I am getting rather annoyed at people asking 'was it planned?' when I tell them I'm pg with no.3

[cupcakes]

Especially when they say that before they say congratulations.
a) why are they bothered anyhow?
b) It's a little bit personal!

It was planned but I'm not sure I'd want to tell every aquaintance I met if it wasn't.

Oh yes yes Cupcakes. Expecting no.3, ds and dd 5 and 6, I'm 41 and they just don't get it. One old friend looked quite offended, as though I've disturbed the natural order of things. I'm so happy about this baby, but they just look puzzled, ask whether it was planned and then at the last minute remember they're sposed to congratulate me.

how rude!

When I was pg with DD (1st baby), my MIL said "was it planned, or was it a mistake"

cheeky bitch, don't EVER refer to my child as a mistake. She was a lovely surprise, thank you.

err, sorry, went off on one a bit there, no I think it is very rude to ask that.

Whenever people ask these sorts of questions (including "are you planning another one"), particularly if they're not close friends, I have a special technique: I ask them, "so, what you're asking me, is, what were we doing, and how were we doing it? were we using birth control?" People generally flinch at that point.

I used to say... well no not really, a bit of a surprise. The milkman and I thought we were being ever so careful!!!

Just to add a flip side - they may ask so they know what type of reaction to give.

Its still personal though.

What about "No, he was trying to take me up the arse!"

aren't people RUDE?

This annoys the hell out of me especially at the moment. tell em to piss off (sorry, sore point)

MP and What a response!

I've just had dd2 at 39 and am thinking of a 3rd lo when I'm 41 (want to get bladdered at my 40th next year!

Pretty sure I will get a shocked response so I'm not making my intentions public knowledge.

Surely, (unless you are sobbing when telling them) you are happy therefore shouldn't you expect at least a "Congratulations" response?

i am fed up with it too, i am only on no.2 tho.
ds will be 14 months when the 2nd is born so everyone assumes this pregnancy was an 'accident'.

bloody charming!

''hmmmm, yes, i was having unprotected sex and i 'accidently' got pregnant''

I know what you mean, there is only 16 months between my dd's - people give me a look as if to say "Do you not know about contraception". Uh yes, I was 37 when I had dd1 so had to get cracking.

Some people are sooo rude!

know exactly what you mean! ive got a five year gap between no2 and no 3, although she was planned, i still got the comments. then when no4 was announced,(totally unplanned) , well that DID give em all something to talk about! it does grind you down after a bit, i think people wonder how you cope with a few children(maybe because they can't) and they are looking for a chink in your armour so to speak.

i am in my early twenties so it is assumed automatically.
the looks i get with ds in buggy and huge bump!- i want to hide!

even if it was an accident surely it would still be cause for a congratulations - I'm 31, married and have a roof over my head. It would hardly be a crisis.

At first I was a little bemused by the reaction (it was initially men) but now I'm just getting hacked off.

I have 5.5 years of an age gap between my two (deliberate because we had moved from Scotland to England and had no relatives/friends to help us out etc and this age gap gave us time to sort ourselves out), someone even asked me if they had the same dad!

I never really swear but I truly wanted to tell the person to p off. You are not alone Cupcakes!

bubblepop - yes, some people really don't seem to like it. I've also had a few 'rather you than me' comments.
Grrrr.

same dad!!

my dh has a good job, we have our own home and car, mum has ds in the day so i can work 3 days a week. still i am frowned upon!
i agree because some people couldnt do it or only want one they think theycan comment on my situation.
just sod off and mind your own!

i agree wiht the small age gap issue. Jessi and Becky are 15 months apart, and everyone assumed Becky was an accident.... erm..... NO, i planned my 2 close together thank you very much. (i am also early twenties)

j&r'smummy- i didnt realise you were eary twenties too. did you get 'the looks' when u were preg with dd2?

I remember when being discharged with DS and the MW giving us the contraceptive talk. I found that offensive enough as a 35yr old woman sitting there with her husband being lectured on contraception by a 21yr old MW. I remember thinking I was using contraception before she was using the toilet.

Anyway, she finished by saying, 'It's quite important we do thisas you'd be surprised how many back in here within 18mths! Well that would have been me hadwe not had a m/c last year and I'm only just outside that this time!

Asking if a pregnancy is planned is rude and intrusive whether it is the first, second, third or nth.

im only 23 and found the contraception talk bellittling too. having been sexually active for 7 years and only having first baby in july 05 i think im pretty good at contraception!
it must have been, i dont know, embarassing (?) for you?

I didn't make a fuss cause I just wanted to go home!

For the record, I don't think it's any more needed for a twenty something who's clearly in a relationship and of course an adult.