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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

did you? or didn't you? just out of curiosity :)

121 replies

Carole803 · 10/08/2013 10:20

My dearest dp and I were having a little 'chat' about finding out the sex of the baby at 20 weeks.

And we were interested to know your views. We know what our friends have chosen, but wanted to look outside our bubble.

Would you mind sharing your thoughts on the matter?

We think it is great either way, so I don't want anyone tovthink I am being judgmental.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

fatfingers · 10/08/2013 10:23

I never find out because I like a surprise. I think its so boring that people know the sex, have picked a name, know the weight, etc before the child is even born!

pinkbear82 · 10/08/2013 10:26

How exciting! I've just had my first. My DP had 3 children already, all girls.
I was fairly convinced I was having a girl too. We didn't find out at 20 weeks I wanted it to be a surprise. (Dp wanted too).

My beautiful little girl was born 9 weeks ago. I have enjoyed going out and buying her girly bits since her arrival - she was on the small side and is only just fitting in newborn and 0-3 months.

I wouldn't have done it any other way. Enjoy the journey you have ahead, whatever you decide.

teaforthree · 10/08/2013 10:26

We did, found out this week it's a boy :) we found out with our first, by amniocentesis so a bit early. Why? I don't know. It doesn't affect what we buy, I guess we're just nosy! My friend is expecting her second and isn't finding out, they like surprises!

Thurlow · 10/08/2013 10:27

We did, my choice more than his. I always imagined having boys but had a gut feeling it was a girl, so I kind of wanted to find out. It was a girl. Personally, I liked the idea of thinking about the daughter I was going to have and deciding on the name.

PerchedOnMyPeddleStool · 10/08/2013 10:29

I didn't find out for our first.
I did find out when we were having twins.

I would find out if it ever happened again.

Witchesbrewandbiscuits · 10/08/2013 10:30

we didnt but we would next time.

noblegiraffe · 10/08/2013 10:31

Yes, for both. I don't like surprises, also helped with bonding to think of the baby as a he or she, rather than an it. With the second it was also helpful to know she was a girl as I have a niece and a DS and it was useful for my sister to know to get the girl clothes down from the loft, washed and over to me.

GoodMorningMoon · 10/08/2013 10:32

Wanted to but she curled up into a ball. I had a pretty good feeling it was a girl, but the guessing game was fun in the interim!

scratchandsniff · 10/08/2013 10:33

We didn't. Was lovely to keep it as a surprise for ourselves and everybody else.

ananikifo · 10/08/2013 10:33

We did.

I think it's silly when people say there's no surprise if you know the sex. We've never met this little person, have no idea what he'll look like, what his personality will be like, the exact circumstances of how he'll arrive, or anything else.

We were curious so we found out, and we've picked a name. Now we call him that name between DH and myself, and no one else knows. It's our special secret.

As for shopping, I prefer less gendered baby items and clothes so I have almost entirely unisex babygrows, and neutral colours for the pram, nursery, etc.

TheSecondComing · 10/08/2013 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RNJ3007 · 10/08/2013 10:34

We wanted to find out with our first, as we were offered a world of girl hand-me-downs. Which were so useful for DD!

This time I wanted a surprise. Went in for a regular check up, no handheld Doppler around, so quickly put me on scan machine... Yeah, there was no unseeing of that. DS is due in just under 3 weeks.

ThursdayLast · 10/08/2013 10:35

We didn't find out but no one believed us! They couldn't understand that we enjoyed the "suspense"!

The midwives all seemed quite excited when I was in labour, saying that it's uncommon to not know the sex...but after my emcs I think they forgot that I didn't know because I had to ask a couple of times in my drugged up state!

MissAntithetic · 10/08/2013 10:37

Personally I found out.
I don't get the surprise element. Your not going to give birth to a panda are you?

I wanted to know so I could plan. As it happened we didn't agree on a name until the week before I was due so had I found out on the day she probably wouldn't have had a name until she was 6 months old we could both agree on.

FeegleFion · 10/08/2013 10:42

I found out with both DC, although DC 1 was kinda by accident. I had a scare late on in pg and had a scan and I'm terribly nosey, so voila, I knew I was expecting a baby girl.

DC 2, I found out, was a boy at the 20 week scan. As I may have mentioned, I'm nosey and was desperate to know from the moment I knew I was pg.

Maybe not so much with DD, but definitely with DS, we were able to bond with our son from the minute we knew. In fact, as we walked back to the car after the scan a name just came to me and I asked DP what he thought of it. He loved it and from then on, baby DS had his name.

We were able to buy for our boy and we had everything ready for his arrival.

It worked for us, not a single regret. For others, it works not to know.

EnidClowes · 10/08/2013 10:43

I'm torn, we didn't find out first time and it was a lovely little extra after a grim labour and delivery. Second time round I'm not sure, DH wants to but I'm on the fence. Would be nice to sort through DD's clothes and give them away/charity shop them if it's a boy or get them sorted for re-wearing. We have plenty of time to decide, I also like to the idea of explaining to DD that she'll have a brother or sister. But also I don't suppose that matters really!

Scarletbanner · 10/08/2013 10:44

We didn't find out either time. Just because I could find out, didn't mean I wanted to. I'd like to think that I wouldn't bond differently with my baby based on what gender it was, before it had even been born.

We were in the minority though - most of our friends and family did find out for their dc.

TSSDNCOP · 10/08/2013 10:49

After man, many IVF attempts not knowing the sex was one of the few actual mysteries surrounding the birth of DS.

I also wondered if it were possible that if i subconsciously preferred one gender over another, would I have been disappointed if the gender wasn't what I "thought".

Disclaimer: it's a teeny bit possible that I veer toward over-thinking

Original poster

Carole803 · 10/08/2013 10:50

Thank you all for your comments. You have made me smile.

I will share with dp.

At the moment I don't want to know and he isn't sure. But that is all part of the fun.

OP posts:

BabyStone · 10/08/2013 10:57

We found out, both wanted to. I had a feeling he was a boy and I was right. I dont like surprises and like others have said, it helped us to bond. We are not super organised people so it wasn't about knowing what colour clothes etc to get lol but it was a bonus

Andcake · 10/08/2013 11:01

Didn't after 3 yrs of trying we just wanted the 20 week scan to tell us everything was good. I think people are v naive just going in thinking about finding out the sex. But maybe we've had too many sad stories over time. Also I think because I was v scared of something going wrong I was maybe a little scared of counting chickens before they hatched iykwim.
I also wanted dp to be the one who told me not some nameless technician. It felt traditional and nice. It was wonderful to have him say 'its a boy' no one else.

It the back of my mind it feels a bit chavvy to find out. In wrapping your presents early!

The surprise aspect wasn't an issue but I do feel a bit meh/ less excited about hearing a friends baby is born if I know the sex already. Apart from knowing that all is ok!

karinmaria · 10/08/2013 11:01

We did, mainly because my DM was very ill at the time and I wanted her to know. Very glad we did, and had the name picked out, because she passed away when I was 7 months pregnant. Think it also helped DH and I bond with the baby as he was a 'he' and felt more real.

We'd like to have a second and probably won't find out to have the experience of a surprise!

Alexandra6 · 10/08/2013 11:04

I'm having my first and really like the suspense of not knowing! I also like all the lovely neutral baby stuff so haven't found it a problem for shopping at all.

GibberTheMonkey · 10/08/2013 11:05

Dh wanted to know I didn't so I agreed to find out as I got to bond with the baby by having it inside me so let him have his way of knowing it better.

The one I was glad I found out though was my dd. She was born three months early by crash section and was given a 5% chance of survival. Even though I couldn't see her for the first day I felt I knew her. She wasn't just some abstract baby that people told me was a girl. I had known she was a girl for a few weeks and she had a name. If we had lost her I could have had some bond.
(Also knowing she was a girl helped because they tend to cope with NICU better for some reason)
Turns out she was tougher than people have her credit for.

With our 4th we found out but didn't tell anyone. It was rather nice to have an announcement rather than, we've had him (because no one really got that excited for us)

Feelingworried67 · 10/08/2013 11:09

We did both times

I love knowing what we are expecting, getting things in order before the arrival, creams and yellows are boring!!

Do it !! X

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