PG after MC? Posifrickitivity and handholding aplenty

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Hello again - another shiny new thread for the batsh*t crazy women going through the stress and emotional rollercoaster that is being pregnant after a miscarriage.

Fingers crossed for lots of happy scans and boring pregnancies.

I like that, think I'll start using DFONTAD now.

All this labour talk is very interesting, but freaking me out slightly as my head can't connect the dots between that and where I am now (blueberry sized bean). But don't stop!

So DH bought a second hand sports car yesterday. I can't say I am totally pleased about it, mainly because it is very impractical and I'm sure we will have to get rid of it if all goes well with this pg, which will mean sulking and tantrums. But I suppose it gives him something to obsess about for the next few months whilst I am obsessing about bean/bump. His last attempt at being young and carefree mid life crisis

Hey pink I'm not a nightie person at all but got a pack of two from mothercare for labour and will wear them again this time (got a tankini for the pool tho) like this www.mothercare.com/Blooming

No way I would have got naked tho, even through the pain/tiredness etc when I had to change into a theatre gown it flashed thru my brain that I was abt to be naked in front of a room full of strangers! Defo wouldn't want leggings/joggy bottoms or anything tho

happy birthday lucky!!! sounds like you've had a lovely weekend! hope today is just as nice :) i'm thinking of booking in for a massage soon, maybe even just a back and shoulder one mmmm love it!

had an exciting evening last night getting the baby room ready, eek! DH painted it during the week and it looks lovely! cotbed is built, chest of drawers built, shelf up and the one cardigan and one packet of 3 sleep suits unpacked and placed in drawer! really need to get some more of those in! yikes!!

i never wear nighties...i always like to have jammy bottoms on however i might sttretch to a long tshirty / vesty / tunic buttony down the front kinda thing for labour if i'm not in the water.

penguin i've realised that i am being pretty blase about the whole labour thing as well...i've read up quite a bit, doing yoga etc but i'm not scared in the slightest. it struck me that maybe it's because i still can't believe it's actually going to happen...that something might still go wrong and therefore it won't happen (negafrickintivity)

i've got 6 weeks to realise that actually it will happen! (how's that for posifrickintivity)

hi ladies, just catching up as I have a very blissful couple of hours all to myself and I'm at my mums so I don't even feel obliged to do housework as I would if I was at home

kjh great news on the scan

guff hope you're feeling a bit better. Supplements have made me feel rough this time so I'm attempting to keep iron levels up with diet does chocolate count

luckysocks happy birthday! hope you had nice celebrations

me hope you survived the party, 40 kids made me feel shaky just thinking about it thank you as you also reminded me to book DD's birthday party, soft play farm place deal this year, all I have to do is party bags and cake. Bit expensive but it'll be fun and most importantly I won't have to do any tidying up or entertaining of children!

pentagon and shell eek your babies are coming sooon! I'm excited for you both

Good tips on labour wear ladies thanks. I might buy some of those mothercare nighties. Last time I had a large nightie that didnt come out of the bag at all so I still have that but its not v easy access for bf. I lived in loose (stretched) pj bottoms and stretchy primark vest tops for my hospital stay afterwards, felt more covered that way but really handy for bf. It really does get insanely hot in delivery and maternity.

janie have you invented a new word - negafrickingtivity - like it! The nursery sounds absolutely lovely, and I'm sure it will fill up pretty quickly What colour did you go for?

I have a bit of a dilemma about new winter coats, I need something warm that will grow with bump and boobs but doesn't look like a tent now. Does anyone have any tips?

luckysocks, happy birthday!

Janie made me laugh with yer boys! The nursery sounds lovely as well. We took ages to get DS's room sorted, and now, just as it's nearly finished, we're probably going to have to turf him out into the smaller room if all goes well with me.

kjh, glad the scan went so well

As for giving birth, I squeezed DS out wearing just a sports bra. I'm not one for showing everything, but honestly, the Notting Hill Carnival could have detoured through the room and I wouldn't have cared by the end.

I've been feeling really rough and tired the last couple of days. Also very, very crabby. DS keeps doing annoying things that are really not big things, but I've asked him over and over not to, and when I'm tired, it feels like the last straw to have to put throws back on sofas AGAIN, or pick coats up AGAIN. Grrrrrr, basically. Feeling a bit better today though.

Hey ladies, I'm dreading going back to work tomorrow.... HR should have carried out a risk assessment and put support in place etc for my pregnancy but that was 4 weeks ago and still nothing! In addition the classroom support that I've had for a total of one day is in danger if being poached by another lecturer and this has been supported by the course team leader, I was overlooked for promotion due to my pregnancy and instead it was given to a incompetent lecturer (she spends her time in class shopping online for shoes in full view of staff and learners and withdraws anyone from the course that challenges her in the slightest) another candidate has since handed in his notice due to the promotion situation, and I've had an array of colourful comments about my pregnancy!

Do I use pregnancy leave to my advantage and stay off? Or do I throw myself back into a highly stressful situation where I'm clearly being alienated???

penguin topshop have got a lovely parka coat at the mo, the style of it looks like it would suit nicely through all stages but it's £95

Annoyingly I've got a gorgeous All Saints one that has 4 buttons at the top and then swings out, making it perfect for bump but it's now too small up top!

Had a row with DH this morning. We made the decision to abstain from sex in the early weeks as bit worried but now at almost 12 weeks he still seems worried and won't do it. That's fine but he's so frustrated he's a right grump! I've told him to lighten up and that end of the 1st trimester is a bit different to the start etc. Seems like he's blaming me though for his concerns and the fact he's unable to get his leg over! Men, seriously.

Tomkat- mines being a prat at the mo too for other reasons. Bloody men! Maybe he should, ahem, relieve himself?!

Fod- not sure what I would do but sounds like it's not a healthy environment for you or baby to be in so if it's an option, fuck 'em!!

Sorry, in a bit of hormone induced rage this morning.... and in floods of tears due to dp who needs to grow the fuck up

black that's my thoughts! They are arseholes! When I had my mc the 'team' of ten produced a bunch of flowers on my return and said "we all chipped in" they had left they sticker on and it has cost £3.99! I don't mean to come across as ungrateful but I'd rather that they hadn't bothered! What an insult! The fact that they all new what I've been through and insist on being horrible this time around only serves to show me that I should be at home resting whilst dropping them with a huge workload!

pixie I wore vests and PJ bottoms afterwards too...and don't take a dressing gown with you (well a thick one anyway) why they say that I don't know it's bloody roasting! A cardi should do for when you have to walk around if you want to cover up

tomkat I will be 37w a week on Tues so am happy for baby to come at anytime then...so we will be DTD for the first time this whole PG (if PGP allows) I am too nervous otherwise so we just don't bother! Getting on the vindaloo and pineapple too, won't work mind DS was 12 days late but gonna try

Aww shell you will have forgotten how it feels . Raspberry leaf tea is supposed to help too isn't it?

fod sounds absolutely crap what you're going through at work. £3.99 flowers and they all chipped in?!? Ffs. Yeah thanks for that. In a way I think I wouldn't give them cause to alienate me anymore and turn up business says usual but can totally see how easy it is to have an 'up yours' attitude. Thing is you will have to go back at some point and maybe the longer time spent away the harder it might be on your return. Def chase up the risk assessment things tho. I've just had to do an equality and diversity assessment at work and they need to be very careful how they treat you.

I shall spend another night at work with bright pink/red hair and slope off at 7.30am tomoro with my hood up hoping to avoid matron coming into work. She told me 12 days ago to 'put a brown on it' and 'don't come back until it's covered' blah blah. It was never supposed to be this bright but covering a bleach blonde went very wrong and now I kinda like it and I'm reluctant to change it just because she says so. Tho if I'm not careful she will make my life difficult. Ukg work. Thought about saying it was hormonal reaction to a brown hair dye haha.

Happy Birthday Lucky! Hope you are having a good one, trust you got rat arsed last night?!

Sorry to hear some DP's are being Aholes, think it comes with the territory unfortunately. Pretty sure we've all had a moan on here about our DP's at some point or other. Mine is actually being awesome at the mo (but I think this is due to my near death experience and I don't advocate near death experiences to trigger this!) but has been a knob on several annoying occasions!

Fod I think if the situation is that stressful you would be better off going to your GP and going off with stress wouldn't you? Don't forget if you take too much pregnancy related sickness they can make you take maternity leave early. Also wouldn't you be better off in the longer term having it registered as stress due to the situation they have put you in with the discrimination etc? Just a thought x

Not long now Shell (I'm saying it like I'm not due for months!). Good luck with your attempts at getting your lovely squatter evicted early xxx

Fod are you in a union? if so speak to them, if not I would try and speak to CAB or a solicitor briefly.
It is illegal to treat someone in a negative way for being PG. Their treatment towards you, passing you over and not supporting you could well be grounds for a case of 'discrimination' or even 'constructive dismissal'.
I yook my employer to Tribunal when PG with DS. She fired me when I told her I was PG. They wiped the floor with her! To quote one of the Tribunal panel, "the laws regarding PG are draconian. You CANNOT descriminate against someone for being PG."
Id get some advice and then put a politely worded roocket up Human Resources! They must support you.

Oh and on yte subject of hospital clothes, no one says you MUST mooch about the ward in a nighty. Its quite acceptable to wear leggings and tshirts, or other lounging about stuff. I wont be flashing my stumpy legs at anyone elses friends and family when Im in!

Oh crikey! Got to go visit the In Laws. Its the first time since DP broke THAT news. Wish me luck!

Good luck saggy xx

Good luck saggy xxx

Thank you for all the Birthday wishes :) we are currently on a steam train waiting at a station for a delayed one to come in the other way. I've had a lovely weekend and DH has spoiled me :) I'm so shattered now! Don't think the cone of chips have helped my sleepy state!

Pjs for mooching round the ward but a nightie for labour is what I meant, saggy. I didn't fancy getting my legs out either after the babies were born but found some amazingly comfy loungy trousers in the pj section of primark, which happily had a big stretchy waistband bit that j could stretch right over my flabby tum!

Agree no need for dressing gown unless it's very thin; there's another thread on here where someone describes the wards as "hotter than the pits of hell"- very true!

Good luck saggy, too xx

Good luck saggy hope your MIL only has nice things to say today!

penguin I'm bidding on maternity costs on eBay at the moment. Topshop ones look good for starting normal size and expanding with you. I was hoping my existing coats would be ok with just top buttons done up but they are getting tight around the top, my shoulders seem to get broader when pregnant

fod what a crappy situation as a (non evil) HR person my advice to people is always to consider staying in work to work through things if possible as I know from people I've worked with, the longer you are off, the harder and more distressing it can be to go back. Particularly if you're going through other big changes like pregnancy (I found going back after having DD I had really lost my confidence). However I do think you need to feel things are being taken seriously and have support for going back to be feasible and not horribly stressful. I second saggy's advice about union representation, a good union rep can be invaluable in this situation. Good luck xx

Thanks ladies, I have been to my rep over another discrimination issue and contacted him straight after the promotion incident, I have a meeting arranged for Thursday. In addition I have contacted HR again regarding the risk assessment situation and still awaiting a reply, I wear a few hats at work - one of which is a beacon - basically during a teaching observation my observer recognised my strengths with Equality and Diversity issues and put me forward for the post (I mentor staff with low teaching grades and run CPD sessions) all for £200 a year! I relenquished that role based on a number of factors but mainly as I can't stand for E and D in a organisation where I am being victimised!!

I was in floods of tears all weekend and have had very little sleep it's a massive weight on my shoulders and my good friend and colleague who is also experiencing something similar from the department has also decided not to turn in this week and will be handing in his notice. I feel that I should have more support not less and in all honesty cannot bare to face the comments tomorrow especially as two colleagues have slated me all day on Friday (one of which got the promotion over me... Quite laughable really as it took her 17years and had to go up against a pregnant ember of staff and someone without teaching quals)

Last yr I won 2 teaching awards and my learners won 1st, 2nd and 3rd prize against 49 colleges in National competitions .... My feedback was that " I could have sold myself more!" The woman that got the promotion has incredibly poor retention and achievement rates... I'm sorry I know I'm rambling but it helps and I'm so angry and hurt that after all I've given to this company that they can so quickly disregard all that I have done especially after keeping teachers on that should have been dismissed for gross misconduct

Fod, are you some kind of teacher trainer then? I'm sorry I haven't quite caught what it is you do exactly. I can feel the stress oozing out of your post. Do you want to return after maternity leave? Do you think it'd be feasible to find another job whilst off? And (forgive me for not knowing) how long have you got to go? A big countdown calendar and a plan for after might help.

Hope your union rep can help. Sorry you're going through this

black I'm a lecturer but I also mentor others, I'm 16+4weeks, I felt trapped because if I leave I'll loose my maternity pay etc but as I'm on a zero hr contract I'm not tied to the college so I've contacted a friend at another college to find out if I can shadow her there in the hope that if hours come up I can get my foot in the door.

oh fod you really are going through it at the minute. i agree that going back in sooner rather than later might be better as ou have to go back sometime... but then i'm not in your shoes. i'm so jealous of anyone in supportive employment, my workplace have been fine while i've been pg, however my main stress is whether or not my boss is actually going to pay me my SMP. anyone elses cheques always seem to be 'in the post' or 'it was posted last week, didnt you get it'? bastards.

can;t remember who asked...but we painted the baby room apple white...a really pale green. all the furniture is white so it looks nice and fresh and calm. eek still can't believe it's there when i open the door!

we have our first ante natal class tmro night at the hospital, not sure what to expect! hope dh listens!!