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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

did you? or didn't you? just out of curiosity :)

121 replies

Carole803 · 10/08/2013 10:20

My dearest dp and I were having a little 'chat' about finding out the sex of the baby at 20 weeks.

And we were interested to know your views. We know what our friends have chosen, but wanted to look outside our bubble.

Would you mind sharing your thoughts on the matter?

We think it is great either way, so I don't want anyone tovthink I am being judgmental.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

SeaWave · 10/08/2013 14:42

Its the same surprise when you find out at the scan or the birth, dont get this "it won't be as special" that's bollocks. For me and my DH it will help with bonding finding out the sex, and financially too

Thumbwitch · 10/08/2013 14:49

With DS1, DH wanted to find out but I didn't, and he's really really shit at keeping secrets, so we didn't find out but I compromised and said we could find out early with #2.
But when it came to it, with DS2, DH decided he'd rather have the surprise on the day he was born, so we didn't find out then either. :) Mind you, his reasoning was absolutely shocking - he said that "it had worked out pretty well the first time so he was happy to not find out again this time" (meaning that we'd had a son the first time so he was betting it would be a son again)

I was pretty ; a) because obviously the sex of the foetus is already set, has been from the start, so finding out/ not finding out isn't going to change that; and b) because I didn't realise he was so strongly in favour of having another boy! As it turned out, that's what we had but still...

There was a recent news story about someone who found out, decorated all the room and spent £1000s on girly clothes and then it was a boy....www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2384726/Pregnant-Sarah-Sharples-spends-3-000-pink-baby-clothes-boy.html

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 10/08/2013 14:52

Found out first time (ds) but didn't second time(dd). On balance i Preferred not knowing until the birth. We're not having any more but if we did we wouldn't find out.

thaliablogs · 10/08/2013 14:53

After three years of infertility I was adamantly opposed to information asymmetry, so anything the docs knew, I wanted to know too. I also don't get the "I wanted a surprise" thing - it's a surprise at 20 weeks or a surprise at 40 weeks! It did allow us to surprise the grandparents though, they didn't know we were finding out, so we had them all over for tea. i made a cake and filled the middle w pink icing, then covered it with chocolate ganache. Before tea I told them the middle of the cake would tell them if it was a boy or a girl. That was fun, dd was first granddaughter on both sides and first girl for 2 generations on dh's side so it made mil cry, in a good way.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 10/08/2013 15:02

I think it's great to find out and know - I think it helps you bond with the baby before she or he arrives.
Also with the second it was good to be able to tell dd that she was going to have a little brother. She even chose his name !
As others have said there are enough surprises getting to know your new little person anyway.

CleanAllTheThings · 10/08/2013 15:25

Andcake - I don't think anyone goes into the 20 week scan just wanting to find out the sex, how patronising.

For us the sex wasn't a big deal so we saw no reason not to find out. It's still a surprise! Obviously the most important thing was finding out i was carrying a healthy baby, discovering the sex was just a bonus. I do think it helped us to bond with the baby, particularly DH because it made it feel a bit more 'real' at that point.

TWavre · 10/08/2013 15:29

We did find out, I hated referring to her as an 'it' I feel like being able to say 'she's kicking' makes me feel like I'm already bonding with her & it makes her into a real person.
I know people say they like to be surprised at the birth but honestly it is just as much of a surprise finding out at 20 weeks as it is at 40! We aren't picking a name before she is born and aren't doing the 'all clothes are gender specific' thing but it just helps me feel more engaged with her.
Although my friend who is pregnant said she isn't finding out as she thinks it will give her more incentive to push! So I don't think there's a wrong answer with this, as long as BOTH of you are happy with finding out or not finding out.

TheSecondComing · 10/08/2013 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrspaddy · 10/08/2013 15:40

We didn't find out (few weeks to go). A lot of people do and I suppose it helps- there aren't that many unisex clothes.
We are going for a green pram. All babygro's are white. The nursery is white and have accessories in primary colours and if we have another they will both be in the same room.

I think the little surprise is nice but we have picked the names for both but haven't told people in RL.
I can't wait for them to say.. It's a ...

I think I saw 'something' on the scan though and have in my head what I think it is, but can't be sure.

jazzcat28 · 10/08/2013 15:45

I'm 12+6 with my first so found this thread interesting. Lots of pressure on me from my family (and every midwife I've met) to not find out. DH rubbish at waiting for surprises, so wants to know.

At the moment I'm planning the nursery in neutrals and buying unisex clothes.

I just think that moment after birth when DH can tell me "it's a..." will be so special. Also he can have his own special tearful moments when he's phoning all the relatives to announce the birth.

My gut feeling is it's a boy. But who knows.

Figgygal · 10/08/2013 15:45

Never entered our heads not to find out tbh

NoComet · 10/08/2013 15:47

Yes, I had an amnio with DD1, so the hospital knew for certain.

DH and I both desperately wanted a girl and I knew we'd both need time to get used to having a DS.

DD2, I wasn't so bothered. The sonographer said she thought it was a girl, but not to rush out and buy lots of pink. Then she glanced over at DD1 sitting in the corner and 'said, but I guess you won't need to".

(DH was away in Europe, never crossed my mind not to take DD1. I know MN think it's bad form).

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 10/08/2013 15:57

Sorry, haven't RTFT.

Are you planning on having more than 1? We always wanted 2 DC, I wanted a surprise when pg 1st time, DH wanted to know. Compromise was we'd have a surprise 1st time (I got my way as having to go through pg and labour ) and DH was, afterwards, really happy it was a surprise. 2nd time we found out, for the sake of fairness, and it was equally lovely. Both ways have their merits; I'm glad I got to try both ways!!

PlateSpinningAtAllTimes · 10/08/2013 15:59

jazzcat - my gut feeling in both pg was 'it's a boy'. 1st time= correct, 2nd time=wrong!

TeamEdward · 10/08/2013 16:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleepcrisis · 10/08/2013 16:12

I didn't find out and I really wish I had.

All the way through my pregnancy, friends and family and DH convinced me it was a girl. In the end I believed them ( don't ask me why!) anyway I carried on with the neutral thing and bought lots of neutral clothes, painted the nursery Green etc. but inside I felt like I was really bonding with a daughter.

I don't think I was really ready to be pregnant in the first place let alone actually have a child, and when DS appeared after a text book water birth, I think I went into a bit of shock. Granted, I was an obvious candidate for PND anyway but I don't think that helped. I found it took months to bond with a boy as in my head it was a girl ( we hadn't named the baby before hand and I always told mysel it could be a boy but deep down I just 'felt' that the baby was a girl. Poor DS. He is the most amazing, special little 2 year old and I don't think I'd feel the same if I had a second boy because I know how amazing he is.

Anyway, when he came home I realised that half the neutral clothes I'd picked were actually a little girly and the green nursery was more duck egg blue and it took quite a few dinosaurs to man it up a bit!!

Sorry if I put a downer on the thread. It's just another angle to look at. I think I I'd known the sex I would have had 4 months to get used to the idea and might have bonded better.

Sleepyfergus · 10/08/2013 16:44

No both times. And I had an amino the 2nd time as we had a high risk result from nuchal tests (thankfully all fine) so could have found out for sure.

For me there are very few genuine surprises in life and I really didn't want to know until my DH told me seconds after the birth. That is priceless and cannot be underestimated. I seriously can not understand why people find out. Medical issues aside, to me it seems impatient. Just my opinion though.

Anothermrssmith · 10/08/2013 17:22

I'm not finding out, like most people who don't I love the idea of keeping it a surprise until it arrives. I had also read that about 70% find out and like being in the minority who DONT find out, I like to be different! That said my SIL had a baby just over a year ago and at her scan the baby was in the wrong position so they couldn't tell and I remember a week before she was due standing in baby gap looking at all the gorgeous girls and boys clothes and the nice neutral clothes and tearing my hair out that we didn't know what she was having so can definitely see the benefits in finding out.

To us though, with it being our first we really don't have any preference either way

Queazy · 10/08/2013 17:25

I didn't this time but I really think I will if I have another one xx

Myliferocks · 10/08/2013 17:31

With our first two the hospital wouldn't tell you even if you asked. By the time i had our other 3 they had changed their policy and would tell so we found out. It was just as well with our last two as there was no hiding they were boys. Even our then 7 yr old could tell that DC4 was a boy!

badguider · 10/08/2013 17:32

The 20wk scan which is routine here for anomalies was so detailed and amazing it would have been very artificial not to know. The genitals were there and the sonographer would have hide the screen if we didn't want to know and we'd have missed all the amazing stuff with the spine and heart and all the other organs. I wouldn't have missed that for the world!

georgie22 · 10/08/2013 17:41

We didn't find out with dd and I'm now 36 weeks with dc2 and we chose not to find out this time too. I loved it being dh telling me what we'd got when dd was born and I'm looking forward to that again. I like surprises and it's one of the few things in life that's a nice surprise. It's also fun when everybody has a guess at what you're having!!
At my scans I just wanted to know that the babies were healthy - didn't care about anything else.

stepmooster · 10/08/2013 18:43

We found out with DD, and this time round we didn't even need to ask. Let's just say those ultrasound scans are pretty good. Plus as the sonographer (is that it) kept saying let's look check his heart/head/feet it gave it a way. I did say so its a boy then? And he got a bit embarrassed and I said don't worry I wanted to know anyway.

And we did it for a purely practical point of view. Relatives and friends had bought us shed loads of pink stuff for DD and DH is adamant our son won't be wearing them (not out of the house). Also as DD is only going to be 14 months when he is due it means all the stuff she gets now is gender neutral so it can be handed down.

Kelly1814 · 10/08/2013 19:38

I must have terrible eye sight, I have had at least 15 scans (High risk) all 4d (live overseas) and I have never ever been able to work out if there is a willy on the screen!

Figgygal · 10/08/2013 20:12

With our DS you couldn't miss he was a boy it was dangling all over the place so I'm glad I did want to know as it was clear as a bell without it being pointed out

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