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Pregnancy

your views on bump grabbing, groping, and stroking

135 replies

AnnaBanana25 · 23/12/2013 22:18

So, I have only had a few incidents of bump touching so far, which I have found odd as I'm 14 weeks today and don't have a proper visible bump yet.

Today's grab probed me to ask your views... Do you mind? Do you like it, put up with it, or have you purchased a t shirt that says "touch my bump and die"?

I'm in two minds at the minute, mainly finding it odd as I don't even have a big bump. An acquaintance today started probing my tummy asking "so where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!".... Ummmm... Weird.

So, views please, go!

OP posts:

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prettyinpink90 · 27/12/2013 21:06

For me, it's quite a personal and intimate thing and so would prefer, unless it's my DP that people ask before they just go ahead and touch my bump.

mamacoffee · 27/12/2013 21:45

cant stand it. i actually made an official complaint once about this when a nurse did it. She wasn't even the person i was seeing, she had walked in teh room to give a cup of tea to the health visitor i was seeing. the nurse didn't just stroke, she did more of a grab and grope to my bump and wouldn't stop, telling me how lovely she thought bumps were. it made me cringe and made me feel quite physically ill after every time i thought about it.

lovingmatleave · 27/12/2013 22:42

Definitely a no for me. If I saw someone heading for my bump I would turn slightly or pull my cardy over, or as other have suggested a steely death stare.

TapirsCaperWithReindeers · 27/12/2013 23:49

Simply because a woman is pregnant does not give anyone the right to touch her bump.

Simply because one pregnant woman doesn't mind her bump being touched, doesn't mean that all pregnant woman are the same.

Intentionally touching another person without their consent is assault.

It's really this simple - if you want to touch the bump - ask...

Oh, and if she says no - it means no

Oddsocksrus · 28/12/2013 00:07

I loved being pregnant but loathed being touched. I showed quite early (nice big swimming pool for dd) and towards the end when I looked like I was having quads with constant sciatica, piles and no sleep I lost all semblance of politeness, the flat raised hand went up accompanied by a sharp 'no!' I'm sure I looked like I was going to slap them!
Just fuck off with the invading space is my message essentially.

The touching of stomachs is all tied into fertility though, I've just had a hysterectomy and a friend of my mothers stroked my belly when sympathising..... You can't hit a 70 year old but by god I came close

wispaxmas · 28/12/2013 04:21

Oh god, I don't even understand people wanting to touch someone else's belly. My sister is 33 weeks and she asked if I wanted to feel the baby kick last night and I went ahead and did it, but even though she's my sister and she invited it, I still felt like I was being invasive!

I will be avoiding any touches as best as possible. A slap will be threatened to any who try.

Doctorbrownbear · 28/12/2013 08:51

Did I say you swore at the woman peapod are you generalising? Assuming I meant you swore? Whilst on the subject is he question that started off this post not a general question? I tried to give my views and you tried to undermine my opinion and accused me of using psychobabble... I do not think you have managed to demonstrate why this was so yes lets disagree!

ClearlyMoo · 28/12/2013 09:43

hides from doctor, brush & others having massive argument

I just wanted to say I don't like it and I'm not comfortable with it... One of my oldest friends visited just after we'd announced and touched what was (then at 14 weeks) my lunch then said "Sorry don't know why I did that, used to hate people touching my bump". I shrugged it off. Then saw her on Christmas Eve she did it again. I currently have a fairly rubbish bump for 21 weeks - baby is below belly button, all my innards (one assume) are giving me a giant muffin top, and my waist is still quite obvious. She touched above my waist - again, and didn't apologise this time. I let it go as it was Christmas/old friend etc but I really wish people wouldn't even try! DH fairly uninterested in touching bump and he's the (only) one I want to touch it!

coralanne · 28/12/2013 10:13

I have always totally being against "bump touching".

About 9 weeks ago I was at my best friend"s DD's baby shower. (God, how convoluted is that sentence.).

I had no inclination to touch her bump.

However I saw her again 3 weeks before baby was due and my hand reached out on it's own to touch the bump. I quickly pulled my hand back before actually touching the bump and said "Oh I'm so sorry"

I have known this girl since she was five years old and she quickly grabbed my hand and put it on the bump. She said I was one of the very few people she would let touch her bump.

It was a very touching moment.

LittlePeaPod · 28/12/2013 11:02

I am so glad to read that I am not the only one that doesn't like been rubbed up like some sort of public magic lantern! I really don't get how people can't see how creepy and strange that sort of behaviour is.

This was an aspect of pregnancy I never even considered. I have to say it has surprised me how many people actually think its alright and women should simply "suck it up" even if they don't like it if someone (stranger or not) decides to invade a woman's personal space and rub them up.

I really think its as simple as "if it would be strange / odd / weird / inappropriate / offensive / creepy / criminal etc" to do it to someone who is not pregnant then its just as bad to do it to a pregnant woman. It really doesn't take a second to just politely ask permission and respect the persons answer... And if people don't ask, then they shouldn't be surprised if the woman reacts (aggressively / negatively etc.).

clara26 · 28/12/2013 13:56

I've never been pregnant but I'm pretty sure I'd hate being randomly touched by strangers. I'd ask them politely and if that didn't work I'd break their arm.

lifehasafunnywayofhelpinguout · 28/12/2013 14:23

No I didn't mind at all. I was grateful that people were taking in interest in me and my unborn baby. I am ttc again so hopefully in a few months I will have another bump for people to touch. xxx

GoshAnneGorilla · 28/12/2013 16:20

Not into bump touching. Wouldn't touch anyone else's, haven't had any requests for anyone to touch mine. DH, DD and DM have been the only ones getting to touch it.

I am astounded that anyone would think it's ok to touch a stranger in such an intimate way (as you don't usually go around touching abdomens) without asking.

AnnaBanana25 · 28/12/2013 19:15

Gosh, this thread has gotten long! When I started it, I didnt expect it but find the views interesting. I have had a bit more bump touching from distant friends (let me remind you again I'm only 14 weeks) ... It feels odd as it is not a usual touching, like on the arm. When its someone you know, it feels awkward to say anything, and at this point ive only really decided I don't like it when strangers do it, I think with friends and family it may be different and I'll have to wait and see. Although, the thought of much more than a quick pat makes me cringe!!

OP posts:

theclockticksslowly · 28/12/2013 21:09

I've only had one person do that to me - unfortunately it was over 2 years before I was actually pregnant

summerbaby2014 · 28/12/2013 21:14

Now I'm a bit scared!... Back to work next week and my bump seems to have BALLOONED over Xmas (coming up to 16wks now).

I'll keep an eye out for these bump gropers!

ChaffinchOfDoom · 28/12/2013 22:05

never been grabbed by a stranger, currently 26 wks with number 3. some close family ask if it's OK, all female.. and only dh other than that.
as it's been winter the time I've had a bump the public haven't really had access
been hiding under a coat as much as possible.

cardamomginger · 29/12/2013 15:23

A huge no for me. I didn't show until pretty late, so managed to avoid most of it. The Death Stare tended to discourage the rest. It's presumptuous and rude and at a time when many women are possibly feeling not their best physically.

mamacoffee · 29/12/2013 15:47

Waves to cardamomginger! (If you don't recognise my current nickname pm.me!)

Kelly1814 · 29/12/2013 16:38

Oh god, nay nay and nay.

Part of the reason I kept quiet about being UTD until 26 weeks.

pertempsnooo · 29/12/2013 21:42

A friend of mine was approached like this by the school secretary, along with 'ooh! when's it due?' She wasn't pregnant. The secretary removed her hands. Could be a way of dealing with it OP if you are still small?

Goosey11 · 30/12/2013 00:20

I have an instinct to want to touch pregnant bumps (probably because I'm a midwife).. But wouldn't touch a random strangers without permission. Having said that, I probably wouldn't ask in the first place. And having had 4 children ranging age 6 - 20, so at different ages/stages of my life, at no point would I have been happy for a stranger to touch my bump, although less bothered as I got older! And I am a VERY tactile person.

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DunedinGirl · 30/12/2013 01:52

Hi there, I'm a first time poster but I feel really strongly about people respecting each other's personal space and I've been particularly protective of my bump during my pregnancy. I don't originally come from Britain and I wonder if it is a cultural thing, but I would never ever touch a pregnant belly of a stranger and i simply can't understand why people would ever consider this ok. If a stranger came up and touched me I think my first instinct would be to bat their hand away. On the other hand I dont all mind friends touching but they are always polite enough to ask anyway.

AliOh · 30/12/2013 08:08

No, no, absolutely not. If I know you well and you ask then fine but otherwise no!

livingzuid · 30/12/2013 09:42

I hate it! I had a colleague give my fledgling bump at 16 weeks a rub taking me it was getting bigger and then a good friend in excitement tickling my stomach as I said goodbye to her at 17 weeks. Then yesterday my mil actually opened my coat and cardigan to have a look. I was so furious. DH told her off.

I can't bear anyone touching me including poor DH who is the only one I want remotely near me. I am so claustrophobic at the moment and have hg. The last thing I need is people near my belly!

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