Is my girlfriend attempting to get pregnant or ensure she is taking the pill at the right time ?

[JustACoupleOfQuestions]

I've been seeing a girl for a few months, we get on great. She is very keen to have a kid, I am not at the moment. She has told me she has gone on the pill, which I believed. However, I attempted to log onto Amazon today and realised she had left herself logged on. I saw three purchases back in Jan :-

Conceive Plus® Fertility Lubricant
Clearblue Digital Pregnancy Test Kit with Conception Indicator
Clearblue Digital Ovulation Testing Kit Inc. 20 Test Pack and 2 x Pack of 10mlU Pregnancy Test Strips

Now, the first one worries me, as does the second. The third could be to determine when she should take the pill. But the Test Pack?!?

My guess is she is trying to get pregnant without me knowing. Am I missing something about being on the pill ?

I would appreciate your comments.

Thanks.

It's also pretty much my ttc shopping list! I'd never even heard of ovulation predictor kits until a few months ago!

BTW I'm now PG having used them to time sex to ovulation!

The pill you take every day so no need for any strips.

That lot you buy when you very very want to get pregnant. It aint cheap!

If you don't want a baby use a condom.

MissHobart - so have you and your husband been using a condom for those entire 12 years he's not been ready to start a family?

I don't get this 'no condom - your fault' thing. Yes absolutely in casual sex situation but if you're in some kind of committed relationship where you've discussed contraception it seems perfectly reasonable to rely on the pill. Of course that means the man has to trust the woman to take the pill each day reliably (and in extreme cases not to secretly plot to get pregnant!) but isn't trust what relationships are built on?

For the first few years of our relationship there is NO WAY that DH and I wanted children but I'd have been massively offended if he'd not trusted me taking the pill.

MissHobart - so have you and your husband been using a condom for those entire 12 years he's not been ready to start a family?

I don't get this 'no condom - your fault' thing. Yes absolutely in casual sex situation but if you're in some kind of committed relationship where you've discussed contraception it seems perfectly reasonable to rely on the pill. Of course that means the man has to trust the woman to take the pill each day reliably (and in extreme cases not to secretly plot to get pregnant!) but isn't trust what relationships are built on?

For the first few years of our relationship there is NO WAY that DH and I wanted children but I'd have been massively offended if he'd not trusted me taking the pill.

Sorry for double post!

Confirm and then dump this is a serious betray of trust.

Don't see how you can be in a relationship with someone who can deceive you on such a matter. This is way bigger than just use a condom.

seriously leave now! she may already be pregnant... fertility lube mimics fertile lady jizz making it easier for sperm to swim up there.... I got pregnant my first month of using it!

When people say 'i was one the pill, i was so shocked!' on one born every minute i'm always like yeah right.

I didn't realise that flushing them down the toilet would make them ineffective?! Ooooops!!

This is a trust issue. Using condoms won't help - she will put pin procks in your condoms in an attempt to get pregnant aka the psycho woman in Eastenders.

LTB

Everyone's already said it, but there's a chance it's too late and she's already pregnant.

Plates - no we haven't used condoms since the first year, I've been on depo or the coil until last year, but then I wouldn't dream of betraying his right to choose when to start a family.

In OP's and my colleagues cases they are both in very new relationships, hence my opinion that they should take their own responsibility re contraception. In any past new relationships I had I protected myself against unwanted pregnancies and std's as I didn't want either!

My friend was very broody and when she got married her husband knew this and understood that she was off contraception and that he had to use condoms if he wasn't ready, not something I'd do but at least he was informed and knew it was on the cards before they got married.

It's all about trust and respect!

Plateofcrumbs

I'd have been massively offended if he'd not trusted me taking the pill.

I think that is a very sad attitude to have. What is so offensive about your dh using condoms if he chose to double up on contraceptives? Isn't he entitled to make an active choice in using a contraceptive? Why would you take offense at this?

Yes the pill provides good protection against pregnancy but using a condom as well increases this protection.

I agree with OP that the biggest issue isn't so much how he can avoid her getting pregnant, but that if she's trying to get pregnant she's behaving deceitfully, and that's something that you have to talk about as a couple if you are going to stay together. I can't see any reason you'd need that stuff if you were trying not to get pregnant (unless you were buying for someone else - but why would you be? Especially on Amazon - it's not like you happened to be in the chemist and thought "oh while I'm here I'll just pick up that conception stuff for my friend who can't get to the shops today"). If you've talked about it in the past, and she has said she is taking the pill, it's really worrying if she's lying about it to you. If she does get pregnant, it's not just a "it takes two" thing as it would be if both parties were a bit careless with contraception, it would be her tricking you into a pregnancy that you've been clear (I assume) you don't want at the moment. And even if it doesn't happen, that lack of trust sounds to me a really big problem in a relationship.

On combined pill: I used to often run it together without a break when I was on it, because of times when it was inconvenient to be menstruating, and never felt any ill-effects. And the info that came with my packs said that you could do that if you needed to. I think it's not a "real period" when you're on the pill anyway.

shara, plate didn't say she would be offended at her husband making a contraceptive choice, she said she would be offended at him not trusting her, they are two very different things.

If a couple discussed and said they both wanted to use contraception and both agreed, then great. It doesn't have to be about trust of each other.

I'd be pretty fucking offended too if my DH didn't trust me with contraception.

I agree with OP that the biggest issue isn't so much how he can avoid her getting pregnant, but that if she's trying to get pregnant she's behaving deceitfully, and that's something that you have to talk about as a couple if you are going to stay together.

Please do not even consider staying together unless you want to be a dad to her child in the very near future.

Fingers crossed for you that she is not already pregnant.

What a shitty thing to do to you and any potential child.

Forgive me if I'm repeating what others have said, but I'm baffled about the conceive plus. I used it, it's a white tube with pink writing, very clearly says CONCEIVE on it. If, and I do mean if, someone had gone to the lengths of decanting lubes into different bottles as part of a scheme to trick their partner into getting them pregnant.... I would be recommending that person go for psychiatric evaluation. It is not normal behaviour and certainly not something you would do to someone you loved or believed you had a future with.

In fact it sounds so far fetched that I'm looking forward to hearing what really happened OP!

MissHobart... I also understand the pill fails. If that's the case, then that's ok and that would be dealt with accordingly. But having a conversation saying no kids yet. Agree one goes on the pill, then finding this shopping list. Yes, I've taken a copy. Yes, it was paid for. Yes, it was delivered. Along with books relating to pregnancy. Ok, getting pregnant is a little bit of a slap in the face.

have you spoken to her yet Op?

sambababy, yes it does all sound rather odd. I have to admit.

It is a betrayal of trust and that's really important to me. I want, who ever I'm with to be able to totally trust in everything I do.

I am slightly worried that this might have happened as she has knows I'm well off. Through my own efforts, I don't need to work to have a comfortable life. But I do work, as I enjoy it.

However, I feel her motivation for kids could be greater as she if VERY careful with money and very sensible. However, her previous boyfriend of years took advantage of her financially. Perhaps she now has an issue with guys and is going for the "I'll get what I want" screw the guys option ?!?

Mmm

gamerchick. No, I have not. I am going to wait until the weekend when she comes up. I'm not sure if I am going to be more disappointed in her as opposed to angry.

can you tell this is the pregnancy board? hormones everywhere. ;)

I would be just as concerned being in a new relationship and not using a condom about STIs (pregnancy is just one of them ;)

It is the same thing as finding a reciept for a fancy restaurant for 2, not conclusive proof but worth talking about.

End of the day there could be a good reason for this.. getting it for a friend etc. who cant get it for themselves.

My concern is that you feel the need to discuss this on an open forum rather than go to her directly. It doesn't sound like a trusting relationship....

but im being judgemental and im trying not to be hormonal, but hey.. im pregnant..

peepapod. I've asked an open forum as I wanted the feedback from women who were trying to get pregnant, as that was my assumption of the products being purchased. But as I'm not a women, nor do I have kids I really don't know. So, I thought I would get an 'educated' opinion rather than research products and make assumptions that could be wrong. Then, when educated (a little) I can have a reasoned, educated conversation with her.

My concern is that you feel the need to discuss this on an open forum rather than go to her directly. It doesn't sound like a trusting relationship....

Do you say this on every thread on MN?

samba - It is not normal behaviour and certainly not something you would do to someone you loved or believed you had a future with.

That's why I said she's after a sperm donor and JACOQ has pretty much confirmed that to me with saying he's well off.