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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I am getting rather annoyed at people asking 'was it planned?' when I tell them I'm pg with no.3

103 replies

cupcakes · 09/06/2006 11:32

Especially when they say that before they say congratulations.
a) why are they bothered anyhow?
b) It's a little bit personal!

It was planned but I'm not sure I'd want to tell every aquaintance I met if it wasn't.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

agalch · 09/06/2006 13:53

I had a 4yr age gap between ds1 and ds2 so no really horrid comments there.When d2s was 9 we had dd whos now 22 months old.People were gobsmacked when we broke the news and some refused to believe she was planned and had been wanted for ages.I am due no4 in July and the comments this time round are even worse.This baby was a bit of a surprise because we thought we'd have to try for ages again but we could not be happier.Come July ds1 will be nearly 15,ds2 willl be nearly 11 and dd will be 2 and a new baby!!! I am soooo lucky Maybe they are all

Firefox · 09/06/2006 13:56

I get these comments too along with the confused looks because I already have a dd and ds - and yes - it is annoying. I've noticed in fact when you are a pg you get all sorts of other rude comments too. Comments I've had which make me bristle are:
"What? You're pregnant again"? - errmm it's only my 3rd in the space of 5 yrs
"Not long to go then heh" - errm I have 10 wks left
"You're so huge/massive/big" - this really really annoys me.
"You're boobs are huge"
Along with general comparisions as to how big/bloated etc I was in this pg compared to my others.

Arggghhh

SophieB · 09/06/2006 13:58

when i started to tell people i was expecting i recived the same question! i am 21 and baby is due in septemeber, the worst culprits for asking me if it was planned were my work colleagues id only been in he job 3 months and they KEPT asking me that question, it used to really irritate me!

vickiyumyum · 09/06/2006 13:59

becasue i had 2 boys when people found out i was expecting no3 they all said, 'hoping for a girl are you?' well yes actually if i could ahve chosen but really didn't mind!

it just seems to be pregnancy in general that people feel that normal boundaries don't apply e.g you're big - you'd never say that to a fat person. same for the other way round. why do people pass judgement on pregnancy?

chai18 · 09/06/2006 14:00

How about "No, but I'm sure you were!"

Enid · 09/06/2006 14:03

yes I got this

in my head I said 'oh f*ck off' but actually smiled sweetly and said 'no, but we are thrilled'.

Pamina3 · 09/06/2006 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Enid · 09/06/2006 15:35

someone said to me last week 'I hope you aremt terribly disappointed that you didn't get a boy' in front of dd1 and dd2 (I had dd3 6 weeks ago). I said 'of course not, look at my fantastic girls, I hope dd3 turns out as lovely as they are'

and thought "oh fck off you tactless btch"

SHHHH · 09/06/2006 16:33

good on you enid. In our group of friends we are the only one with a girl..we always egt comments on how Boys do this before girls,how boys are mummy's boys,how boys are so affectionate,how boys are..how boys are..etc. Drives me mad. I wouldn't and couldn't be so rude.
TBH it's jealousy..esp when they buy dd birthday/christmas pressies..along with complaints of "oh how much nicer clothes there are for girls" ..Funny that, makes me warm inside..!!!!
Who cares if they are boys or girls..??!

SHHHH · 09/06/2006 16:34

sorry going off the the subject slightly .

kate100 · 09/06/2006 16:49

This is such a rude, intrusive question, people ask it all the time and it makes want to tell them to s*d off. I'd be offended if I were you Cupcakes.

SHHHH, i've got 2 bays and people are forever asking me if I want a girl and it's always girls are this, girls are that.... Funny how it's the other way round for me than for you.

kate100 · 09/06/2006 16:50

Ooops, I actually have 2 bOys, my kids aren't horses

Miaou · 09/06/2006 17:04

Almost the first person I told when I was pg with ds said, "oh that's a shock, was it planned?" . Took her a full five minutes to come back and say "oh I suppose I should say congratulations". The reason? There are almost 7 years between dd2 and ds.

Then she went on to have her ds2 - 8 years after her ds1 ... but I'm not that rude

AdelaideS · 09/06/2006 18:33

I could cope with them asking all this stuff if they'd just look happy about it, ( or at least a bit less appalled!)

kayzed · 09/06/2006 19:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 09/06/2006 20:09

i usually say when told "i'm pregnant" by someone
"is it a good thing?"

then congratulate or comiserate as appropriate

LadyTophamHatt · 09/06/2006 20:16

You all know this PG wasn't planned ()but what bugs me is every single person we have told has said "Ohhh I bet you want a girl this time" or somwthing similar.

Even people I hardly know have said it.

A girl would be nice but when it comes down to it I'll be just a happy with 4 boys.

MrsDoolittle · 09/06/2006 20:20

My boss said that to me when I told her I was pregnant with Number 2. She is lovely, so I guess she had no idea how insulted I was.

honeybunny · 09/06/2006 20:32

Didnt get the "was it planned bit", just lots of "you'll be hoping for a girl" as I already had 2boys. And the "brought back more from your holiday than you went away with" line came out a lot too! Yes,DD was conceived on holiday!

mazs81 · 14/06/2006 19:26

Tell me about it!
Im early twenties but look really young i still get asked for id.
I was eating lunch in a cafe and had my son and daughter in double buggy there is 16 months between them.
One old lady shouted out look at her shes just a ababy herself!
I would of punched her if she wasnt so old!
Just wait till i announce no 3

spidermama · 14/06/2006 19:30

I recognise this syndrom cupcakes. It was even worse with number four. People were openly scornful and inched away from me as if I were a slavering lunatic. Even family. Especially family.

trinityrhino · 15/06/2006 06:34

I was surprised by just how many popleasked ethi even before saying 'congratulations'

eldestgirl · 15/06/2006 06:41

It feels pretty bad when people keep asking "Number 3?" or "Any more planned?" and raising their eyebrows in a knowing way, when you've been trying for a year with no success. I hadn't realised how intrusive this comment was before now.

Miaou · 15/06/2006 07:47

When people ask me now if I'm finished I emphatically say "no - I am going to have a fourth". Subtext - so keep your intrusive pseudo-comments about my active sex life and lack of contraception to yourself next time you rude person

Pudmog · 15/06/2006 07:53

I am expecting my 4th and am equally fed up with it. Depending on my mood I have different replies. My favourite is wll 'no-not really- don't know how it happened!'- which usually leaves them speechless. The other one I quite like is 'well, at least someone will be working to pay your pension!'

Hardly anyone has said congratulations- the first thing my GP did was offer me a termination on the grounds she wouldn't be able to cope with 4.

I am thrilled-always wanted 4 so there we go.

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