your views on bump grabbing, groping, and stroking

[AnnaBanana25]

So, I have only had a few incidents of bump touching so far, which I have found odd as I'm 14 weeks today and don't have a proper visible bump yet.

Today's grab probed me to ask your views... Do you mind? Do you like it, put up with it, or have you purchased a t shirt that says "touch my bump and die"?

I'm in two minds at the minute, mainly finding it odd as I don't even have a big bump. An acquaintance today started probing my tummy asking "so where is it?! WHERE IS IT?!".... Ummmm... Weird.

So, views please, go!

[LittlePeaPod]

I would say what happen to me was uninvited touching and I think its more than inappropriate for a complete stranger to do it. And if they do then they should not be surprised if the person the do it to is rude or aggressive..

If they keep their sticky little mitts to themselves then they don't risk been told to get off/stop/fuck off or whatever terms the person been touched decides to use.

[MissHobart]

Would you politely ask people not to touch again if they grabbed your breasts?

I think not, I always ask, I even ask my best friend if it's ok, every time.

At the least it's Sec.39 assault if you put your hands on someone who doesn't want to be touched!

[RedToothBrush]

Its not rude to tell someone to keep their unwanted hands to themselves. Its rude to do it in the first place.

'Real crime' is bollocks. If it breaks the law and is a minor crime its still a crime. You don't have such a thing as a 'fake crime' now do you? Just using the phrase belittles it, which is precisely my point.

You can argue all you bloody well like but if a complete strange touched your leg and you didn't like it, you could have a case. So why not your belly if you a pregnant?

All you are basically saying is, its minor so we should take it, no matter how much we dislike it. Which is bollocks and you know it.

The bottom line is that you think that pregnancy has different rules and as such women should expect to be treated differently. Which ultimately is incredibly wrong and says a lot about society's view of pregnant women; that they are not allowed the same respect as other people. A fundamentality sexist belief. Shall we talk about discrimination too?

If someone does not want to be touched by someone else they are more than within their rights to tell someone to fuck off if they want to. I actually don't see the need to be polite about it, though it is obviously preferable.

The person doing it, didn't have the manners to ask, so I don't see why the person on the receiving end should have to have them, if it makes them feel invaded or uncomfortable. Its a reaction of self defence.

[TransatlanticCityGirl]

I don't get it that often... mainly from over 60 year old women. I find it a bit odd when I don't really have a bump and slightly uncomfortable but I'm not a touchy feely person on the best of days. I'm sure their intentions are good so I tolerate it.

[Doctorbrownbear]

Okkkkk a perfectly rational outlook you have there brush... you sound like you have a very balanced perspective. I have given my view on this matter. Now calm down and find something worth while to get your knickers and in a twist about ( and go ahead and report anyone that touches your bump/belly/hand to the police.) If you refer to my previous posts I have not disputed your right to request that someone does not touch your bump but I am mainly questioning people's reactions and how some make it out to be a massive deal. Brush if you feel THAT strongly about someone touching your bump then that is one thing but I really don't agree that it's ok to publicly humiliate them as punishment and most certainly not necessary to involve the police or indeed view it as a crime. This does seem to be an issue with elderly ladies and I for one am not going to launch a verbal attack on them or anyone for trying to be kind... whether it unintentionally upsets someone who is probably easily upset anyway. Just out of interest what is wrong with my suggestion of politley asking someone.not to touch if it makes you uncomfortable and what do you propose is a reasonable reaction?
Peapod I think its fairly obvious we are talking about uninvited touching as that is what the whole thread is about?! I still don't think it's as big a problem as some are making it out to be. I suppose some people are prone to making mountains out of mole hills though. You asked in your previous post if people thought you acted unreasonably when someone touched your bump. My view that was shared with quite a few others was 'yes'.

[LittlePeaPod]

Doctor indeed quite a few of you did say that but having considered it I think you were wrong. The woman herself said she was out of order for touching me and understood why I snapped at her.. Infact she hated people touching her own bumps and the thing that embarrassed her was not me snapping at her, it was her own behaviour (touching me without asking). So what you and anyone else think is irrelevant. She apologised and all respect to her for that.

I don't think women should put up and shut up. Your assumption that someone that is assertive enough to tell people to get off is a reflection of how the react to other situations (mountains out of molehills) is more of the ridiculous MN armchair generalisations and general pyhco babble you hear on MN from time to time.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

It doesn't bother me at all. It felt a little odd at first, especially when they were actually a bit high up and were in fact rubbing my breakfast, but now I love it!
My DD has Downs, and I have been very open about it. All of my work/market friends and aquaintances know, and it sometimes takes me ages to get from one end of the market to the other as everyone has to have a stroke or a pat and ask how the market baby is doing! Its really sweet and it really nice to know that people care and accept her for who she will be.
If you don't like it then that's fine too, but for me its really not a big issue.

[SirChenjin]

Who are all these weird bump gropers? During 4 pregnancies I think I only had one or two people at most touching my bumps, and I knew both of them. Do you all live in Royston Vasey?

[RedToothBrush]

Its difficult to be politely assertive when there are people out there who blindly refuse to even admit that touching someone's bump might be invasive to someone.

At which point, how do you politely tell them to get their hands off you? The only thing that might get the message across is to make a fuss about it. If you are thoughtless in the first place then a short bit of 'public embarrassment' might make you think about how you behave in the future.

I take the attitude that if its enough to make some feel very uncomfortable and invaded, then it doesn't matter if someone else thinks its making a mountain out of a molehill. You should respect how that makes them feel and give more thought in the first place. We are not talking about a few people being a 'bit oversensitive about it'. We are talking about a sizeable percentage of women on this thread who DO NOT like it. There are others on the thread that don't mind it. But the number who it bothers is a tiny fraction and that should give people the idea that actually its not really as 'lovely' and acceptable as some seem to think it is.

And in terms of embarrassing people, god forbid that the pregnant woman might have been embarrassed herself and might be feeling more vulnerable, sensitive and self-conscious herself preciously because she is pregnant.

But no its all about the stupid ignorant muppet who didn't think to ask first and their precious feeling and how they might be hurt. Well boo hoo. All it takes is some thought and some manners to ask first, if they are really that well meaning.

As for accusations about balanced perspectives, its a bit rich coming from someone who utterly refuses to acknowledge that it bothers some people. But hey ho. I guess you know best and we all should be more like you and less sensitive...

..if only it were that simple.

[RedToothBrush]

*but even if the number if it bother is a tiny fraction

[LittlePeaPod]

SirChen. My bump groper has been a woman that works in our local small supermarket... Complete stranger! I only know her because of the continued bump groping prior to me telling her to stop

[TooTryHard]

I flicked my MILs hand away at the second grope today. She looked a bit taken aback but I'm 38 weeks pregnant and not in the humour to take it. It's my third dc and and she's been told repeatedly by DH not to do it through all three pregnancies.

Drives me absolutely crazy and really naughty when she knows full well I don't like it.

[Shellywelly1973]

I'm on dc 6.

One lady I didn't know touched my bump when I was expecting dc.

A mum from the school who I smile at nothing more, has touched my bump twice...I removed her hand the second time!

That's 6 babies over 24 years...3 incidents of unwanted bump touching. Maybe I'm just a scary looking lady - or not?!

[LouisaJF]

I hate it. My bumps have been huge and it somehow makes it seem like public property. I don't mind friends or family wanting to feel their grandson, nephew etc but I draw the line at shop assistants and random little old ladies.

There is such a thing as personal space and I would not be thanked for manhandling a stranger uninvited so I fail to see why the bump is any different.

[Doctorbrownbear]

Little pea pod could you explain why you think my opinion on this matter is psychobabble or armchair generalisation? I fail to see.how you are making this 'observation' if you refer to my use of the phrase mountains out of mole hills, I mean that from your account of what happened you grossly over reacted and that for brush to say that bump touching is a crime is also a massive over reaction. I am talking from my own personal experience as I am 39 weeks pregnant with my second child. .. why would I need to use psychobabble when I have first hand experience of this? Brush thinks that I refuse to acknowledge that people are upset by this - for one refer to my previous posts where I say that I don't parricularly like it myself but choose to not get wound up ovee such a trivial things. People are getting mugged and attacked, raped and assaulted daily on our streets. .. what I am saying is put it in perspective and stop making it out to be such a heinous crime!

[CranberrySaucyJack]

Just because someone does not intend bump-groping as sexual, does not mean it's acceptable in any way, shape or form.

I do not rub my hands all over complete strangers in Tesco or on the bus. I have a legal and moral right to expect the same back.

[LittlePeaPod]

Doctor. Simple really, your comment saying some people are prone to making mountains out of molehils infers that people like me who would tell someone to not touch would react similarly in other situations. Therefore we would make moutians of molehils about anything! It is a complete generalisation and you are diagnosising people's personalities (phyco babble) you have never met based on one post on an Internet forum.

You don't know anyone on this thread so your experience in your life is again completely irrelevant to people's reactions to this sort of inappropriate behaviour. The fact this is your second pregnancy is also irrelevant. Woopy doo... I am sure the majority of us here are pregnant (39 weeks here) and some may well be on their second or third. It doesn't give their opinion any more weight about invasion of personal space than a first timer.

As I have pointed out before. Some people like their bumps been touched, good for them. Some people don't like it and suck it up, that's their choice. Some people (like me) don't like it at all and would say something if it continues, that's my prerogative. Ultimately the people at fault (everytime) are the space invaders/ bump gropers who think its alright to rub up pregnant women without consent (uninvited touching) regardless of their intentions (friendly or not).

[CranberrySaucyJack]

Actually, whilst we're on the subject does anyone else find they mind it less as they get further on?

I don't like it at the best of times (and would never tolerate it from a stranger), but I found it far more embarrassing in the first five-ish months when friends/family were just copping a feel of my gunt, rather than a bump.

At least now (31+2), there's obviously a baby there for them to have a feel of. I mind that much less tbh.

[Foodylicious]

I had to really uncomfortably 'not allow' my Dad to touch bump yesterday, when I said no and moved away a bit as he reached out, he said something about being grandad and luck, and I said no this is just fat, laughed and put my own hand on my tummy.
The whole thing made me feel really uncomfy, I am generally a really tactile and huggy person, but this is a step too far, maybe when I am further along i will be happy to invite people to feel kicks etc, am 15 weeks at the mo and really the 'bump' is just where I have put on too much weight and is squishy fat not a firm bump.
Would not want to hurt my dads or anyone else' feelings, but I am not going to be made to feel like it is my fault or that this is part of pregnancy I just have to put up with.
Also a woman I work with (work with, not friends!) grabbed and rubbed my belly while I was making a cup of tea at barely 10 weeks 9work have to know early due to risks with my job) - I instinctively shrugged out of her reach & mummbled, "no sorry I am not into that" and physically felt really uncomfortable, flushed and a bit sick. She apologised and obviously felt awkward. TBH she was lucky she did not end up wearing my drink it felt that wrong! hope she thinks twice before she does it to someone else

[HumptyDumptyBumpty]

Heh, I'm in the minority too - I love having my bump touched, and it's hardly happened. I find it endearing that others want to share my joy and excitement!
I wonder if they could make a range of 'Please Stroke the Bump' t-shirts along with all the 'Hands Off the Bump' ones! I'd buy one.
My DSis was here for Christmas and spent most of the day stroking, patting and talking to my bump, and I thought it was really sweet.

Horses for courses, innit.

[pimplybumskins]

I have had that happen to me and even when friends do it its weird.

[PeanutPatty]

I wasn't keen and most people could read my "Don't bloody touch my bump" stare.

[Doctorbrownbear]

I don't think you really answered my question peapod and I explained why I used the phrase mountains out of molehills... from your account I thought that you had over reacted (not really generilising at all) . I said that some people are prone to over react. I did not say.you specifically, although from the account you gave it would be pretty safe to say that you certainly did onnthat occasion). Anyway as I said before you act as you see fit, we are all responsible for our own actions and I merely do not think it necessary to react aggressivly, swear or embarrass people in response to bump touching. I still think a polite no thanks would do. Don't ask for people's opinions if you don't want an honest answer (AIBU - YES). I am not sure you are reading my posts properly or understanding but please look back, I think I make myself pretty clear. This is a forum for people to discuss and give their opinions I am doing this so please don't accuse me of using psychobabble when I am not even sure you know what it means ( if you do please explain why anything I say is psychobabble).

[LittlePeaPod]

I merely do not think it necessary to react aggressivly, swear or embarrass people in response to bump touching

At what point did I swear at the woman? Or have you just made an assumption I swore at her? Or is that simply a general comment?

And yes this is a forum to discuss and give opinions. My opinion is you have generalised and gone down the phyco babble path with regards your generalised comments about people making "mountains out of molehills".

We will have to agree to disagree.

[Xmasbaby11]

It doesn't bother me, but then it very rarely happened (nearly at end of second pregnancy). It was only close family and friends who wanted to, and even then, not many. Most people asked first.