be a choice you make together with the understanding that sometimes these things fail and that if they do, the responsibility is once again shared"

Yes this exactly - it's a shared responsibility, which is why it is such a huge deception.

I would have no objection to a man wanting to use condoms as well as the pill as a "belt and braces" approach to contraception, but as I posted earlier in the thread if my partner wanted to use a condom simply because he didn't trust me to not be throwing the pill down the toilet.

lottieandmia · 03/04/2014 15:10

'He's wealthy' ah - could that be why she wants to rush into this headlong? Otherwise she could always use a sperm donor, that's what I was thinking.

As I said - both people should be aware of how contraception works. A boyfriend of mine wanted to see what contraception I was using and read the information on how it works. Trust has to feature in the whole thing but the responsibility is on both people whoever has the baby, whoever is the one using contraception.

slithytove · 03/04/2014 15:12

Tell her you have an std

inmybelly · 03/04/2014 20:04

Liking the STD idea. I'd go for syphillis or gonorrhoea.

lottieandmia · 03/04/2014 20:15

I can't believe how reasonable and non-angry the OP sounds.

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