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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

did you? or didn't you? just out of curiosity :)

121 replies

Carole803 · 10/08/2013 10:20

My dearest dp and I were having a little 'chat' about finding out the sex of the baby at 20 weeks.

And we were interested to know your views. We know what our friends have chosen, but wanted to look outside our bubble.

Would you mind sharing your thoughts on the matter?

We think it is great either way, so I don't want anyone tovthink I am being judgmental.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TallulahBetty · 11/08/2013 07:24

We didn't, because our NHS trust won't tell. You have to go private round here. That suited us though, we wanted a surprise

MummyPig24 · 11/08/2013 08:12

Number 1 was a surprise.

I found out that number 2 was a girl. DH was desperate to know. And I felt so rotten in pregnancy I said I wouldn't have any more.

Here we are pregnant with number 3 and I definitely don't want to know.

BonaDea · 11/08/2013 08:23

We didn't find out - it felt like the right thing to do for us and we enjoyed the speculation. I was having fortnightly growth scans by the end so had every chance to find out but stayed resolved! DS is 4 months.

It REALLY pisses me off when people talk about finding out helping with 'bonding', the obvious inference being that I did not or did not want to bond with my baby. Of course people are entitled to find out if they want to but don't disparage the other option please!

ipswichwitch · 11/08/2013 08:27

We didn't find out withDS. DH says to him it's like opening your Christmas presents early. We had no problems bonding, and it was a wonderful feeling being handed our baby and getting told "it's a boy!"
We bought a few neutral clothes (I wouldn't go mad buying stuff anyway since you get so much from other people), and decorated the room green with animals.
Now we are expecting DC2, we're still not finding out, and plan to move DS to the spare room and decorate that for him so the baby can have his old room. Prior (horrendous) experience has put me off buying things before this baby arrives, but since I kept all DS's stuff, we need nothing anyway. I'm not bothered about dressing girls in blue anyway.
Family think we're nuts and put pressure on to find out. It's our baby, our choice and one of the few things regarding childbirth we have any control over. People may disagree with whatever you decide (and believe me, once you have a baby that's just the start!), but they should always respect your choice.

johnnyDrivingaShinyCar · 11/08/2013 08:47

newforest I didn't find out with first and it did NOT in any way help in getting me through the last bits of labour - wanting to get the baby out alive did though. I can't even remember who told me DS was a boy but it wasn't my husband. There really wasn't a wonderful "It's a boy!" moment or maybe there was but I missed it.

I have my anomaly scan with DC2 on Monday and we will find out if we can. I just want to know this time. But yes, I have already had a few people tell me it's better to be surprised

I think the superiority from some people about waiting to find out is linked to the comment that people are either being present peekers or not. There is an implication that those who find out need instant gratification and are therefore inferior to those who can delay gratification. While that may be the case for some people, I think there are lots of reasons people find out the sex of their babies at the anomaly scan and it's unfair to think you know them by this choice alone. I am not a present peeker, btw, but would like to find out baby's sex this time

HeffalumpTheFlump · 11/08/2013 09:16

We decided to find out and I'm glad we did. I was having trouble picturing my baby as a baby and for some reason finding out has helped. I feel closer to her and think about her as my baby girl :) it has helped with getting things ready too as I was really struggling before. She really tried to keep if from us though, we didn't find out until a growth scan at 28 weeks!

Hopelass · 11/08/2013 09:35

We haven't found out (31+2 now with first baby) and the reactions we have had off people when asking have been really positive and it's fun when people, including us are still trying to guess! It is keeping me sane and not bored during the last trimester. No problems shopping; got loads of neutral stuff in bright colours. The only one who didn't agree is MIL; she caused a right scene but that's becasue she despartately wants it to be a girl and thats a whole other enourmous thread!!!!

ChickenLickenSticken · 11/08/2013 09:39

We didn't find out with dd (our first).

IMO there are very very few genuine surprises in life where NOBODY knows. I get that it's a surprise at 20 weeks or 40 weeks but why rush it? For us, holding our baby after the birth was amazing, it didn't matter what flavour he/she was. Having DH 'check' to see what gender was lovely too.

We're going to start trying for DC2 soon and we won't find out then either.

I used to desperately want one of each, or 2 boys as I'm not very girly but after having DD I think another girl would be cool as she's so cool but then it'd be nice to experience a boy. I think if I found out that DC2 was a girl, I'd be happy and yes it would help on the practical side of things but I do wonder if a tiny part of me would mourn for the son we'll never have (I think we're stopping at 2). Whereas if I don't find out I guess I could still feel like that after the birth but holding my latest little bundle would, I reckon, negate any of that.

Also I think the text/phonecall to family and friends afterwards is more exciting.

A friend's younger sister recently found out and posted her 20 week scan pic on FB saying "everyone, meet Abigail". So when she was born everyone was a bit like "right Abigail is here then".

I think it's more about suspense than surprise. I found the speculation exciting. We were quite disciplined and had a few neutral and white outfits beforehand, then obv got girls stuff afterwards, didn't feel the need to have everything sorted prior to the birth...

BigBongTheory · 11/08/2013 09:40

I had a lovely 'it's a girl' moment with dd1 because I had a water birth and lifted her out myself.

But no, neither time did not knowing the sex help with the final stages!

For me, finding out the sex after the birth with them both is one of the most memorable parts of it all.

atrcts · 11/08/2013 09:43

We said we wouldn't find out, but when we were having the scan we changed our minds.

I had been convinced I was carrying a girl (don't know why, and it didn't matter as it was y first, but I just had a hunch).

The scan revealed it was a boy! I was so pleased to know so that I could "see" a boy in my mind's eye, and we kept his names a secret until he was born.

It was surprising how many people don't believe it, thinking they don't get it right on the scan, so they treated it as though we had not been told!

Spookey80 · 11/08/2013 09:43

It's the best bit ever when they come out of you don't know, love the surprise personally!

kiwik · 11/08/2013 10:05

I've not found out with any of my 3 so far - all boys. I've got a 2 week scan tomorrow for No4, but won't find out then. Doubt I'll find out at the 20 week either, as it just doesn't matter to me whether it's a boy or girl, just a healthy baby.

chickabilla · 11/08/2013 10:18

We have found out all 3 times. It is quite enough of a surprise for a beautiful, living, breathing baby to be born, i just felt that gender would be a bit of a non issue at that moment, and I don't regret it at all. We don't plan any more but I would find out again. Having the surprise at the 20 week scan has meant I could call the baby he or she instead of it, which let me think of it as a real person and got me through the rest of the time until I could see and hold him or her.

Yonionekanobe · 11/08/2013 10:24

We did! It was a wonderful moment. There were plenty of surprises on the day!

I can't wait to find out what we are having this time in 9 days time!!

ChristineDaae · 11/08/2013 10:27

We didn't find out with our first. I love the surprise, as did our family. Had a little wobble with this one (16 weeks) but decided to keep it a surprise again.

ChristineDaae · 11/08/2013 10:36

And I actually find that people are quite negative about us not knowing. Seen to get a lot if 'oh how COULD you not find out', 'how will you shop' and 'oh no I much prefer to be prepared'
Err.,. People only started being able to find out the sex a few years ago, everyone until then managed to shop and be fully prepared, as will i thank you very much!
It's a personal choice, I don't think anyone should push their views either way

Wuxiapian · 11/08/2013 12:07

With DS1, almost 15, hospital policy was not to tell.
With DS2, 6 months, we wanted to know, just to prepare - clothes/nursery.
I'm 3 months pregnant and will want to know again at 20 week scan for same reasons.

Champagnebubble · 11/08/2013 13:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieLobeseder · 11/08/2013 13:59

We found out. I don't much like surprises, and it's exciting to find out at whatever stage. I was so wiped out when DD1 was born (27 hours labour and awake 36 hours) I honestly wouldn't have cared if she had turned out to be a giant squid!

We did always keep in mind they were both only probably girls, so had boy's names in reserve and didn't go mad buying girly things until they arrived. I think some people are utterly convinced by the scans, which are entirely fallible, and freak out when they get the "wrong" gender.

I can understand why other people prefer not to know, thought - we're all different.

Saundy · 11/08/2013 15:00

I'm not finding out (27+1) though DP really wants to.

I want the surprise and I think it makes the announcement more special. Also I HATE all the blue for a boy pink for a girl and this way get to avoid it with gifts etc.

Also when friends have had theirs and I already knew what they were having, babys name etc, it was a bit 'oh' when they finally announced the birth as it felt like I'd already known all about it for weeks.

sarahleanne · 11/08/2013 18:57

I found out with dc1 as I was a single mum and wanted to be fully prepared, dc2 I was married and felt a lot more relaxed and we decided not to find out, pregnant with dc3
Now and have our scan next week and we are not finding out, I like the suprise at the end I think it keeps the pregnancy more exciting for me . Everyone's different theres no right or wrong way but personally I'd say don't find out

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