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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

I am getting rather annoyed at people asking 'was it planned?' when I tell them I'm pg with no.3

103 replies

cupcakes · 09/06/2006 11:32

Especially when they say that before they say congratulations.
a) why are they bothered anyhow?
b) It's a little bit personal!

It was planned but I'm not sure I'd want to tell every aquaintance I met if it wasn't.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Sherbert37 · 21/06/2006 11:40

I too was amazed at the reaction to number 3. An elderly aunt suggested we were like rabbits! Been used against us too by MIL - 'you knew what you were doing when you had three'. Would love to have turned around and said it was all an accident, but it wasn't.

Original poster

cupcakes · 15/09/2006 15:07

Looks like everybody gets this:

Pregnant supermodel Heidi Klum made an appearance on The View this morning to chat about her hit show, Project Runway. Hoping Heidi would talk a little more about her pregnancy or reveal a cute anecdote about Leni or Henry during the course of the interview, we were instead a bit shocked when Barbara Walters proceeded to tell Heidi that, "What I really wanted to know is, was this [pregnancy] planned?" Heidi, ever the professional, ignored the question and instead focused on Elisabeth Hasselbeck's query as to how many children she and Seal wanted. The answer? "Three is good for now, we'll see [about more] after this baby comes."

OP posts:

Olihan · 15/09/2006 15:18

Cupcakes, all I'm getting at the moment is 'are you mad?' . Guaranteed to be the first comment out of 99% of people's mouths. To start with I managed a bit of a smile and a over jolly 'probably', now I'm at the point where I am seriously going to let the next person have it. Okay, dc3 is due 5 days before ds's 3rd b'day and dd will only be 16 months but so what? It was a conscious decision for us to have 3 children close in age, and we decided that as soon as I conceived ds (who WAS an accident!!).

Any sarcastic/witty replies to the 'are you mad?' question would be appreciated though, or my hormones will definitely include the words 'off' and 'f$$k' in my reply to the next hapless person .

1Baby1Bump · 15/09/2006 15:23

people just use your pregnancy as a licence to be to be downright rude.
you get 'my god, you are huge' from total strangers in tescos.
then 'was it an accident?' from work colleagues etc
then 'you're going to have your hands full!'
that's the one i'm currently suffering.

UrsulatheSeaWitch · 15/09/2006 15:23

How about "what do you mean?" when they ask if it was planned? Make them tie themselves in knots!

(Wouldn't work for "are you mad though?" though...or would it?)

UrsulatheSeaWitch · 15/09/2006 15:24

Oooh, Piffle, I just spotted this:

Original poster

cupcakes · 15/09/2006 15:25

Someone else asked me if it was planned the other week (a woman I barely know). She immediately said 'sorry, that's a bit rude but if you don't ask you'll never know'

??????

OP posts:

Olihan · 15/09/2006 15:28

Did you say 'you still won't know because I'm not telling you?' I wouldn't be brave enough but I think hormones could push me to it.

Dannie · 15/09/2006 15:31

The thing that really bothered me was once I'd had my third, everyone asked if I was planning to have any more. Like "Oh you're clearly a loony breeding machine, will you carry on indefinitely?". The mother of DD's best friend is adamant that I'm going to have a fourth and mentions it constantly. I'm tempted to pretend I've started the menopause, just to shut her up (she's 10 years younger than me).

Original poster

cupcakes · 15/09/2006 15:33

I always end up telling them it was planned because I feel that if I don't they'll be whispering behind my back about my presumedly 'unplanned' baby.
I really resent them asking though and tell them through gritted teeth.
Have also had the 'are you mad' comments too.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 15/09/2006 19:47

Know what ya mean...people ask me that, too...and then when I found out it was a 3. Boy they started to say I must be disappointed and now that ys is 2 years old they assume I must want another Baby and must want to try for a Girl this time...wtf....
People eh!
And yes ys was very muhcn planned, we were not disappointed at all, ebcause indeed I had worried how a Babygirl might fit in and how it would make other 2 ds's feel, etc...and no so do not want anymore Babys...am happy that mine are slowly growing up a bit, lol!

Loshad · 15/09/2006 20:05

I had this with DS4 especially. i think it's really rude, all the unplanned kids I know are either first or second children, but I would never be so bl rude as to ask anytime.

NotAnOtter · 15/09/2006 20:10

we get ' dont you know whats causing it?'
or ' what does your dh think?' errrrrr he did this to me
i was also asked by a midwife if they are different fathers

Pollyanna · 15/09/2006 20:18

When I was pregnant with No4 I got asked by someone if I'm a catholic

orey · 15/09/2006 20:38

Our parents always wanted a son. They had four girls. I was very aware of the comments other people made in my hearing regarding the next expected baby, and despite me being happy with sisters, it seemed obvious that we were second raters, really, cos they wanted BOYS to carry on in the family business.

Actually in all seriousness, it is terrible to state 'oh you must be hoping for a ...' or 'you must be disappointed it is another ...' Hells bells. It made me feel not-good-enough as though I had failed by being the wrong sex, from the moment I was born By the time the last daughter arrived it seemed less of a cause of celebration and that was awful - am sure her self-esteem growing up with the knowledge that she was the fourth-wrong-sex-child.

Years later when we had kids of our own, our mother admitted she would have tried for a fifth but had already defied the doctors advice when she had high bloodpressure in her third pregnancy and they had insisted that she be sterilised after she deliberately went ahead with another pregnancy. The decision to be sterilised affected her more deeply than anyone realised.

That knowledge didn't improve my feelings of self-worth either.

And from the other side of it - I had two dss in my 20s and then a dd when they were 12 and 10 years old - yes, she was planned, I didn't care a jot about the sex, everyone said 'you must have been so pleased to have a girl at last', etc, it is often assumed that she has a different father (nope! same dh!) or that we have been ttcing for a decade (no, circumstances dictated the pace )

People will always be nosey, tactless, insensitive - but I just wish they would shut up, it hurts the parents feelings, but especially shut up in front of the other kids

NotAnOtter · 15/09/2006 20:40

i was the third of four unwanted girls - didn't i know it orey!

Rubystar77 · 15/09/2006 23:15

1baby1bump-
i agree i get this all the time, i have a bump and a baby too.. i get all sort of comments about it being planned? and how close they are and i'm mad, how will i cope, will you have to move etc etc... some people are so rude..
last pregnancy people thought they could call me fatty and how enormous i was, so rude!!!

airy · 15/09/2006 23:19

I had this with my one and only dd, because I was only 19, and actually yes it wasn't planned but it's nobody else's business!
I remember calling my grandmother to tell her the news (once I'd gotton over the shock and was actually very happy!) her response: "Oh no..what a disaster" wtf! - If I was sad about it I wouldn't be announcing it fgs.

QueenEagle · 15/09/2006 23:21

Only read op.

When I reply to people that I have 5 kids, they always say "don't you own a telly?"

ha bloody ha

not

Rubystar77 · 15/09/2006 23:32

yeah i've had that a few times, they are just jealous of our active sex lives!

3andnomore · 16/09/2006 09:27

NAO...why would a m/w ask that...??? How rude, lol!
I have had people wondering if my es might be from a different dad then my 2 younger ones...as es was 6 1/2 years old when ms was born and 8 when ys was born...well...until they see the dad that is, and all is clear, lol!No denying then who their daddy is, lol!

Original poster

cupcakes · 16/09/2006 09:34

I was asked by the midwife and consultant if the pg was with different fathers for a reason:
I had borderline pre-eclampsia with my first baby and the likelihood of getting it again in subsequent pregnancies is greatly reduced UNLESS the pregnancy is with a different partner.

OP posts:

lljkk · 16/09/2006 09:53

I am one of the rude people who ask this question... and most the others people mentioned.
I never mind.
2 of my children weren unplanned. I was big as a cow during pregnancy. I don't know if I'm having more.
If you don't like a question ignore it; replying with rudeness just makes you as "rude" as the offending person who expresses mild curiousity about other people's lives.

3andnomore · 16/09/2006 10:26

cupcakes I never knew that? Learning somehting new every day

Original poster

cupcakes · 16/09/2006 10:30

ha ha at ignoring the question. It's personal and rude. And none of their business.

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