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Pregnancy

your views on bump grabbing, groping, and stroking

135 replies

AnnaBanana25 · 23/12/2013 22:18

So, I have only had a few incidents of bump touching so far, which I have found odd as I'm 14 weeks today and don't have a proper visible bump yet.

Today's grab probed me to ask your views... Do you mind? Do you like it, put up with it, or have you purchased a t shirt that says "touch my bump and die"?

I'm in two minds at the minute, mainly finding it odd as I don't even have a big bump. An acquaintance today started probing my tummy asking "so where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!".... Ummmm... Weird.

So, views please, go!

OP posts:

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Littleen · 30/12/2013 13:19

I've got major complexes about my stomach from before, but I can tolerate friends and family touching - they often do it as the first thing when they see me, so no asking or anything. Uncomfortable, but not so much that I would tell them off! Any strangers though, and I would throw a massive hissy fit. Not their place at all!

noseymcposey · 30/12/2013 13:23

I don't mind as such - I think it's nice people are interested/friendly and they are usually saying how lovely/beautiful pregnancy is etc etc. But... I am quite repressed and I find it really uncomfortable and am mentally screaming 'aaarrgggghh SOMEONE IS TOUCHING ME'.

So I don't mind, but prefer it when they stop!

missmrsmummy · 30/12/2013 14:31

I don't think I would like it but I did touch my friend's bump (well, wife of DH's best friend) when she was about 7 months... I didn't mean to, it just kind of happened! Oops :-/

FryOneFatManic · 30/12/2013 15:31

Came to this thread via active convos.

When I was pregnant, I hated people touching my bump, with the sole exception of DP.

It's the invasion of privacy that pissed me off. My feelings could be summed up as: If you wouldn't touch my stomach when I'm not pregnant then don't think that just because I'm pregnant you have free rein, however well intentioned you are. I'm not public property.

I did have to get a little sharp with someone who wouldn't take No for an answer. But then, someone who wouldn't ask before touching is unlikely to take a hint and stop.

rabbitlady · 30/12/2013 16:54

outrageous invasion of privacy. so your reproductive system is active and that means anyone can cop a feel of your belly? no.

somewhereinessex · 30/12/2013 17:02

Never really had anyone touching my bump while pregnant but I wasn't very big either time and tended to avoid close-fitting tops so people probably thought I'd eaten a few pies! I never liked it when friends asked if I wanted to feel their bumps - seemed a bit yukky.

LittlePeaPod · 30/12/2013 17:13

It really is good to read that I am not the only one that hates this after the flamming I got on the other thread....

PenguinsDontEatStollen · 30/12/2013 17:40

I feel exactly that FryOne. People who might generally rub or stroke me in normal life: DH, the two DDs. Therefore people who can rub the bump: DH and the two DDs.

livingzuid · 30/12/2013 17:59

littlepeapod why would you get a flaming [confuswe

livingzuid · 30/12/2013 18:01

Gaaaaaaa phone

Meant to have one of these

How is it OK for people to touch your body without permission, no matter how well they know you? And why would anyone get offended because you like to maintain your own personal space!

Cariad007 · 30/12/2013 18:18

Well one of my work colleagues got offended when I told her I didn't want her constantly grabbing my bump or saying things like "you're getting so big." She also can't understand why I don't throw myself a baby shower or have a pregnancy photo shoot (!) and made all sorts of faces when I said it's be getting some stuff second-hand at NCT Nearly New sales etc. (She's never had to worry about money a day in her life as Daddy provides everything.)

CommanderShepard · 30/12/2013 18:23

Hated it. It would be weird to grab at, eg, my thigh, so why is my abdomen fair game when I'm pregnant?

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2013 19:08

Glad you feel better Little, though I'm not at all surprised at how this thread went. Equally I'm not surprised that the AIBU thread went the other way. I think its reflective of general ignorance about consent and AIBU isn't always the most sensitive or progressive area of MN. The same question placed in an environment where supportive views have been expressed generally brings out very different responses.

I think the problem is that women are generally conditioned that they have to put up and shut up during pregnancy and the general attitude that once you allow something once then you are fair game which is total bollocks. Its sometimes HARD to tell someone no, especially if they are being that forceful and they think they are being nice. Being assertive does not come easily to everyone.

I'm glad you've been reassured that you weren't being petty in the end.

KaseyM · 30/12/2013 19:25

I didn't mind it at all. In fact the world seemed to be so nice to me when I was pregnant. Lots of well-wishing and older women giving me advice. Strangers giving me seats and making conversations...

.... ah maybe I should get one of those fake bumps!!

BlessedAssurance · 30/12/2013 20:18

I went to a birthday party for a friend's child today. A woman i had never met before was at the door leaving.We greeted each other and the next minute her hands were rubbing my bump. I was so surprised that i let it go and also didn't want to make a scene. Horrible,strangers need to ask first. For those who don't mind good for you. I work in a place where care and love is our motto. How would you feel if your bump gets rubbed as soon as you arrive at work?,throughout the whole day where the only thing commented on is how much you eat and how big you are getting.
I am quite skinny so my bump is kind of sticking out. I am the only person pregnant at my work and if i got a quid for every time someone i don't know rubs my tummy i would be rich. Where can i get those don't touch the bump shirts?..i must have one.

eurochick · 30/12/2013 20:23

HTH www.cafepress.com/evilgeniusstore/1993389

BlessedAssurance · 30/12/2013 20:25

When isay care and love is our motto, i mean we take care of the old. If i said no then i would considered to be beatch because obviously they all mean well and are happy for me. Can't people show their joy while at a distance?

RedToothBrush · 30/12/2013 20:48

eurochick I'm loving:

'No its not pregnancy hormones,
ITS YOU!!!'

Edamame · 30/12/2013 21:28

At first I hated it, even from friends. Get your hands off me, that's my liver you f*ing moron. But now (at 29 weeks) I don't mind if someone asks first and I can direct their hand to the baby kicking; that makes me feel very proud of my bump.

nutritionalbeauty · 31/12/2013 00:48

Wow what a varied lot of answers! I find it fascinating that different people can have such different reactions from one extreme to the other and everywhere in between ... I find it similar when it comes to massage and particularly reflexology (I'm a therapist)...those that HATE having their feet touched (by anyone) will very rarely be a customer as they also don't like massage, hugs, or any close physical proximity to another person really, they are usually very private people who like plenty of space and don't invite opinions from others. Those that do enjoy massage and reflexology however tend to be more open and tactile in their dealings with others, often very talkative and open about their lives and experiences....I guess that's what makes us all unique :)

Cariad007 · 31/12/2013 07:23

I like being massaged, I hug my friends and family and am affectionate in general. What I don't like is people randomly grabbing me just because I'm pregnant!

LittlePeaPod · 31/12/2013 08:00

I too am tactile, love massages (in fact had a lot throughout this pregnancy) very affectionate and open etc. What I don't like is been rubbed up be people just because I am pregnant and been expected to suck it up.

Nutrition I am unconvinced there is a link as described in your post.

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PenguinsDontEatStollen · 31/12/2013 10:27

I disagree too actually. I can imagine that if you hate having your feet touched maybe you often hate the type of touch involved in massage too.

However, I love a good massage. I am reasonably tactile and hug friends and family. I am very physically affectionate with my husband and children.

I don't mind the squish and bash of a London tube train, busy shops, etc (though obviously I'd prefer a quiet carriage and a seat )

I cannot fucking stand strangers intentionally touching me. It feels like they are not respecting my personal space or boundaries. It is my body and I want to decide who touches it.

Bigjellybean · 31/12/2013 11:02

I don't really mind if my bump is touched by close friends and family, but strangers, I don't think so. It would be way too odd unless it's from another mum to be.

TapirsCaperWithReindeers · 31/12/2013 14:50

I also disagree with Nutrition.

I point blank refuse to have my feet touched by anyone, but regularly have massages, and am very tactile with people who I know are also tactile.

However, when pregnant and looking rather whale-like my bump was out of bounds unless I said otherwise.

It's like this - we can be as tactile or as untactile as we wish to be. We are the ones who give others permission to touch us - nobody has the right to come up and just touch us fgs, pregnant or not!

Flip

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